Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 31

Jamie had his morning nap after his bath. Amanda let him sleep longer in case he wanted to be with her and her friends for the afternoon.

“Where’s Becky?”

“You’re just now noticing?”

“Well, I’m good at other things besides noticing.”

“She’s at school for a meeting. She’ll be home before dinner. … So fair warning: Donna is little crazy,” Amanda said as she got him dressed.

“She’s a little crazy?”

“Ha! No, I mean she really, really likes littles. As in, she’ll probably pay more attention to you than me today.”

“In a good way? Or is she going to babble at me like a moron?”

“She shouldn’t. She knows you’re not regressed. I think that made her even more curious.”

“Hmmm.”

“Feel free to pretend you’re scared and cling to me if you need a break from her … of course, she’ll probably think you’re even cuter for that.”

“Cute” was not a word used to describe Jamie, not that he could remember. He had a hard time picturing it. Back home, kids were cute, women were sometimes cute, couples were cute (sometimes to the point of being sickeningly cute), puppies and dogs were cute, kittens were cute and cats were not, Christmas decorations were cute. He never thought to apply the term to other men, but then he was straight. But he also never thought to apply the term to himself. He’d always been insecure about his appearance. Not that he didn’t look good, but just that he didn’t look exceptional, and he didn’t carry himself with confidence, and he never got much attention from the opposite sex.

“Cute,” he said.

“What’s that?”

“Me, apparently.” It made him feel good, but also, like always, he never was comfortable with compliments. A nagging part of him always suspected they weren’t sincere.

“Yeah, you are,” Amanda said as she tickled his tummy. Jamie laughed in response; Amanda was always sincere. “They’ll be here soon. We’re just gonna cook lunch on the grill and probably lay out in the sun.”

They went to the kitchen so Amanda could prepare a salad and some drinks. The doorbell rang; Jamie stayed in the kitchen while Amanda went to answer it. He heard the creak of the hinges.

“Hey, guys …”

“Hi, Amanda. Is he awake, can I see him?” Donna was walking past Amanda as the words came out.

“She needs a boyfriend or something,” Mel said, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah … or something. Come on in.”

As Mel walked past her, Donna let it be known she had found Jamie. “O my god! Here he is! You are so darling!” She had one hand pressed demurely to her chest.

Jamie leaned back in his chair trying to keep some distance from the gushing she-giant who was talking like she’d found a duckling in an Easter basket. He wished he was in the high chair; at least he’d be strapped in, and there’d be a tray between her and him. She starting leaning toward him.

Well that just ain’t happening, he quickly thought. “Manda!”

“O, shit …” Amanda trotted to the kitchen and pivoted around Donna; in the moment she looked over her shoulder to see who was there, Amanda reached in from behind Jamie and lifted him out of the chair and onto her hip. It was downright athletic, a pirouette around Donna as snatched him up from above and into her arms.

“Donna,” Amanda said, a little out for breath, “Good to see you.” Mel came in and made for the pitcher on the counter, pouring herself a drink and watching the scene unfold.

“You too! I can see why I haven’t seen you all summer. I wouldn’t leave this guy’s side either.” She turned her attention back to Jamie. “I’m Donna.” She put that hand back to her chest again when she said it; Jamie cocked an eyebrow up. “And you and I are gonna be bestest buddies.”

Jamie turned to whisper in Amanda’s ear. “I think I was right.”

“About what,” she whispered back.

“She is a little crazy.”

Amanda laughed before she could stop herself, and Mel must have heard it too because she nearly did a spit take.

“What’d he say,” Donna obliviously asked.

“O, nothing. He’s just shy with new people.”

“He just finds you weird is all”, Jamie said under his breath. Amanda patted his butt. Did I say that out loud, Jamie thought. Oops.

“The shy ones are the cutest ones, amiright?”

Jamie leaned back so he could see behind Amanda to Mel. Jamie was smitten immediately. She had red hair. Jamie had a thing for red hair, especially the way Mel wore it, short and sporty.

“Hi, Jamie. I’m Melissa, but everyone calls me ‘Mel.’ It’s nice to meet you.” She held out her hand. Jamie took it and blushed.

