Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 93

Jamie was in his PJs ready for bed when Becky came in and found him sitting in his chair reading a book. He hadn’t heard the shower running, and it was too early for her to be going to bed. It only too him a moment to deduce why she was wearing a robe so early in the evening.

“Uh, hi, Mom. Nice robe. Can I stay up late and read? I just got to a really good part in this book, and frankly, who can sleep when there’s stuff happening in this book about things? I’ll tell you who can’t. Me. That’s who. Speaking of me …”

“It’s okay, honey. Let’s take it very slow.” She gently took the book from Jamie’s hands and set it down, then lifted him under the arms and sat down in the rocking chair. She felt him trembling and said nothing, only wrapping her arms around him as she placed him on her chest and rubbed his back, shushing into his ear. “Let’s just be quiet for a while.”

Jamie was frightened. Of what, he wasn’t sure. This step, and what it meant for him, weren’t clear to him. Was it just food? He’d taken to the bottle well enough and looked forward to his formula. It didn’t just taste good; it also made him feel good, a sort of liquidy, loose, mellow feeling warming his belly and radiating out to to his toes, fingers, and the very top of his head. It made him calm when he was anxious and sleepy when he was ready for bed.

This wasn’t a product off a shelf though. This was taking from someone he knew who was sacrificing for him, even if she did want to do it for reasons Jamie understood only in theory. Drinking her milk itself was intimate enough. But nursing from her? It was too much, but he couldn’t back out, or so he thought, because he didn’t want to disappoint his mom. A tear ran down his cheek, and he sniffled.

“Don’t be afraid, baby boy,” she cooed in his ear. “Everything is going to be good. I promise.” He stopped trembling, but only because his body had run out of adrenaline, something it had been running through faster than his body could keep up for the last half a year. Becky shifted him to her lap, carefully sweeping his legs so he was sitting comfortably looking at her.

“I’m going to start taking some supplements tomorrow to help change the hormones in my body to produce milk, and you’re going to need to help that along by nursing even before then, okay, baby?”

Jamie swallowed, dry mouthed, and nodded in a jerking, uncertain way. “How about I open my robe now?” He nodded again. He’d have had difficulty speaking even if he knew what to say. Becky unfolded one side of her robe, exposing a bare breast. She looked from it to Jamie, who looked from it to everywhere else in the room that wasn’t it or Becky’s eyes. “There,” she said. “See? Just a body part.” She sat patiently until Jamie looked at it for more than a split second.

“Give me your hand, baby.” She gently took his hand more than he gave it to her, his fingers trembling again, and he let her guide it to her breast. She placed his hand on her and laid her own hand over his. It was soft and warm. She left her hand on his for what felt to him like ten minutes but was only one, then slowly slid their hands over to her nipple. Jamie’s breath became shallow. “Don’t be afraid,” Becky said in the voice she used to soothe him. “See? You have them, too.” She poked him gently on the chest. Jamie’s inner monologue started to babble.

It’s just a breast. It’s just a breast. Your mom’s breast. That’s all. Your mom’s. Wait – Why the fuck does that make it better? Because you’re thirty, not one; that should make it worse. But I’m not a thirty-year-old adult. Yes I am. An adult little. I’m a little. Littles do these things. It will be worth it. Don’t think of her as your mom. Think of her as a cow. No, bad idea. Very, very bad idea. She’s your mom. She’s your mom, and moms do these things with their littles. Am I a little, really? You can be if you just shut up and go with the flow for once in your life. Ha – ‘flow.’ Good pun; bad timing. Also, that thing is huge. One swing and she’ll knock me unconscious. You should be focusing on the task at hand. Which is? Feeling up your mom. Stop that! You’re just a little, getting used to this new aspect of littleness. Not a big deal. You’ll like this. When have you not liked something they’ve introduced after you gave it a try? Diapers. But really? You really still think you dislike that? Now’s not the time to discuss that. She’s saying something. You should listen to her. Her hand is on your shoulder. This seems very relevant. Shut up already!

“Huh,” Jamie asked.

“I asked do you want to try now.”

“Try …”

“Nursing.”

“O.”

“We can wait until later if you’re not ready.”

“No, uh, okay.”

“You’re sure?”

“Uh, yes, uh-huh.” She smiled and moved the hand that was on Jamie’s shoulder to around Jamie’s shoulders, and her other hand moved under his hip so that she was cradling him and bringing him closer and closer to her nipple. So quickly, it was right in front of Jamie’s face. He wasn’t sure who was staring at who. “Ready?”

Jamie swallowed in response. She shifted her arms again until one was passively holding him up and the other was guiding his head toward her until his lips met her breast.

The first thing he noticed was her smell was more intense, but then he had never had his nose buried in the bare skin of her chest before. The second was that it was even softer against his face than in his hand. The last was that he couldn’t see much else. Becky patiently waited, rubbing his back.

Just do it, Jamie told himself. He opened his mouth, and her nipple, which seemed to him stiffer by the moment, instantly filled it. She tasted, well, like skin, with its hint of salt but not much else. He compared it to his pacifier, and this felt, to his surprise, more natural and more soothing. His pacifier was room temperature; she was warm. His pacifier never felt exactly the right size; she did. His tongue moved forward and probed it. It was firm and soft at the same time.

Carefully, mindful of his teeth, he pressed her nipple upward between his tongue and the roof of his mouth, just like he did with his bottle, and tentatively began to rhythmically suck. It was easier than nursing on his bottle. Behind Becky’s nipple was Becky, not a vacuum, and her nipple didn’t flatten out the way the nipple on his bottle did as he nursed. Nursing from her was easier than from his bottle.

On Becky’s side of their union, the sensations were different and new and very old. The warmth and wetness of his mouth. The gentle pressure of his tongue. The tug-tug-tug of his suckling. She sighed as a warm glow descended over her. She was proud of her Jamie, because he overcame his trepidation but also because her little was a natural at this. She sighed and relaxed, unaware of anything but her Jamie, her empty hand absentmindedly finding its way to his bottom and gently patting the seat of his diaper. She felt the chemical rush of oxytocin bathing her in contentment, and she liked it very much.

Jamie cheeks got tired, and after perhaps ten minutes, he pulled away, embarrassed at how much saliva was on his face and her breast. He looked up to see Becky staring down at him with a warm and wide grin.

“Does my Jamie-Wamie like that? Huh? Did you like that? Did you like that? Huh? Is you momma’s bestest boy? Yes, you are. Ayes you are mommy’s bestest boy.”

Jamie’s response to her sudden, out-of-character baby talk and the high, almost pinched tone of her voice was to … giggle. Only after they had both had a moment did they each realize something odd and unexpected had just happened. Their mutual embarrassment gave way to a placid feeling, and Becky helped Jamie sit up before she closed her robe.

“How do you feel,” she asked.

“Good.”

“Is that all?”

“Sleepy.”

“It’s your bedtime” She picked Jamie up, patted and squeezed his diaper to make sure he was clean and dry one more time, and placed him in his crib. He situated himself the way he wanted, with his bear in his arm and his pacifier, that inferior substitute, between his lips, and Becky pulled his blankie over him, using the corner to wipe around his mouth.

“Thank you, baby.”

“Thank you, Mommy.”

“I’ll bring you a bottle of water. Sleep tight.”

They both did.