OC SPOTLIGHT March: Nokai // sfw + nsfw

this spotlight is kind of divided into two parts, of which the first is extremely sfw because it deals with nokai's very formative background. the second part is about nokai as a grown-up and contains some nsfw text.

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nokai is another character from the underground desert empire setting--which still needs a better working title. the empire in question has a complex and well-developed organisation, with several organs tasked with maintaining peace and order. but there's places in the vast desert where the law can't reach. one such area is haunted by a werewolf raider clan known as clan galtai, after its leader. they attack caravans and travelers, raid and extort nearby villagers, engage in illegal slave trade, practice forbidden magic, and trade in drugs and counterfeit liquid light. 

in general, the werewolves of this desert world are an accepted part of society, not least as followers of the moon goddess daiva. but there's still a fire in their blood and they must be careful to maintain control of themselves; if they're overwhelmed by pain, anger, fear, or other intense emotions they run the risk of being driven into a violent frenzy. while in this frenzied state, they don't think clearly and they can't tell friend from foe; they'll attack and maim and kill without discrimination. for some of them it's easy to keep calm and collected, while others have a much shorter fuse. a werewolf may meditate, seek the help of priests, or use amulets and rituals to keep a level head. 

clan galtai, however, basically worships rage, believing it's the key to a werewolf's power. people get hurt and perish in its wake, but they care little for these "weaklings." it's an extreme survival of the fittest mentality, where you're taught to climb over the corpses of others to get to the top. galtai raises his children--of which he has many--to be just as violent and ruthless as himself.

galtai was nokai's father, but his mother, ramla, was not galtai's wife. not that anyone cared--galtai had many lovers. it began as a thrilling fling and ramla, from the comfort of galtai's castle, saw little of the suffering he and his followers caused. it was only once ramla had a pup that she cared for more than anything else that the scales started falling from her eyes. she saw the influence the galtais had on her son, and it made her stomach turn. nokai's mother had to watch him grow up in an environment where anger and violence and destructiveness was cultivated and encouraged. little nokai started losing his temper more and more often, flying into a rage and getting into fights. since he was a big lad he'd often end up victorious, leaving other children bruised and hurting. ramla hated seeing it.

and nokai was never a bad kid. at first, when he was too little, he didn't understand that it was wrong. he was just a pup fighting with other pups, and his father and the other galtai rewarded him for that behaviour, goading him on. as he and the other kids grew, they became more and more capable of actually harming one another. as if the general encouragement of aggressiveness and violence wasn't enough, the galtais would deliberately goad the children into frenzying, pitting them against each other or siccing them on a 'disposable' animal from their herds. they'd take them hunting, but not for the sake of gathering food; they were made to tear their prey apart, leaving the carcasses to rot in the desert. "it's good practice." 

afterwards, ramla would sometimes find nokai in his room, quiet and troubled. once the madness of the frenzy had passed and the rage had settled, it ... didn't feel right. he didn't know any other way of life, but it didn't feel good. ramla could tell he didn't enjoy thinking about what he'd done, he didn't take pride in seeing the other kids with the bruises and scrapes he'd caused, or coming back to his senses with a dead goat in his jaws. but he never talked about it. they weren't ever supposed to talk about things like that--it was a sign of weakness, according to the galtais. "and you're not weak," galtai would ask if ever a child seemed to hesitate, "are you, son?"

problem is, nobody leaves the galtais. once you're with the galtais, the only way out is death. people who try to flee or defect are hunted down, tortured, and killed--especially if you make it personal. ramla had been galtai's lover, and nokai was one of his sons. there was no way he'd just let them run off. so for the first few years of her pup's life, fear kept ramla from even trying to escape.

but one day, ramla saw another mother--one of the castle slaves--bandage the wounds of her weeping child, who seemed to have gotten bit by a sharp-toothed creature. as she walked into the grand hall, she heard galtai boast of how nokai had been driven into a frenzy and sicced on the boy to punish his mother for disobedience. he had shifted into his werewolf form and "tore into that brat, clawing and biting and shaking him around like a ragdoll." nokai wasn't even ten years old at the time. he was still just a child, being forcefully conditioned to more and more excessive violence. "he's gonna get his first kill soon."

