Chapter One hundred ninety-four – Frankly, My Crêpe, I Don’t Give a Dear

Thaniel and Lian wandered just long enough for Thaniel to start complaining that his feet hurt before Augustus showed up.

They simply turned a corner and found themselves walking side by side with the chancellor, who said, “Are you hungry? There’s an excellent crepe shop on the next block.”

Thaniel gave an enthusiastic nod, but Lian halted, glaring at the newcomer. “Now you show up? Where were you when that man was attempting to threaten and intimidate us?”

Augustus stopped as well, offering a small, apologetic nod to a lady who almost tripped over him. He sighed softly. “I’m sorry, Lian. I came as quickly as soon as I got your message. Unfortunately, unknown elementals aren’t allowed near certain personages. He did try something, then?”

Lian’s jaw flexed. “Not… directly,” he admitted with visible reluctance. “For the most part, he was just a braggart. I think he hoped we’d be impressed with his show of money and power.”

The chancellor’s lips pinched. “Nothing actionable?”

“Unless you count driving off without us,” Lian said, crossing his arms.

Augustus snorted. “He’s already back at Falconet, claiming that you and Thaniel wandered off after he asked you to help clean the family mausoleum. The implication is that you’re a spoiled, arrogant child who didn’t want to dirty your hands, and Thaniel is too young to know you’re not a good role model.”

“He’s trying to split us up,” Lian said, eyes narrowing.

“Probably,” Augustus said, “though I’m not sure what he hopes to gain by doing so.”

By now, Thaniel was clutching the hem of Lian’s coat. “What’s goin’ on? Lian?” He stared up at his brother, and Lian rubbed his face with his hand before glancing around.

“Is there a better place to talk?” he asked Augustus, and the chancellor nodded, motioning for them to follow him to a small shop down a side street.

Once they were settled at a table, crepes ordered and received, Augustus murmured, “Zephra?” and a gust of wind lifted his hair. The chancellor gave a small smile, murmuring something else, and Pandy suddenly felt like someone had stuffed her ears with cotton. She shook her head, and Thaniel did the same before putting her on the table so he could rub the sides of his head.

“I’m sorry,” Augustus told the boy, “but I’d rather this conversation not be overheard.”

Thaniel perked up immediately. “Are we telling secrets?”

Lian shot a glance at Augustus, but the chancellor nodded. “Big ones. Can you promise not to talk to anyone but me or Lian about this?” Thaniel nodded eagerly, and Augustus smiled. “All right.” He drew in a deep breath and began.

“You know that after your father died, Lian was called to Knightmere,” he said, and Thaniel nodded again. “Some people, including me, needed to ask your brother some questions, and he answered them quickly and honestly. We were ready to send him home after only a few days.”

Thaniel looked startled, and Augustus smiled. “It was obvious that Lian didn’t do anything wrong, and… if something bad was done, it was over. So he was free to go. But then Lord Forrest showed up, and began insisting that he should be your guardian.”

“Because of course I can’t be Viscount Dunning, even though I’m at least as competent as most of the adults I’ve met,” muttered the currently-fourteen-year-old-proto-villain currently eating a strawberry crepe.

Augustus lifted a brow. “I have no doubt you are, but your priority right now should be going to school, not running an estate. A guardian would simply make certain the estate didn’t fall into disrepair, and its assets were well-managed and kept safe until you reach your majority.”

“Should,” Lian said. “They should do that.”

With a sigh, Augustus ate a bite of his own raspberry and dark chocolate crepe, silently conceding the point. “In any case, it should have been a simple matter. Lord Forrest is your closest living relative, and he was willing to take on the task. Her Majesty was ready to sign the papers, except-”

“I refused,” Lian said, spearing a scarpering strawberry before meeting Thaniel’s eyes. “When Mother and Father sent me to school, Father told me not to trust anyone in his family. We have a few more-distant cousins about my age, and he told me their names, and to avoid them at all costs.”

