2/4.
***
Renise thought about the 3rd Princess often.
It was hard not to. She was officially her saviour.
When Renise closed her eyes, it was all too easy to see the princess amidst the darkness, her sword shining brighter than the moonlight streaming past her as she stood surrounded by the ruin of a dryad’s nest in Reitzlake. She saw her proud figure as she strode forwards to meet the poisoned words of Lucina Tolent. She saw her dazzling sword technique t...
2024-02-07 00:43:07 +0000 UTC
View Post
2: The Bread & Berry Cafe
***
I sat down in one of the cafe's dining chairs, indulging in a wooden surface that was flat and varnished and not the repurposed tree branch that broomsticks were fashionably made of since the invention of the word discomfort.
I'd once queried why broomsticks were spindly, since soreness aside, aerodynamics seemed to suggest that straighter was better. I was told the reason had less to do ...
2024-02-04 18:28:32 +0000 UTC
View Post
1: Modern Dragonslaying
***
The problem with dragons is that they always had to have the last word.
I say problem, but this really wasn’t an issue so far as humans were concerned. Us being famously squishy and prone to fleeing, we were quite willing, if not exactly content, to be gloated at by a dragon for not having jagged scales, monstrous wings and the ability to cook our dinners on demand.
No, the problem came...
2024-02-04 18:27:06 +0000 UTC
View Post
Synopsis:
The world is ending.
To most, that's a problem. To Elise Rowe, it's the start of her week.
With her Sword of Heroism in one hand and a jug of coffee in the other, she navigates working part-time as a waitress at the Bread & Berry Cafe and as an official heroine in the Fabled Realm of Ouzelia. Most of all, she has ...
2024-02-04 18:25:46 +0000 UTC
View Post
Renise Rimeaux's mini-arc. 1/4.
***
Renise smelled trouble.
That wasn’t unusual. As the informal head of the Kingdom of Tirea’s very own budding clandestine organisation for wayward misfits, trouble was less something she stumbled across and more what she voluntarily headbutted with her face.
But trouble usually smelled like the salt air of Reitzlake’s docks, the sweaty rags of those who prowled the back alleys there, and the unfortunate puddles ...
2024-02-04 02:35:30 +0000 UTC
View Post
Hags.
Women who had sold their souls, their sanity and their mortality to nightmares which existed only in the depths of forests.
But amongst them, the hag witches did more than eschew the comforts of passable tea.
They were fallen mages whose fascination with the darkest of the magical arts was matched only by their perverse talent to befoul it further, turning rancid rivers into running bile.
Despite abandoning any claim to civilisation, they delighted in weaving the...
2024-02-02 02:51:27 +0000 UTC
View Post
I couldn’t help but smile.
Why, for my assassin to be a fair maiden with a kindly exterior, all I could feel was bemusement and a slight tingling in my nose as I held back a public sneeze. Something far more harmful to me than any concoction she hoped me to drink.
After all, few things were as familiar to a princess as the aroma of freshly laced poison.
Ohohoho … truly now?
A drop of nightbloom essence?
How very novel … were I just born into the world.
<...
2024-01-30 22:54:42 +0000 UTC
View Post
There were fouler things than that which slept in the abyss.
Most were too gruesome for my innocent ears to be privy to. As the epitome of a fragile princess, I was shielded from the horrors which stalked the darkest reaches of existence.
But not all of them.
Even as my family bravely rebuffed the tendrils which sought to weave through their shield of caring and diligence, the whispers of what they saw and what they fought still made themselves known to me, carried by a frig...
2024-01-28 04:18:59 +0000 UTC
View Post
As a princess, I’d witnessed the most beautiful backdrops of my kingdom.
From the soaring heights of my bedroom ceiling as I read while lying on my back, to the mysterious corners of my bedroom bookshelves as I read while lying on my side, to the deep canyon nestled within my pillow as I read while lying on my front, my eyes had been graced with the most dazzling sights that any princess had the luxury of viewing.
As I approached the edge of Hartzwiese, I saw none of these thing...
2024-01-26 05:04:55 +0000 UTC
View Post
The Gentle Princess creaked as it swayed like a giant upon a hammock.
Within the many corridors and cabins of this majestic vessel, the skull upon the black flag no longer jeered. The bright colours of the Kingdom of Tirea was now proudly displayed, each banner proclaiming the wall it hung upon as property of the realm.
And at its helm was a young woman more often seen dancing amidst the gardens of orphanages than steering a ship’s wheel–which was why she purposefully...
2024-01-24 04:17:16 +0000 UTC
View Post
My mouth widened at the sight of a single eye hazing over into a dark orb.
No … it was more than dark.
