LIVE Chat: Building Trust, Unlinking Hierarchy from Safety, and Embracing Monogamous Relationship Anarchy

(Transcript attached, if you'd rather read it)

Thanks to all who came out for yesterday's Live chat! I offer these monthly for €3+ patrons to come ask me whatever you want. I hope it can be helpful.

Timecode:

• 00.00 - Intro
• 02.25 - How do you build patterns of trust? What to consider, especially if you're unsure what trustworthiness looks like, or if you can trust yourself.
• 11.55 - Thoughts on coming out [about polyamory] at work? 
• 15.35 - When to tell a flirty connection that you're non-monogamous?
• 17.55 - How do you internalize that relationship status is not the same thing as safety? When there's interest in anti-hierarchy / non-hierarchy, but existential fear at letting go of primacy, along with a lifetime of mono normative conditioning.
• 28.15 - After years in relationship anarchy, what if you desire monogamy again, especially if community members are policing and invalidating it? Discussions of nuance, challenging militant cop behavior in our own allies, knowing the differences between compulsory vs. freely chosen monogamy, and how a monogamous RA still doesn't require their partner be monogamous.
• 35.35 - Tangential story about my own youth and militance, that while I still agree with my own politics from back then, I still cringe at how non-nuanced and binary my thinking was,  that I was the loudest when I knew the least.
• 38.25 - How to decide if you move to a new city with a partner or not? Things that I considered when moving with a partner, especially as someone who likes routine and structure.
• 43.55 - How do I know what I'm "allowed" to ask for? What is reasonable? Separating needs from requests. Do you trust the person to say no? Does that feel doable and like a relatively consequence-free option for them?
• 53.45 - How do you know the best time to introduce partners to each other? Some things to consider, some practical ways that it can play out.

Automated transcription attached at the bottom of this post, via Otter AI

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