“Why?” Thaniel asked, eyes huge, his banana and whipped-cream crepe all but forgotten. Pandy delicately plucked a slice of banana from the edge of the plate and began chewing. She’d always been a stress-eater. At least she had when she could afford food.

Lian looked frustrated. “I don’t know. I asked, but he wouldn’t tell me. Just said I’d understand someday.”

“Which left us with a bit of a conundrum,” Augustus said, dabbing a smear of chocolate from his lip with a napkin. “Your mother, you see, has a large number of relatives, but they’re all quite distant. She was the last of her direct line. But Lian was insistent that no one from the Dunning or Conroy family should be your guardian.”

Pandy looked back and forth between Lian and Augustus. The chancellor was relaxed, speaking directly to Thaniel for the most part, though he occasionally glanced over at Lian. Lian, on the other hand, was staring at his crepe, which was beginning to look rather sad as he poked and prodded at it, without actually putting any of it into his mouth.

“But aren’t you going to be our guardian?” Thaniel asked, and Augustus smiled, reaching out to gently pat the hand that wasn’t holding a fork.

“I hope to,” he said, “but it’s a bit of a stretch. Your mother and I were something like fourth cousins once-removed.” Seeing Thaniel’s expression, he chuckled and said, “That means we’re really only technically related. Still, our family gets together every year, even the most far-flung of us, and I was fortunate enough to get to know her at one of these gatherings. She… offered me some advice that I shall never forget, and we exchanged a few letters every year. I even visited your home once, shortly after Lian was born. I wish I’d gone more often, but it seemed like there was all the time in the world.”

He looked down at his half-eaten crepe, his expression sad. Looking back up at Thaniel, he said, “I had told Lian that Grace was my cousin, so when he found himself boxed into a corner, he came to me.” Giving Lian a half-smile, he added, “The ‘lesser of two evils’, I believe he said.”

Lian’s cheekbones turned red. “I don’t want a guardian at all,” he told Augustus angrily, “but you… I don’t think you’ll lie to us, or take advantage of us. You never did, even when-” He bit his lip. “I guess… I trust you.” The words were mumbled, and reluctant, and somehow Augustus managed not to react in any way except to take a particularly large bite of food. Pandy stole another slice of banana. A rabbit had to eat. Undead rabbits didn’t, but that was a technicality.

“In any case,” Augustus said, after chewing and swallowing, “the law is on Lord Forrest’s side. As the closest kin, he should be your guardian, unless he refuses the task. But I happen to know some fairly important people, and we’re quietly pulling strings. The problem is, it really needs to stay quiet. Neither you nor I would benefit from this matter becoming fodder for gossip. Fortunately, Lord Forrest doesn’t yet realize that we have an actual chance of overturning the law in this case. He believes it’s simply a matter of time. So long as that remains true, he doesn’t seem to want anyone paying too much attention, either.”

Laying down his fork, he added, “It would have been best if today didn’t happen. Or if it at least didn’t become a direct confrontation.” He gave Lian a meaningful look. “I’ve been gathering some information about him, just in case we need some extra… leverage, and he’s not the type to accept what he sees as disrespect. It was one thing when Lian was a freshly orphaned boy, making rash decisions out of sorrow, but I doubt he’ll let this go. He’s going to want a show of submission, and you need to give it to him.”

Lian opened his mouth, and Augustus raised a hand. “It can be utterly insincere. You can loathe him all you want in private, but in public you need to show him the respect he’s due as a noble, an adult, and your likely guardian. Don’t give him any reason to press for a decision, or start talking about the situation with others.”

Pandy eyed the last buttery round lying on the edge of Thaniel’s plate. He’d barely touched his food, and it was a really good banana. Better than any she’d ever had before, and she’d eaten a lot of bananas. They usually had them available for free at the grocery store. Sure, those were for kids, to keep them quiet while their parents shopped, but Pandy’s belly was just as loud as any two-year-old.

