Being an Incel is a Bit Like Trying to Adopt a Dog

On Thursday I fell in love with a cute li’l floof called Snoop Dogg, but I was too late to adopt him. He already has a home pending. I cried a little, I’ll admit. I’ve been looking for a rescue to adopt since February. It’s been a difficult search. There are shelter dogs I love to pieces. I’ve been tempted to adopt one of them, but I'm worried I can't give him the life he needs, so I’m still living in a pupper-less home.

If pups were women and I was an incel, I would charge into the shelter screaming, “WHY DON’T I HAVE A DOG YET YOU PEOPLE ARE SHORT-CHANGING ME I AM A VICTIM I’M SO ANGRY I CAN’T EVEN USE PERIODS THERE ARE NO REAL DOGS HERE!”

Finding the right doggo is hard.

Finding the right love interest is hard, and sometimes, it’s because you’re just not ready for a relationship. Calm down. You can cope with this feeling. I swear it.

Before you can adopt a pet in South Africa, a shelter worker will physically come to your home to make sure it’s appropriate for a pet. They will check that you can afford the vet bills. They will make sure your dog has a warm place to sleep. They will ask how many hours a day your doggo will be alone.

Not all homes are ready for a dog.

Not all men are ready for a relationship.

Before you scream at me, not all women are ready for relationships either. Some of us haven’t evolved past our own toxicity, so any pairing will cause strain.

You wouldn’t scream at a shelter worker for telling you to cover your swimming pool before you try to adopt, and you shouldn’t scream at women for rejecting you because they think you will hurt them.

There are people on Planet Earth who are as healthy and wholesome as home-baked bread. They find relationships easy. I'm not one of those people. I’ve had to repair myself. Maybe you do, too, incel. Maybe your sexless existence isn’t a conspiracy perpetrated by women. Maybe you, like me, need to repair some of your beliefs and attitudes. Maybe you, like my 27-year-old self, are incapable of the intimacy required to nurture a relationship.

Maybe your “home” just isn't safe enough to house another living creature.

I’m struggling to find a dog because I have a long list of limitations. This is boring stuff, I know, but I need it for my metaphor, so jussbe quiet. Small, chilled dogs just don’t get surrendered to shelters very often, so my pool of potential floofs is rather tiny.

Maybe your requirements of women are equally limiting. If that’s the case, your bachelor status is not womankind’s fault. You, like me, just have a narrow set of needs that are difficult to fill.

Let’s say I treated dog adoptions as an incel might. I would write to the adoption manager expressing rage at the complete absence of dogs in my home. D’you know what would happen if I did that? The adoption manager would decide I was unhinged and refuse to let me adopt any dogs. This is much like the incel rage you see so often on Fetlife. We have men expressing fury over the absence of pussy in their beds, and when women see that, they hit block.

They do not send a message to that incel saying, “Wannafuck?”

Look, I get it. You feel a desperate need for a woman. I feel a desperate need for a floofy companion, but neither of us will get those things by screaming about our injustice. There is no injustice. You and I both play a role in our singlehood. You can rage at it if you want to. Personally, I prefer to find my part and repair it.