ramla hurried to her son's room, where she found him curled up and crying, sobbing about how he couldn't get the taste of blood out of his mouth. in that moment, as she sat there hugging him, ramla made her decision. she wouldn't let them turn her little pup into a monster. they had to risk it. 

a few days later, in the middle of the night, they snuck out of the castle and ran. mother and son shifted into their werewolf forms and set off into the desert, praying to daiva. they had few supplies, no map, and no idea of where to go except away.

but daiva is also a goddess of luck, and fortune smiled upon them. they stumbled into a travelling caravan that allowed them to tag along until the next village. ramla knew they couldn't stay there, though. it was too close to the galtais. they'd easily find them there, and the villagers would get punished for unknowingly sheltering them. and nokai wasn't adjusting well to the village life. he didn't know how to behave as a normal child, and any little quarrel would have him teeter on the brink of a frenzy. it wasn't long until the village kids feared and avoided him, and the adults kept giving him and ramla suspicious looks. she had kept their background secret, not knowing what would happen if the townsfolk found out they were galtais. many of them had suffered at the clan's hands--perhaps they would try to exact revenge.

after some fearful days, they left with the next passing caravan. for the next few months, they never stayed at any one place for longer than a couple of nights. it was exhausting and stressful, with fear constantly looming behind their backs. but at long last ramla caught scattered whispers of a place where, perhaps, they could find sanctuary. the galtais had sometimes talked of 'the scoundrels'--a loose organisation of criminals and outcasts that had clashed with the clan more than once, because unlike the galtais they had a code of honour and a tendency to shelter the weak instead of preying on them. perhaps there would be a place for her and her son among them, where they wouldn't have to face judgement and where people would not fear galtai's revenge. apparently they had a hideout, somewhere in the desert, but it was allegedly impossible to find--lawmen had tried for decades, without any luck.

ramla prayed to daiva, like so many times before, and she and nokai set out to find someone who might know the way. it wasn't easy, and their money started running thin. they could only afford so much supplies, and while ramla made sure her son was never hungry or thirsty or cold, she herself started growing thin and pale. 

at long last she got in contact with a potential guide, and for the first time ramla told someone about what exactly they were running from and why. the scoundrel lead them into the desert, blindfolded. once the strips of cloth were taken off, ramla and nokai found themselves in the scoundrel headquarters, standing in front of the leaders--the so-called royals.

after listening to ramla's story, one or two of them voiced a concern that she might be a spy--that the enemy galtais were trying to infiltrate their ranks. but by now ramla was very sick and weak, and it seemed highly unlikely someone would go to such lengths to make a convincing spy. the matter was settled when the duchess of cards (also known as chidimma) stepped up to welcome ramla with open arms, saying that her long journey had finally come to an end. chidimma is a seer ("clear-eyed as daiva herself," her wife would say), and everyone trusted her judgement. "you're home, now. you're safe." 

they started settling into life at the scoundrel hideout. there were others like them, there, people who had fled from terrible things, people who were struggling--and people who had (or had had) the same anger management issues as nokai. they wanted to help him with his temper, teach him how to control himself and avoid frenzying. it wouldn't be easy, but the scoundrels were more understanding. for the first time in his life, little nokai made some friends, and as ramla saw her son have a chance at a better life she knew that their risky flight had been worth it.

but ramla herself kept getting weaker and more sick. after a few weeks, she was bedridden. doctors and healers and shamans came to see her, but none could find a cure; it seemed to be a sickness of the soul more than of the body. years of living in fear and months of being on the run had caught up with her, and now her spirit was aching to go to sleep in daiva's midnight arms.

nokai sat by her bedside as she withered away, but she wasn't sorrowful; there was a smile of relief on her lips, because she knew that she had managed to bring him to safety. when he tried to keep himself from crying, she cupped his cheek with her frail hand and murmured "it's alright to be weak, nokai. don't try to be strong--just try to be good. don't waste your life. you're so much better than him, than them. my little pup."

nokai wasn't even ten years old when they buried his mother. 