Her hopes were dashed when Thaniel pinched the slice between two fingers and popped it into his mouth. He chewed with great determination, then said, “I can do it.”

Lian and Augustus had been engaging in a silent battle of wills fought only with their eyes, but they both turned to look at the boy. “What?” Lian asked.

“I can be nice to Uncle Andres,” Thaniel said. He smiled, making his dimples pop. “I used to be nice to Cassie all the time, and then I’d hide a frog in her shoe.”

Augustus blinked, but Lian snorted a laugh. “And I’m sure she deserved it,” he muttered, then turned to look at the chancellor. “Fine. I’ll apologize. I’ll convince him I mean it, too. But once this is over, I’m going to,” he shot a glance at Thaniel, “put a frog in his shoe.” He smiled, but it was the cold, vicious Killian-smile, and Pandy shivered. If there were any frogs involved in Killian the Villian’s idea of vengeance, she felt very, very sorry for those poor amphibians.

“It’s a deal,” Augustus said, extending his hand. The merciless look drained out of Lian like water, leaving him looking slightly startled. He shook the chancellor’s hand, and then Thaniel did the same. Augustus fed Zephra half a dozen sugar cubes when she took down the Dome of Stuffiness, paid for their food, and found them a carriage. It took quite a while to get back to Falconet, because the roads were packed with pedestrians and carriages, but Augustus never once demanded that the driver run anyone down.

At Falconet, they went up to the chancellor’s office to find a Very Angry Lord Forrest and a Very Miffed Ms. Davenport sitting with some Very Cold tea. Lord Forrest stood instantly, face turning a deep purple, though he attempted to smile at Thaniel even as he glared at Lian.

“There you are!” he exclaimed, advancing toward them with arms wide, as if he expected hugs. “I was terribly worried when you wandered off like that! This is why you need to come live with me, to make sure things like this can’t happen!”

Thaniel sniffled and rubbed at his eyes with the hand that wasn’t holding Pandy. “I’m awfully sorry, Uncle Andres. I got scared, and Lian was worried about me. Mama always said it wasn’t nice to shout, even if somebody else started it.” He sniffled once more, gazing at Lord Andres with huge, clear blue eyes, before shyly reaching into his pocket and pulling out a squishy, damp handkerchief. Holding it out, he said, “I brought you some ‘nana crepe, ‘cause it was really good, and food always helps me when I’m feeling cross.”

Andres gulped like a goldfish, then accepted the soggy gift with clear reluctance. Turning to Lian, he tried to regain control of the situation, but Lian spoke first. With a small bow, lowering his gaze, he said, “I apologize as well.” He didn’t go so far as to call the man ‘Uncle’, but he hurried on before Lord Andres could correct him. 

“You’re quite right, sir, I spoke out of turn. I sometimes forget that experience and wisdom aren’t always the same thing. Thaniel is correct that I was worried about him, and I let my emotions get the better of me. Next time, I’ll leave the shouting and threats to those better suited to them.” Lian’s tone was mild, even meek, but his words cut like glass. Still, when he looked up, he released the full force of dimples just as deadly as Thaniel’s, and Lord Forrest staggered beneath the blow.

“Well then,” the man stammered, gingerly tucking Thaniel’s ‘gift’ into his pocket. “So long as you know what you did. I guess seeing such strong magic could easily frighten a child from a weak family. I’m,” his face twisted, “sorry, too. I overreacted.”

“Well,” Augustus said, coming forward, “all’s well that ends well, then. Now, Thaniel, you said you had a blister, didn’t you? Perhaps Lian could take you to the infirmary. Lian, I trust you remember the way?” He raised a brow at Lian, overriding Thaniel’s immediate insistence that he was fine, and the older boy took his brother’s hand.

“Come on, Thaniel. Let’s get that taken care of. Lord Forrest, Mr. Blackwood, Ms. Davenport.” He nodded to each of the adults, then hurried from the office, tugging Thaniel after him.