A Lullaby For Gods Chapter 137

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: I ONLY WANT WHAT I CAN'T HAVE

KISARAGI ISLAND

“You’re sure you want to look at the tear?” the Sun God asked for the umpteenth time, turning back towards Dirk to check that he was still following behind him.

“Yes,” Dirk said, eyes straight ahead at the storm clouds. From where he was flying, he couldn’t see any rips in space, only the dark, roiling shapes of the clouds ahead, occasionally glowing with flashes of lightning somewhere beyond them.

With Crossing Week already over, the Sun had informed him that there might be visitors to the house soon, and while Dirk was more than content to sit in his designated room and keep to himself, the reminder that he’d been on Kisaragi for far too long had him staring out the window and looking at the sky, trying to spot exactly where he’d fallen through to get here. Somehow, that rip in space he’d fallen through had led directly to this island – if there was even a slight chance that it could connect directly back to New York, then he had to take that chance. He was wasting time here, sitting around doing nothing, having to entertain the shitty cat when the Sun wasn’t home, and boredly messing about in the kitchen just to liven up his now seemingly endless free time.

That was another thing about this world. It was so fucking boring.

He didn’t have to hunt or scavenge for food, he didn’t have to fight bots, he didn’t have to constantly watch for agents passing by his cell in an attempt to scope out a chance for escape, and he didn’t have to train in preparation for a big battle. It was just…so ordinary.

He woke up, he got dressed, he helped with the chores (after the Sun had managed to wheedle him into doing them for the first few days, before he eventually complied and did them without asking out of boredom), he walked around town to stretch his legs and he went to sleep. That was it.

That also appeared to be what other everyone else on this godforsaken afterlife-island did. They didn’t have stores here, only supply banks that people took what they needed from, which he supposed made sense given that it was the afterlife, so nobody had to work, nobody had to hunt, nobody had to fight for their survival. People just dozed off in their backyards, ran around flying kites in the nearby park, or went biking with their friends.

The mundanity made the hair on the back of Dirk’s neck rise – everything felt so off, so odd, so unfamiliar it made his skin break out in gooseflesh when he thought about it too hard.

So now here he was, asking the Sun to take him to where the tear in space that had been found was. He needed to get the fuck out of here.

The Sun sighed and nodded, continuing to fly on higher towards the clouds. There was a loud rumble of thunder.

“Brace yourself, it’s gonna get cold,” the Sun said, suddenly zipping upwards so fast that his flight sent a minor shockwave behind that knocked Dirk aside slightly. The boy clicked his tongue, displeased, but getting through the clouds quickly was the only solution to not having to spend several minutes soaking in water, so he clenched his jaw and followed, flying up as fast as he could after the god.

He broke through the clouds seconds later. The Sun God was a red speck in the sea of darkness around them, stark against the pinpricks of stars twinkling overhead.

“Look at that,” the Sun whispered, awe in his voice as he looked upwards.

Lightyears away from them, though still visible, was a nebula made of blue dust, scattered haphazardly through the expanse of space. Sparkling within its satin-like folds were bright marbles of light, shining gloriously down at them.

“I thought you would have had your fill of space by now,” Dirk said.

“I never get enough of the sheer wonder of creation,” the Sun let out in a rush of breath. Dirk would have snorted at the dramatics if the other boy wasn’t so earnest in with his words. His red eyes were wide with aforementioned wonder, the usual bored expression on his face giving way to a small smile. “How could I not be? A bunch of kids fucking around, shaking things in jars, and it results in that?”

He pointed upwards.

“What lives there? Is it habitable in the first place? What stories do they tell, what multitudes do they hold? What loves and hates and dreams do they speak of in the quiet hours of their nights?” he asked, before turning to Dirk. “Doesn’t that just floor you, that our fate results in entire histories?”

“I’ve never really thought about it that way,” Dirk admitted. The most he thought about the game was that it was something to survive and something to make sure his friends got through unscathed, even at his own expense.

The Sun hummed. “I don’t blame you,” he said. “It’s easy to get caught up in the harsher parts of the game, especially when it has a tendency to choose us so young and so early. I suppose I’ve had the luxury of time and distance to appreciate what comes after it.”

“How long ago did you finish your session?”

“Long enough,” he said. “For the pain to numb and for the grief to dull. These days, I spend my time marveling at the fact that me walking around in a three-day-old shirt crusted with imp blood somehow led to all this.” He motioned around him.