*

fifteen years, a few feet, and many kilograms of muscle later, nokai is a beefy young man with cranky eyebrows and a bad attitude. he's a full-blown scoundrel now--meaning he's a criminal who doesn't give two shits about the law, instead living by the scoundrel values and following his own moral code. 

he still has a nasty temper, though. it's nowhere near as bad as it would have been if he had stayed with clan galtai, but his childhood caused many scars that might never quite heal. he's been trying his best to learn self-control, but it's still a struggle, even after fifteen years. it's still too easy to rile him up, and once his blood starts to boil he doesn't always know how to stop himself. he tries to not get into meaningless fights, but it still happens. he does his best to avoid losing his temper, but it still happens. he doesn't frenzy as often, but it still happens. it all still happens--not as often as it could, or once did, but more often than it should. 

sometimes he feels hopeless, because it's a constant fucking struggle, no matter how hard he tries. he's got too little impulse control and too much aggression. he's good at fighting, and now that he's older he enjoys it more than he'd like to admit. but he tries to use his talents for good causes, to help and protect others who can't help or protect themselves, and to only hurt and kill those who deserve it. but he can't help but wonder, if fighting is all he's good at, if violence is the only way he can solve problems, if anger comes so easily to him--can he really be a good person?

he has friends, comrades-in-arms, people who won't give up on him despite his issues. but there's also those who view him as a dangerous liability to the scoundrels--a frenzy-prone werewolf is no joke. it doesn't help that he looks a lot like a younger galtai, and there's people who hate and distrust him for his heritage. they say they can't take the galtai out of him, that it's in his blood, and that sooner or later he's going to snap and kill someone he shouldn't kill.

he hates the feeling of not having control of his own emotions and reactions and actions. he hates it whenever he loses himself to anger, whenever he calms down after a meaningless violent outburst or comes back to his senses after a frenzy, especially if someone got hurt. there's many among the scoundrels who are capable of stopping a frenzying werewolf before they cause too much damage (other werewolves, massive dragon people, and powerful mages, just to name a few) but sometimes it's a bit too late. and every time that happens, nokai feels like he's letting his mother down.

but, nokai finds some peace in an unexpected way. once he grew into a horny teenager he started exploring The Sex, as horny teenagers tend to do, and over the following years he gradually realised certain things about himself. he's very much a top, but he discovered he prefers bossy bottoms. in fact, he likes dominant bottoms. it started with a pleasant sensation when one of his fwbs casually called him a good dog, and eventually culminated with a certain sexual partner asking if he'd let them collar, leash, and muzzle him--in either his human or werewolf form. 

nokai loved it. he likes getting commands, and being praised and rewarded--and occasionally disciplined, if he's been a bad dog. he's pretty obedient most of the time, especially when told that he'll get to knot and fill his partner up if only he behaves. but sometimes you gotta tame him a bit. he's a werewolf, after all, all muscle and fangs and claws, growling and hungry. in those moments there's nothing like a bottom riding his cock but not letting him cum deep in their hole until they allow him to.

but it's more than "just" sex. handing over control to a trusted dom means that for a while, he can relax. when he entrusts himself to someone like that, he doesn't have to struggle to keep himself under control, because they're in control of him now. they anchor him, commanding his full attention and guiding his actions in a way that doesn't allow for poor impulsive decisions or emotional outbursts. for nokai, the collar and leash and muzzle signals relief from the otherwise constant struggle of keeping himself in check. when a dom gives him a command, he listens and obeys; and when they praise him for being good, he feels like he can't be such a bad person after all. it's incredibly freeing for him, giving him a sense of peace and security that he doesn't often get to enjoy otherwise. even outside the bedroom, people who dom him are the best at calming him down if he's about to lose his temper, and at helping him break free of a frenzy. 

he had a few different sexual partners before meeting someone who really made him feel feelings, y'know. this special someone is named tai, but it wouldn't stop at him. as it turns out tai has an old friend, inepu, who quickly charms his way into tai and nokai's bed. a bit later inepu returns with his new lover, ali, and things are admittedly a bit tense between nokai and ali at first--until one day tai and inepu catches them greedily making out. the four of them (all werewolves) end up forming a polyamorous pack based on trust, loyalty, and love. having a pack/set of lovers like that works wonders for nokai. they're all there for him when he needs it, giving him a sense of home and worth and always forgiving him for the things he's done, even when he can't forgive himself. they remind him that you don't have to be strong. just try to be good. 

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low key made myself cry typing this up. sobs. hope you enjoyed the read aaand as always, i'm happy to answer any questions in the comment section below, both sfw and nsfw! <3

// art + nokai + inepu © me; daiva + chidimma + tai + ali © kubi.