It was deeper. Emptier. Hollower.
A shade blacker than a night sky devoid of stars. It was the abyss itself. And it didn’t wait to be stared at.
Even lacking pupils, I could sense as the eye watched me with a focus more intent than a circle of servants as they slowly drowned in their perspiration, waiting for the moment I snapped my fingers and doled out ...
2024-01-21 04:14:01 +0000 UTC
View Post
Barbarians.
Beyond the Fabled Realm of Ouzelia, the frozen tundras and icy mountains which awaited housed the wealthiest and most powerful barbarian clans to exist upon the continent.
Making their riches as mercenaries or tradesmen of rare furs and white iron, they were both alike and unlike the humans of other realms.
Said to possess the blood of giants in them, they swaggered with the knowledge that no matter the ferocity of the beast before them, they were still the preda...
2024-01-19 04:26:43 +0000 UTC
View Post
I held my palm above me, wincing as a column of sunlight bore down upon my fair skin.
As Apple trotted at a leisurely pace on the northern road to Hartzwiese, I peered up at a blue expanse embellished by wispy trails of clouds, each twisting like its own aurora. A sweeping brush of springtime, forming a painting more dazzling than any ocean.
Even so, it paled to what lay around me.
The fields of my kingdom blooming as a single shade of gold.
Wheat fields as bright as t...
2024-01-16 21:08:25 +0000 UTC
View Post
Dawn came in the form of a golden halo cresting the Loerstadt Gate.
I watched from atop Apple’s back, gazing at the sight of the sun hoping to earn a spot in my good graces by sending me off. It’d need to do more than that. I hadn’t yet forgiven it for all the mornings it’d cruelly singed my face through the curtains.
Still, I was nothing if not famously cordial.
And so I raised a hand to my brow, wincing as I accepted this parting gift blinding my eyes in the steadf...
2024-01-14 04:50:37 +0000 UTC
View Post
Second Prince Tristan Contzen was a man of few words.
In truth, there was little he was permitted to say.
To be a second prince was to be a lifelong understudy. A role which few found joy in.
Upon the grand theatre of war, politics and romance, to be the second prince was to be the bearer of duty. A shadow which must cast its way across a stage filled with lights always seeking to drive it to a new direction. And none which the man could choose for himself.
A second pr...
2024-01-12 03:36:59 +0000 UTC
View Post
Divination was widely derided as the least of magic.
Closely related to the bumblings of astrology, it was an ancient branch of magic relying not on study or skill, but an innate draw towards the stars.
The problem was obvious.
Stars came and went.
Mages of any prospect never gave the discipline any time nor thought. To tie one’s strength to the clarity of the weather was as insane as a soldier dictating his strength on how many times he’d sneezed over the past wee...
2024-01-10 00:18:07 +0000 UTC
View Post
I … I was in mortal peril!
Why, I could feel it like Coppelia’s elbow in the night! My princess senses were as keen as the ears of a fawn in a forest! And currently, the cracking of a twig came in the form of a receptionist from Reitzlake querying a barkeeper about the most prestigious guest he’d ever had the honour of disappointing!
Why?!
Why was she here?!
There wasn’t a moment’s doubt in my mind! I could recognise her like the carrot shavings the chefs tre...
2024-01-07 03:00:36 +0000 UTC
View Post
My heart was filled with trepidation upon entering the inn.
I should have been in high spirits instead.
After all, I'd sent the Grand Duchess's pets back to her waiting claws, and also deported an errant peasant from my kingdom. True, deporting that elven hoodlum to Ouzelia was a somewhat overly harsh punishment for someone whose crime was attempted world domination. But I was hardly one to deny Coppelia a rare request.
Sadly, no spring in my step could allow me to leap past...
2024-01-04 19:41:28 +0000 UTC
View Post
Ophelia pouted as she sat upon a tree branch.
Beside her was Duck A and Duck B, both of whom were perched within a warm bird’s nest which they definitely built themselves.
Swinging her legs while holding her cheeks in her palms, she was the perfect picture of a sullen maiden after having her heart disappointed. Which was true. She was a maiden. And what she was most disappointed in was the lack of bloodcurdling screaming.
And of course the blood.
She could never get ...
2024-01-03 03:58:30 +0000 UTC
View Post
I watched as the last of the silhouettes returned to the shadows beneath the forest boughs.
The earth shook as the armoured riders diligently made certain that any surviving wildflowers were stamped into the soil, and in the process ensure that even the periphery of their realm was as bleak as their mistress’s heart.
But it wasn’t the desecration to both my time and the local flora which earned my ire.
It was the evidence of collusion.
A small, forgettable pendant,...
