No, There Aren't Three Sides to Every Story

If there’s a meme abusers and rapists love the most, it’s this one:

There are three sides to every story: Their side, your side, and the truth.

It’s a clever little meme to throw out there when your ex is exposing your abuse. Rather than calling one person into question, it casts doubt on both. Folks don’t like to side with abusers, but if Norman can convince you that all truths are lies, he has some hope of keeping his position in the community.

And it’s bunk.

There is one side to every story: The truth.

Some people speak it.
Some people lie.

Who do you think is likely to lie? Well, the person who’s been lying all along. Consent violators and abusers play loosely with the truth because they have something to hide. Their victims have less to hide. They’ve lived the truth, and it has all but destroyed them.

When they do share, it’s usually to protect other potential victims, even though sharing will ultimately become a terrific burden.

Do you really think that abuser will choose a time like this to start sharing the truth? Of course not.

Michael Straczynski is the person responsible for the quotation in this post’s title. He writes movie scripts for a living. He does not treat abusers. Nor is he a psychologist. His greatest gift is… well… telling stories about Spiderman and Thor. In the Marvel Universe, I’m sure there are a thousand sides to every story, but in the world of abuse, things operate a little bit differently.

The only time there are three sides to every story is when two claimants are lying.

Don’t assume that all claimants in every situation are liars or somehow incapable of connecting with the truth. Such a world would frankly be absurd. Sometimes, people do, indeed, tell the truth. Abusers love the quote because they’re liars. That’s my hypothesis, and I’m sticking with it.

If you approach Norman, though, it’s a virtual certainty that he will insist that his version of the story is true, regardless of what his quotation says. So much for there being three sides.

That’s because that quotation is like everything he’s been doing during this story: A mere bit of gaslighting.