The Daily Tism

Autistic man dumped after failing to purchase piece of red cardboard

Added 2025-02-15 09:43:23 +0000 UTC

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

An autistic man has been dumped by his girlfriend after he neglected to buy her a red rectangle of cardboard on February 14th, it has been announced.

Dexter Livingstone, 26, who also failed to obtain a massacre of dead plants wrapped in cellophane, or a piece of polyester-stuffed fabric in the shape of a bear holding a human vital organ, spoke out today about the injustice of his sudden single status.

Livingstone said: “Siobhan left me because I’d apparently made ‘no effort’, unlike her friend Becky’s boyfriend, who had a bunch of helium-filled foil delivered to her place of work.”

“I tried to explain the environmental impact of helium balloons, both in terms of extraction, the global helium shortage and the inevitable jellyfish massacre that results from them ending up in the ocean, but she hung up on me.”

“It’s not like I did nothing,” Livingstone continued. “I found her that cool rock on my morning walk. There’s no pleasing some people.”

Ex-girlfriend Becky Armitage, 27, said: “For God’s sake, Dexter, it’s Valentine’s Day.”

Livingstone did not respond, but he did stare back blankly.