Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 90

Playdate day came mid-week, and Stacy picked up Ella and Jamie mid-morning. She took most of the day off for it, excited for Ella to have someone she could talk to and play with who was just like her, an unregressed little. Ella hadn’t had any contact other than written with an unregressed human since her rescue, and Stacy was sure it would be good for her.

Stacy had an unusual relationship with Ella. As a rescue, Ella had choices. She could have gone home; she could have stayed in Itali as an independent little supported by the state; or she could adopt herself out. For a year after her rescue, as Ella underwent surgeries and recovered her ability to move on her own, slowly and with pain, she was a ward of the state. Complicating matters was the context of Ella’s presence in the dimension. Given what had happened to her and what choices she had available, the law was ambiguous on whether Ella was able to make any choice free of the coercion of her circumstances. Thus surrendering her rights by putting herself up for adoption did not necessarily square with either the spirit or letter of the law. Whether she was capable of freely consenting to being adopted was a matter of interpretation up to the authorities.

Arguing in favor of staying as a dependent little, as Ella saw her choices, were that she did not want to – indeed, was afraid to – go home; the knowledge that life as an independent little supported by the state would be difficult and alienating, leaving her dependent on an ad hoc network of social workers, medical professionals, and what friends she could cobble together into a family; and the support – financial, emotional, physical – she would receive as an adopted little. The part of her that would never feel safe again also argued she was safer as someone’s little; guardianship conferred a layer of protection. But Ella wasn’t interested in surrendering herself wholly into the arms of an amazon. She needed a big who appreciated Ella as a person, not just as a little, and who would respect the circumstances of Ella’s life in the dimension and her history before and since arriving in Itali.

A friend with the Department of Human Services within the Health Ministry initially approached Stacy about the prospect of taking Ella in. Stacy had expressed some interest to her friend in adopting a little, but some trepidation as well. The friend sold the idea to Stacy as being different in fact, if not legally, than a traditional big-little relationship. While she would be Ella’s guardian, their relationship could be what they wanted it to be. It didn’t have to be the typical big-little relationship; Ella wanted to remain unregressed or give up her right to make decisions for herself.

An arrangement was made by which Stacy would foster Ella on behalf of the state, and if after some period all three parties agreed to an adoption, Stacy would legally adopt Ella as her little, and whatever that meant in practice was between the two of them. What began as a caregiver relationship turned into a friendship and grew increasingly intimate until, for those who didn’t know better or didn’t see them when they were alone, it appeared to be a typical big-little relationship. But it was one in which Stacy granted Ella a great deal more autonomy to make her own decisions about herself, her body, her time, and the limitations of Stacy’s own authority.

Jamie only knew Stacy to look at. Stacy knew only what Ella told her about Jamie: he was unregressed, but he was fully and formally adopted.

“I borrowed a car seat from our neighbor, Jamie. I hope it fits well enough for you,” Stacy said as she buckled him in after she’d helped Ella.

“I’m sure it will be fine,” he said. “Thank you.” The ride to Ella’s house was longer than the ride to his own. They passed out of the suburbs and into the exurbs. Their home was on a large piece of land, not large enough for a farm but large enough that they couldn’t see their neighbors from the driveway.

Jamie felt self-conscious being a guest in someone’s home, something he hadn’t done much of and not in these circumstances in a long time. He reminded himself to be on his best behavior, something he’d already been told by Becky that morning, and he had no idea what kind of misbehavior he could even get into, but he reminded himself all the same.

Ella took Jamie into their living room while Stacy made them lunch. The living room had a little-sized couch that Jamie was glad to sit on. Clambering up everything had lost its novelty. “So,” Jamie asked, “What do you want to do after lunch?”

“It’ll be naptime, and then I don’t know.” Ella sat in a highchair for lunch while Jamie managed from a regular chair with a stack of books on it. Lunch was light and simple: bread, cheese, fruit, and some sliced meat. Jamie made sure to say thank you several times and to tell Stacy how good it all was. When lunch was finished, Stacy sent the two of them to Ella’s room, saying she’d be in shortly. The room surprised Jamie; Ella saw it on his face.

“Not what you expected?”

“Well, uh, I like it.”

Ella was sure he was just saying that. “You didn’t expect the nursery motif.”

“Well, no. I thought Stacy would have chosen …”

“I chose it. I like it this way.” Jamie noted the pink and the yellow and wallpaper with the cloud border under the crown molding, the strip of baby animal paper in lieu of a chair rail, a white glider chair, a mobile over the crib, and a changing table much like his own. Jamie was surprised she’d choose to decorate it this way given she was unregressed and hadn’t chosen to be in the dimension. He supposed after all her years it just began to feel right to her, normal, perhaps somehow even comforting, though he’d have assumed it would have the opposite effect.

