addressing delays + how i hope to fix things + asking for input

so hey. there's a couple of things i want to acknowledge and address: i know i've been posting less content than usual in the last few months, and some of it has been late. this is especially true for long overdue HOW TO MONSTER tutorials, and for commissioners that have been waiting way longer than i ever wanted.

this is all due to my mental health having gotten worse and worse throughout 2021. i've talked about this in the past, but the tl;dr is i struggle with untreated OCD, ADHD, and generalised anxiety. i live alone, run a business alone, and deal with all my worries alone. i'm exhausted, overwhelmed, and i often feel really hopeless. my to do-list never gets shorter, and every time i manage to cross one item off it's like two others appear. executive dysfunction doesn't help. i'm constantly stressed and a huge red flag is that not even the things that usually make me happy feel enjoyable anymore. despite grinding myself down to a nub, nothing gets better. i haven't really had any time off in 4 years. i usually even work on christmas, new years, and my birthday. and even then i somehow fall behind schedule, which i have a lot of guilt and shame about.

and then there's the fact that i can't survive off of what i currently make on patreon. thankfully kubi is able to help me stay afloat, but years of constant financial stress and not being able to afford much beyond bare life necessities really sucks. to top things off, my computer is currently dying and can't properly run photoshop for more than a few minutes at a time. i use an ipad for 90% of my art/content, but i need photoshop to put together tutorials. so it's kind of a problem.

basically, i'm at my limit, and something needs to be done. 

first of all, i've gotta face the fact that the september MOTM art + OC spotlight is gonna be a little late. over the last few days i've been scrambling to finish as much as i could, but i've run into some problems with the MOTM design especially and i'm simply not gonna be able to get it all done on time. i'm so sorry about it, and i hope you can bear with me. i'm going to make "placeholder posts" that will be updated as i finish things, and i'll strive to have them done over the next few days.

second, i'm planning to take some time off soon -- not to rest, but to focus entirely on catching up on commissions and HTM tutorials. i'm not yet sure when, because (tl;dr) i'll lose some income in the process, which i technically can't afford. the only reason it's gonna be possible is because kubi has offered to help me with rent and such -- but first we both need to look over our budgets to make sure it works out. i'll make a post about it once a decision has been made, and i'll make sure that everyone knows what's up. i just really want to catch up to where there's no backlog of owed content weighing on my conscience. once i get there, i hope to be able to stay on schedule better.

third, i've realised that i've been doing pretty much exactly the same types of content for 4 years now. i think i'd feel rejuvenated if i could switch things up a bit. some of the ideas i'm playing with is changing the format of the OC spotlights; spicing up my MOTM stuff; and whether or not i should even keep doing wallpapers. but nothing is changing yet, and before making any decisions i'm going to ask for more feedback from you all.

i'll make separate posts about it and possibly polls, but to begin with i'd like to ask some questions: do you have any suggestions for new things i could do, or fun & interesting ways to tweak what i'm already doing? what's your favourite types of rewards/content from other artists? what kinds of content would you NOT miss if i stopped doing them? you can comment below OR send me a PM, if you'd like your feedback to stay anonymous.

thanks in advance, sorry again about the delays, and thanks for reading all of this <3