Hi! I'm so excited to finally launch the Chillpolyamory YouTube channel, focused just on media analysis. (This won't have my Patron-only video essays, tools or personal stories). This channel will be all about non monogamy in film and tv.
€3+ Patrons will get early access to the reviews, one week ahead of time.
As the Patreon grows, I'll be able to hire outside suppo...
2024-04-07 18:32:47 +0000 UTC View Post
Hi! Happy Easter, if you celebrate. 🐣
Following up to last week's patron exclusive, here's part two about bringing up conflict. Here are some practical tools that I use in my own life to maximize the chances I'm understood the way I intend, and to avoid setting an adversarial vibe to the conversation. As always, this is just what works for me, but please feel free to use or adapt these things, if you think they might suit you.
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0.00 - Intro 2024-03-31 14:20:27 +0000 UTC View Post
Hi! I hope you're having a lovely day and weekend. Some of you already noticed, but this week I'm making it official online, that I've changed my name to Genevieve. 😊
Today's resource was patron-requested, "how do you effectively bring up conflict?" While we can't control how we're heard, I'm happy to share tools that I use to minimize the chances I'm misunderstood, and to try to avoid setting an adversarial vibe to the conversation. But, before we get into that, I think there's valu...
2024-03-24 16:45:02 +0000 UTC View Post
(Transcript attached, if you'd rather read it)
Thanks to all who came out for yesterday's Live chat! I offer these monthly for €3+ patrons to come ask me whatever you want. I hope it can be helpful.
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Hi there!
I hope you're having a nice weekend. Here is your Bonus resource along with a recap of the posts you may have missed this month.
The Daylovers of 2024-03-10 11:00:08 +0000 UTC View Post
The Oscars are next week, and a polyamorous film is nominated for Best Picture.
Technically, Past Lives is a very polyamorous coded film, but, hear me out. Our protagonist explores concurrent love with mutual consent, shares how she's validated by different relationships in very different ways, and the metamours even meet and build their own connection with each other. Let's explore all the ways I think Past Lives is a not-so-secret example of...
2024-03-03 13:49:53 +0000 UTC View Post
It can be really tough to know what to do when only two people in a group are changing their relationship. If they start sleeping together, or need space from each other, or want to end just one part of their friendship, how could those changes ripple out to the rest of the group?
I’ll focus mainly on amicable ( or at least respectful ) changes today, where everyone involved feels invested in maintaining the group dynamic, too. ( Unfortunately, since good faith commun...
2024-02-25 11:20:38 +0000 UTC View Post
Thanks to all who came out for yesterday's Live chat. I'm developing a new production schedule to hopefully do these more often, aiming for once a month. Since it's a way to be accessible for all €3+ patrons to come and ask me anything, I'd like to offer that more regularly. Yesterday's recording is here, with approximate timecode markers below. I hope they can be helpful.
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Non-monogamy does not have to be just heavy conversations all the time. We do talk a lot, think a lot and feel a lot. But if all that talking can't lead to feeling a bit closer and more free, then what does it lead to?
Today, let's dive into an example of this on screen. The US sitcom Superstore shows us how to have all stress and no play in non-monogamy.
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A question was prompted to me 2 weeks ago, and it's one that I get somewhat often: in practice, is there ever a time when anarchistic and hierarchical approaches can happily coexist?
There's a lot to consider here.
When it comes to my videos about broader theory, as a non-academic, I think they're at their best when asking you questions for your own self inquiry. My hope is to offer some conversation starters today, so you can better define where the line is for you, and how...
2024-01-28 11:44:54 +0000 UTC View Post
Today, I'm continuing my media analysis series with a look at Bandits (2001). This surreal-romance-heist with Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton and Cate Blanchett, gives a solid example of how a triad can organically form. It was a lot of fun to break down, so let's jump in! Spoilers ahead.
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We’ve likely all been in dynamics where it felt like one person was reaching out more often, picking dates / times / activities more often, was always the one to start hard talks, etc. Sometimes, this is mutually agreed upon. But when it’s non-negotiated, it can be frustrating or exhausting. If you relate, and feel ready to talk about it, this resource is for you.
I’ve developed some questions for consideration below. As always, please only take what feels relevant or usef...
2024-01-14 11:12:34 +0000 UTC View Post
Thanks to all who came out for the first Live chat of 2024! The recording is here, with approximate timecode markers below. I hope they can be helpful.
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Happy new year!
Some exciting news. I'm kicking off a new series of video essays about non-monogamy in film and tv (a few of which I covered years ago in written Patreon reviews, but I'll retire those versions as I go). Polyam media analysis will gradually become a big focus of my work. We need examples, and I can only offer my own, so let's look at non-monogamy in pop culture, and see what we see!
I'm also launching a podcast with a partner in the Spring, where we'll collect an a...
2023-12-31 11:00:05 +0000 UTC View Post
Merry Christmas Eve, if you celebrate!
Since so many people are spending time in large groups this time of year, especially with extended family (who may or may not be easy to be around), the topic of conflict is on the mind — especially conflict that plays out in front of other people.
Today, I aim to explore the function of an audience during disagreements. When does it add pressure, carry risk, speak truth to power, bring safety in numbers? When is it a way to hold some...