At the same time, the room was also more like a studio apartment compared to Jamie’s. Her crib was bigger, she had a TV, and there was an en suite bathroom built to her size. Jamie was especially jealous of the bathroom. Just a sink he could get to without help would be nice.

“Alright, littles,” Stacy said when she came in, “Let’s see how well this works with two of you.” She was holding two bottles, which made both Ella and Jamie blush. She sat down in the glider, and Ella walked over to her. Stacy very gently lifted Ella and very gently set her down on her lap. Jamie, too polite to refuse the bottle, nervously approached, and she did the same, being gentler with him than she needed to be. She was used to Ella’s special needs. “Say, ‘Ahh,’” Stacy joked, and in a moment, she had two littles drinking from two bottles while sitting in her lap. Ella laid back right away, but Jamie didn’t feel comfortable doing that. He understood that to Stacy this was just feeding a little a bottle, but it hadn’t become so casual for him yet; it still felt personal, vulnerable. He leaned back a little only because it was awkward to sit up straight while being fed, but he mostly supported his own weight.

“You okay there, Jamie,” Stacy asked. “You look a little uncomfortable.” He bashfully eased himself back, but not completely. The formula was a different brand than he was used to, but it had the same effect of making him feel fuzzy and sleepy. When each bottle was only half gone, Stacy removed them. “Let’s save a little in case you wake up thirsty during nap time.”

She set them both on the floor. “I don’t have PJs that will work for you, Jamie. Can you sleep in just a tee shirt?”

“Um, yes,” he said, not really wanting to be half naked with Ella, but not wanting to disagree with anything in Stacy’s house. As a foster kid, Jamie had learned to say yes to anything offered; it was ingrained habit all those years later. She helped him out of his shoes and pants and turned to Ella, as usual wearing a dress. Stacy didn’t seem to think anything of it, and Jamie could sense would happen next, so he got out of the way and turned around.

Stacy set Ella in the crib and undressed her there, a safer place where Ella didn’t have to try to balance on one foot while Stacy helped her; not that she’d need to to take off a dress, but it was a habit formed alongside all the other adaptations the two of them had learned throughout her recovery. Stacy moved her to the changing table and put her into a clean diaper followed by pajama shorts and a top. When Jamie turned around, she was in the crib with a pacifier in her mouth, much to his surprise. She was blushing.

“Your turn,” Stacy said. She lifted him up onto the table, and Jamie once again felt himself turn a deep red as so few people, all of whom Jamie was close with now, had done changed him. With the changing table facing away from the crib, all Ella could see was the top of Jamie’s head, but if she had been able to see more, she wouldn’t have turned away. Between her experience as a captive, after needing assistance with basic self-care for so long after her rescue, and as a little who spent time around regressed littles and their caregivers, modesty wasn’t a trait left in her after everything she had endured.

“At home, Ella wears cloth diapers,” Stacy explained. “Do you want to give those a try?” Jamie didn’t want to refuse anything offered, and he also didn’t really care. He nodded. In two minutes, Stacy had him pinned into two diapers with a soaker pad down the middle. She threaded plastic panties up his legs and tucked the diapers in all around. When she picked him up, he could feel the much greater bulk between his legs and under his butt. It was nice in a way.

She set him in the crib saying, “I hope you two don’t mind sharing a crib. If you need anything, Jamie, the little monitor is on.” She went into a drawer and came up with a pacifier for Jamie. “You guys all set?”

“Mhmm,” Ella said.

“Yes, Ma’am. Thank you.”

“Don’t call me ma’am,” Stacy said with a laugh; it was cute how polite he was. She turned off the light and closed the door.

Jamie looked at Ella, red faced again, and she shrugged and laid down. Jamie would have liked to use the time to talk, though what about he wasn’t sure, but he followed suit and was soon asleep.

He woke up with his pacifier in his mouth, and his diapers were wet and felt much heavier than his regular ones. He didn’t remember doing either of those things. More surprising was that Ella was so close to him. They hadn’t exactly been spooning, but if they’d been caught so close at summer camp, someone would have been calling their parents.

Jamie looked Ella up and down. He was careful not to wake her up. She’d kicked the blanket off herself. She’d always been attractive, but what Jamie was so enjoying wasn’t that he was in bed with a woman but that he was in bed with a human. The almost-touch between them had an electric feeling to it that being in the same bed as Manda or being held by Mom or even Mel didn’t have. This was a person his size, from the same world, from the same species, and the closest he had gotten to another human since Cheryl had held his hand in the departure room.