“Your Genesis Frog’s descendant?”

The Sun God snorted. “Killjoy,” he said, and then sighed. “But…think about it, Prince. I’ve no metric for how you and yours decided you should govern your reward universe, but the evolution of it should go more or less the same, shouldn’t it?” He made a gesture with his hand, uncurling his fist slowly as if to show something expanding. “The big bang that begins when you open that door, the rush of life and components and genetic material into the far stretches of reality. The first forms of life, their rise from their primordial selves to their next iteration and the next iteration until their present-day forms. Everything in between that.”

He flipped his hand over, palm up. Slowly, small, bright, glowing dust – or perhaps those were embers – began to take on shapes: two birds, one large, the other small, clearly still a hatchling.

“Thousands of years ago, a mother bird fought off other predators for the sake of her children,” he said. “It doesn’t matter that their intelligence isn’t as sophisticated as humans, or trolls, or halflings. That affection and that emotion is real. That fear of loss. That protectiveness. For that one moment, thousands of years ago, that existed.”

The embers uncurled, reforming once again to show another species of birds, with one large mother standing tall over three chicks.

“Somewhere out there today, one of that bird’s descendants is doing the same with her own brood. That moment thousands of years ago led to that,” he said, waving his hand and letting the embers dissipate and turn to ash, which fell far, far below them, scattered by the wind.

“Doesn’t that just take hold of your mind and bring it to its knees?” the Sun God asked. “That something you do can be so far-reaching so as to fill an entire universe?”

He turned back towards Dirk, who, behind his sunglasses, glanced away.

“Never really had time to think about shit like that,” he said. “It’s not even that I ‘lost’ some sense of wonder – I think I’m just not really that kind of person to think about something like that.” He looked back up at the nebula above them. “I’m a Prince, so I guess it tracks.”

“Even Princes have a hand in a universe’s existence, otherwise reality’s reproductive capabilities would not have bothered with assigning tasks to them at all,” the Sun God said. He glanced around, as if searching for something, before flitting off in that direction.

Dirk followed. His sunglasses weren’t helping with navigating the dark sky, but he would be damned if he took the damn things off. Shades or bust.

“All things must exist in a balance,” the Sun God continued. “It’s why are roles must always be in equal number – and even then, things are all lot more complicated than that. A Prince must limit a Mage; a Thief keep in check a Rogue; a Sylph restore everything a Witch has put out of place.”

“That’s like saying a nuclear bomb’s the answer to overpopulation.”

“It’s nothing like that, and you know it.” To Dirk’s surprise, the Sun God rolled his eyes. “While it is true that destruction classes are geared towards, well, destruction, it doesn’t mean they’re inherently harmful. None of the classes are. It will always depend on the person.”

The Sun God’s flight started to curve to the left. Up ahead, Dirk could see a massive crack in the air, the edges of it pulsing slightly. Bingo.

“My brother could rip a planet in half if he wished to,” the Sun said, snapping Dirk’s attention back to him in surprise. “Still, he doesn’t do so.”

Right. Seven was a Prince of Space. Christ.

“Likewise, I might be a Creation-type, but I could set this world on fire if I so wished,” he said. “Create a fluctuation of time so great people would wish to die but never can.”

He glanced towards Dirk over his shoulder. “My daughter is a Prince of Time – should I fall to folly, she will be there to destroy my wrongs and take my head,” he said. “Your choices will always be your own, Prince.”

Both of them slowed as they reached the glowing tear in space. Unlike the last one Dirk had fallen into, this one wasn’t dragging in everything in sight with overwhelming gravity, instead just weakly pulsing with colors at the edges. The other side of it was as dark as the rest of the night sky, marking no indication of where it led to.

“This is it,” the Sun God said, motioning to said rip in space. “That’s where you fell through.”

“Thing’s a lot more docile than the last one I fell through,” Dirk said, flying slightly closer to inspect the damn thing. It just looked like a glowing hole in a wall.

“Probably because it has no driving force behind it,” the Sun said behind him. “If the ghost that tried to drag you in was supposed to be a Peyer’s Patch, then its powers were fueling the gravity that pulled you into it. Your dead man’s deal rerouted you and threw you into our universe’s walls and you came out the other side.”

