Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 97

“Jamie, I have a surprise for you.” Rebecca’s voice was distant. He could hear her, but she was so far away he couldn’t understand why she was telling him this. “C’mon, my sweet little boy.”

In his sleepy trance not conscious enough to know what was happening, Becky lifted the mostly asleep Jamie from his crib and cradled his limp form as she carried him to the rocking chair. Sitting down, she opened her robe, held Jamie to her breast, and stroked his cheek. He instinctively began to nuzzle her chest, and when her nipple brushed his lips he latched on. He drew on her breast for several minutes before she changed sides, and he drew for several minutes more as she looked down at Jamie with the love of a mother for her little boy. She remembered another darkened bedroom where she’d fed her baby girl just like this.

When he was finished, Jamie’s lips opened and let Becky go. He sighed contentedly in his sleep, and she felt all his tiny limbs stretch just so as his lips formed a tiny, sleepy smile. She dabbed at the corners of his mouth with her robe, carried him back to his crib, and pulled the covers back over him. “My sweet boy,” she said as she closed her robe and returned to her own bed, where she, too, sighed contentedly and pulled the covers back over herself.

______________________________________________

“How’d you sleep, buddy,” Amanda asked as she got Jamie up.

“Really good. I never slept this well back home.”

Amanda chuckled. Becky assumed, correctly, that Jamie wouldn’t remember anything, and she had already told Amanda about last night. Becky was so excited her milk had come in. “I bet. Have any dreams?”

“I don’t remember any. Why are you smiling?”

“Because it’s morning and I’m happy to see you,” she said as she helped Jamie get undressed for his bath. He held his arms up, and she helped him into the already filled tub. “How do you feel,” she asked, still smiling. She was happy for both of them.

Jamie’s forehead creased in suspicion. “Why? I feel fine. Why are you being weird?”

“Must be the weather. I got you something.” Amanda went into the cabinet under the sink and came up with a net of rubber bath toys. “I thought since summer is over and you can’t swim, you might like to just play in the tub.” Jamie looked a little embarrassed. Bath toys were especially childish, he thought, and while he liked relaxing in the bath, he didn’t think of it as a place to play. Amanda tore open the netting and dropped six rubber animals into the water. Jamie watched them float.

Not wanting to seem ungrateful, he grabbed the duck and wondered for a moment what he was supposed to do with it. He squeezed it, and it didn’t squeak but it did expel some air and then refill. He held it under the water and squeezed it again, letting it fill with water. Trying to make it look like an accident, he angled it upward and squeezed, catching Amanda right in the middle of her chest.

“You little stink rat!”

“The duck did it,” he chuckled. He did it again. “He’s a very naughty duck.” Amanda responded by grabbing the pig and squirting Jamie back. In dodging her assault, Jamie splashed water all over the floor and Amanda. After trading a few more rounds of fire, they smiled at each other, grinning sheepishly.

“Sorry,” Jamie said, surveying the damage to the floor.

“It’s okay. We’ll clean it up when we’re done.” Amanda resumed bathing Jamie. Playing in the tub wasn’t really his thing, he insisted to himself, but he loved being bathed. The feeling of soap and hands and sponges and loofas rubbing his body just felt so good, and it was all he could do not to say ‘harder’ when she reached his neck and back. His favorite part was when his hair was washed, the fingers massaging his scalp before he closed his eyes and a pitcher of water was poured over his head.

“Are we doing anything fun today,” he asked as she dried him off. He didn’t know how Rebecca kept the towels so incredibly fluffy.

“What? Just because I’m off school today you think we should do something fun?”

“Well, we don’t have to.”

“I’m teasing. I don’t know what we can do today. Anything we want I guess.”

“We haven’t been to the park in a while.”

“Ooo! That gives me an idea,” Amanda said. “There’s an indoor playground for littles called The Zone. It’s a bunch of things to climb on and slides and ball pits.”

“That sounds fun. Kinda like a climbing gym.”

“Sort of.” She found it quietly amusing that Jamie still justified all the fun things littles do as exercise.

“What will you do there?”

“Day drink,” Amanda answered casually.

“Really,” Jamie asked as he furrowed his brow.

“No, silly. I’ll see if Mel or Donna wants to go. I think Jane might be free too. Wanna go?”

“Yeah; it sounds like fun.” He was already thinking about rolling around in a ball pit with Mel, only partly kidding himself.

“What do you wanna wear?”

“I guess my workout clothes.”

Jamie was playing on the floor in his room when Amanda came back in. “Bad news is Mel isn’t free, but Jane is. You don’t mind playing with Rosie, do you?” He hadn’t revealed Rosie’s secret, if it was a secret. He wasn’t sure.

“No, I’d like to see her.” She interested him very much; he wanted to understand her better and thought he could learn from her how to be happier in his new world. He was happy, despite his spells and funks, but she seemed downright blissful.

