PATREON EXCLUSIVE (Full Video): In Marriage Women expect happiness and Men expect misery
Added 2023-12-13 03:00:33 +0000 UTC
Comments
If it's a true partnership you're looking for then the gains of you working together to achieve your shared goals is more than the sum of the individuals. This requires a proactive and objective look at what your purpose in life is. It's not an easy path and is extra hard with the current version of Western culture that promotes individual happiness above the completion of shared goals. Women don't leave men if they add value to their lives, this goes doubly for men who have a higher tolerance and understanding of the misery that sometimes comes before the achievement of a task or goal. If all you do is go with the flow and enter into relationships because it feels good then of course things are going to break down over time. Life is not static.
Joshua
2024-01-07 17:53:00 +0000 UTCTo maximise your happiness & wellbeing. Unless you don’t want children at all & aren’t interested in sex & female companionship. Obviously you need to choose carefully but there are many aspects of life that are risky but offer great potential reward. Men & women can survive solo, men more so, but do they really THRIVE to the fullest extent in all aspects of life? I’d argue no.
RhodiumMaiden
2023-12-24 04:09:16 +0000 UTCHi, thank you for your reply. I believe that health data is due to unmarried men engaging in poorer eating habits, less physical activity and not going for regular health checks, all of which are choices that can be improved on irrespective of being married. In short, look after yourself. Marriage itself isn't good for individuals or society, but successful marriages almost always contribute positively to the individuals in it and the society in which they live. I am sorry if that sounds like semantics but I really feel that there is not enough conversation around what makes long term relationships successful and the partners content within the relationship. What common traits do they have? Etc
Anthony White
2023-12-21 07:54:47 +0000 UTCSorry I'm late to the party. The data suggests married couples, especially men, live longer. Married men are healthier than unmarried men. Data has traditionally suggested that married couples are happier than singles, I will suggest that recent data seems to be changing on that front. The bottom line is that marriage is actually very good for most men, as well as for society in general. Clearly that doesn't mean every marriage is great, but on the whole, it's really good.
C Margaret Palacios
2023-12-19 03:44:21 +0000 UTCThe only limit a compulsion understands is rock bottom. Co-dependeny is the most deeply rooted compulsion known to humanity.
Mark Bryski
2023-12-17 14:07:03 +0000 UTCSame deal for me in my childhood home. Basically, my mother could not be satiated. As Alexander puts it, a high quality woman can be satiated. This deficit effects both the husband and children.
Mark Bryski
2023-12-17 14:04:46 +0000 UTCmen putting aside their own needs for the sake of a marriage was the number one reason why Dr Orion Taraban said men have midlife crisis They put aside the once, and then needs for so long until they just can’t hold it back anymore, and it results in in explosive situation where potentially their entire life is thrown to the wind If you had the general feeling that your life has been working for you, you’re not going to have that moment of panic, realising that perhaps it is all over without you pursuing your happiness And you’re not going to have that destructive violent outburst of self need I've lived as a man & a woman -- here's what I learned | Paula Stone Williams I went to college, got married, had kids, built a career, but the call toward authenticity has all the subtlety of a smoke alarm.
Peter
2023-12-17 06:58:15 +0000 UTCAnd love, struck fools. We all seem to be at some point We aren’t aware of the give take dynamic at least I wasn’t. I’m sure you know of the joke about a woman, seeking a better partner in a department store, and going up one story to the next man and up one story to the next man and up one story to the next man I don’t know if a lot of women understand the concept of enough … actually, I think this might be a sickness amongst men as well… we always want more no matter how much money or women or resources we want more
Peter
2023-12-17 06:12:06 +0000 UTCBruv ! I haven’t been married myself, but I have seen this play out with my dad and my mum…. Except my dad never left. He stayed the enabler. But it pains me to see nonetheless . Though it being my parents is obviously a very difficult situation. I don’t want to see them divorced. I don’t want my mum in a precarious situation but if they weren’t my parents and it was just some random couple I’d heard about …. You know
Peter
2023-12-17 06:08:58 +0000 UTCUnironically yes. Men need to have standards and boundaries and not just be the punching bags forever.