“So this thing’s unplugged and out of gas and I got thrown into another building?”

“To put it simply.”

“Great,” Dirk said, turning around. “How the fuck do you throw me back into the right one?”

“Still no idea.” The Sun God floated towards the tear, going so far as to touch its edges and stick his head in, much to Dirk’s panic. “This thing’s dead, it’s really just a hole in a wall. You might survive for a few minutes if you stay close to it, but any farther and I have no idea what’s going to happen to you.”

Dirk clenched his jaw. He already knew the answer even before they’d both ventured out here, but, still – he can’t be stuck here for life, right? There had to be a way out of here, he just had to find it. He had to get back to everyone else, help them find the others that had gone missing and dragged into their own tears in reality, get shit back on track for a dying universe.

Maybe tear Sapphrel Angeles a new one for dragging him into this conundrum in the first place.

…perhaps he should risk it. He wasn’t a helpless child and he’d come a long way with regards to his control over his magic. He wasn’t at risk of poisoning given that he was godtier. He could risk flying into the furthest rings and trying to find a way home.

“What’re you thinking?” the Sun God asked.

“I think I should go,” Dirk said. “Try to find my own way back.”

The god’s expression pinched in concern. “You could get lost out there.”

“It’s still a better plan than sitting around waiting for nothing,” Dirk said, floating towards the massive crack in space-time. When the Sun God tried to block his way, he raised an eyebrow, unamused. “Move aside.”

“You realize you’re signing yourself up for surefire insanity? If not the horrors, then the silence would drive you mad.”

Dirk snorted. “Not like I’m not used to it,” he said. “Move aside.”

The Sun God’s hand reached for his hip, underneath his red cardigan. Dirk frowned. He wasn’t carrying a sword as there was no scabbard, but clearly the guy had a weapon on hand. A gun? No, there was no holster.

“Prince,” the god said. “I can’t let you pass. It’s for your own good.”

“And, what, you’re willing to fight for it?”

“If I must.”

Both of them stared each other down for a moment. On one hand, fighting would be a massive inconvenience, and Dirk had no idea how well he would match up against his well-meaning, yet incredibly annoying host. On the other hand…well, what other option was there for him to get home?

“I think you’re letting the anxiety get to you,” the Sun God said. “You need not resort to drastic measures, Prince.”

“I don’t have any other measures,” Dirk said. “Fuck it.”

His sword fell from his sylladex and into his waiting hand. Mid-air, as best as he could, he held it in both hands and fell into a ready stance. The Sun God sighed and tapped the inside of his wrist against the side of his hip – attached to his belt was some gold clasp, which liquified upon contact and warped around his wrist into a golden guard.

Dirk narrowed his eyes. That was it, that was the weapon. Only that.

“We can talk and settle this like rational people,” the Sun God offered.

He raised his sword. “You’re not really doing a lot except giving me choices I can’t fulfill.”

One second the Sun was right in front of Dirk and the next, red was shooting out towards him from several directions. By the time Dirk had gotten his bearings, his arms were pinned to his sides tight, his sword fallen from his hands. When he looked down at himself, he saw that he wrapped in…ribbon?

“I don’t want to hurt you,” the Sun God said behind him – Dirk glanced over his shoulder; when the fuck had the bastard gotten there? The guy’s wrist guard turned out to have a hollow space within it, as the red ribbons that were currently wrapped around Dirk were originating from it, shot out like a spider’s web and controlled by the Sun God’s free hand, which held on to the ribbons to keep them tight around Dirk.

“I don’t think you can hurt anyone with these things,” Dirk said, looking down. Oh, there was his sword, caught by one of the ribbons which had wrapped itself around its hilt, dangling a few feet below him. “You really fight with these things?”

“No, these are for restraint.”

“Pick another weapon, then,” Dirk said, concentrating as much energy into his palms as he could muster. He was much more used to fighting with a sword and concentrating magic into his legs for speed bursts but, Nereus was a hardass when he was training them. “This isn’t going to do shit.”

“You don’t want that, I promise.”

With a flash of blinding white-pink, lightning shot out of Dirk’s hands towards the Sun God, who, in the same second, hurled him over his shoulder and down towards the clouds below them, making his shot miss and hurtling him far, far below. How fucking far did those ribbons extend?