“What are you playing with?” His back was to her. Amanda approached Jamie, not sure what was between his legs.

“Nothing,” he said, trying to hide it. There was nowhere to hide it, and the vantage from her height made it hard to conceal anything anyway.

“Awwww!”

“I just ...”

“It’s so cute!” She couldn’t help but sound like Donna. It was just too adorable.

“I ...”

“You put a diaper on your bear!” She knelt down on the floor next to him. “Was he having accidents? Has he started wetting the bed?”

“I was just bored,” the red-faced Jamie replied. He’d planned on taking it off before anyone had seen.

“And you did such a good job, too,” Amanda said as she checked the fit around the waist and leg gathers. “Now you and he are dressed alike.” That wasn’t exactly true. Jamie was wearing a daytime diaper and clothes. The bear had on a nighttime diaper and nothing else.

“I was just playing,” Jamie said, feeling embarrassed. Amanda could see and pulled him into her lap.

“I know you were, and I think that’s a very good thing,” she said as she planted a kiss on his cheek. “Plus now you’re not the only one in the house in diapers,” she joked.

“I was going to take it off.”

“You can’t! I don’t wanna clean up bear pee. And what if he leaves giant bear droppings all over the house?”

“Giant? He’s small.” Amanda didn’t see how that made free-range bear turds any better.

“What if he leaves any bear droppings all over the house? We can’t have that. I think he needs to stay in diapers until he stops having accidents for at least a month.”

“You’re teasing me,” Jamie said, sounding not exactly hurt but a little less happy.

She hugged Jamie tighter. “I am doing no such thing. I just like seeing you play with your toys.” She loved seeing him lay with any toys; he couldn’t pretend it was exercise or a hobby. It was just play, and it made her happy to see his imagination and sense of fun were coming out more often, especially unprompted. She picked up the bear and put it on her other knee facing Jamie. “See? Jamie Bear and Baby Bear. How do you like that?”

He did kind of like the affectionate nickname, but he was too shy to say so. Instead he blushed and leaned against Amanda, reaching out to take his bear back as he did. She loved it when he got all blushy and snuggled with her.

“You ready to go,” she asked.

“Ready when you are.” She checked his diaper and the bear’s.

“You’re both clean and dry. We might have to get your bear some diapees his own size.” Amanda had already packed a bag for the morning, and the two of them went to The Zone.

Jane and Rosie were already waiting in a booth. Being a weekday morning, it wasn’t crowded or as loud as on a weekend or summer day, when it was filled with daycare field trips and hectored bigs.

It was nicer than Jamie expected. He’d been to places like it as a child and as a social worker, and this was more like a restaurant with a huge playground. Better to attract big, he figured.

“Hey, you two,” Jane greeted them.

“Morning,” Rosie squeaked.

“Morning,” Jamie said as he slid into the booth next to her. “Good morning, Jane.”

“Morning, Jamie. How’s life treating you?”

“Same old,” he said with his nothing-new-all’s-well smile, the one where the left side of his lip curled upward and his eyebrows lifted themselves up. It made Jamie look content and open.

“You guys can go play if you want.”

Rosie nodded at Jamie, and the two of them slid out of the booth and headed toward a ball pit, leaving Jane and Amanda alone.

“Your mom texted me last night.”

“O, yeah?”

“She’s beside herself happy.”

“She looked a little glowy this morning,” Amanda laughed.

“I bet. How did Jamie like it?”

“She didn’t tell you?”

“What?”

“He slept through it. He doesn’t know yet.”

“Really?”

“She left for work and let him sleep in. I didn’t tell him either. I think she wants to tell him when she gets home or make it a surprise at bedtime.”

“You don’t sound thrilled.”

“I am. I just ... “

“Wish it were you?”

“Honestly? I don’t feel strongly about it one way or the other. I just ... I don’t want to lose out on my alone time with him.” Jane reached over and rubbed her back. “I liked feeding him a bottle before bed,” Amanda told her. She was happy for Jamie and their mom but disappointed.

“I bet if you tell your mom that you still can sometimes,” Jane suggested. “And I think you can adjust his bedtime routine a little so you still get some evening snuggle time alone with him.”

“Like how?”

“How about story time? He can cuddle with you while you read. Or even just quiet time to help him get ready for sleep.”

“I like that idea.” Amanda smiled. “Why did you decide to nurse Rosie?”

“It just felt right. Especially when she first arrived and was so out of it for the first few days after I got her home. Really helped us bond. And we kept doing it because we both like it. I like ... providing for her, giving myself to her, feeling her. And she likes being snuggled and having the skin-to-skin contact and the way my milk makes her feel.”

“Jamie and I did skin-to-skin contact a couple times.” It didn’t occur to her blush even as she thought back and imagined how it appeared, both of them mostly naked laying against each other. Jamie is a little, so there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

“How’d he react to that?”

