Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 85

Right after nap time was still the worst time at daycare for Jamie. Too many people were crying, and at least half the littles woke up in serious need of a change. Each day when he woke up, he went straight outside. When the wind blew these days, sometimes it was cold. The occasional dry leaf was turning into several. Autumn was closing in.

“What are you so moody about today,” Ella asked. Jamie’s ability to brood for such long stretches was a marvel to her. Her day-to-day life didn’t change much; she wasn’t sure what caused his moods to swing so much each day.

“I dunno. Just had a complicated few days.”

Shocker. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No. I’ve done plenty of that.”

“Do you wanna fight about it?”

“Heh. No, that’s okay.”

“Do you wanna just sit here with me?”

Jamie smiled with just the left side of his mouth, his relieved thank-you-for-making-this-easier smile. The two of them sat against the wall of the building in the weak sun. Somehow Ella, since she told him about her history, became one of the easier relationships in his life. He supposed that was because they both understood trauma and connected on that visceral level, even if their respective histories were of such different kinds.

“You ever ask your mommy if we could have a playdate,” she needled him.

“No. I’ll do it today. Promise.” Ella had been hoping for a sarcastic response in kind, something she could build on, not an earnest promise.

“Shit,” Ella responded.

“What? I mean it!”

“Not that. Bobby.” The pest was headed right for them.

Enough was enough. Jamie stood up before Bobby reached them. “Go away, Bobby! Not today!” Jamie hoped to avert a problem, but this was just what Bobby wanted. Finally, a confrontation. He walked up to Jamie like he was on a protest march.

“I don’t like you,” Bobby said once more. Jamie lost count of how many times Bobby had told him this. The phrase had talismanic properties for Bobby akin to ‘I won’t be your friend anymore,’ though it wasn’t clear if Bobby had any friends.

“Ya know what? I don’t like you either,” Jamie replied in kind. “Will you go away now?”

Bobby was visibly taken aback. Who was this Jamie person to say something so mean to him? Didn’t he know how hurtful those words could be? His lower lip quivered, and Bobby decided he didn’t need to take that abuse from anyone. He shoved Jamie, and Jamie had to plant his right foot behind himself to keep from stumbling onto Ella. Before he could stop himself, Jamie pushed back.

Bobby responded with a clumsy swing that Jamie stepped out of the way of, and Bobby’s own weight brought him around so that Jamie was behind him. Jamie instinctively grabbed the collar of Bobby’s shirt and pulled back hard. Bobby fell backwards onto his back. He started crying.

Ella got to her feet. “C’mon.”

“I didn’t mean to do that,” Jamie said. He felt stupid. He’d let this idiot get the better of him and done exactly what he’d said he wouldn’t, and he’d done it in front of Ella.

“I know. It’s not a big deal,” she said as she took his hand.

He didn’t move. “Yes, it is. I ... “

“He’s fine.”

“What happened here?” The two of them turned around to find Jean picking up Bobby.

“He fell,” Ella volunteered.

“I hit him,” Jamie corrected the record.

“Jamie! You know better! Let’s go find April.”

“Why did you do that,” Ella whispered. Jamie shrugged and took Jean’s outstretched hand. With Bobby on her shoulder and Jamie in tow, she went to find April and Jordan. Curious, Ella, who Jean was intimidated by, followed at a distance.

Inside the classroom, Jean passed the sniffling, sniveling Bobby to Jordan and walked Jamie up to April.

“Jamie, will you tell her, or do I need to?”

Jamie sighed and owned up to it. “I hit Bobby.”

“I’m surprised at you, Jamie,” April responded, but only because he’d been so adamant he wouldn’t. For more than six weeks, she’d expected Jamie to finally lose his patience and let Bobby have it, but he never did.

“I’ll leave the two of you to work this out. I’m very disappointed in you, Jamie.” Jean departed feeling she’d done her job.

“What happened,” April asked, getting down on one knee so she could look Jamie in the eye. Jamie told her with tears in his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to,” he sniffled. April hugged him.

“I know you didn’t. And like I told you, you’re not in trouble.” Jamie wished he was. He felt guilty; he’d hit a regressed little, or at least hurt him, if only a little bit.

“Do you want a little quiet time to calm down?”

“Yes. Please.” April thought he must be the most pathetic looking little she ever saw when he felt guilty about something. Her dog made the same face when it ate her house plants.

April grabbed his bag and took him to the quiet room. “Let’s change your pants first, kiddo.” She gave Jamie his pacifier, and he wiped at his eyes, starting to feel silly. Ella poked her head around the corner. April did her job, and stood up. “Take all the time you need ... O, hey, Ella. Didn’t see you there. We’re gonna give Jamie a little time to calm down, okay?”

“Um, okay,” Ella said as she turned to go.

“No,” Jamie said, “she can stay.” April shrugged and left carrying the used diaper out with her. Ella slipped in. Jamie sat up, and Ella sat down next to him.

“So,” she said, feeling awkward. “Were you faking it?”

“Faking what?”

“Being upset.”

“No,” Jamie replied, sounding ashamed and embarrassed. “That was very wrong of me.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I don’t think you’d have done it if I wasn’t there.”

“I wasn’t trying to impress you.”

“No, I mean, if he hadn’t gotten so close to me when he was falling all over himself, I don’t think you would have pulled him away so hard.”

“O.” Jamie had on his gloomy face.

Ella gave him a kiss on the cheek. Jamie grimaced.

“Was that a reward?”

“No, you just looked like you needed it.”

Jamie’s face softened a little. “O. Thank you.”