THE GOBLIN NEWSLETTER 57

Almost six years ago I had a stroke. Being hospitalized for three months was life changing. Having the stroke brought me down to zero, I died, was resuscitated, had most of my bodily systems fail & be supported by machines & then things slowly got better. LIving in a hospital gave me a lot of time to think. I didn’t watch TV or do painkillers, I just thought & observed life. Listening to the clock & my life support machines. My main takeaway was that the normal people working at the hospital were working hard to improve my life. It didn’t matter what clothes they wore, what music they listened to, I owed my life to them. This experience totally destroyed any subcultural tribalism that was left in me. I still love those things, those subcultural trappings, but it was really clear that those affiliations had nothing to do with your decency as a person. I knew all of this before, but having this experience really let me know in a profound way. I also shed my ego while in such a weakened state. When I was having a hard time getting my bowels back in order, being fed through a tube in my belly, having fluids pumped into my body as I learned how to swallow again (the first time I ate ice was mind blowing! It felt incredible in my throat, but it made me choke, despite this Katie would get me as much ice as I wanted & I would happily choke it down. I relished this because I knew that ice would never taste that crucial, that life affirming again.), relearning how to walk I had no option but to view things from the beginning. I had to do this in front of people. Doing something as basic as walking was so difficult, it was even harder to walk with a walker & find myself getting tired after going 20 yards. If I hadn’t learned profound lessons from this I would have been so foolish. The main takeaway I got from this is to not let a good disaster go to waste. Every challenge provides a tremendous learning opportunity. You, I have to go through these challenges, they’re just part of the deal. As much as we fantasize about how hard they’ll be or want to avoid them, when they happen, you, I, have to take them on & learn whatever lessons can be learned from them.