“The first time he was in such a funk he barely noticed. The second time, I offered and he really liked it.”

“You could do it more. The skin-to-skin time is so much of what makes it so special.” Oxytocin, the touch hormone, felt so good to both big and little; other hormones help along the warm, fuzzy feeling and the sense of closeness between them, but the touch hormone all on its own was so wonderful. Jane added, “And you could always nurse him too. You both could. I don’t think he’ll mind more milk,” she chuckled.

“I ... I sorta want to, but it’s also just a lot of work. And I’m not his mom.”

“Neither is your mom, technically. But it is a lot of work, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about not wanting to commit to that. You’re twenty and a student and having to stop to pump during the day is a drag.” Amanda chuckled. “What’s so funny,” Jane asked.

“I just had a funny thought. Blind taste test.”

“Ha! Between you and your mom? You’d win.”

“Why?”

“Just a hunch, but I’d think twenty-plus fewer years probably means yours tastes better.”

They watched as the two littles left the ball pit, Jamie holding Rosie’s hand, and approached a climbing structure. Jamie gave Rosie a boost, and she made it to the first level.

“He did the cutest thing this morning,” Amanda said. “He put a diaper on his bear.”

“Awww!”

“I know,” Amanda said, her face flushed. “He was so shy about it too.”

“He’s made a lot of progress.”

“In a lot of ways. I’m just glad he’s letting himself be the little that he is more often, not always trying to act like a miniature big.”

“I like how he’s so gentle and kind,” Jane replied, nodding toward the two of them. Jamie was on the top platform of the structure and reached down to help Rosie up. “He’s so good to her.”

On the top platform, Rosie sat down in the very middle, and Jamie sat down next to her. “Are you scared of heights,” he asked.

“A little, but I’m okay,” she said in her soft voice.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you awake without a pile of sand in front of you,” he quipped.

“I do lots of other stuff when I want to,” she retorted in her normal tone. Jamie wondered at how she could turn it on and off like a light switch. It wasn’t just her tone; it was as if her whole mindset and personality could flip back and forth at will.

“Are you normal now?”

“I’m always normal; it’s always me. But I know what you mean. How have you been getting along?”

“Okay. I met a girl at daycare.”

“A girlfriend,” she playfully chided.

“No. Just friends. But we did take a naked nap together.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Guess we both missed feeling another human.”

“Hmm.”

“And I met her dog. I’m not scared of them anymore”

“Good for you. I don’t want one,” Rosie said, “but I do like napping on them when one’s around.”

“Heh.”

“You seem a lot more at ease.” Rosie noted the change in his demeanor, even in his body language. He was visibly less tense, less prepared to fight or flee.

“I guess I am.”

“You’re not fighting it.”

“Fighting what?”

“Being a little.”

“No, I guess not. With people I trust,” Jamie said, thinking on the ways he was allowing others to take care of him and, most importantly, not feeling awkward or resentful when they did, but grateful. He loved them for it, loved them for lots of reasons, and they loved him back just because he was theirs. He wondered if amazons had the ability to love at will, to just decide to love someone. He wasn’t their child or their pet; he was a stranger, and yet they loved him immediately, almost like when they chose him out of all the humans to adopt, they also decided right then and right there to fall in love with him. Rosie pulled his attention away from the thought before he could ponder it more.

“That’s good, that you’re letting yourself be little. Do you actually feel like a little?”

It was a hard question for Jamie to fully grasp. It was much easier for Jamie to think in terms of what littles did than what being a little feels like. “I don’t feel regressed if that’s what you’re asking. Sometimes I feel very affectionate toward Mom and Manda. Sometimes I relax by doing things like playing with toys.”

The platform wobbled. Jamie instinctively reached out and firmly took hold of Rosie’s arm to keep her from falling, though she wasn’t in danger of it. A red-haired little boy popped his head over the edge of the platform. “What are you guys doing?”

“Just sitting and talking,” Jamie answered. He held out his hand and the boy ignored it, pulling himself the rest of the way up.

“This is mine,” the boy said.

“It is,” Jamie humored him by asking.

“Yeah, but I like to share it.”

“Thank you,” Rosie said.

“Wanna jump off?”

“Uh, no thank you.”

“It doesn’t hurt.” He showed them, and they saw he landed on a big pad and toddled off.

“Hmm,” Jamie said, “you sure you don’t wanna try? Looks easier than climbing back down.”

“Will you help me?”

“Yeah.” Rosie scooted herself to the edge, and Jamie took her hands. She lowered herself over, and Jamie held on to her, lowering her down as far as he could before letting her go on the count of three. She landed and hopped to her feet, moving out of the way for Jamie to follow. He landed on his butt and stood up.