Just as he thought that, Dirk’s descent came to an abrupt stop, causing him to choke on his breath at the immediate halt. Far above him, the Sun God angled his body horizontally, twisting his hips - Dirk braced himself to be thrown down as he began to arc upwards through the air, preparing another blast of lightning in his hands.

The Sun God spun, Dirk shot up into the air and –

BANG!

Lightning exploded down towards the god, though it unfortunately did nothing to stop him from violently slamming Dirk down through the storm clouds and into the ocean.

His vision blackened as his body hit the water, bones breaking in far too many places to count from how high he was thrown. Water filled his lungs as he gasped, trying to thrash now that his arms were free, but with every movement he made, everything burned.

Something wrapped around his midriff, pulling him out of the water. He coughed. A faint red glow washed over him, and slowly, his injuries disappeared. A time-reversal spell.

“Jegus,” Dirk said. “I take back what I said about the ribbons.”

“We can find another way back home for you. You still have your Dead Man’s deal,” the Sun God said. Dirk’s head lolled to the side just in time for him to see his sword similarly being fished out the water. “You do not have to fight me to sign up for an eternity of madness, Prince.”

Dirk’s jaw tightened. “That stupid fucking deal’s a losing game, that brat of an Anathema Point was fucking with me.”

“Perhaps,” the Sun God said. “But perhaps we can outsmart them. I’m trying to help you, Prince.”

Slowly, Dirk wrapped cold, wet hands onto the strands of the ribbons that were keeping him aloft in the air while the Sun God flew above him. The strips of cloth were wet, and were connected to a piece of metal. While his own magic wouldn’t hurt him, it would definitely hurt someone else, especially when they were attached to electric conductors.

The Sun God’s eyes widened.

Dirk shot lightning up the trail of soaked ribbons.

There was a flash of pink and orange – as lightning raced up the red ribbon strands, a flash of fire raced downwards with the same speed, clashing in middle in an explosion of electricity and flames. The shockwave of the attack blasted both parties backward, only to abruptly stop as they were still connected by the ribbons and…chains?

Dirk looked upwards, squinting as the last of the bits of fire and lightning dissipated. He was definitely seeing that right. Partway through, the ribbons that were keeping him in the Sun God’s grasp had morphed in large, heavy chains, every single inch of the metal carved with runes, which was likely how the Sun God was able to cancel out his shot of lightning from earlier. At the very end where what remained of the ribbons connected to the chains, the strands of thread seemed to bleed and root into the much larger, heavier metal.

What the fuck?

“I do not care for violence,” the Sun God said, upon seeing his dumbfounded stare. “But I was still raised in a violent world. I know how to take care of myself in more ways than one, Prince.”

He drew in a breath, spinning again and sending Dirk flying through the air with his movement.

There was another flash of orange – Dirk stared, wide-eyed, as fire raced from the Sun God’s hands and down the chains, burning through the rest of the ribbons in a second. The pressure around his midriff grew heavier and tighter with the cloth’s transformation into metal, and with the new weight and the God moving him around in an arc, his momentum increased alarmingly.

“Fuck!”

There was a loud explosion as Dirk was thrown, the force of his movement from one space to another causing a sonic boom as he careened towards the opposite end of the ocean, limbs flailing about helplessly, tumbling head over heels through the air. He gritted his teeth in an attempt to stop through flight, but the sheer force he’d been thrown with was near-impossible to stop.

And then, suddenly he did, feeling his neck nearly crack backwards when he was abruptly stopped mid-air.

His limbs were glowing green.

Oh.

Oh no.

He could see the Sun God far away from him, still noticeable with his red cardigan in the midst of the grey clouds and the dark sea. Dirk saw it clearly when the god was suddenly wrapped in green light and thrown up back into the clouds before he was slammed down into the ocean.

Now frantic, Dirk looked around – above, below, to the sides, behind him. The First Guardian was here, and the fucker obviously wasn’t happy if he was attacking his own universe’s god.

He spotted him as soon as Dirk felt himself being rocketed forwards again, stopping a few feet from where the Sun God was being hauled out of the ocean through space energy. The god tiredly threw his head back in an effort to look up towards the sky, where this universe’s First Guardian was floating high above them, dressed impeccably in a white dress shirt, a phthalo green vest, suit and tie, along with matching slacks and shoes, his coattails whipping about in the stormy wind.

His eyes were glowing radioactive green, glaring down at both of them in anger.

