So, we're depressed again Script (Unused)

Trigger Warning: Depression 

This one... yeah this was rough. I won't get into a lot of the story behind this one. I wrote this as a vent and it comes from experience. I wasn't brave enough to even reread it, let alone record or post it. I don't think I'll ever be brave enough to face this part of myself. 

But who knows, maybe someone out there will relate. 

So, we're depressed again: [F4A] [TW] [Depression Comfort] ASMR Roleplay

Sounds needed: Rain, fireplace

Rain Sounds

Hey.

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Hey. I'm back... do I get a hello?

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Can I sit down at least?

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What're you getting up for?

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No just... let's not to that.

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I dunno. Don't feel like it. Don't feel like moving at all.

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You should lay back down for a while.

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Just a little while. You can do all that later... maybe watch that show again. I like that show.

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No? Ok. That's fine. Actually, it's not fine because nothing's fine, but hey. That's fine. We can just sit here. Or lay down. That's fine. But not sleep, though. You can't sleep. No sleep for you. No sleep for me.

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Why did I come back?

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I dunno. Did you want me back?

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Ok, ok, I was just asking. Sometimes I feel like I'm a part of you, you know.

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Hey, I know I'm not all of you. You're other things, too. You're talented. And loved. Those things. Except I make you feel like you're not...

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My name? Come on, you know my name. Do you really have to ask again?

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No, don't get up. Just... lay back down. Those assignments can wait. We can get them done... later.

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I dunno when just later. Not right now.

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What do we want to do right now?

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I dunno. Sleep? Oh, right we can't sleep. Guess you'll have to just stare at the ceiling and listen to sad music for a while.

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No, don't text them. It will only disappoint you. They care about you but... you don't believe that. I make it so you don't believe that.

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Yeah, I make you believe a lot of things that aren't true. But what are you going to do about it? Knowing the truth doesn't change anything. It doesn't change how you feel.

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No, don't get up. You don't want to get up. You want to just... lay here for a while.

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Ok, try to do something. You have no motivation, you know that. And you have no energy.

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If anyone asks how you're doing, just say fine.

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If they say you don't look fine just say you're tired.

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They'll never know if you don't tell them. You could tell them, of course. And maybe they'd help. I'm sure they could help. But here's another lie that will keep you from them. I'm standing in the way again.

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You should just go back to bed. I don't know why you even try. Things do get better, they definitely do, but while I'm with you, you won't see that. I'll put those glasses on that blur your vision. I'll keep your eyes on the ground in front of you, so you'll never see the beautiful sunrise on the horizon. After all, it hurts right now. The future doesn't matter.

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Oh, look there. You told someone. Did it help? I'm still here. What did they say?

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I'll bet they said it was just in your head.

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I'll bet they said you just needed to have more faith.

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I'll bet they said you needed to eat right and exercise.

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I'll bet they said 'same' and moved on.

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Hmm. It's sort of funny. They are so free, going through their day to day lives. They don't feel this way. They don't know me. They don't seem real, even. As happy as they are.

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Happy. Now that's someone I haven't met in a while. I wonder how the old guy is doing. He hasn't seemed to stop by in a couple... how long has it been?

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The fake happy doesn't count. The fake smiles don't, either. I make those. I put a lot of effort into them, too. I use all your remaining energy for them. I drain you dry... but hey, at least everyone thinks you're ok, right?

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It's getting darker in here. This hole is getting bigger. You should ask for help soon, you know or... you might not ever get out. You and me might get stuck here forever.

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Can you ask someone for help?

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Do you feel safe to ask for help?

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Sigh.

I'm sorry for what I'm doing to you. I don't like hurting you. And I know you don't like hurting yourself.

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You will get through this. You will get through me. It might take a while. But you will eventually.

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I know I'm just your Depression. But if I may say... you bear it very well. No one knows. You don't burden anyone. Still. It's a heavy burden for you. I'm a heavy burden to carry alone.

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We could just lay here for a while more. We could listen to another sad song. Maybe we'll cry. Maybe we can't anymore. Either way.

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Is it comforting or terrifying, knowing that I'm not going anywhere? Not for a while, at least. When I finally leave, will you miss me or feel relived? Will you know who you are without me?

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Will you like the person you become, after you finally destroy me? Will you be better, stronger?

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I think you're just fine right as you are. I don't see why you need me to grow. You were a perfectly wonderful person.

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I hope you can redeem this, though. I hope you can redeem our time together. Maybe you'll meet someone in the future you can relate to? I don't know. It doesn't seem to matter right now, does it. All that matters is that it hurts. And it hurts a whole lot.

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Can I hug you? I know you don't usually like me because it makes you feel alone... but you look like you need a hug.

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Ok. Come here.

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Hugs

It'll be ok. Someday it won't hurt anymore.

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That just sounds so stale. You get enough of that from everyone else, you don't need it from me.

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Sigh

What do you want me to say? What do you want to hear?

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Do you want to talk about it for a while? Because I'm here to listen.

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Go ahead. Let it out.

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Ahuh.

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Ok.

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Hmm.

It's ok, I'm here. I'm listening. Keep going. You're ok.

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I'm sorry.

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I know I'm part of this whole thing but... I'm still sorry. I hurt with you; you know. Your pain is my pain... and mine is yours.

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What do you need? Oh, here, I know. Here, close your eyes. Come on, I know it's dumb, but just close them for a second. There. Now here...

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Fireplace Sounds

Here. We're in a nice big, empty castle. It's night, and there's a big fire in the fireplace. Would you like to lay on the window seat? Here, sit down. It's not very warm this far from the fire... but you can see the view and the rain run down the glass.

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There you go. See, your imagination can come up with good things too, right? It's not a field of flowers and rainbows, but it's beautiful in it's own way, right?

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Remember those imaginary lands you played in as a child? You were so happy then. So content.

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Do you miss the kid you used to be?

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Come now. Everyone was a kid once. Do you miss them?

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I'm sorry I stole that person from you. You'll find them again, one day. I'll keep them safe for you.

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The darkness and the rain are as beautiful as the sun and flowers. Your broken pieces of soul are as precious as anyone else's whole one. They are to me, at least.

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Thunder

Are you trying to distract yourself? Is that why you're here?

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No, not the castle. I meant here. Youtube. Listening to asmr videos.

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Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Are you trying to forget for a while? Or are you trying to cope?

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Sigh

It's a welcome distraction. Just so you won't have to hear from me for a while.

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This is growing dull. Find another video, maybe. But don't worry... I'll be here, talking to you. I won't always be here but for now... you're stuck with me. For another day, anyway.

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Go on. Off to another video you go. Have fun with it. I hope it helps you forget me.

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Even I don't want you to remember me.

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But what do I know. I'm only your depression, after all.