Next upload, plans, updates (WARNING: long post)

Hey guys. Currently in a bit of a slump mentally (as usual. Fuck me, life is fun, isn't it?).

I'll try to keep uploads/arrangements to twice a month on YouTube. Yeah, I know it's not gonna make me popular with the algorithm - especially when I'm not playing the latest opening themes more so.

I just don't feel comfortable uploading in high frequency. I need to be honest with how I feel. I can't fake how I feel about it for the sake of subscribers, views, and money. Maybe back then I would have more motivation to do so for the YouTube numbers, but nowadays I find that I need to prioritize my love for anime piano music. I don't have much motivation to do it for the sub and view count anymore. Who knows why, but I just don't. 

I still feel the pressure of working for the sake of making money. After all, everyone around me (family/relatives/friends) work for money. Some enjoy their work, but most people's motivation is to make a living. It makes sense. You need to pay bills, you need to pay student loans, food, debt, etc.

For me personally, I think making music solely for money for myself is... I don't know, I just don't like it. I need to FEEL sincere with what I do - it's fine if I make money AND feel genuine for what I do, but doing it solely for money without true passion for what I do, I have a lot of trouble doing.

Because of this, I need to fight and accept that in this era of Youtube, I will never have the growth I had like three years ago (Re:Zero era) unless YouTube algorithm changes back like it used to. Doubt it though.

This mental fight is the reason why I feel like I'm not producing music at my best. I apologize. I'll keep on trying to accept my situation, and hopefully, I will come out in a better place. I wish I could have done more concerts since I think it will spark some inspiration and motivation back, but unfortunately I do not have the ability to do so at this time.

There are other stuff I'm dealing with, but it's not really relevant to you guys. The stuff above is more relevant which is why I open up about it.

I don't expect everyone to stick to the Patreon especially because of how infrequent I upload and how it's really not the best quality due to my circumstances, but if you are sticking around, thank you for your support. I'm doing my best to fight the mental pressures I have and also accept my situation that I've probably plateaued in my music career. 

In terms of my physique, well... I have yet to reach my physical potential. I'm very excited about that. I've been going to the gym everyday and it has become part of my lifestyle. My fat loss is slow but steady. If successful, I will be in the best shape of my entire life this upcoming Anime Expo 2020 convention.

I've been fat all my life, dealing with stress eating and uncontrolled appetite, and to me it's a big motivation to show others that it can still be done with hard work and consistency (especially because America has a weight gain epidemic at the moment). When someone is physically lean, they exude positivity everywhere they go. I like helping people, so that fact gives me a lot of inspiration.

Thanks for reading and see you soon.