I SEE WE’VE CHOSEN TO RETURN TO STUPIDITY ONCE MORE.

Dirk blinked. Was the bastard…talking? Sure, he was far, far, high above them and Dirk couldn’t properly see his mouth move, but he sounded close. He sounded like he was everywhere around them, and he sounded absolutely fucking pissed.

NUMBER THREE.

“Don’t call me that,” the Sun God murmured, bones clicking back into place as he summoned his own magic onto himself with a shaking hand.

I WILL ADDRESS A PETULANT CHILD HOWEVER I SEE FIT WHEN HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED TO MAKE DECISIONS BY HIMSELF.

Oh, this guy was an asshole. Dirk immediately decided he didn’t like him.

“You sound like my fucking dad,” the Sun groaned, rolling his shoulders as his healing completed. “And that’s not a good thing – ”

The Sun disappeared into the horizon in a flash of green light. When he returned, he was soaking wet again, irritation clear on his face.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YOU WERE USING MAGIC NEAR A TEAR IN SPACE? OR SHOULD I CRAM A THOUSAND YEARS’ WORTH OF THEORY INTO YOUR SKULL SINCE YOU’VE CLEARLY DECIDED TO FORGET THE IMPORTANCE OF NOT DOING SO?

“…what happens if we do magic near a tear in space?” Dirk turned towards the Sun God.

“It’ll get bigger, more unstable,” he said. “Since a tear in space is also energy, so exposing to more would just – ”

“Make it worse.”

“Like fire and more fire.”

AM I TO ASSUME THIS IS JUST RECKLESSNESS AS YOU CLEARLY REMEMBER, THEN?

“It was a necessity,” the Sun God said, clicking his tongue and turning towards the First Guardian. “The Prince was about to risk his own life.”

LET HIM.

A frown marred the god’s expression. “You’re being cruel.”

HE IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY NOR YOURS.

Against his wishes, Dirk slowly rose higher into the air as the First Guardian held out a hand. He felt the Sun God grab onto his ankle, and thankfully, the Guardian ceased lifting him and let him stay in place.

GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULD NOT CRUSH THIS PEST RIGHT HERE.

“You are being cruel,” the Sun God repeated. “He is a guest, Guardian. He is lost. He needs help, not hostility.”

YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHAT AND WHO HE IS. HOSTILITY IS FAR KINDER THAN HE DESERVES.

Dirk knew he was technically a threat to this universe just by accidentally falling into it, but damn, he didn’t expect to be enemy number one for its First Guardian. Though, with the way the man had worded it…he looked down at the Sun God, at the brief flash of panic in his eyes before he immediately smoothed it out.

Huh.

“I’m making him my responsibility.”

THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE,

“And I will repeat it again, he is lost, and he deserves help and so I will make it my responsibility to help him.”

AND THAT IS WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE –

The First Guardian moved his hand – Dirk continued his ascent upwards, taking the Sun God along with him as the boy tightened his hold on his ankle. As they drew nearer towards the First Guardian, Dirk could see the man’s features clearly. Snow white hair, paper-white skin, radiation green eyes. Vaguely human but so very obviously something other.

– WHEN YOU MADE A SOUL-REAPING NARCISSIST YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. WHEN YOU TOOK PITY ON A MEGALOMANIC, WORLD-BREAKER’S PUPPET.

Dirk frowned, looking down at the Sun God.

WHEN HE PROVES TO BE A DANGER, WILL YOU TAKE PITY ON HIM AGAIN?

“This is a lost child, Guardian,” the Sun God said, letting go of Dirk’s ankle and flying up ahead of him, effectively shielding him from the First Guardian’s view. Surprisingly, the First Guardian released him from his hold, enough to let him do that, though there was still a faint green glow around the god. “Look at him.”

I SEE THE RESEMBLANCE CLEARLY, YES.

Dirk’s head snapped up. What the fuck were they talking about?

“Guardian,” the Sun God said, a warning in his tone. “Don’t.”

HE DOES NOT KNOW, DOES HE?

“Guardian, shut the fuck up.”

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE HERE, BOY? WHY YOUR DEAD MAN’S DEAL BROUGHT YOU TO A LAND YOU SEEMINGLY HAVE NO CONNECTION TO?