“I’m called … Jamie.” She knows that, stupid. He tried to find something else to say. “I like your … sunglasses. On your shirt, there, hanging.” You are such a schmuck.

Mel smiled back. “Thank you.” It wasn’t a condescending smile; it was sympathetic and genuine. There was an awkward pause.

“Well,” Amanda filled the silence, “Should we carry some trays outside and start the grill? Donna, do you mind taking the fruit salad,” she asked her before she could “offer” to carry Jamie. Mel took the pitcher, glasses and cheese tray. Amanda stayed behind for a moment.

“Still want to hang with us?”

“Yeah,” Jamie replied. “I’ll even let her hold me, if she calms down.”

“That’s sweet of you. I’ll try to get her to chill. Mind carrying something?”

Jamie shook his head, and she set him down. He took the tongs, some bowls, and some silverware. She took the chicken from the fridge.

They walked through the breezeway and out to the backyard. Mel had started the grill. Food was on the table, and the umbrella was up. Amanda set her plate down and took Jamie’s things from him. Jamie was only interested in one thing.

With a leap, he pushed himself into a chair at the table, reached as far he could across, and with the tips of his fingers pulled the plate of cheese toward himself. Cheese; yum.

Mel sat down across from him, and Donna, to no one’s surprise, sat down next to him.

“So Jamie,” Mel started, “How do you like your new life so far?” He felt Donna staring a hole into the side of his head; he side-eyed her. Maybe this will snap her out of it, he thought.

“Actually, Mel, I prefer to think of it not as a new life but as a new chapter in the larger narrative of my story. It’s not unlike Homer’s epic poem The Odyssey in that regard, not a new epic but the continuation of Odysseus’s arc from the martial battlefield of Troy in The Iliad to the marital battlefield of Ithaca, both of which he must survive to reclaim his home from the usurping suitors who would claim his wife and his throne.”

Mel nodded seriously. “I can dig that.” She was in on the joke, though he doubted if she had ever heard of any human literature. “Donna, any thoughts on Jamie’s analysis?”

“So, Jamie, which is your favorite?” Donna nodded toward the swing set and the sand box.

At this point, Jamie was curious. Was there anything he could say that would get her to take him seriously? “Ya know, I’ve always been partial to the fence,” Jamie deadpanned.

“The fence?”

“The fence. Do you know why?”

“No.”

“I don’t know either. Something about fences. Like ‘em; always have. Wood, vinyl, picket, privacy, wrought iron, split rail – never met a fence I didn’t see and say, ‘I like that fence.’ In fact, gimme a fence over a wall any day, because I like walls too, and that is how partial I am to fences.” Jamie was a great straight man. He looked and sounded perfectly in earnest. He expected at some point she would start laughing, or at least call his bluff or pick up on the sarcasm.

“I can push you on the swings later,” she said in response.

Jamie cocked his eyebrow up again. It’s just bizarre, he thought. Back home, if a kid as developmentally immature as she supposed him to be had recited that soliloquy, he liked to think he would’ve picked up on something not being as he assumed. Even Amanda, standing next to the grill, was fascinated by the exchange. She could see what Jamie was trying to do.

“Maybe after lunch,” Amanda said, “Jamie, what would you like to drink?”

“May I have some cranberry juice, diluted with some water.”

“Sure, I know the way you like it.”

“And Amanda?” He didn’t want to say out loud, so he held his hand up high with his palm turned down, hoping she’d figure it out. “Please?”

It only took her a second. She nodded. “Of course.”

“So,” Mel continued, “Anyway … I see you like cheese.”

“Ha! Today is the first day since I’ve been here that I could eat solid foods.”

“Why is that?”

“I had surgery to repair some stomach ulcers.”

“O my goodness,” Donna interrupted.

“And,” he spoke over her, “I have to ease my way back to regular food. I’ve been thinking about it, and for some reason I wanted cheese.”

“Simple pleasures, right?” Jamie nodded. This was a person he could relate to.

