Done Adulting Vol. 2 Ch. 23

“How can he be comfortable like that,” Becky asked as she sat down on the couch next to Amanda. Jamie was in the playpen asleep with his knees under him, his butt in the air, his teddy bear under his chin.

Amanda shrugged. “I tried straightening him out and he just kinda snapped back into that position.”

“Weird.”

“Kinda cute though.”

“His back is gonna hurt when he wakes up.”

“And one of us will massage it for him. I think it’s time we admit he runs the house.”

“Everyone says that about their littles and kids.”

“What do you think is gonna happen,” Amanda asked.

“With what?”

“Ella and Mary. That’s why Stacy didn’t drop her off today, right? She was taking her to Dr. Mary?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what will happen. Ella is always so hard to figure out,” Becky replied. “Even more than Jamie. She’s just more closed off.”

“She didn’t choose this,” Amanda said as she shrugged. “For all the baggage Jamie brought with him, he was ready on some level to admit he’s a little. Ella, well, Ella’s more like a miniature big.” Amanda always thought that there was a sadness inside Ella. She was a happy person most of the time, but there were times when something about her reminded Amanda of a middle-aged woman who was just life-weary.

“Jamie was, once. Closed off.” Becky didn’t miss that, the days back when Jamie was always either angry or depressed. For most people, the first few months with their little were a golden age, and though Becky wouldn’t take them back for anything, it was later, after they’d gotten through that and when she and Jamie first truly bonded that she regarded as a golden age. She knew Ella was one of the reasons Jamie had broken through his barriers to accept himself for the little he was, and how she did that, helping him to embrace being a little while she only ever did when it was to her advantage, was something of a mystery.

“Not anymore. He’s an unregressed little now, no doubt about that,” Amanda said.

“He did the cutest thing at the pool the other day,” Becky told her.

“What?”

“Rosie came with Jane, right? He made her a puddle.”

“He what?”

“For Rosie. She likes to just splash around in a puddle. He made her one before they got there.”

“That’s adorable. He treats her like a little sister.”

“Jane just loves him for it.”

Amanda stood up and watched him for a moment. “Do you think we can ever replace that bear? It’s kinda ratty.”

“No way. He’ll never give it up; I think all we can do is try to repair it.”

“Remember when Kazoo was a puppy and thought it was his toy?”

“You mean do I remember Jamie having a melt down and then standing on the couch next to me watching me sew it up like he was watching surgery on his own child?” Becky shook her head and laughed. Jamie’s little emotions were so conflicted. He was so angry at Kazoo but so wanted to forgive him right away. He only did when the bear was intact again. “I wonder if the voice inside even works anymore. Jamie only ever listened to it the once.”

“Been a while since he got a letter from Cheryl. Or sent her one. Maybe I’ll ask him about that.”

“Why,” Becky asked.

“Connection with another human back home for him. Maybe she can even help with Ella’s situation.”

“Maybe, but I don’t see how ... Ella has seemed okay, all things considered.”

“Seems that way. I think she tells Jamie things she doesn’t tell us, though. Or maybe even Stacy ... she seems standoffish sometimes. I think she’s not exactly thrilled with bigs at the moment.”

“She probably trusts none of us,” Becky said. “I wouldn’t ... I never realized littles were so complicated until we got Jamie. I thought they, well, you see how the average one is. Pretty uncomplicated. Part of what makes them so wonderful to have in your life. One thing that’s rarely complicated. Hard, but not really complicated.”

“Most of them, yeah. Not all of them.” Amanda had always appreciated the inner lives of littles, and more so now that she’d finished her degree in Little Studies and was headed into a grad program. But the average little, regressed, was like the average toddler in many regards, and they wore their emotions on their sleeves. As rough as any day got, for all the little battles between big and little that might come up and any of the hurt feelings or skinned knees, at the end of the day the average little just wants to fall asleep in their big’s arms.

“What would you want, if you were Ella,” Becky asked. The question surprised Amanda.

“What would you want,” Amanda asked in return.

“To stay here. Littles are happy here. They just are.” Becky stood up and looked down at Jamie. She grimaced and pressed down on his butt while pulling his ankles back, drawing Jamie into a normal sleeping position. When she let go, Jamie drew his knees up again, sticking his butt back in the air. Becky grimaced again and sat back down next to Amanda.

“Littles who choose to come here are happy here,” Amanda said. “We may think they’re better off here than in their world, but they’re only ever happy if they agree. Sounds like Ella had a rich life ahead of her. I never would’ve stayed here if I were her. I don’t get why she did. I mean, she lost out on eight years of her life, but she was still so young. She could’ve made up for it.” Amanda shook her head.

“She’s still young,” Becky said speculatively.

“Not that young. Not for starting over. Especially with humans’ lifespans ... What would you do, if it were me?”

“I don’t even want to think about that.”

Amanda sighed and looked at the playpen. “About time to get him up. Don’t want him up late again.”

“Amazing how a tired little can screw up your whole day,” Becky said. “Just like when you were his age. I mean, you know what I mean.”

“Was I that bad?”

“O, if I didn’t get you in bed at just the right time, there was zero hope of getting through the next day with you happy. Remember what you used to do when you were having a rough day?”

“What?”

“Cling to me. I’d pick you up, and when I tried to put you down you’d just hang there from around my neck, holding all your weight. Never seen a little girl with that much upper body strength,” Becky smiled.

“Maybe we should let Kazoo wake him up.” Kazoo was quietly napping on the floor. He always slept near Jamie during his naps or else sat outside his door and waited.

“You still mad I didn’t get you a puppy,” Becky asked.

“Yep.” And she had no intention of getting over it.

Becky walked back to the playpen and picked up Jamie and his bear. Maybe she could sew a new coat over it if Jamie would let her. She knew she couldn’t change it too much without making it no longer the bear Cheryl gave him.

Becky sat back down on the sofa and put Jamie on her chest. “He’ll wake up on his own,” she said. She was thinking about the first time he’d woken up in her arms. They were celebrating that event in two days with their closest friends. “I still don’t know what to get him.”

“Well, once he got the puppy you made it really hard to top that ... I think he’s hard to shop for because he’s not regressed. I mean, Rosie is just a little regressed, and you get her anything, any silly toy, and she’s happy to have it and happier to have the box.”

“Did you think of something yet,” Becky asked.

“Yeah. I was gonna get him Mel. Have her move in with us. He’d like that way more than Kazoo,” Manda joked.

Becky had mixed feelings about Amanda and Mel living together for precisely that reason. She was worried if Mel moved in them, Amanda’s house would be his favorite place, and as much as she wanted Jamie to love it there, she still wanted her home to be his favorite, or at least equal. Truth was, Becky loved that Mel could make Jamie act regressed sometimes, but she was also jealous that she could and that it came so easily to her. Jamie was still only rarely that little with Becky.

“Mel is still determined to live on her own for a while,” Becky stated.

“Yeah. Says it’s time,” Amanda replied.

“What about you? Are you ready?”

“I won’t be alone. I’ll have Jamie.” Not the same as a roommate or a sibling. Something better.

“I think someone is waking up,” Becky whispered. Jamie’s feet stirred. “Baaaaaaby Bear,” Becky sang quietly. “My Baaaaaaaby Bear.”

Amanda reached over and caressed his foot. Jamie rubbed his head against Becky. He often rubbed the sleep out of his eyes that way. At least in that respect, being a snuggle bug, he was like most other littles.

“Look who’s awake,” Amanda said.

Jamie grumbled.

“What was that,” Becky asked.

“My back hurts,” Jamie said.