Contract for Brattish Shenanigans

This contract is entered into between The Sacred Brat and the dominant, who is very, very tired, now.

• For the purposes of this contract, “shenanigans” shall be defined as “anything the brat finds amusing that the dominant should really learn to appreciate more.”

• Shenanigans may include, but shall not be limited to, sticking Googly eyes on penises, knitting hats for penises, drawing smileys on penises, and taking photographs of smiley, well-dressed penises. It shall also include other equally entertaining things that have nothing to do with penises. Penis hats are definitely more fun, though.

• Basically, if the brat calls them “shenanigans” they shall be classified as such.

• If the dominant attempts to classify an act as a shenanigan, he shall be required to remember the size of his brat’s slave heart, which is so big it can’t even wear a penis hat.

• Shenanigans shall be kept a secret from all dominants until they have been executed. Any brat who breaks their NDA shall be required to knit teeny penis hats for all the other brats for a period of one year.

• Unless they can convince a dominant to do it for them.

• Obviously dominant knitters are preferable. They should look after their own penises. Who do they think we are? Instruments of emotional labour? No. We are feminists.

• The brat may redefine “shenanigans” at any time.

• The dominant shall remember at all times that brats who don’t engage in shenanigans die a harrowing death by drowning in the tears of their own sorrow.

• The dominant shall also remember that shenanigans are hard work and deserve a Nobel Prize or something.

• If the dominant has no sneaky connections on the Nobel Prize Committee, he should award a Pulitzer.

• The terms and conditions set forth herein were not written by a brat at all.

• Were not.

• Weren’t.

• If the brat engages in particularly creative shenanigans that the dominant would never have thought of, the dominant shall provide rewards in the form of cupcakes, obviously.

• This contract was not written by SpanishRed either.

• Was not.