2023-12-31 01:54:28 +0000 UTC
View Post
Hi there!
Thank you so much for your support over the past year. Because of your relentless generosity, we've been able to (accidentally) reach the #200 chapter milestone just before the end of the year!
If you haven't already, be sure to read yesterday's bonus chapter here!
Chapter 200: A Princess's Duty (Adventurer Tier)
This year was blessed with gloating laughter, and 20...
2023-12-30 13:44:57 +0000 UTC
View Post
A row of darkened eyes met me as I idly approached.
Granholtz’s finest remained mounted on their mailed war steeds, their black halberds and lances almost seeming to pierce the clouds as they rose high above their heads.
Yet it was their commander who I sent my least abiding smile towards.
He stood beside a destrier who would see even the most seasoned of stablemasters pause before agreeing to house him. But even compared to the wild mane of his horse, it was little to the...
2023-12-30 04:53:13 +0000 UTC
View Post
I waited.
Within a small clearing dominated by nothing more than a mound smaller than the discarded pile of gifts I threw outside my bedroom window, I waited as I stood idly upon the unofficial border between my fair kingdom and the house of cobras ruled by the Grand Duchess.
All around me, the sound of a forest pressed by a quiet wind sought to soothe my aches and pains. It needed to try harder. The soft rustling of leaves and the gentle breeze tickling my hair was all well and f...
2023-12-29 02:26:56 +0000 UTC
View Post
There were many things I expected upon my return to the group of elven hoodlums.
Being the joyful participants of my carefully designed one day rehabilitation scheme for convicted litterers, I had high hopes.
Grass so spotless I could admire my reflection in them. Trees so free of dirt they could be cut down and immediately sold as high-end furniture. Newly blossomed spring tulips popping up in the underbrush where the weeds had been rooted and burned.
I received all that an...
2023-12-27 02:46:46 +0000 UTC
View Post
Bwooom.
A giant claw came crashing down into the ground, turning soil upwards like a great shovel.
A pair of black wings spread out, casting a shadow even half-bent and broken. And yet of all the things to disturb the moonlight, the greatest came from the newly reattached head upon the wyvern’s neck.
But that wasn’t the most notable feat.
No … it’d be how a creature lacking lips was capable of breaking into a megomaniac’s smirk.
“Heh ...
2023-12-24 02:46:17 +0000 UTC
View Post
My kingdom was truly beautiful.
A vista of snow-capped mountains, verdant forests and distant shores illuminated beneath the moonlight. No matter what wonders one could build with hands, none could match what was shaped by nature, time, and crushing building regulations ensuring that not even a shed could be dreamed without a contribution to the Royal Treasury.
Here was a sight grander than any cathedral or castle, mocking especially the citadel of the Grand Duchess as she peered ...
2023-12-21 20:21:16 +0000 UTC
View Post
A cold sweat ran down Ophelia’s back.
She was used to getting into bad situations. Being an A-rank sword saint didn’t exclude her. On the contrary, it only drew her towards them. Mostly because she sought them out.
Other A-ranks were probably better about that than she was.
They probably got their ranks because they were cautious, patient and diligent, whereas she got hers because of her connections.
Ophelia knew all the right people.
Specifically, the right ...
2023-12-19 23:52:48 +0000 UTC
View Post
I looked up.
And then I looked up even more.
Where before an elven druid stood, there now towered a growing figure of colossal height.
Gone was the robed figure tattered with disheveledness and a napkin stained with the remains of food.
Instead, his body warped and twisted, skin giving away to jagged scales and ears protruding forth as black horns. The pale shadow of ambition was still seen behind his back, but now it was cast by a tail more thorned than any rose, so l...
2023-12-17 01:24:03 +0000 UTC
View Post
I scraped my boots across the floor of the tower chamber.
Why, it didn’t even squeak!
A true caricature of royal abodes! I hadn’t spent a single crown to view it and I still felt poorer for it!
The absolute gall of this man! Here I was striving to enrich my quality of life, and yet merely stepping foot in this parody of a tower chamber was reducing my princess points by the second!
A cost this charlatan had little means to repay.
Fortunately, I was nothing if...
2023-12-15 01:55:16 +0000 UTC
View Post
I led the way, Starlight Grace in hand as I ascended a spiralling stairwell.
Ordinarily, climbing a spiralling stairwell was cause for joy. There was only one in my life, and it led to my bedroom. Appropriately located on the third tallest tower behind my two sisters, it was my refuge from the queues of admirers who wished to solicit a moment of my attention.
Granted, the queues of admirers were somewhat smaller than those for my siblings … but even that was a masterful effort o...
2023-12-12 18:48:14 +0000 UTC
View Post
