PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Why Would A Woman Ever Sleep With Her Boss?

I’m happily doing more reading than writing this go around; one valuable insight after another. Best regards everyone.

Todd McDaniels

My personal experience with a boss was just a close call. For me it was multiple motivations: No. 4 Masculine authority No. 5 The taboo is exciting Alisha's addition no. 8 Male competency is sexy   At age 19, I played in a symphony and the conductor was an older European man, very tall, fit and trim, he was around 60 yrs old with a shock of white hair. He was intelligent and confident. And, being an old school European conductor, very intimidating (see Alexander's video about how your woman must fear you. Why you gotta be so smart Alexander?). All these traits to provide strong leadership so that 80 people can be a team and play perfectly together. My perception was that he was also venerated by the other musicians. He was one of the first professional conductors I ever worked with and I thought he was so masterful! (see Alisha's no.8 above.) I was learning so much about my craft by playing for him and I respected the hell out of him. Needless to say I was very attracted to him, even though he had wrinkles.  I myself was looking good at this time of my life.  He flirted with me a couple times during one set of rehearsals, sitting casually in my stand partner's chair next to me, asking me about my studies while looking down into my cleavage, not even pretending to look anywhere else. And because I thought he was awesome, I engaged with him and let him look me over.  Nothing came of it right away. Couple weeks later we had another concert that his wife, who was also a musician, was performing solo with us. The night of the concert I was milling around backstage he comes up to me and says 'Come to my dressing room, we have a problem and I need your help.' I knew his wife was in there because everyone knew they were sharing the dressing room. So I knew he wasn't propositioning me.  I was afraid he was firing me! I went in and the wife's got her dress only half on. He said something about the zipper, he can't help her close her dress, and he has something more important to do, so since you're a woman can you help her.' 30 other women wandering around backstage and he asks ME.  I did as I was told and helped her close up the back of her sparkly dress. She was very nice, we both walked out on stage, had the concert, and everything went great. Until a few days later I'm at my violin lesson and my teacher, who's also in the symphony and is good friends with this conductor, says 'You have to be careful because he and his wife have an open marriage and he likes younger women.'  Then it occurred to me why he asked me to help his wife in the dressing room.  Was that his way of showing me to his wife to get her opinion/approval of me to be one of his dalliances? Prior to this, I was excited he had flirted with me. Validation from an older, attractive, and important man, right? (Not that I knew what 'validation' meant, at 19 I still had no self awareness.) And until my teacher warned me, it was a salacious, naughty fantasy to be his mistress (god, 19 yr old girls can be so stupid.) But finding out that they had an open marriage completely turned me off.  Not only was it just not as fun as a fantasy anymore (no sneaky-sneaky), but having actually met his nice wife in such an intimate space made it too real and at 19 I just wasn't ready for that kind of mature experiment. It ended up a moot point.  Either I didn't make the cut with the wife, or my teacher told him to stay away from me, or maybe he found some other young filly he liked better. But he never flirted with me again after that week. In fact, we went on to have a great working relationship for years, with no weirdness.

Jennifer Coopman

Alisha, I totally agree.  That was one of the  factors for me in my close call with a boss. See my separate post below if you want the whole story.

Jennifer Coopman

Holy cow people, I have so much to say on this topic, I think I have a story for each motivation Alexander listed.  I apologize in advance for talking all your ears ears off! I will make multiple posts. No. 3: Fucking your way to the top. Famous music producer Nile Rodgers is said to have spread this urban legend about Madonna. They were working closely for some time on the record and she kept flirting with him.  He ignores her because he's all business. Eventually, when they were alone one day, he claims she asked him 'why don't you want to fuck me?'  Now, nobody cares about how he answered her, all anyone cared about is the fact that she came right out and said that. This doesn't mean she actually slept her way to stardom. But apparently she was so used to using her sexuality to manipulate the powerful men that surrounded her that she was offended when one of them didn't respond! No. 1: Love actually, but flip the genders.  Years ago, in one office job I worked at the CEO was a woman.  A new (male) vice president of a major dept. was just hired, they quickly became an item.  Everyone knew they were sleeping with each other, even though she was his direct supervisor. He even had the nerve to ask my dept.  for favors for his favorite clients because he thought he was a hot shot that he had the boss's pussy in his pocket.  Someone must've blown the whistle, or maybe they both just had a moral epiphany, because he soon quit and went back to his old job.  He quit this prestigious position with great pay and benefits, possibly damaging his career, so he could continue to date her. They got married and blended their families the next year, and have been living happily ever after since then!

