Pig Progeny

So many pigs! SO MANY NICKNAMES! Brick has no less than two! No wonder he pummeled his children with silly monikers…

I’ve already told you folks a lot about Clem and Piggy Sue’s families, but I’ll do my best to give you the fast food rundown of both herds, especially where new characters are involved. Also, you’ll notice that a lot of these folks have passed away, but that’s in accordance with the present timeline. Most of our friends lived long, full lives and died of old age (unless they didn’t…yikes).

Let’s start on the left. Smol froggo Doc was a restaurateur and his wife Avie Lee was the house singer at his Cajun eatery, the St. Charlies Riverside Rest. They produced two lovely pig daughters: mellow Jolene who wed humble mechanic Helmer, and star-chasing, insatiable Benjamina, who married fellow musician Sam (like her mom before her, “Piggy Lee” loved her some little green men). Helmer and Jolene begat Bobby “Brick”, who in turn wed the stunning Lucia and produced four adorable, easily-nicknamed kiddos. Brick’s younger brother, Garrett “Stick”, is married to the culinary arts, though he may also lust for food truck competitor BeeBee Wolfe (and he can get the fuck in line, because so does Piggy Sue and every other saucy St. Charliean).

Piggy Lee and Sam made lots of beautiful music together, and also beautiful Piggy Sue. When Piggy Lee’s stardom took off and Sam was left in the dust, the two turned on one another and split not so amicably. Piggy Sue grew up in the tornado of her mother’s ambitions and beauty pageant aspirations for her very unwilling scion; Sam expressed love for his daughter but was almost always absent. Piggy Sue, to her credit, grew up to earn her master’s in marketing and married her college sweetie Devon, though the partnership did not last and ended up in the trough. Currently, Piggy Sue is running a food truck business with her cousins Brick and Stick (her mechanic and chef respectively), and dating a certain lanky sow with a shy smile.

Oh yeah, by the way: Piggy Sue is the surrogate biological parent of Cass and Itzel’s slothling, Sunshine. Piggy Sue and Clem enjoy the title of Sunshine’s godmothers.

Now the Scroffs! Strap in, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!

Picture it: San Fransisco, WW2. While brave Doradus was away fighting the good fight, his gentle Japanese American wife Mitsu was expected to report to the local concentration camp. In desperation, she left her baby twins Daniel and Alsesta with Doradus’s distant cousin Sandy and his wife Dotty. Shortly thereafter, Mitsu was intercepted and sent to lockdown, having saved her babies the same fate.

Sandy was a polio survivor who walked with a cane and Dotty was mostly deaf, so neither of them had been drafted. Fortunately, they were willing to attend the twins with love and care. Noting her fierce intelligence, Dotty taught little Alsesta to read, write, type and sign early on. Meanwhile, Sandy was delighted by the twins and their “comic stylings” (exchanging their little outfits with each other: hilarious!); he was certain that “Dandy” would be the next big Hollywood comedian, considering the kid could prance and mince before he could walk.

At the end of the war, Doradus came to collect his children. Alsesta instinctively knew she was his, and attached to her father like glue. Dandy, meanwhile, objected strongly to being taken away from his beloved Dotty and Sandy. The couple were asked to stick around in periphery and help Doradus raise the twins, as Mitsu was “sick” after her stint in the concentration camp. In fact, she was brutally depressed, and ended up taking her own life. Ashamed, Doradus lied to the twins that their mother longed for Japan and returned there, safe and sound.

Upon his deathbed, Doradus not only expressed love and understanding for the fact that Dandy and Alsesta were “different”, but also came clean about Mitsu’s death. Dandy was furious, and only attended Doradus’s funeral to support Alsesta, who had always loved their father, warts and all. Dandy partnered to the sweet and handsome Barton, and they remained in San Francisco to care for Dotty and Sandy in their advanced age. Alsesta fell for the bombastic artist Franzie, and the two eventually left California for St. Charlies, where Alsesta’s maternal family had left them a house (“Mitsu Grandeur” could write her books anywhere).

In periphery of all this, Doradus had taken a second wife, Julianna. She and son Teddy went largely ignored by Alsesta and Dandy, even when Teddy foolishly impregnated his girlfriend Eunice. With no plan in place for their daughter, Eunice's parents raised little Julie and removed her from the Scroff radar. Julie grew up to be a cavalier party girl who expressed little interest in her boyfriend Ali and somehow less interest in their baby, Clementine. Ali made himself very scarce and eventually, so did Julie. CPS connected little Clem to the only relative they could find….Alsesta.

Against all odds, stony Alsesta and eccentric Franzie turned out to be just the sort of creatives that young Clem needed to guide her in life. The three unconventional women clicked swimmingly and despite being the strangest little trio this side of Rio Bianca, Clem can’t get enough of these weird old ladies. Alsesta and Franzie, for their part, are certain their Clem hung the moon and every last star…don’t expect proud, snarky creatures like Alsesta and Franzie to gush in public, of course.

It shouldn’t have worked, but it did. Party!

When We Fly (c)Kae