Playing With Chemicals - the first EVER Aardvark story (2003)

I've spent a lot of time this month readying treats for you all. One of them isn't quite done yet (and it's not a story), but my research for it reminded me that years ago, I removed my first ever story from circulation. There is a reason for that: I was 14 years old when I wrote it and it's terrible. It is very, very bad. But - given the length of my stuff nowadays - it is also hilariously short, and in the spirit of celebrating all of who we are, I'm going to post it here with no shame. Good job, little Aardvark. I'm proud of you (even if I'm not proud of this particular piece!)

Without further ado, I bring to you: Playing With Chemicals.

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Joey ran up the stairs, excited about the events the night would bring. He was a classic optimist, one of the "glass is half full" people. However, he didn't have any friends - the small town in which he lived had few children, and none lived in his neighborhood. Still, he was always happy. His father was a chemist for a large pharmaceutical company, and there was a party for employees in a large city close by that Joey had to attend. However, his father had requested that he bring down the briefcase full of his father's briefcase. He punched in the code he punched in every day to the lab - 1-21-34-7 - and entered.

"Dad?"

No answer. "Hmmm..." he thought as he entered. He was getting over a cold, and didn't want to be sniffling. He knew a bit about chemicals and thought maybe he could whip up a little bit of a cold depressant. He grabbed the drugs he thought would work and began mixing. He was sure of his safety. His father had always talked about how the company only approved non-toxic and totally safe chemicals. He finished the brew and downed the mixture in one gulp.

"JOEY!"

The angry voice of his father came from downstairs. The boy whirled around and realized he had been a good ten minutes and his father would be wondering what he had been doing. He grabbed the briefcase and bolted downstairs, trying to think of an excuse for the delay.

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The night passed by without a hitch, and the two males returned home. Joey's mother had died giving birth to him, and because of that his father had always had a twinge of sadness when around Joey. Because of this, Joey was never dependent on his father. The two had a good relationship, but neither Joey or his father could recall ever talking about anything of great importance, or Joey's father giving any bits of advice to him. Still, Joey's father made a good living, and the two lived handsomely. They had a huge house and a big backyard, and Joey was always happy with it (of course!) Joey stumbled up the stairs, drunk with tiredness. Something didn't feel quite right...however, his cold had gone away for the night, and he felt his mixture had worked. Neither he or his father had noticed that his clothes where a little tighter than normal, or that his pants where a bit short. He was still in his growing stages anyway, that was normal, right? The boy went into his room and promptly took off his formal dinner jacket, and unbuttoned his top button. For some reason, this threw the formula into an overdrive. The second button on his dinner shirt popped, then the third, then the fourth as his chest slowly expanded.

"What the...? Owwww...OWWWWWW...WHAT'S - AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"

His shirt tightened more and more as his body pumped up, running on a testosterone overdrive. His biceps and chest expanded and grew, veins bulging in all their muscular glory.

"Nooo! NOOO!"

He tripped and flailed to the mirror, standing in front of it as he watched himself grow.

"STOP! SOMEBODY, MAKE IT STOP!!!! IT HURTS!!!! It...hurts..."

As every word came out of his mouth, his voice deepened, becoming sexier and more seductive as his Adam's apple pushed out of his enlargening neck. His shoulders broadened and his legs thickened and bulged, elongating and stretching to manly proportions. Suddenly, it all seemed to stop. He stood up.

"Aw...no...not this..not now."

Staring back at him was a huge, gorgeous and tanned body. Strangely, his clothes had stretched as well and now fitted his adult body perfectly. His pin-striped black pants contained two long legs, and his silk blue button-down held 200 pounds of solid, polished muscle. But something didn't look right...

"My...my face...I'm still me!"

It was true, his face hadn't aged a day. Staring back at him was still the thirteen-year-old he knew so well.

"Whoa...No! NOOOO! NOT MY FACE!!!"

His large hands flew up to his nose as it enlarged and aged. His lips became bigger and poutier.

"No...noo..."

His chin clefted and his blue eyes changed to a beautiful green color. His red curls straightened out and became gorgeous, thick, black hair. Sideburns crawled down to his ears, and his cheeks and chin darkened as light stubble appeared on them.

"It can't be..."

He looked, and felt, but it was true - the small boy had been replaced by a hulking man with All-American good looks. He couldn't go downstairs like this...his new adult brain swirled with thoughts...and the man crawled out into the night, never to be seen again