The conversation paused there. Jamie was a keen observer. He remembered every time he was in a room with a baby, the kid would magnetically draws everyone’s eyes. A whole dinner table of adults would manage to hold an entire conversation without looking at each other, all taking in the wonder that is a new human being. Jamie was the same way, but when he looked at a baby or any child, he was fascinated by the physical processes occurring in the child’s brain, the networks of synapses being built and retired, the learning and shaping of a mind happening so fast in front of him. He also wondered how the baby would feel if they knew everyone was staring at them. He suspected they wouldn’t appreciate it because as soon as kids become aware of that, they don’t like it. Mel had one foot on the other chair and was leaning back, exposing her face and neck to the sun. Donna was just looking at him.

Jamie decided to walk around the yard. He got out of the chair and walked into the grass barefoot. The grass was so green and lush when he got here. Now it was equal parts green and brown, and it was dry. Summer does that to grass. If Becky was at a meeting at school, and the grass was this baked, summer must be coming to a close soon, he knew. He walked over to the swing set; it was his size, not a big size. He found he liked swinging. If he put some effort into it, it was an okay workout. He even launched himself into the air sometimes; the first time, he was thrilled to see how durable his body felt. He wouldn’t have done that prior to coming here. He stood under the bar and jumped to grab it. He wanted to let the weight of his body stretch out his arms, shoulders, and back. He caught the bar easily. It was only a foot and half above his head.

“Jamie! No!” Donna shouted, literally shouted, as though he were stepping into traffic. Mel was almost startled out of her chair. Amanda reached the back door at the same time Donna reached Jamie.

“Donna!” Amanda shouted louder, just before Donna put her hands on him. “He’s allowed!” It brought her up short. Jamie, who was facing away from them all, couldn’t believe the commotion he – no, she – managed to cause from the moment she walked in the door.

“But he could fall!” She was looking over her shoulder, keeping her focus on Jamie and her hands out as though her whole body was coiled and ready to spring out and save him. Jamie stayed where he was, his eyes turning side to side, wondering once more whether biology or chauvinism or both motivated some bigs to be like Donna.

Amanda lifted the high chair over the doorframe. “But he doesn’t! And if he did, he’s less than two feet from the ground.”

Donna looked as though she were facing a great moral dilemma: trust her friend, or trust every instinct she had to protect the little.

Jamie was facing his own dilemma: his arms were now burning in protest, but he didn’t want to let go, just to make a point. They started to quiver.

“Just, please, come back to the table. He’s fine,” Amanda asserted.

Consigned to Jamie’s likely fate to fall and break his leg and develop gangrene and have it amputated too late to stop the infection spread and die so young, Donna sulked back to the table. When he knew she was out of arm’s reach, he let go. Amanda put Jamie’s glass on the table between her own seat and Mel’s.

Jamie opted to stay out of it, as did Mel. She joined him in the yard. “Sorry about her. She doesn’t mean anything by it.”

Jamie sighed. He wasn’t angry with Donna, but that excuse was getting old. “No one does. What about you? You’re not like that obviously.”

“No. But that’s not to say I don’t like littles and look out for them when they need it, or that you’re not as cute and clever as Amanda says.”

“What does Amanda say about me?”

“Nothing she hasn’t told you. She loves you a lot.”

“Yeah.” Jamie wasn’t sure why, but it made him feel odd knowing he could cause such intense emotions so quickly. On the other hand … “I love her a lot, too.”

“I hope you tell her that every day.” In fact, Jamie had yet to say that to her. “Hey, want to really get back at Donna? Sit on my lap while we eat.”

“That’s funny, but no, I don’t want to get back at her. And I don’t want to be mean.”

“Looks like they’re done talking. Take my hand, at least?”

“To be mean?”

“No, just because we’re friends now.”

On the patio, Mel stepped away, and Donna got down on one knee so she could look at Jamie face to face.

“Jamie, I’m sorry for acting the way I have. I didn’t see you for who you are. Do you forgive me?”

Of course he did, but Jamie hated that trick. She didn’t know it was a trick, but he knew: when someone asks you to forgive them, the only time saying no doesn’t turn you into the asshole is when the person asking forgiveness did something really egregious.

“Of course I do. Why don’t we just start over? My name is Jamie.”