“What else is there to play with?” They went looking for another distraction and came on a tube with a scalloped circle on the outside. Jamie pulled clockwise on the circle, and the tube revolved. “Wanna try?”

Rosie started to climb in and stopped before her knee hit the tube, coming right back out. “It smells like throw-up in there,” she replied, her features twisted in disgust. There were lots of other things to do, and they went back to the ball pit to pretend to swim. It was harder than in real water; even Jamie sank to the bottom. They relaxed against the side.

“It’s like a jacuzzi without the hot water,” he said. They sat in silence for a few minutes until a faint noise caught Jamie’s attention. He blushed and looked sheepishly at Rosie, not meeting her eyes. “Can I ask you something personal?”

“Sure. Mind if I don’t answer?”

“No. When you do that, is it on purpose? I’ve been trying to figure out how it works.”

“When I do what?”

“You know ... that,” he said and looked pointedly her diaper area, covered as it was in two feet of plastic balls.

She reached her hands down into the balls and announced, “O. I just peed.”

“So it wasn’t on purpose, like an accident?”

“If it happens in a diaper, it’s not an accident, silly.” That was just common sense. It’s where littles are supposed to go.

“But could you stop it?”

“Sort of,” she said.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I think I could stop myself from going potty if I tried really hard.”

“But you don’t notice you’re doing it.”

“But I could if I tried; just not something I pay attention to. Been a long time since it made any difference whether I noticed or not … And I think I could hold it for a little while if I tried to.”

“What about the other thing?” Amazons and regressed littles talked about littles’ bodily functions with no embarrassment. Not so Jamie.

“I don’t always know when it starts, but I notice when it’s happening. I could hold it most times, the breast milk makes it very soft. Sometimes it I don’t even know I need to go before it starts.”

“O ... I’m going to start breastfeeding soon.”

“Does that worry you? Your potty habits?”

“I’m a bedwetter now, sort of; I think I’m waking up and peeing and just not remembering it. At least, I think. And sometimes I forget I peed during the day, but I feel the need to go and do it on purpose, but it’s easy now to go without even trying. I can still stop it, though … But I do think I dribble a little bit sometimes. Hard to tell, but I think just not using those muscles to hold it causes that … I always do the other thing on purpose and only when I know I’m getting changed soon.”

“Doesn’t seem to bother you.”

“You can get used to anything,” he shrugged

“I think it feels good,” she smiled.

“Yeah ...” The uncertainty in Jamie’s voice was obvious, a mental struggle to accept the pleasantness of the sensation, to separate it from the source of the sensation.

“That bothers you?”

“Just the ... I guess I’m not entirely over it. It feels wrong that it feels good … Just when I pee,” he rushed to add, “and only at first cuz it’s warm.” Rosie didn’t believe that was all.

“I know a little who convinced her big to potty train her.”

“And?”

“And it was a lot of work and a lot of tears and a lot of accidents. I think she got to a point where she could make it to the potty two times out of three. But one time in three is too many. Her big got tired of the messes and the tears and said she was going back in diapers, that she’d be happier if she wasn’t constantly stressed and vigilant about her pull-ups. She cried for about five minutes after she was re-diapered and has been fine and happy ever since.”

“Aren’t some littles not in diapers?”

“That the rumor. I’ve never met one. Not having access to public toilets makes it kinda hard.”

“There’s gotta be some kind of workaround.”

“There’s always being held over a toilet by your armpits, but I think that’s a whole lot less dignified than just wearing a diaper.”

“How come no one makes public toilets for littles?”

“Lack of a market, I guess. Bigs like us in diapers, and a lot of littles specifically want them. That’s why they came.”

“Hmm.”

“I know a little, a bit more regressed than me, but, ya know, mostly with it. He hates diapers, but he loves being spanked. That why he came, and he chose a family that was very strict and uses spanking as their main way of punishing. They haven’t caught on. They just think he isn’t well-behaved, but he does it on purpose nine times out of ten. You’d think bigs would figure stuff like that out, but I guess a lot of them don’t, just like most of them think we all need diapers. Anytime he wants a spanking he just takes his diaper off until he has an accident, or he does something else naughty.”

“O,” was all Jamie said in response.

“That makes you uncomfortable.”

“I don’t like it when people get hurt.”

“In his case, I don’t think he’s being hurt. Just the opposite. It feels good – not just good, I guess – great to him. He cries and everything, but he wants another one a day later. I’ve seen him act out on purpose; soon as he does, he looks all regretful and sorry and starts crying as soon as the scolding starts, but he does it again and again. It’s pleasurable for him, even though it’s not supposed to be.”

Amanda approached them. “Pizza’s ready.”

Rosie clapped her hands, jumped up and waddled toward Amanda. Jamie shook his head watching her instant transformation and wondered if he ever could, or would want to, be able to do it.