It’s only buyer’s remorse if you willingly bought the product, walked out of the store happily with it, then decided a week later you didn’t want it

If you experience a consent violation, someone will accuse you of buyer’s remorse.

It’s only buyer’s remorse if you willingly bought the product, walked out of the store happily with it, and then decided a week later that you didn’t want to buy it at all.

If you pick the thing off the shelf, decide you don’t want it, try to put it back, and then the shopkeeper runs after you throwing it in your basket every time you remove it, that’s not buyer’s remorse. It’s harassment.

If you feel too intimidated by the shopkeeper to stop him, that’s not buyer’s remorse either. It’s intimidation. If the manager tells you to buy the product or be accused of shoplifting, that’s not buyer’s remorse. It’s coercion.

If the shopkeeper hands the teller your credit card while you’re too drugged or spaced out to make your own choices, it’s not buyer’s remorse.

If the shopkeeper coerces you into buying the product and you only understand his influence later, it’s not buyer’s remorse.

If the shopkeeper tells you he won’t hurt you if you buy the product, it’s not buyer’s remorse.

If the shopkeeper threatens you, it’s not buyer’s remorse.

Even so, someone will tell you that you merely regret a choice you made willingly. It doesn’t matter if you used a safe word, set a hard limit, or told your top not to introduce new forms of play while you were in sub space. This accuser doesn’t care about the details of your scene because they’re not interested in finding the truth. They’re only interested in creating the impression that consent violations simply don’t happen.

If all consent violations are buyer’s remorse, accusers can freely trample all over consent without feeling guilty. Maybe they’ll even manage to convince others well enough to stay protected in their communities. There are always apologists looking for ways to escape the consequences of their actions, and that, sir, has more in common with buyer’s remorse than any consent violation.