Addicted To Life

Something became very apparent to me the other day while i was spending some time in the mountains.

Me and my sister went completely off grid, far from the distractions of the world.  The beauty and silence that exists in this world is truly astounding. I also noticed something profound within my mind that I didn't even realize was there.

We got a really early start on our hike the first day and the trail ended up being quite intense.  We arrived at this little clearing around 1:00 in the afternoon, so we decided to spend the night there, and finish the hike the following day..  

We set up our tent, started a fire, retrieved some water, and then there was nothing.  No distractions.  Just our own minds and nature.  I began to feel this sense of fear.  Fear of my own mind.  Knowing there was 8 more hours of daylight, and there was nothing to distract myself with, invoked such a strong sense of panic within me.  

What was I going to do for the next 8 hours?  I then started to get a bit angry with myself saying things like, wow you can't even enjoy this beautiful nature and just be peaceful.

It feels like i'm caught in between this material world and the spiritual world.  There are moments when I feel completely at peace with myself, and the world around me.  But then there are other times when my mind is constantly thinking about the past, daydreaming about the future, or what i'm going to eat that day, or what i'm going to do, and i get completely lost within my own mind.  

It's really easy for me to use this world to distract myself at all moments throughout the day.  It feels like I'm literally addicted to doing things.  Going as quickly as I can from distraction to distraction, so that I don't have to deal with the presence of just being here in the moment.

But the day slowly continued, and I sat with myself for hours, trying to not get angry with my mind, and simply just observe and let go. I started to feel this sense of appreciation for my life, and the people and things that are a part of my life. 

The sun set, and the darkness enveloped the sky.  

When I woke up the next morning.  The air was cool, and the sun was just beginning to rise above the mountains.  I sat down on a rock, overlooking the mountains, and for the first time in probably years, my mind was still.  I wasn't thinking about...anything.  I felt completely at peace with the present moment, and completely at peace with myself.  I don't think i ever believed that i could feel such contentment.  It didn't even take very long to get to that point either.  Just one day of being present with my own mind.

I can get so caught up in life, that I forget about the importance of just being present.  With no distractions.  

I learned from this trip that it's okay to feel fear, and panic, when you're faced with the darkness within yourself.  When there's nothing else to distract you, what is left?  

Being around so much media all the time, i thought my brain was permanently damaged to a point where i could never just be still.  I used to think that my monkey mind was just an inevitable part of being human.  But this is so far from the truth.

Meditation has always been hard for me.  But I think that now is the time to truly dedicate myself to this practice.  Because the benefits are simply….indescribable.  

Its a feeling of oneness with the universe.  That we are here in this moment and that's all that really matters. 

No matter  what material things we accomplish, it can always be taken away from us. But this inner peace can never be taken away from us, because it's simply always there.  The present moment is always there.