Mary Sue Exercise

Hello everyone!

This week’s short story is more of an exercise. I’ve seen a lot of discussion lately about “cringe-y” YA as more and more authors self-publish or get popular via social media.

When I was a teenager and just started writing, one of my biggest fears was creating a Mary Sue. Mary Sues were very Bad and could get you bulled online. They were too powerful, too beautiful, too not-like-other-girls. People would look down on writers who incorporated these elements into the MC and tell them to stop writing entirely.

Now, in my late 20s, I’ve been thinking about that time in my life more and more. Writing was my hobby, sure, but reading was my escape. And, as a teen, I wanted to escape. I wanted to read about characters who were all-powerful, who were confident, who were loved and respected. I wasn’t getting that fulfillment in my daily life, but I was getting that from books.

So why, when I loved reading them so much, was I so afraid of writing Mary Sues?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong in wanting to read or wanting to write an over-powered character. But I’ve come to the realization that it’s HOW you do it that matters. The biggest legitimate criticism against these types of characters is that they’re not believable. How does a teenager defeat a Dark Lord with fifty years of experience? Why does the orphan know how to wield a lightsaber better than those who’ve trained with it for a lifetime? Why is the prophesied hero wittier than the Generals who’ve been planning this battle all along?

“Mary Sue” stories are always missing an explanation. They “tell” rather than “show.” That style of writing never allows a reader to fully engage and forces them to remain in a critical position. There’s no information for the reader to work with! That’s a really frustrating experience and, as a connoisseur of the Mary Sue, it’s one I know well.

I rebel against the idea of “cringe” in writing. So this week I wrote the opening to a YA book with aaaall the hallmarks of a Mary Sue.

Our main character (Junipera, of course) is the most powerful vampire in her Family despite being one of the youngest. She has long silver hair and black eyes that turn red when she’s angry. She is gorgeous and seemingly all-knowing. She’s contemptuous of those around her and effortlessly outwits them no matter the situation. She is Edgy and Arrogant and everything I have tried not to write for most of my life.

BUT I sort of love how she turned out?

As I’ve worked on pulling together two books to release over the next few weeks, this has been extremely soothing for me. I’ve managed to keep finding the joy in writing because of this exercise and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Or, at the very least, I hope that those of you who may be skeptical are given a different angle to think about Mary Sues and their place in literature.

Thanks for reading!

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She should have at least changed clothes before falling on top of the covers last night.

Junipera pinches the bridge of her nose without getting up. Her black button-down shirt sticks unpleasantly to her side and the scent of iron fills the air. She doesn’t need to move her legs to know that her jeans are similarly soaked alongside her black, leather boots. She’d been so tired last night that getting into bed with blood-stained clothing had seemed a good compromise to falling asleep in the shower.

Of course, she didn’t know she’d be having a visitor this morning. Or, rather, another one.

The knock comes right on time. Firm and loud in the quiet of the early morning. Junipera’s lip curls. Impetuous. If she was in her territory, no one would dare knock like that on her bedroom door after a late night. They wouldn’t dare to knock at all.

But she isn’t in her territory, is she?

“Come in.”

The door – pale pine with brass hinges, ornate as all things are here – glides open. The woman who slips into her room, softly closing the door behind her, is as familiar a face as any in this place. The “assistant” the Raven Family assigned to her when she first arrived is very good at looking harmless. Her wide, clear eyes are soft as they take in the dishevelment of Junipera’s room. If she has an opinion on the bloody footprints leading from the shattered window to the bed, she doesn’t show it. As an assassin, Madison is probably used to blood.

She should look surprised at least. Junipera sits up, wincing as her long, silver hair sticks to the pillow. A shower would have at least saved her hair from the matts of dried blood in it. If she liked Madison better, she’d tell her that before one of the Ravens noticed that she wasn’t very good at keeping her cover.

“Ma’am,” Madison says. Her voice is neutral and calm, but her lips are thin as she looks over Junipera’s boots. “You aren’t to go out.”

Ten years ago, Junipera would have laughed out loud at that. Hell, in her territory she might have at least smiled. But Junipera has been playing this game a lot longer than Madison knows.

Junipera hunches in on herself. Her vampiric complexion won’t let her blush, but she ducks her head against Madison’s gaze and averts her eyes. “I was hungry.”

“That’s what the servants are for,” Madison says. A note of disapproval rings in the words. Madison is getting comfortable. “They would have brought you something if you called for them.”

