Reassuring! Autism researchers actually collecting bodily fluids for recreational purposes
Added 2024-08-13 10:00:04 +0000 UTC
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
Experts accused of collecting autistic people’s various secretions in order to cure autism have reassured the public that they’re simply using the samples recreationally.
Autism researcher, Dr. Graeme Hart, explained: “We’re being accused of all sorts of sinister things, like eugenics. It’s very hurtful as all we want to do is imbibe the essence of people with autism.”
“Our jobs are very stressful,” continued Dr. Hart. “Can you blame us for wanting to let off some steam? I mean, that’s one way you can take the samples - steaming them.”
“Most people don’t realise how delicious people with autism actually are,” he added - before making a noise akin to Hannibal Lecter.
In a statement released today, autism researchers worldwide said: “Dr. Hart does not represent our profession. We simply want to create a DNA database to help people with autism. If you’d like to participate in the study, please send a saliva sample, some salt and a slice of lemon.”
