Autistic woman first person in world to fuck up
Added 2024-10-18 10:00:03 +0000 UTC
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
An autistic woman has made history as the first person in existence to ever make a mistake, it has been confirmed.
Paige Thomas, 37, made what eyewitnesses described as a “slightly self-destructive decision,” despite her best efforts to be perfect in all matters at all times - just like everybody else.
Thomas said: “I’ve slept with the guy in the flat opposite. Now I have to leave for work at the arse crack of dawn to avoid him. I’m such an irredeemable fuckup. I deserve to just curl up and die.”
Anthropologist Dr. Karen Hoyland commented: “This is the first time in the history of our species that someone has had an ill-advised hookup. Frankly, I don’t think Ms. Thomas is beating herself up enough.”
“No, she didn’t start a war,” Hoyland continued. “But nobody has.”
Thomas added, while punctuating each remarks by thudding her own head: “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”
