Canon Side-Story: Ino And The System: Feelings of Inadequacy

Sweat drips down Ino’s brow, her breaths heavy, her body sluggish and her movements forced through limbs that feel like lead. A month of training, so much time put into mastering even the most basics and she finds herself staring down at a simple number with a frown on her thin lips. Party Contribution level: 16.

It’s a meaningless number, but it was fifteen when she first stumbled across Sakura’s system core. It would not be an understatement to say that the deep glowing object nestled in between memories taunted her to place her hand on it, and while on the surface she was calm the numbers themselves toyed with her. Sakura’s score was so much higher, and they were so close to each-other not that long ago. She thought it’d be reasonable to expect her number to go up noticeably if she put in some real effort. Effort like this, effort that makes her skin look glazed and makes her hair stick to her face and back. She figured she’d improve drastically from putting in enough heart into her training that her teammates hate her a little, and she’s stuck accepting their criticisms for what they are; truths.

A big part of her sessions with Sakura has been focusing on the concept that Sakura is quite strong for a Genin, possibly bordering on Chunin, maybe even Jonin in some circumstances if that one memory she saw is accurate. She’s had to go over the idea that Sakura’s single minded focus on improvement to the point of personal sacrifice is harmful if not outright self destructive. Ino knows it’s probably hypocritical to give Sakura so much stress over her inhuman desire to watch these numbers go up when she herself is checking them after every single training session in the hopes of seeing the slightest blip.

But it’s different with Sakura. From what she can tell, Sakura suffers from a lack of self worth at a core level. Her obsession with gaming that once felt harmless if not frivolous became recontextualized the instant she started doing stuff like jumping through fire to get a hit off. She’s not using gaming because she enjoys it - though she does - she’s using gaming to escape her own lack of self value. She feels good when the numbers go up, and she feels bad when she goes without that constant praise. Ninja training is about long arduous journeys and practicing over and over until you get it right, it just doesn’t have the kind of feedback Sakura’s unique brain requires. Sakura takes everyday without achieving something as a personal failure, and over time that’s led to her self value being so below the floor she doesn’t even realize that others would care if her reckless behavior got her killed. Perspective matters, and Sakura lacks it.

Some of that is absolutely speculation and she’d snicker if someone suggested she was completely right in every aspect, but she’s sure enough of most of it that she submitted a formal statement that Sakura should be given a vacation and continue to have sessions with her. That report, highlighting that Sakura has such a low sense of self that she might recklessly jump in front of a killing blow for her friends - no, she has and would do it again - is what allowed everyone else who contributed in the final decision to do so while informed. Whether she’s completely correct, or only partially correct, she is sure that Sakura’s obsession with the numbers goes well beyond a simple desire to watch them go up after putting in her efforts.

“Still so weak…” Her pout overtakes her features, her entire body shakes with every breath as she slowly makes a shaky stand from her place in the dirt on her hands and knees. She can’t help but feel like reality isn’t linking up with her perception. There has to be something else here, unless these numbers are a much bigger deal than she thinks. The first thing she had to do was test to make sure the system would reflect her efforts instead of Sakura’s perception. That was simple, she just had to hide her training from Sakura. Lying to her crush and saying that she hasn’t really given it much thought hurt her, because Sakura deserves her complete honesty.

But after seeing a number go up without Sakura’s influence and confirming that she was indeed better in that area than the last time she checked, it became clear.

She’s not training hard enough. Clan techniques are powerful, and the Ino-Shika-Chou team dynamic should keep her out of harm's way, but Sakura was definitely weaker than her when they graduated the Academy. Sakura being twelve levels above her in such a short time proves that hard work can make the difference. She’s watched Sakura play enough RPG to know that each level means more than the one before it, and even if it’s using some kind of equation to solve for level from the stats directly, the stats probably mean more with each number too. Sakura’s hasn’t risen to just under twice her strength in just a few short months. Sakura has left her side and become something else entirely with barely a look back to see the flames she’s leaving in her trail. How is she supposed to stand hand in hand with the person she loves if she’s left behind before she’s even informed there’s a race in the first place? If Sakura could progress like this, why wasn’t she crowned a ninja genius and fast tracked through the academy like many before her?

It’s not fair. She’s done everything she can to stand by her, she’s given her a smile every time she’s looked sad, she’s coached her through countless difficult situations, she even spent countless hours reading Sakura’s advanced textbooks while Sakura was gaming so that she wouldn’t fall behind too much academically. Fat lot of good that did, what with Sakura’s mental statistics being so far ahead it’s worse than the difference in their Charm stats. Is she dumb? Is that what she was supposed to take from that? Does Sakura make her look as bad intellectually as Ino makes Sakura look socially?

She’s started trying to learn higher vocabulary. Knowing she wasn’t as smart as Sakura or Shikamaru was one thing, seeing just how far behind she is? Shattering. She feels stupid.