He also saw more her scars than she’d shown him at daycare. They were hard to look at not because they were ugly – they were quite clean and narrow, obviously done by competent surgeons – but because he knew how she came to have them. He saw goosebumps on her upper arm and reached for the blanket, pulling it gently back over her.

Despite his efforts, he woke her. She wordlessly reached over him without turning around, startling him. She found the little monitor without looking and took the batteries out.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” she responded, turning over to face Jamie. “Now we can talk and she won’t think we’re ready to get up.”

“We’re not ready to get up?” He felt rested.

“We can, but this is private, right? I just thought you might like to not be interrupted. When was the last time you got to just talk with a person without being interrupted?”

“A long time.”

“Me too.”

“So …”

“So … how do you like the cloth diapers?” She was fishing for a topic.

“Um, I like them alright. I liked them more when they were dry. I think. But this isn’t bad.”

“It’s sort of like wearing real underwear, or feels like it at first because it’s cotton, and then not at all.”

“Yeah, definitely. Also your choice?”

“No, actually. Stacy wants to be more environmentally friendly. I only wear disposables when we leave the house.”

“Do you have a preference?”

“I like the cloth.”

“Hmm.”

“’Hmm?’”

“Yeah, just ‘hmm.’” There was an awkward pause.

“You’re wondering why she bottle feeds me and why I use a pacifier.” Jamie actually wasn’t. “Because I find them comforting and like bonding with Stacy that way, okay?”

“Okay,” Jamie said, “It’s the same reason for me. You don’t need to feel defensive about it.” There was another awkward pause.

“I drank breastmilk for the first time a couple days ago,” Jamie told her.

“You’re being nursed now?”

“No, one of my Mom’s friends left me a bottle to try at our house.”

“I remember that stuff.”

“You’ve had it before?”

“Yeah, straight from the boob of a monster. But I do miss that stuff.” She got a funny look in her eye. “Makes me antsy thinking about it.”

“You don’t ever have it here? Amanda told me you can buy it from people.”

“I save it for special occasions. I like it a little too much, if you know what I mean.” He said he didn’t. “You know what little food is like? Think of that like a lighter, synthetic version. Whatever is in there can be pretty addictive.”

“Is it bad for you? I’ve been wondering if whatever is in little food has to be bad for you if it’s that good.”

“No, it’s actually good for you, but you do find yourself getting a little jones going if you don’t get it on the regular. Think of it like sugar: addictive, not acutely dangerous, but when you want a cookie, you want a goddamn cookie.”

“I wonder what little cookies are like dipped in it.”

“That’s exactly what I mean. You going to start getting it?”

“We talked about it, but we didn’t decide.”

“I’ll just say it’s better to have it on hand, if you know what I mean, then getting it from someone else.”

“I think I know what you mean,” he giggled.

“You’re still embarrassed by stuff like that, huh?”

“Well, yeah. You’re not?”

“Littles in most other countries aren’t given the courtesy of modesty and aren’t expected to give it either. I’ve seen and been seen doing and having done to me just about everything except sex. Hard to embarrass me now.”

He smiled sheepishly at her. “I like this,” he said.

“What?”

“Just talking with you, being close to you.” He felt her foot touch his under the blanket. When he didn’t pull it away, she ran her foot up his leg a little higher.

“I get what you mean. It’s different somehow than with Stacy or Carrie.”

“Yeah.”

“I guess because we’re both humans. Like, your dog wants to snuggle with you, but they have an even more exuberant reaction to another dog,” she giggled.

The more he looked at her, the more Jamie desperately wanted to touch her. “Do you wanna …” he said, his desire overcoming his fear.

“Just touch?” She sighed. “I was hoping you’d ask. I was afraid if I did it’d embarrass you or scare you away.” He opened his arms and she inched closer to him so til holding each other. “Wait,” she said. “Is it okay if I take my shirt off?”

That made Jamie blush every shade of red, but he nodded assent. Without getting out from under the covers, she managed to take her shirt and shorts off. “You can, too, if you want.” He shakily took off his t-shirt, and the two of them moved back into their loose embrace.

“Mmmmmm,” she said, “Human skin. I can’t believe how much I missed that.” Jamie acknowledged the same feeling, though he also knew it was a night-and-day comparison, his months to her years. She sighed deeply.

“Mhmm,” Jamie responded, getting a little lost in the sensation. He didn’t care it was Ella; it could have been any human he had some affection for or even any human he didn’t. It was a human, and that was all that mattered. He started feeling warm and light and comfortable and sleepy again.

