Chestnuts roasting on open fire “safety hazard”, autistics warn
Added 2024-11-22 11:00:04 +0000 UTC
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
Autistics have issued a statement warning neurotypicals about the health and safety risks inherent in stoking open flames for festive nut-roasting purposes.
The statement, released in response to The Christmas Song (1945), advised non-autistic holiday enthusiasts to roast their chestnuts in controlled settings, such as ovens.
It read: “In the last 78 years, there have been up to zero chestnut-related deaths - and that number can only rise.”
“Moreover, chestnuts roasted without the requisite shell slicing are liable to explode - and within the context of an uncontrolled burn, the consequences could be disastrous.”
The statement concluded: “We also urge parents not to encourage their children to see if reindeer really know how to fly, unless they are qualified reindeerologists.”
“In the last 78 years, there have been up to zero reindeers shoved to their deaths - and that number can only rise.”