Jennifer Coopman

I agree, I feel pre-selection is proof of desirability and safety (as a man with a woman/women who trust him shows you can also trust him) and safety is important to women. Also people want what others want, even with products. Proof of power is an interesting concept. I guess some women might go through a phase of testing if they have that power. I personally wouldn't be bothered with it because I am already in a happy relationship but even if I was single... as weird as it sounds, I already have awareness of that power and I don't feel it makes me special, people like novelty and taboos, so I wouldn't feel like I am this super amazing woman for convincing a man to cheat anyway. It was funnily enough, the red pill that gave me an awareness of this "power", I didn't realise most guys were horny enough to have sex with a lot of women 😅

Alisha

I think point is contained in the one being made at the 7:40 mark.

Ashwin Srinivas

Around the 7:40 timestamp, AG talks about how women see it as a test of power. What this made think about is, that more generally, this "test of power/desirability" is more general and could also explain why women are attracted to men with girlfriends or men who they know are seeing some other girl. I get that pre-selection is one criteria but maybe this "test of power" could be another one?

Ashwin Srinivas

It really is. At my work, sales is split so there are people focused on bringing in new business and others focused on renewing the business each year. I think the split is something like 75% of new business managers are men and 75% of existing business managers are women. It’s just like natural gravitation to the type of work necessary.

I think natural gender roles and atraction tends to leak inside workplaces. Not necessary sexual. I work in team with two women and one guy besides me. Strangely I usually get risky and problematic assigments, solve crysis, headbreakers, while ladies are very keen on cleanup work, searching for small nitpicks, ensuring details, common base is nice. Somehow in team dynamic this work very well. When I started thinking about it I was fascinated.

Ignas

I had a relationship with someone that had slept with bosses at several of her previous jobs. These were all corporate positions. I'm not entirely sure as to the reasons, as she was not entirely honest with me when we were together BUT I imagine it was a combination of the reasons Alexander and Alisha have stated. However I do think there was a strong aspect of "daddy issues" with her bosses as she had a terrible relationship with her father. She started dating me for much of the same reasons and cheated with other men for specifically the same reasons.

11. Oh, the last point but not sure how true it is tbh, most people tend to get nervous around their bosses which to some women can be stimulating and cause arousal or be mistaken for arousal.

Alisha

That is a good point about corporate. I had retail/pub work in mind when I was writing my points, as I have had those jobs in the past and it is common for women to have sex with bosses. In some pubs, it is almost weird not to have sex with the boss.

Alisha

Not sure how many of you are in the corporate world, but people often joke around and refer to coworkers as “work husbands” and “work wives” because they spend so much time together - sometimes you spend more time with coworkers than family. And, when you’ve been working in a corporate job a long time, it’s not ALL work - there are often company sanctioned times for socializing and such. So, you have plenty of time to learn about the people you work with, how they handle stressful situations, work under pressure, respond to others, etc. in addition to how they are socially. In a boss/subordinate situation this can especially be the case. That said, while I’ve known a number of couples who met at work, I’ve only known two boss/subordinate couples and they fell under the #1 category- they fell in love over time. I am aware the other scenarios happen of course, but haven’t seen it personally. I would be super curious to see statistics too (if they existed) and if they varied by industry. 🤔 I’ll also add that I think one of the big reasons it doesn’t happen MORE is because by the time someone gets to be the boss - it’s very likely they are already married.

Tbh I don't think it is much different from a young guy having the fantasy of fucking his hot teacher. Maybe he wants an A on the assignment, or to brag to his friends or like you said the taboo and the fear of proper intimacy, if the teacher is married then the fantasy is casual. It's also a big validation boost to be chosen.

Alisha

10. Covert power. Sometimes these women use their sexuality to influence their bosses choices. Kinda similar to the last point tbh but it could be more in relation to company decisions. They also get access to special information, like a spy.

Alisha

9. Special privileges. There were some women who slept with bosses at my old workplace and they would always get let off with a lot. Our workplace had a rule that you had to work either Christmas or New Year and it swapped about every year. These women would ask their bosses to get both off. One woman even used to straight-up steal money from the tills and the boss would let her get away with it by excusing her behaviour, he obviously didn't want her to get fired because he was getting something from her.

Alisha

8. Competency is attractive to women, I don't think I need to elaborate much here. Bosses tend to be competent and that is attractive to women (probably from an evolutionary/biological standpoint.

Alisha

7. Being able to boast to other female colleagues that the boss fucked her (she was chosen over them). Basically female competition, when a female fucks the boss who is up there in the hierarchy then she also gets her status elevated in some cases (amongst women). It makes other women jealous if he is liked.

Alisha

This title made me laugh out load. My ex left me for her boss of 16 years who is 20 years older than her. Yes, a woman will sleep with her boss. It's not even a valid question.

Kent C Johnson