Ino and Sakura: Medical studies?

So, in the original draft of this there was a very obscure and incredibly nerdy joke in the first part. I realized almost no one would get it, so I made it even more obscure, meaning either you don't get the joke, but you get to laugh at Sakura being weird, or you do get it, and you get to feel good about yourself. It's always good to lean into it. So don't feel bad if a line looks weird, but uh, if you don't get the joke in the second part you haven't lived.

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“Hey Ino, I can’t help but realize we both have medical skills.” It's during one of their sessions in each-other’s body that Sakura points out the obvious, “should we like, become medics? We’re able to team up with each-other after we become Chunin, that could be fun.”

“No, that’s stupid.” Ino shakes her head. Being told her idea is stupid with her own voice makes her scowl with Ino’s lips, but then the scowl doesn’t feel right and she quickly fixes it. The least she needs is Ino’s face sticking like that or something, it happened to her body somehow and she won’t go messing up Ino’s. “You’re super offensive and I’m an information specialist, we’d be wasting both our potential for a cute bit. But… while we’re on the topic, we could work together for something fun.”

“Oh?” Sakura asks, tilting Ino’s head slightly and wearing a bright smile. It’s so nice, why doesn’t a smile feel good in her own body? What is wrong with her that Ino doesn’t have? Is it a muscle thing? Did her smile muscles atrophy? Jeez she’s depressing, she needs to fix that.

“When I was in the forest of death with Naruto I found that he has some kind of super healing,” Ino explains, “I would really like to get to the bottom of that. Maybe our differing skills will make it easy to figure out if we work together?”

“Errr-I don’t really think that’s a good idea.” Sakura tries, but Ino’s questioning gaze has her sweating. Her body looks so intimidating when it’s socially competent, unfair, where’s a balance complaint form when she needs one? Should she contact The Captain? “I mean I don’t want to make Naruto a testing dummy after all, he might not like it.”

“We can just ask,” Ino points out, “ooh, we could wear cool outfits! I think I have a matching set over there in the closet.”

“Well, if we’re asking…” Sakura puts on a fake smile with Ino’s body, it works so much better than in her body. She might have even fooled her! They quickly switch back to their real bodies to play dress up.

“Ino, this is ridiculous.” Looking down at the big brown coat on her shoulders, she can’t help but notice the way it fits her makes it look a lot more masculine than she’d really like. Of course Ino’s fits her own body perfectly. The bow at her collar doesn’t make her feel any better. “Is that a pipe?”

“Too much?” Ino asks, bubbles floating out of the long wooden pipe hanging from her mouth. “My good lady, I assure you it came with the outfit and is very fashionable.”

Sakura has to hold back a scream, but beyond that it’s the hat that does it. She knows it looks stupid on her because it even looks a little strange on Ino. It has square patches of cloth that differ from green and brown. It has a wide frontal brim and covers her eyes somewhat. Her hair is tied up and hidden in it, with only one long blonde strand sticking out from behind Ino’s ear. It has a nice vibe to it, she can’t deny, but if it looks dorky on Ino she’s completely sure she looks like a train wreck. “You can’t make me leave your house like this, in fact you can’t get me out of your closet.”

“Gee, do I wish I could get you out of the closet…” Ino shakes her head with a mournful click of her teeth.

“... Fine.”

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“What are you wearing?” Naruto’s wide eyes are telling. He opened his door with a smile and it quickly turned into the most confused expression possible. “Are you two okay?”

“See Ino? I told you.” Sakura huffs, but it’s too late. The damage is done. Somehow the walk here didn’t bother her that much, people stare at her all the time. Some whisper names behind her back, she’s pretty sure Murderbunny is now her official nickname on official paperwork, she hears it all the time. She even hears it muttered under the breaths of civilians when she passes. But somehow despite that, Naruto seeing her in this and having that reaction? It almost makes her a little spiteful, she should have brought more than a magnifying glass and a kunai, maybe a hacksaw for intimidation?

Ino didn’t bring anything really, just a microscope from Sakura’s closet and slides to go with it. She had a science phase once, it was fun but now she regrets it because it just gave Ino more ammunition to pursue this. “Forget that, Naruto, these two great detectives would like to study your body!” Ino exclaims, giving him a charming, award winning smile.

“No.” Naruto growls under his breath quite forcefully.

“Oh come on, two cute girls are at your door, you have to have ideas.” Ino jokes, at least Sakura hopes she’s joking.

“We both know you’re talking about with a knife-why aren’t you in doctor outfits anyway? I know you own a lab coat, you wore one for that one prank we did on Sasuke.” Sakura has no idea what that is referring to, but damn-it does she want to. Her brother needs to tell her these things!

