Chapter 220: Coal Digger

Then the doorbell rang, and Jay went to answer it, with me following behind.

"Hi, hi, hi, hi! How ya doin'?" Jay greeted warmly.

Hey, I thought, outraged. That is for flirting (without the 'g' at the end). I’ll talk to Joey about how we have heretics here.

"Hey, Gramps," Alex greeted.

"Hi, beautiful," Jay responded.

"Hi, Phil," Jay continued. "Good to see ya."

Claire was the last to arrive. "Let me guess. Game's on?" she asked, noticing her dad welcoming everyone so enthusiastically.

"Just started," he murmured.

I went to greet everyone too.

"Hey, two days in a row, Jakster," Phil remarked with a laugh, and we high-fived.

"Hi, Jake. Can we already consider you part of the family?" Alex teased.

"Great acquisition, right?" I joked, giving her a light hug

"At least another one with brains," she quipped in her usual snappy style.

Her crush on me had dropped significantly after the wedding (probably after seeing me heavily making out with two Colombians).

"Okay, everybody, the food's in here. The drinks are in here. I'll be in there," Jay announced.

"Hold on, Jay. I think we should address the elephant in the room. Uh, Luke, Manny," Phil called out to the two.

"Now, in light of what happened at school today, do you have any feelings you’d like to express? I think this is the proper forum—" Phil continued as they approached.

"For God's sake. All right, both of you. Now, in this family, do we kick and punch each other, or do we love each other?" Jay intervened.

"Love each other," Manny and Luke replied in unison.

"That's right," Jay affirmed and gave each of them a smack on the head.

Jay returned to the sofa to watch the basketball game, with Mitchell awkwardly trying—and failing—to engage his dad about it (he doesn’t know much about basketball).

---

After watching until halftime, we all went to get food.

Manny and Luke were laughing.

"Hey, there are the little roustabouts. You look like you patched things up pretty good, huh?" Phil commented.

They both answered together, "Yeah."

"Oh, we can learn so much from the children. Bet it seems kind of silly now what you were even fighting about, huh?" Phil continued.

"I made fun of his accent," Luke admitted.

"What accent?" Gloria questioned, exaggerating her own.

"I made fun of him for having the same thing for lunch every day," Manny explained.

"Eegh!" Gloria joked.

"I made fun of him because his mom used to dig coal," Luke added.

"What?" Gloria asked, puzzled.

"He said you were a coal digger," Manny clarified.

"Okay. I think we can move on," Phil attempted to defuse the situation.

"Who said I was a coal digger?" Gloria pressed.

"That's what my mom told me," Luke responded.

"What's a coal digger?" Alex inquired from Phil.

"Sweetheart, he heard it wrong. It's 'gold digger,'" Phil explained a bit too loudly.

"I really do not think that I remember ever saying that," Claire defended herself, setting aside the kitchen items and joining the group

"Well, you mentioned it in the car. You said it at Easter. You said it in the Mexican restaurant—" Luke began listing.

"Okay, Mr. Leaves-His-Sweatshirts-at-School-Every-Day... suddenly remembers everything, thank you," Claire remarked with a strained face

"And it was all in my head, huh?"

"Oh, listen, Gloria, it was... like, months ago, before I knew you better," Claire tried to explain.

"Did you really have to call her that—a gold digger?" Jay interjected.

"Well, you know what, Dad? It was months ago. And it was a natural question to ask. She's a beautiful, hot woman, and you're not exactly, you know—" Claire began.

"Not exactly what?" Jay challenged.

"Um—Mitchell, little help?" Claire turned to him.

"No. You are doing great," Mitchell replied, not wanting to get involved in the argument.

"Jake?" Claire turned to me, not seeing many allies who could help.

Really? She wants my help?

"Well, Claire has daddy issues. So she got jealous about losing part of Jay’s love," I explained.

"Jake!" she snapped at me.

I held up my hands in mock surrender.

Then I got more serious. "Okay, let’s all be honest here. Come on, Jay—you know you’re not exactly a hunk. You married someone way hotter than you. But that’s the beauty of love—it’s not all about looks, money, intelligence, fame, or power. Sure, those things help, especially at the start."

Then I turned to the others, "You’re adults. Let’s face it—there’s a good chance Gloria wouldn’t have given Jay a shot if he didn’t have the status and money he has. 

Not because she’s a gold digger, but because a lot of single mothers want a partner who’s a pillar of stability, especially when they have a young child."

"And you, Jay, maybe you wouldn’t have been so interested right away if Gloria wasn’t…” I gestured toward her. “A solid 9.5—easily a 10 if she came with a volume control.”

Gloria pinched me hard, and a few people stifled their laughter.

“But I’ll say this—you two would still be together now, even if you lost the money or if she gained weight. That’s the strange thing about love—it makes us stop thinking rationally. If it were only about beauty or money, things would’ve fallen apart long ago."

"You’re also part of a wealthy group, Jay. You know Gloria could easily have found a younger and richer version of you if money was all that mattered." I concluded

"As for Claire—yeah, she made a bad, offensive judgment. But we all do that. Not long ago, before Mitch introduced Lily, you said a child needs both a mother and a father. I dare you to say that to them now."

"And for God’s sake, Claire, if you’re going to tell someone, at least tell Alex—she has good judgment and won’t spill the beans. Although you might still get some judgment back from her…" I scolded Claire

Then I turned to everyone again, "That’s how a great family works. We say things we shouldn’t, and then we figure it out. Mom, Dad, Uncle Charlie, Grandma—we’ve done way worse than call each other a gold digger, and we’re still together. Because if we weren’t, we’d be like my grandparents on my mom’s side—we don’t even see each other anymore.”

"It is up to you, to us, to decide if we want a united family or a splited one"

Phil started clapping, but no one followed, leaving an awkward moment hanging in the air.

Soon after, Claire said genuine, “Sorry, Gloria,” and went to hug her, making peace.

Mom came over and hugged me. “You really shine sometimes, son.”

“What do you mean ‘sometimes,’ Mom?” I asked, spreading my arms indignantly.

“I’m a living sun—I rise and shine every day,” I declared pompously.

Mom smacked the back of my head.

“Mom, that’s not a playful bonk, that’s child abuse,” I complained, rubbing my head.

Mom just rolled her eyes and hugged me again.

Then, I muttered out of the corner of my mouth, "Gloria, even with Claire apologizing, she still deserves a punishment. How about tossing her into the pool?"

They all looked at me. Claire was glaring at me.

"What? I'm trying to make the bonding stronger!" I justified myself, earning a few laughs