Book draft excerpt: Dave

Here's another little excerpt! Thanks for following along.

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Gutted, I call Dave. Dave is a fellow adoptee who always texts back and looks at me like I’m his favorite color and does things like return to the car for an umbrella. Dave will know what to do. Dave knows what to do. He picks me up.

We waste no time getting wasted. What mother says they don’t want to meet their daughter??? That’s so fucked up! I yell, whispering. It’s so fucked up! he whispers, yelling.

I buy a round, he buys a round, around and around we go. It just feels like … being abandoned twice, I whimper. I am just a girl, standing in front of a beer, asking it to love her. I know, Dave says. The knowing is a rope and we don’t let go. We stare at my beer together. His elbow migrates until it perches against mine. Do you want to go somewhere? he asks.

We walk, trying to decide which somewhere we want to go. We’re holding hands, which is new. I’m wearing Dave’s jacket, which is not new. I’m sorry, Dave says, about your mom. His tenderness is too close and it makes me a sad kind of sober. I let go and skip ahead, then turn to face him. I have an idea let’s get drunk forever, I suggest. Okay, he agrees, his hands by his side, his cheeks pink. Our glow, asian. I should go home.

He lives nearby, I can sleep over if I want. I can have the bed, he says. He can sleep on the couch, he says. That’s a terrible idea, I say, and we go to his place.

Technically, theoretically, relationshipally, I belong to someone else. Dave is just a friend, I always say to the someone else, even though Dave would surely build me a house with his mouth if I let him, and the someone else will later have a kid with me and fly away. Do you want another drink? Dave winks, pouring me a tall glass of water. Shots! Shots! I cheer, and we pretend to chug.

*

I can’t, I coo
                                                       I know, he coos

Shirtless now, both of us, standing at the end of his bed.

Our lips quivering a millimeter and an ocean a p a r t

They never touch.

                                                                                                        This is how I love things

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xo, namee