Peter
2023-12-17 06:06:58 +0000 UTCThanks so much for sharing Mann Hearing your story sounds so predictable in common, it frightened me a bit It felt almost as just another one of these stories, instead of being shocking, and that and itself is shocking It seems her being irrational and coming crawling back afterwards was a warning sign as to her personality that you missed And to be honest, I probably would have missed as well What really comes to mind is the Bible verse saying so the wind and reap the whirlwind. Or as we would say these days. Play stupid games and win, stupid prizes. Your wife soon to be ex-wife is learning that Say what you mean, and mean what you say My mother is unfortunately also one of these narcissistic self involved, always the victim kind of person . She also sees any effort on my dad’s part as just how it’s meant to be. it’s a man’s job and truly thankful for doing what you’re actually just supposed to isn’t really in the cards My heart goes out to you it truly does
Peter
2023-12-17 06:04:15 +0000 UTCI understand the sentiment. That seems to be the impression but the statistics the actual statistics don’t really seem to confirm this view.. And I have struggled with that too, but it would seem that most women don’t come out of the marriage in a better place or that women do seem to take over a disproportionately large part of the family labour Which might be only fair considering that you might have a full-time job and she is a stay at home person But considering that these days, most couples are not that and that both parties have to go to work women still doing most of the Home labour doesn’t quite pan out to that belief that men are getting a particularly raw deal in marriage A role deal in divorce is a bit trickier. They are a lot of cases of men throwing their old wives into a dumpster fire. She hasn’t been able to build her career for years And after the divorce is thrown into a financial turmoil The statistics on that happening are significant And I’ve seen it happen twice. What I haven’t seen in person, is where a woman basically takes the last shirt off a guy back. It’s usually a guy not really coming up for the things he should for his kids, not even her lifestyle, but his part for their combined family But I have to say those are low quality, individuals deadbeats in all aspects, not just marriage or child support… But more specifically about if marriage is worth it. The actual institution of marriage, I don’t know slapping the label of marriage on it doesn’t change what in fact this relationship is whether you call it an LTR or a marriage shouldn’t matter, but as soon as you slap the label marriage on it, things do seem to go poorly for a lot of them yet I would think nothing has actually changed except for the name I think it is absolutely worth going up against the struggles of life in a team configuration Whether you need to slap the label on it, I don’t know you don’t need it in order to fulfil the goal of teamwork, making the dream work 🤷♀️ Nonetheless, I do have the impression
Peter
2023-12-17 05:59:01 +0000 UTCThis is a interesting topic! Particularly because my data seems to be different from that what you have. The women I’ve spoken to have fallen into three camps. Those that seem to expect a lot out of their marriage or their relationship where it’s about me me me. And then, which approach it fairly neutrally, at least verbally. And then you have those that approach the marriage as if it’s indentured servitude. They have watched their mothers serving the family and their fathers and consider marriage. A hard, servitude sentence. There is only one or two cases where I have heard me, me, Me from women in regards to their relationship and I have had 3 which have clearly said they watch the mothers being a servant to the house, and and considered marriage a cage ( which really saddened me because it shouldn’t be a cage for anyone, you should both be benefiting from a marriage life in a team against the world should be easier not harder) and then you have the ones where perhaps that topic simply hasn’t come up as much and I would consider those neutral they don’t seem to be under the impression they are forced to do most of the labour. With guys, I think the idea that the woman is always right and that woman want and they want and they want and they want stuff and actions and time and presence and effort, and that a woman is generally going to want more of you than you can deliver, as a general rule, seems to be quite entrenched …. The nagging wife. Dr Orion taraban also speaks to this in the “women wanted all. “ “Disappoint your woman as early as possible..” alex says it as men give love and women receive love. Orion calls it consumptive love It’s interesting how most of the women I’ve spoken to are of the impression that they give give give and then some cases I can definitely see that they are with a toxic partner who takes takes takes but even the ones that are all about me me me me will proclaim that they give give give give give and only want reciprocity . Gaslighting and narcissism., I would almost called this a female nice guy, who only does the things in the purpose of getting gratitude for themselves… their labour is a manipulation to get you to do something…. Be that guy getting sex or women getting other things. But be it as it may m. my personal base impression overall of women has been that they want stuff. they want your time. they want your effort . they set a standards . they set a list of requirements. They are the choosers . they want stuff …. I’m sure guys want stuff too, but it’s not spoken about as much Which is a shame a lot of women will bemoan that men don’t say what they want And I remember a relationship counsellor telling me there is little in this world, which is as frustrating for a woman as a man, not clearly communicating what he wants or her, knowing what he wants Which I found amusing because men have to guess what women want and potentially deal with the rejection of getting that wrong all the time . Of course, it’s easier to ask or to be told specifically and exactly what and how to do it . Oh well. But if you consider that woman seek to feel emotionally safe and avoid negative feelings, (a super fascinating video by taraban” why women almost never say” I’m sorry”” And my last girlfriend also basically never admitted fault and I tried to logically explain that to her till I turned blue in the face. It really was not a happy time. Back to marriage . More women that I know, see marriage as servitude… and they don’t want that servitude for themselves…. And especially in the generation above me, I see a lot of men being apathetic to really helping around the house et cetera. They will eat the food that the wife has made and be thankful.. but not put away the dishes. This should be spoken about in the relationship. (There shouldn’t be an unspoken expectation of duty on either side,), but they don’t. he assumes the woman is going to put away the dishes… and I’ve seen this two or three times not individually, but couples that that have this sort of relationship Then I have seen it twice with people in my own generation where he is a strong macho man, and he just doesn’t see the small household chores … I’m sure he would do it instantly if he was asked to it, but he doesn’t see it. even in those relationships where the married couples don’t talk about servitude of the one partner or the other, I clearly see that women do a lot more of the labour , how many of them complain about it is the next thing, but I don’t see confirmation that guys go into it with the expectation that this is going to be hard because they have to work so much to please the woman they don’t think it’s going to be a merry-go-round Fest because of the nagging wife, but they don’t see extra extra labour of work in it And I think that turns out to be a problem where the woman feels taken for granted he’s just in it because it’s the happy go lucky thing to do
Peter
2023-12-17 05:38:18 +0000 UTCBeen there. I was lucky. My ex changed after we got married and started to scream for divorce when I wouldn't get things she wanted. Years later, right before the end I offered to try to fix things between us but she outright refused. She knew she was in the wrong when I finally told her I was leaving. She never battled for half of my resources, and the divorce went through without a hitch. It still hurt to leave because it was against my values, but she was making it so miserable, and lonely. I was emotionally blackmailed and abandoned. You can only put up with that for so long.
