Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 78

“So, all in all, did you have fun today?” Amanda was in the rocking chair with Jamie in her lap. She’d made a point of making sure she put him to bed so she could talk about the day without their mom there. They talked quietly, knowing a secret is a delicate thing.

“Yeah, I did. Even with Danny.”

“Or especially with Danny?”

Jamie shrugged. “Not like he set out to get me drunk. He just didn’t think, and I guess neither did I. But I don’t see what the big deal is. Not my first time having a drink.”

“That was a big beer.”

“It wasn’t that big.”

“No, that was a big beer, as in for bigs.”

“What’s different about it?”

“I’m not sure, but ya know how I don’t like little food and you practically get high on it? Big beer is for bigs like little food is for littles. They don’t make alcohol for littles. Or did you always get that drunk back home off of half a cup of beer?”

“I assumed it was because I hadn’t had anything to drink since I left, and I could taste it was stronger ... If they did make alcohol for littles, could I have some?”

“But they don’t.”

So alcohol for bigs was different than what he had back home, and maybe he’d be able to hold it better if he were larger or an Amazon, but it was just a drink. “I’m not a kid, ya know,” he said

“I know you’re not. You’re a little.”

“I’m an adult.”

“An adult little.”

Jamie grimaced. “Then I guess I don’t what that means.” What makes an adult little different from an adult big? No one had told him so far. It seemed an arbitrary distinction. Bigs were bigger and smarter. That didn’t make then more adult than a little, at least not that Jamie could see.

“It means that it’s our job to take care of you even when that means you don’t get to do something you want to.”

“That seems arbitrary. And unfair.”

“Okay. Let’s turn this around then. Give me a good reason to drink.”

“Um, socialize, relax, feel less self-conscious.”

“There are ways to do all those things without doing something that kills your brain cells.”

“But you drink!” Jamie raised his voice a little too loud. This was just hypocritical.

“Shh! If Mom hears, we’re both gonna be in more trouble than we’ve ever been in before. Part of my job and Mom’s job and every responsible big’s job is to take better care of you than you would take care of yourself, even if that means we take better care of you than we take care of ourselves. That’s just part of being a little. It’s why you came here, right? To let go of responsibility. That requires giving up the right to make certain choices. You can’t choose everything for yourself and not be responsible for yourself at the same time.”

“So if I were here as an independent little, people wouldn’t look down on me?” He didn’t believe for a second that was true. Maybe they didn’t treat independent littles differently than bigs, but he was sure they sawthem differently, and he couldn’t see in what way they were right to. Species chauvinism is all he could think to call it. Discrimination.

“Some would. Some wouldn’t. Smart people – good people – wouldn’t. You have to remember what how different you are for people. If all you’ve known are regressed littles, it’s hard to see the species without seeing the cognitive level of a regressed little. And remember, every adopted little in Itali, you included, consented to this. You’re not here as an independent little, you signed up to be taken care of, and I’m going to take the best care of you I know how whether you like it or not.”

Jamie just wanted to cut to the chase. This wasn’t about beer or who signed up for what. This wasn’t about who was regressed and who wasn’t. “Amanda, when you look at me, do you see a lesser species or not?”

“Not, Jamie,” she said, shaking her head and now understanding why this had turned into such a serious conversation. “Not. And not Mom and not anyone who knows you and cares about you.”

That would have to be enough for Jamie. He could accept not getting to make all his own decisions, and if the people he cared about and who cared about him respected him for what and who he was, that was enough to fight all the people who didn’t. He sighed and slumped against Amanda. She and Mom and Lauren and Jane and Danny and April and Mel were all on his side in the ways that mattered.

“I’m tired, Amanda.” For reasons and in ways even she couldn’t understand.