“I rang,” Junipera says. She eyes the bell on her nightstand and makes sure to rub at her fingers where Madison can see. While the Ravens are blessed with immunity to silver, Junipera is not. The silver bell is a taunt, though she doesn’t know from who. The Lord and Lady of the Family? The inner court? The servants? “I rang as long as I could, but nobody came.”

Junipera peeks out from behind her curtain of silver hair. Is that a smirk tucked into the corner of Madison’s mouth?  What a fool.

“You’re expected at breakfast,” Madison says. She walks over the broken glass to the window and snaps the curtains closed. While the Ravens are able to walk during the day, full sunlight hurts them. Junipera is the one with immunity to that. Madison spins on her heel. “You’ve made quite the mess, ma’am. The servants will have a hard time replacing the window before evening.”

Does Madison expect an apology? Junipera feels her black eyes flare red and keeps her head ducked to hide them from Madison. She breathes in deeply through her nose. “…I didn’t mean to break the window.”

She did mean to throw her would-be killer through it last night. It breaking was unexpected. Her Family always kept bulletproof glass in the main residence. Maybe the Raven Family didn’t have the coffers to do the same?

“They will manage it,” Madison says. There’s a twist of satisfaction in her aura. Did she hear an apology from Juniper where none existed? “Raven Manor has grown accustomed to vampires with very fine control. It will do them good to be reminded of what lay beyond our borders.”

Fine control. Junipera has to admit that the elders of the Raven Family have it. Even she has a hard time sensing them in the manor, gathering in the depths to conspire against her Family. She says, “Oh…I see.”

“Breakfast is in one hour,” Madison says. She crunches over the broken glass to loom at the side of Junipera’s bed.  Too close for an assistant. “You can’t go looking like that.”

Ah. Now Madison isn’t doing too good of a job of hiding her disdain. It seeps into her aura like swamp water. Why do I have to take care of this spoiled brat? Uncouth. Dirty. Not suited for the Raven Family.

Even Junipera has her limits.

She lifts her head to look up at Madison, tilting her chin just so. Her hair slides like silk over her shoulders and drapes along the curve of her hip. The rest is an instinct. Press her shoulders back, lift her chest, blink her long lashes just a few too many times, eyes wide and dark. She doesn’t dare let her aura touch Madison’s, not when she’s doing her best to appear harmless, but the effect is enough judging by the way Madison’s breath hitches. “Looking like what?” Junipera asks.

“J-just get dressed,” Madison says. She pats at her black bun as if checking for fly aways. She takes great interest in the Raven Family portraits on the wall. “Bathe. Be presentable.”

“In that order?” Junipera bites her lower lip as if in genuine confusion. “C-can I bathe first?”

“Obviously,” Madison snaps. She stumbles back when Junipera swings her legs over the edge of the bed, but then firms her stance. “One hour, ma’am.”

“That’s pretty fast,” Junipera says. Her fingers tangle in the bedsheets on either side of her and she presses her lower lip out in a pout. “Maybe if I had help in the bath…”

Madison pretends not to hear her. “I must go now, ma’am. Don’t hesitate to ring the bell if you need assistance.”

“But the silver hurts—”

Madison flees.

Junipera crosses her legs and leans her chin on one hand as she considers the door Madison just slammed. She accepted this mission from her Family out of boredom. It was different than being deployed to battle or sent to recover this or that ancient relic from ruins. The political espionage involved in this one had intrigued her. She’d gone into this with high hopes. She’d never seen the inner workings of a Family as well-established as the Ravens. She thought she might learn something from the vampires who were so famous for their speed, their wit, their bloodthirst.

Junipera didn’t expect to be bored here too.

She sighs, rubbing a hand over her hair as she stands. Too late to regret now. Until she finds the information her Family sent her for, she’s stuck here.

She goes to shower without ringing the bell. Truthfully, the pain of the silver doesn’t bother her that much. She could ring it, but why bother with something so futile? None of the Raven’s servants will answer her summons. They treat foreign ambassadors badly for a Family known for their politics.

If she has her way, they’ll learn to regret that.

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Seriously had so much fun writing this and even more fun re-reading this exercise. The inner child in me already wants the next chapter.

Thank you for letting me post something a little off-beat today! I'm double-checking and triple-checking the anthology and am excited to be publishing that on Friday, September 9th through Amazon and Payhip!

I'll be doing something special for my patrons this week, so keep an eye out Wednesday for that :)

No pre-sale links at this time because I am not technologically savvy, but I will have one for Madame Science soon!

Thanks again for all your support. Patreon and self-publishing are steep learning curves for me and it's been such a joy to see such positive feedback from all of you :)