2023-12-24 11:00:08 +0000 UTC View Post
Today is part two of some common patterns that I’ve seen erode trust between people, in polyamory or otherwise. It's anecdote-driven, as always, so let me know if you have a different experience or perspective. Any of these could also be their own video, but maybe this brief overview can be of service to you. 🙏
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Today is a quick overview of some common patterns that I’ve seen erode trust between people. Any of these topics could be their own video, so let me know which you might want me to expand upon. But I do think there's also value in consolidating lists to discuss briefly in one place.
This will be part one of two, with another list planned for next week. Maybe this can be of service to you. 🙏
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PLEASE NOTE : I've not had the chance to read all of these books, so their inclusion is not necessarily an endorsement. Since helpfulness is subjective, I won't be doing any rankings or tier lists. I'll put these in alphabetical order, with a link to each book's GoodReads page, so you can learn more.
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This will be an open resource for all Patrons, free members and the general public.
What happens when there are parts of someone we love, sides to them, that we don't share together? Interests, desires, experiences, identity... We can't always be the one to explore it with them. It can ache but also be beautiful to watch them do that with other people.
Mononormativity says romantic love is a merging of identities, that two become one. So, a partner seeking fulfillment elsewhere would mean something's missing in the relationship. If we believe that another person ...
2023-11-19 14:49:47 +0000 UTC View Post
Recent conversations with patrons and clients have focused a lot on the exhaustion of finding people. There will be this desire for new connections, for wanting certain role(s) to be filled in life, but also frustration about trying to make that happen.
There are very real and valid obstacles that stand in our way of connecting with new people, which I will explore a bit in this video. While we can't always change these limitations, nor control who we meet and when, there are some ways ...
2023-11-12 11:00:05 +0000 UTC View Post
I was 17 and watching my caregiver get ready for a date, when her phone rang. Her boyfriend had to cancel. His friend was in crisis and really needed help that night. She hung up, put her hand on her chest, and said, “I love that I’m with a man who would rush to his friend’s side like that.” It really stuck with me. She talked all the time about putting community care over individual comfort...
2023-11-05 11:39:05 +0000 UTC View PostThanks to all the folks who came to hang out in the Live chat yesterday. The recording is here, with approximate timecode markers below. I hope they can be helpful!
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Good morning,
I realized that I've not yet shared anything from Dr. Kim Tallbear here, so want to change that. She writes about anti colonial relating, non-monogamy and indigenous liberation. You can follow Dr. Tallbear on Substack for her current writing (not limited to just polyamory) or see a decade’s worth of her earlier writing at 2023-10-22 09:31:17 +0000 UTC View Post
Good morning,
Today, I'm offering part two about how / when / if I share my dislike of mutual connections with my friends, family or community members. This is a sampling of the types of interactions I encounter, full of their own context. Maybe that will be of service to you.
Content warning for brief mentions of assault and transphobia. As well, if you're sensitive to audio changes, there is a 4-5 minute section in the middle where sound quality shifts a bit, to...
2023-10-15 10:00:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Good morning!
I hope you're having a lovely weekend. By Patron request, I'm following up to last week's story with more info on how I share about my dislike of mutual friends (or extended family, or metamours, etc).
I offer a few anecdotes today, and will have more examples ready for you next week. Since this can look a lot of ways, I wanted to offer a small range of situations, in hopes that one or more of them might be helpful for you.
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Good morning!
I hope you're having a lovely day and a lovely weekend. Today, I'm offering a case study on subtle boundary pushing. Basically, I met a person in my mutual friend circles who seemed nice, but then gradually gave me the creeps, and I was the only one who saw it.
Most of us are pretty good at spotting overtly manipulative or unsafe people, but the quieter and softer ones can be easy to miss. And if we realize we don't trust someone, but our friends still do, how ...
2023-10-01 10:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Good morning!
I hope you're having a lovely Sunday. Today, compromise is on the mind. What happens when the thing we want seems at odds with our friend, partner or family member? Is there always a middle ground?
I'll offer a few anecdotes from my own life, sharing the ins and outs of some recent compromises and what was considered through all of it. I hope it can be of service.
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I speak with a lot of people who, for some reason or another, think they’re being lied to. What do we do when we’ve got a sneaking suspicion, but don’t know how / if to bring it up?
Today, I’ll offer some questions that I ask myself in this situation. It won’t be comprehensive, and you’ll know better than me what could work for you. But if you ever wonder whether you’re getting the whole truth, maybe this can be a place to start.
I’ll first lay out the kinds of thi...
2023-09-17 13:18:56 +0000 UTC View Post
Here's the video and transcript from yesterday's Live Chat! The next one will be some time mid winter, I hope to see you there again.
And just a reminder that switching to Patreon Video took away the option of chapter markers (for now), but I'll include the timecode here of the various questions, so hopefully you can still jump to areas of interest.
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Good morning! ☀️
Some quick housekeeping things:
Next Patron-only Live chat: The next one will be Sunday, September 10 at 12PM PDT / 3PM EDT / 9PM Berlin CEST. The link will go out that morning, and any patron at any tier can show up to ask me whatever you want.
Patreon Video / No chapter markers: I'm now uploading videos directly to Patreon, rather than using Vimeo. There are mostly upsides to this in terms of playback ...
2023-09-03 08:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post