Andrew W
2023-12-13 21:28:01 +0000 UTCI'm having a hard time justifying marriage over a relationship at this point in my life. It's a hard sell. Men really don't gain anything out of it, not even some sort of security. Even If I was bamboozled into getting married again I would never merge bank accounts ever again. There's just no reason to do it. If a woman wanted marriage she would first have to prove that she could put my needs before hers, like she expects me to do for her. That's the only way, and I'd still have reservations against it.
Andrew W
2023-12-13 21:14:12 +0000 UTCWhat I am finding, it may never be easy. However, it can become simple. I don't mind doing hard to do things when the steps are simple. Plus, nothing is gained when I don't do my part. The trick is not getting hooked into taking care of the woman's part.
Mark Bryski
2023-12-13 13:10:34 +0000 UTCTrue.
Mircea N.
2023-12-13 11:50:40 +0000 UTCNot quite. I don't believe that it is worth it. I am here (and other places) trying to get evidence that it is worth it. "Godspeed on learning the complex emotional geography of relationships." - thank you
Anthony White
2023-12-13 11:44:16 +0000 UTCYou must believe it is worth it. Otherwise, what are you doing here? Godspeed on learning the complex emotional geography of relationships.
Mark Bryski
2023-12-13 11:20:15 +0000 UTCWhen a woman understands her man does not know how to let go, he will get mind fucked. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to recover. Just like children, a woman will not grow if the man is afraid to let her be miserable. Resolving their own misery is how women learn to be accountable. The man is a goner if he allows himself to be a doormat in that process.
Mark Bryski
2023-12-13 11:14:32 +0000 UTCI have done my part 😏
Mark Bryski
2023-12-13 11:04:57 +0000 UTCI have a better question, Alexander. Why is it worth it (marriage / relationships)? If I can do everything a woman does in a trad relationship, and everything a man does in a trad relationship, I have a good social life, I have a good career, I have good health, I have savings investments, own my own home. I have good relationships with my parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, Uncles, Aunts, cousins and decades long male and female friendships - why is the risk worth it?
Anthony White
2023-12-13 10:19:25 +0000 UTCI entered marriage with the fullest desire to be happy and make her happy. But the pre-marriage partner and the wife are two different people. When we fought before marriage, she would call me names, then 3-4 days later be at my door with apologies and the white flag. As soon as the child appeared and she knew how much I adore my child... the Power Play started. All those "funny jokes" come from sad life experiences. Relationship is about bringing people together by the desire to be partners. Marriage is a chess play in your own home. Also, I am in full process of getting divorced right now. I've heard this year: 20x times... I want a divorce..... 10x times: why do you keep me in this marriage, just divorce..... at our last argument: You're ineffective in my life, I want a divorce. So I got effective and called the notary office, set the appointment and sent the documents. Her response: " So, you're really doing this after all." wtf? I have been emotionally supportive when she changed her career, financially supportive with all the courses she did while she did not work , understanding to her needs, gave advice or most times just listened. She understood only that all the things I've done for her are the normal way a man should behave with her and all men out there do that therefore I'm nothing special, so she keeps looking for greener pastures. Good luck to her. Emotional abuse does go both ways. From my own experience, women tend to go very easily to claiming emotional abuse because "marriage is about her needs" - happy wife, happy life, right?. How can a man claim emotional abuse when he enters the relationship thinking " this is about me giving and her receiving"?
Mircea N.
2023-12-13 08:16:24 +0000 UTCYeah. The divorce rate is definitely too low! Men! Let's contribute more xD
Cezary Skoczek
2023-12-13 06:53:04 +0000 UTCNever again...will I put a woman's happiness above mine. It's a fool's errand.
Mark Bryski
2023-12-13 05:08:21 +0000 UTC
