Lessons I'd Teach My Daughter: When And HOW To Have The Money Conversation With Your Man

Here is another dating lesson I'd teach my daughter (If I had one)

I have written a similar article on this subject, give it a read if you haven’t: https://www.patreon.com/posts/49227931?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

Did you know that money-related arguments are among the leading causes of divorce? 

Discussing finances can feel uncomfortable, especially when you're bringing it up for the first time while dating someone. 

During the initial stages, it's important to maintain a fun and positive atmosphere, and introducing the topic of money too soon might be a turn off for some guys. 

So, it's generally not advisable to bring it up on the first date. At the beginning, focus on determining compatibility rather than contemplating joint bank accounts.

As your relationship deepens, finances will naturally become more important in your partnership. 

However, there isn't a specific right or wrong time to begin discussing money. Some people might feel ready to have these conversations within a few weeks, while others may take longer. 

Remember, each relationship progresses at its own pace, so it's up to you to determine when the time feels right.

It can be intimidating to directly ask a guy something as personal as, "What's your income?" 

This is like a guy asking what's your bodycount as soon as he meets you.

So Instead of diving headfirst into deep financial discussions, start with a more gentle approach. 

Take small steps and gradually introduce financial topics to initiate the conversation.

When you enter into a marriage, it's important to recognise that his debt becomes a shared responsibility. Therefore, it's crucial to make wise choices when deciding to marry a guy, taking into account his financial obligations.

How To Start The Money Convo

You can get a good idea about what a guys relationship with money is like without asking him explicitly. 

The more serious you get, the more explicit your questions should become since your financial lives will naturally become more intertwined the longer you’re together. 

In the early stages, however, you’ll want to tread a bit lighter. Instead of asking overt questions, focus on getting context clues by asking more conversational questions like:

"Are you planning any exciting this year?"

"I've been working on improving my money management skills lately. Do you have any tips or strategies that you find helpful?"

"What was the last major purchase you treated yourself to?"

"I've been paying off my student loans and I'm almost done. How about you? Do you have any outstanding loans or debts you're working on?"

"Financial stability is a significant aspect for me due to my family's experiences. How was your upbringing in terms of finances?"

Being observant is essential too. Pay attention to his lifestyle choices. Does he lean towards a lavish or frugal lifestyle, or somewhere in between? 

Does he openly discuss his financial situation? 

It's important to note that individual data points may not provide a complete picture. 

For example, a guy driving a BMW doesn't automatically indicate wealth or financial irresponsibility. 

However, gathering these data points will help you develop a more comprehensive understanding of his attitude towards money and whether it aligns with your own values and financial compatibility.

Red Flags To Look For

Recognising potential red flags is crucial as you gain insight into your his financial situation. 

Some red flags are apparent, such as not being willing to discuss any significant debts or him making excessive purchases without sufficient funds. 

However, not all warning signs are easy to spot.

Here are some subtle red flags to be aware of:

1. He Refuses To Talk About Money

If he consistently avoids discussing money, even when you approach the topic subtly, it could be a concerning sign. 

It may indicate deep-seated insecurities or discomfort related to finances. 

This doesn't mean you should end the relationship right away, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with him. 

Be prepared to ask direct financial questions to encourage a straightforward response. 

Don't allow him to consistently dodge your questions, because it's crucial to address this issue for the sake of transparency and future financial compatibility.

2. He Has Zero Money Goals

It's possible that the guy you're dating isn't drowning in any significant amount of debt or living beyond his means, but he might lack financial goals. 

Saving money is essential, as we all have significant purchases we aspire to make in life. 

If he has no savings and doesn't prioritise saving, it could be a concern. 

In a serious relationship, it's important to have a financially stable guy with whom you can build a future together. 

This means finding a guy who has financial goals and a clear plan for how he will achieve them.

Financially stable = He has a stable and reliable stream of income plus has an emergency fund or is building his emergency fund just incase an emergency happens and his main source of income slows down.

3. Is He Controlling with His Money?

Just because a guy has a lot of money doesn’t mean he gets a big green 'Approved' stamp.  

Some guys use money and paying for dates as a way to control a woman, like pressuring a girl to have sex before she is ready or making her feel guilty about not spending time with him because he bought her an expensive gift. 

It's a massive red flag and It’s also a sign that this guy has way more issues going on than simply his unhealthy relationship with money.

I will make a post about financial abuse soon.

But men who are controlling with money will use money to control and punish you.

Not ALL men with money are like this, but some certainly are. 

Summary 

Money plays such a large role in relationships. 

When you marry someone, their financial situation becomes your financial situation, so it’s a terrible idea to get into a relationship with a guy who doesn’t have the same money mindset as you or isn’t willing to compromise or negotiate at all. 

Figuring all of this out before you get serious will help you avoid future arguments and potential heartbreak.

You want to learn about your man’s RELATIONSHIP with money, not simply how much money he has.

- Till Next Time