She can pull up Sakura’s stats just as easily as she can her own. She wonders if Sakura can do the same with her own stats, and if so, if she’s figured that out yet. It’s no secret that she thinks about her friend a lot more than Sakura thinks about her, so it’s possible she missed that she could look at her like that…

She’s avoided actually looking at Sakura’s stats because she’s pretty sure it’ll be disheartening, but today marks the thirty day anniversary of asking Asuma to help push them so it’s time she does. She has to know if she’s still falling behind despite working her team well past their lazy limits.

A simple flicker of Sakura’s stats in front of her eyes is enough to drop her to her knees.

111.

Sakura’s mental, or Mind as Sakura’s system seems to use them interchangeably, has gone up nine points since she last checked. Ino hasn’t gone up nine points period. A quick look at the rest of the stats and their improvements have her gritting her teeth.

Her hand flickers through it, and the system swipes away from this world with the heat of her anger. Her fingers feel as if they’re aflame, sharp and discriminating. She wishes she didn’t have the ability to check on Sakura’s stats at all, why does she have to know she’s behind?

“Okay, fuck that.” She surmises to herself. There is genuinely no way she can catch up to Sakura.

Sakura can’t do missions. Sakura isn’t receiving proper training because her teacher is a lazy selfish asshat. Asuma is happily giving them countless lessons, invigorated by their sudden intensity and desire to learn. Getting them invigorated was a trial and a half. Choji just needed to be bribed, but getting Shikamaru to put effort in was probably harder than the actual training is. Still, with his help and cooperation, Asuma has given them so much to work with. Blood, sweat, tears, she’s given them all in her quest to merely touch the growth rate the brightest light in her eyes has accomplished.

Sakura has grown three times as much as her while sitting in class and doing some nightly training. She’s given everything she can bear under a powerful sensei that cares, and she feels stagnant. Is she not trying hard enough? Is Asuma not doing enough?

No. She finishes her shaky stand, looking back at her downed teammates. They’re dripping sweat themselves, laid down in the dirt to her side and gasping for air. They’re doing the healthy maximum, anymore would be far too much. Focusing too much on the numbers would clearly be harmful to someone’s mental health. Focusing on the numbers as little as she is, is clearly causing her to go beyond her own recommendations. Maybe she should stop looking at them, give them up and continue life as if she never touched the core?

But what about when it’s not the numbers that she’s focusing on, but the clear reality that she’s pathetic? Her breath stalls itself in her throat.

Sakura’s a genius, she always knew that, but she’s not just a rich girl from a powerful clan, she’s a freaking heiress. She should be able to keep up when she puts in the effort, she shouldn’t be like this. Her fist clenches, her nails dig into her skin, and she holds back self scathing tears. Is it this system? Does it want her to be that far from Sakura? Is the distance between them artificial and forced along, some kind of effort to isolate her and make her stand alone? Is Sakura, even now, putting in so much single minded and self sacrificial focus into her training that no one sane could ever keep up? Is her understanding of her best a lie she’s fostered because of her own fears and insecurities? Could she have done better, and her own complacency let it all flow out between her fingers?

“Ino, you’re bleeding.” Shikamaru’s droll voice sounds so bored, but it’s informative and well timed. Another second and her nails might have caused a wound that needed actual healing. She releases her fist and looks down at the dribble of red that flows towards the dirt below her.

“Only inside, Shika.” She mumbles, looking up at the sky he holds so dear and wondering if Sakura is doing the same while doing some training that she would consider frankly absurd.

What in the hell is she supposed to do? Everyone always seems to expect her to know, but she’s not Shikamaru or Sakura, she doesn’t know anything.

[Quest Alert: Stand Up

Description: Prove you deserve to stand beside her. Get Team 10s Party Contribution Level to an average of 22 by the upcoming Exams

Objective: 18/22 Party Contribution Level

Reward: The Chance to Help Save Sakura]

Great, she’s probably the weakest on her team as well, what the hell! Shika’s so freaking lazy, why is he higher? This system is stupid!

Then her eyes land on the reward. None of the rewards she’s seen so far have actually been real rewards, if there was even a reward in that slot at all. But somehow, she can’t help but stare at those words with grave focus and wonder. What if that’s real?

Why would Sakura need saving during the exams?

Will someone else step up if she doesn’t, or will she stand helplessly by and watch her fall?

“We need to do it again.” Ino growls under her breath at them, giving them a bright-eyed glare that brooks no argument.

“Ino, we’ve already gone through this exercise ten times today, let’s break-”

“Asuma, please.” She watches her sensei spring into action.

She won’t find out the answer to what happens if she fails, she’ll get high enough level. Sakura was right, she’ll do what she must even if it hurts. Time to take after her friend a little, behind her back of course. No need to validate her harmful behavior.