She smiled, a little too enthusiastically, but small steps. “Nice to meet you, Jamie. I’m Donna.”

Mel leaned into Amanda and asked, “Do you ever get the sense they understand us a lot better than we understand them?”

“O, definitely. One the things I like about littles; they make it very hard to be dishonest with ourselves.”

“Geez,” Mel quietly exclaimed.

“What?”

“You’re practically a whole different person than you were at the start of the summer.”

“And what, you don’t like it?”

“No, I like it a lot.”

“Well, they’re talking to one another, and it doesn’t look like he’s trying to get her to make an ass of herself, so there’s that.” Amanda put the chicken on the grill, and Mel headed inside to get the salad out of the fridge. Amanda helped Jamie into his highchair and snapped the tray on before serving him some fruit salad.

“I think I missed them, but be careful about seeds and skins. You still can’t eat those for a while. Donna, fruit?”

“Thank you.” Amanda served up a bowl. “Jamie, can I ask you something,” Donna asked.

“Sure.”

“I’m surprised you use a highchair, being so … independent.”

Jamie looked down at himself for a moment. “I don’t always inside, but this table is higher. Now I can see you when I talk to you.”

“O. That makes sense.” Still, she was more used to littles resisting a highchair.

When lunch was finished, everyone helped clear the table, even Jamie, and they did the dishes.

“Go make yourselves comfortable, and we’ll be back out in a minute,” Amanda said to Mel and Donna. They did, and Jamie followed her into his room.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. How’s your diaper?” She asked and checked herself at the same time. “Eh, you’d be more comfortable dry.” Jamie was less and less bothered by it; he found it easier to go in almost any position and anywhere in the house, even while being held.

Like always, they talked while she worked. Jamie asked, “What did you say to Donna?”

“To stop and see you as an individual, not a generic little. Thanks again for being so mature about it.”

“Well, you and Becky both told me to try, when people act like that. I still don’t understand it. Never mind me being a little; the way I talked to her, I was trying to see if she’d just recognize I’m not … That I have an adult mind. How do people not see it when they actually see it? The checker assumed, but shouldn’t Donna have known it before she even got here?”

The change was over, but he laid there looking up, and she leaned with her palms on the table looking down. “I honestly don’t know.”

“It’s bizarre. Like a total mental block. But not when you explained it to her. She listened to you and not me.”

“I think that’s just a part of it. Ya know, it’s gonna happen a lot more. The more people you meet, it’ll just happen more.”

“I know.”

“How will you deal with it?”

“Roll with it like the checker when I’m not going to see them again, and try to correct it the other times. And do whichever causes me the least trouble when that doesn’t work. I can ignore them better than they can ignore me.” Or at least Jamie hoped he could.

She nodded approvingly. “And Mom and I will help you when we can. We’re going to lay in the sun. You wanna come back out or take a nap in here? Or take a nap out there?”

“I’ll come back out and maybe fall asleep.”

“I have my two piece on under this, and so do they. Want your clothes back on, or … I have something that will cover your diaper but not as much of as you as shorts.”

Jamie sighed for he didn’t know how many times that day. “Sure. Guess I need to get used to people seeing me like this. They don’t seem to care,” he said out loud to himself.

“Of course they don’t.” Amanda went into the top dresser drawer and pulled out a light blue, satin diaper cover. She slipped it up his legs. “That looks pretty good on you.”

Jamie reached down to feel it. He liked the way it slipped so smoothly and soft. “Thank you.”

“C’mon. Grab your sunglasses.”

They got back out to the yard to find four towels laid out and Mel and Donna on two of them. Jamie and Amanda did this most days; he knew the procedure and sat down as the end of her towel for her to apply sunscreen to him. When she was done, he moved to his own towel.

“You gonna fall asleep?”

“Probably.”

She leaned over and whispered to him. He nodded. Amanda got up and went over to Donna and whispered in her ear. She nodded vigorously. Donna moved her towel next to Jamie’s, who was flat on his stomach and already feeling more tired that he had just a few minutes ago. Donna laid down next to Jamie, and very gently she ran her fingers up and down his back. That did the trick. Jamie was asleep within five minutes.