Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 121

Jamie was in bed, and Amanda peaked around the corner of the living room, unsure what she should do. There was nothing in any of the books about this. “Hey, Mom, I need to talk to you about something.”

“Sure, Honey, what’s up?”

“It’s about Jamie.”

“Uh-huh.”

“When I was ... I did laundry, ya know, this afternoon.”

“Yes, and thanks for that.”

“Yeah, so when I, uh, when I went to get his sheets I found ...” Amanda just stopped, playing with her hands and not sure how to say what came next. She wasn’t even sure why she was telling her mom this. It seemed invasive, but somehow also felt like something her mom needed to know. But that’s not why she was tongue-tied.

“Amanda, what is it, sweetie?”

“I think Jamie and Ella are sleeping together.”

Becky looked at Amanda blankly. “Of course they are, honey. I put them down for a nap myself.”

“No. I mean, I think they’re sleeping together.” Amanda had a hard time saying the S-word about Jamie.

“Yeah ...”

Amanda looked closely at her mom’s face, unsure what she was seeing. “I think they’re having sex,” Amanda finally said.

Becky looked at Amanda blankly once more before succumbing to uproarious laughter. “O, very clever, Amanda. That’s a good one,” she guffawed. “Littles having sex. Next thing you’ll be telling me Jamie doesn’t need diapers.” She got up and headed toward the stairs. “Sleep well, honey.”

Amanda stood there in the living room unsure what had just happened. Was her mother really incapable of processing what she’d just been told? Could she just not believe it, or did she just not want to? It gave Amanda a taste of the unreality Jamie must’ve felt when he’d first arrived, realizing her mom, and to an extent her, couldn’t process some of what Jamie had said. It didn’t fit into their understanding, just wasn’t possible given the physics and biology of their mental universe.

The next morning, Amanda got up early to be sure she was the one to get Jamie out of bed. “Do you want a bath this morning, buddy?”

“Are we going anywhere today?”

“Probably not.”

“Can I just stay in my jammies?”

“Sure. But let’s get you changed.” She got him on the changing table and made quick work of it, then sat down with him in the rocking chair.

“What’s up,” he asked. She must’ve wanted to say something, else they’d be on their way to the kitchen. Amanda had as much appetite as he did in the mornings. She looked at him, and for a few seconds they had a staring contest. Amanda was unsure what to say, unsure if she even should say anything at all. It wasn’t wrong, what Jamie and Ella were doing, and she reasoned from Ella’s history, and knowing what was frequently done to littles in places like the one she’d been imprisoned in, that there was probably no risk to it. On the other hand, maybe him knowing that she knew would help Jamie. Maybe he even had questions about it. Who knew what littles knew about these things, especially such an innocent, shy little like Jamie.

“I know about you and Ella,” she decided to say. Plain, simple. Jamie looked away. He didn’t know what to say or feel; was he being chastised? Had he violated some rule of what littles could and couldn’t do? He thought back on his beer with Danny. He didn’t care about beer, the illogical, unreasonable decision that though he could have alcohol if he weren’t an adopted little, he couldn’t because he had been adopted. He didn’t make a fuss about it because he didn’t care about alcohol.

He cared very much about Ella. If sleeping together meant not being allowed to see each other, he’d resist with everything he could. That would be a bridge too far, a part of his autonomy he would not ever give up, not because of the pleasure but because of the intimacy and love he felt for Ella.

When he didn’t respond, Amanda added, “It’s okay. I just thought you should know that I know; ya know, in case you had any questions or … need anything, or something, I guess.” She sarcastically congratulated herself on sounding confident.

“Does Mom know?”

“No,” she said, deciding not to tell him she’d try to tell their mom about it. “And she won’t figure it out.”

“How do you know she won’t?”

“Because ... she just doesn’t think littles do that. If she saw the two of you, I don’t think she’d grasp what you were doing.” Jamie still didn’t look at her, and he didn’t respond. “Jamie?”

“Can I still see Ella?”

“Of course you can. Why would you even ask?”

Jamie sighed. “Does this change ... anything ... between you and me?” The same thing Amanda had feared. She’d thought about it as she went to sleep last night, and she concluded there was no reason for it to change anything.

“Of course not. Nothing can change that.”

Jamie turned back toward her and put his arms around her middle. He didn’t want to say anything else about it, embarrassing and private as it was, and reassured his relationship with Ella was safe and nothing would change between him and Amanda, he was done talking about it.

“My sweet boy,” she said as she kissed the top of his head and hugged him back. “You’ll always be my Jamie Bear.”

“What do we have for breakfast?”

“Well,” she said standing up with him on her hip, “We have sausage and eggs. Want me to make us some omelets?”

“Yes, please.”

“Coming right up. Why don’t you go upstairs and wake Mommy up? I bet she’ll be so happy to see your face as soon as she opens her eyes.”