GOTHAM CITY PD: CLASSIFIED 016

CLASSIFIED 016: SURVEILLANCE 

SELENA: Yeah, but I don’t WANT to do it. You’re missing the crucial point, here.

BATMAN: You know I wouldn’t ask you to do this unless it was important. Please?

SELENA: (sigh) FINE. But you owe me for this one. You owe me HUGE. You don’t even know how huge.

CUT TO:

DICK: I wonder what they’re talking about?

JASON: I don’t fuckin’ know. Probably boring couple stuff. Curtains and cushions and shit.

DICK: What? (laughs) They’re not a couple.

JASON: (snickers) Right. Good one.

DICK: No, really.

JASON: Oh, for fuck’s sake. You actually haven’t noticed?

DICK: Noticed what?

JASON: You are priceless. You know that window in the south wing, in the hall opposite Brucie’s room?

DICK: What about it?

JASON: Haven’t you noticed that it’s always unlocked by morning?

DICK: … Not as such, no. I don’t go around checking all the windows like you do, Peeping Todd.

JASON: It’s basic home security, Dickhead. I’ve locked that window myself every night, and sure enough, it’s unlocked by morning.

DICK: So what?

JASON: Oh my fucking God. Were you always this much of a Boy Scout, or did you just fall off the trapeze too many times? You know… Batsy and Kitty knock big leather boots. On the reg.

DICK: Oh. Oh, EW. Ugh. That’s disgusting! Why would you tell me that?

JASON: (grinning) ‘Cos I am an awesome brother.

DICK: Now I’m picturing it! ARGH! My eyes!

JASON: (snickers) Hey - you think with Brat Wayne Jr off at private school, he’s more careful these days?

DICK: La-la-la, not listening!

JASON: After all, he did slip one past the goalie before. (grinning) He must only wear body armour outside the house.

DICK: ARGGGH! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUP!

(JASON is clearly enjoying himself)

JASON: Poor, sweet Dickolas. (theatrical sniffle) He was so young. So innocent. So stupid.

DICK: (mature) I have decided… not to believe you.

JASON: Oh yeah?

DICK: Yes. The whole… thing is just patently ridiculous. You fool me with your tall tales every other bloody time, you cheeky git. But not this time.

BATMAN: (walking closer) It’s just a simple in and out.

(JASON bursts out laughing; DICK groans)

DICK: Oh, Lord have mercy.

BATMAN: What?

(JASON can’t stop laughing)

BATMAN: (angry) WHAT?

DICK: I think… I’m going to be sick.