Ino’s blush only makes her more curious! “I only own one of those, I owned two of these because I saw it on sale and instantly thought of Sakura,” Ino responds quietly as if hiding shame, “come on what do you have to lose? What if Sakura’s system detects something and she gains your healing? Wouldn’t that be awesome?”

“... fine, but Sakura can’t hurt me and I’m not hurting myself so it’s all on you.” Naruto grumbles, walking his way back into his room and quickly plopping on his bed.

Ino shrugs as she slips right through his door with a confidence Sakura lacks. “I have more than enough practice patching you up, I know what you can heal in seconds and what you can’t so, I don’t mind doing it.”

Sakura hands her kunai over to Ino with a guilty look to the side. This is so dumb, Ino please get the hint! Why didn’t Naruto shout them away and slam the door? He’s too easily cowed, then again she’s here so what does that say about her.

Ino confidently approaches his nightstand and sets down the microscope and slides, before she slides over and lands on his bed at his side. She leans against him, drawing a flush from him, and that’s when she lifts the kunai. Not a single ninja worth their salt - apparently a mineral capable of helping interdimensional travel - would take their eye off a kunai that close to them; so she’s not sure what it says about Naruto that he actively looks away. He’s too soft sometimes. She needs to figure out how to patch that weakness, girls are it? What if an enemy kunoichi attacks with a cute voice and fluttery eyelashes?

He hisses gently as Ino’s hand gently cuts into his with the kunai, careful to measure an exact depth. “Mnn, should be about ten seconds, Sakura get in here quick.” Ino says in a hurry, swiping a slide right over his wound and putting it under the microscope. Sakura doesn’t have the heart to tell Ino there’s more steps than that. She doesn't really want Ino finding anything anyway.

While Ino looks through that, Sakura approaches and looks at his wound. It flickers to life like nothing else under her watchful eyes. She can’t see cells or anything like Ino can with the microscope, but she doesn’t have to. She can see orange chakra seal the wound before his flesh stitches itself together. She has a hard time believing that’s just the Kyuubi, it doesn’t even look like it’s all Kurama’s influence. Their research on the Uzumaki clan implied they heal faster and have more stamina, so maybe the healing is mostly just crazy genetics? Like a bloodline. But then if it is just his clan heritage, what is the Kyuubi’s chakra doing to the wound? Is he enhancing the healing, inhibiting it, twisting it? If they injure him enough will Naruto grow fox ears or something? She suddenly doesn’t like this idea. She already didn’t like it because of Naruto’s secret, but now she really doesn’t like it.

Though he would be adorable with fox ears, the idea has her body jittery with excitement/. “Sakura I uh-” Naruto starts to whisper to her as quietly as he can.

“I couldn’t figure out how to get her off of this, I’m sorry.” Sakura whispers back, “I’ll take her out for ice cream or something and distract her.”

“Please be quick, Ino’s really smart.” Naruto begs.

“So it’s an inherent compound in his blood.” Ino says, staring through the lens studiously. “It’s trying to multiply rapidly, my blood doesn’t do this at all. It’s like something from that game you played with the ninja cyborg and the uh, senator-”

“Nanomachines son.” Sakura says helpfully with a nod. That’s not the name of the game but it’s the only line Ino remembers so she gets it.

“Err, yeah I don’t know what to make of this.” Ino admits.

“Hey Ino, this is boring, want ice cream?” Sakura tries with a fragile smile.

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“I can’t believe that worked.” Naruto whispers to Sakura, who licks at her cone with glee. Ino’s currently getting her own cone while the two of them sit on a bench.

“Never underestimate Ino’s willingness to drop everything to go on a date.” Sakura says.

“Isn’t that a little manipulative?” Naruto asks sheepishly, rubbing his hands together.

“Naruto… we’re ninja.” Sakura can’t help but give him a deadpan stare and question reality. His charm is higher than hers, right? Is it his mental stat? Is it negative?

“Okay, they didn’t have anything good because apparently your clones ran through here an hour ago.” Ino growls at Naruto as she plops beside Sakura, leaning against her and resting her head on Sakura’s shoulder. “Way to go.”

“How was I supposed to know?” Naruto shrugs, “sorry.”

“Well, at least they had vanilla, I don’t dislike vanilla, it’s just not my first choice.” Ino stares at her ice cream, and out of nowhere begins to flush with a ferocity and speed that makes Sakura genuinely worry about her health. Apparently her brain went somewhere crazy, or she’s been poisoned, Sakura’s not sure which.

“I like vanilla a lot,” Sakura says, pointing out she got the same thing, “I didn’t even look elsewhere.”

“Please don’t say that right now.” Ino squeaks, and suddenly Sakura’s lost.

A look at Naruto reveals that he has no idea either.