When he woke up, Ella’s legs were intertwined with his own, and they had drawn closer to one another, their bodies pressed together. Jamie discovered his hand was on her thigh, embarrassed by it and hoping she wouldn’t misunderstand it as anything other than something he did while was fast asleep, or better yet, that she never knew about it. He moved his hand off her slowly.

“What’d you do that for,” Ella asked, her voice muffled by the covers.

“Have you been awake this whole time?”

“No. Maybe five minutes.”

“We should get dressed before Stacy finds us this way.”

“We’re not doing anything wrong.”

“Yeah, but will she believe that?”

“Even if we told her we had acrobatic monkey sex she wouldn’t care. For one, we’re adults, and for another, pregnancy is not an issue with me.”

“O, sorry.” He felt very uncomfortable now.

“Don’t be.”

“Well, I’m not sure if I want to explain it to Mom, so I’d just as soon be found dressed if that’s okay.”

They got out from under the covers and found their clothes. Jamie blushed again when he smelled Ella’s diaper. He had never been in a room with her when she needed to be changed like that. In fact, he had never been in a room where she was being changed, not in months of daycare. Ella noticed and surmised why he suddenly seemed shy.

“You might as well poop your diaper too. I know you do every afternoon around this time,” she told him. Jamie wondered just how many shades of red he could blush in an afternoon. He wasn’t in a position to fault her logic. He turned away from her, then thought that was worse, then turned back toward her, realized that was worse, and then turned around again and did his business.

Ella put the batteries back in the monitor, saying, “It’s kinda like having a butler in a way.” She snapped the second battery in. “Hi Stacy, we’re ready to get up.” In less than a minute, Stacy was in the room. “Jamie wants to go first,” Ella said with a wicked grin on her face.

Jamie was legs up on the changing table before he knew it. This change was probably the most embarrassing since the first time he’d filled his diaper. A virtual stranger was cleaning him; someone was watching him; and he was excited, and unlike the time he’d been that way with Mel, this time he was fully aware of it. Stacy didn’t seem to notice, or if she did didn’t think anything of it. Ella did notice.

“Amanda is going to be here in like an hour and a half, so I’m going to put you into one of Ella’s disposables,” Stacy said as she pulled a diaper from under the table. Fine by Jamie.

When they were both clean and Stacy had tended to their diapers in the bathroom, they went out to the living room again. Jamie was dressed, but Ella was still in her pajamas.

Stacy came out and said, “Yogi needs to go out. I hear you have a fear of dogs, Jamie. Is it okay if I bring him through here?”

“Uh, sure,” he said uneasily. In a moment, a black and brown wall of an animal walked through the room with Stacy behind and waited patiently for her to open the front door. Jamie wished it was on a leash.

“You didn’t tell me you had a … dog,” he said to Ella.

“He’s a therapy dog, and my pet. I was afraid you’d not want to come over.”

“That’s a little deceptive.”

“People wouldn’t keep them if they weren’t safe around littles and kids, Jamie. Besides, Yogi’s only 600 pounds. It’s not like she’s one of the giant working breeds. I’ll show you when she comes back in.”

A few minutes later, there was scratching at the door. Jamie could see how a dog door was out of the question when Yogi was let back in, its fur brushing the doorframe on both sides. She followed Ella into the living room.

“Sit,” Ella commanded gently. Yogi sat. “See? She follows directions.” Yogi sniffed Ella and rubbed her head on her. “She loves me. C’mon, come meet her.”

Jamie reluctantly approached, knowing she was right about them being safe and thinking that he did have to get over his fear of dogs, or at least get to a point where they didn’t send him climbing up the nearest big. “Lay down.” Yogi laid down so she was ‘only’ chest high to Jamie, belly high to the taller Ella.

Ella sat down in the crescent formed by the curl of Yogi’s body and pulled Jamie down with her. She gave Yogi’s coat a gentle tug. “See? She’s just a big Labrador. We could climb on her, pull on her tail, poke her in the eye – she’d just take it … You’re not saying anything,” Ella realized.

“It’s just … hard to get used to.”

“C’mere.” She leaned her back into Yogi, who only moved her eyebrows, and Jamie slowly did the same. Yogi turned to sniff him and then went back to resting her huge head on the carpet.

“I bet cleaning up after her in the yard is a real treat,” he joked.

“No worse than changing us,” Ella retorted. “Besides, Stacy cleans up after her.”

When Amanda arrived to pick Jamie up, she was surprised to find the two of them talking while leaning against what was to her a dog. She and Jamie both thanked Stacy and Ella profusely and went home.