A flash of metal and fire as the Sun God swung his weapon of chains – with gigantic blades at the end now, Dirk saw – at the First Guardian, who merely flicked his hand and sent it flying out of the Sun God’s grasp, his wrist guard violently torn off of his wrist in the process, earning a small noise of pain from him.

I WILL TELL YOU.

“Guardian – ”

YOU CAME HERE – RATHER, AN ITERATION OF YOU CAME HERE.

Dirk froze. An…iteration? A version of him?

YOU LAID WASTE TO THESE LANDS, TOOK MANY LIVES, TORE FAMILIES APART. THIS –

The Sun God suddenly yelped as he was flipped upside-down, a brighter glow on one of his feet than the rest of his body as he was dangled foot-up, his cardigan and his shirt pulled down by gravity, exposing a massive scar that ran the expanse of his back, puckered and raised as they branched across his skin.

Lightning scars.

– IS FROM YOU.

Dirk stared. He didn’t know the Sun God well, but clearly, he must have known a version of him somewhat, least in an antagonistic sense, especially with scars that huge.

His frown deepened. And yet, still, the boy welcomed him into his home like he didn’t look like the motherfucker that gave him those wounds, still acted like nothing was wrong.

This was like Dave all over again.

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT SETS YOU APART FROM YOUR COUNTERPART, the First Guardian continued, snapping him out of his thoughts. BUT I WOULD RATHER NOT WAIT TO BE PROVEN WRONG.

The Guardian lifted his hand once more. Dirk felt a pressure wrap around his neck, forcing him to look up.

EVERY VERSION OF SOMEONE ACROSS PARADOX SPACE RETAINS CERTAIN FUNDAMENTALS, OTHERWISE THEY WOULD NOT BE VERSIONS OF A PERSON AT ALL, he said. I WILL NOT WAIT TO BE PROVEN THAT YOURS IS CRUELTY.

“ENOUGH!”

There was a clash of red and green, and the loud clang of metal hitting something. By the time the burst of magic from both the Sun God and the First Guardian died down, the only thing Dirk saw was that the god had a sword in his hands, and the Guardian had blocked his strike with a forearm.

Dirk blinked as he felt sweat run down his temples. Was it him, or was the air around them suddenly very hot?

“I’m the god here, Guardian,” the Sun God said, tone low and calm, but there was an edge of fury to it. “And you are being very rude to my guest. Leave.” He pushed the sword closer towards the First Guardian, who, despite the closeness of the blade to his face, looked undeterred. “I will not be polite.”

They both held each other’s glare, silent in their clashing anger.

Then, the Guardian clicked his tongue, saying, softly, “If something happens, it is your problem.”

With a flash of green the man was gone, leaving the Sun God floating in air alone by himself. Dirk fell as he was suddenly released, only able to avoid crashing into the sea again as he stopped himself with his own flight.

He glanced down at the restless ocean below him for a moment before looking up, back towards the Sun, whose shoulders were slumped, posture defeated, as if a puppet that’d had its strings cut.

Some…version of him, some way, somehow, had been this land’s enemy. And Dirk knew that he wasn’t that person, of course not. He had no memory of it, just like he had no memory of scarring Dave or putting him through the hell of his childhood.

And yet – the Guardian was right. Throughout paradox space, there was always a certain part that made someone that specific person, no matter the combination of genetic material or the experiences that made their personality. Even if Dirk was younger than his Bro, he was still Dirk Strider, just like how though Dave’s brother was genetically his father and older than him, he too, was still Dirk Strider. No matter how the circumstances of this version’s origins had changed, he was also still Dirk Strider.

All three of them were, tied intrinsically by one fundamental.

“You’re not a bad person…Dirk,” the Sun God said. Dirk had never told him his name. “Your other selves’ faults are not your own.”

“What makes me me, then?” he asked. “Because there’s something that defines Dirk Strider, and I know for a fucking fact it’s not being a good guy.”

The Sun God turned, the look on his face somber with pity, the most emotion Dirk had ever seen on him. And no wonder – whatever trauma his other self had put the guy through must have been enough to numb every other feeling from him. He lived alone, he secluded himself far from the rest of the world, choosing instead to be a hermit in the world of the dead when he was very clearly still living.

Christ.

“Peace,” Dirk whispered.

The Sun God fully turned to face him, descending slowly so they could speak face-to-face. “What?” he asked.

“What I asked for, when I was making the dead man’s deal,” Dirk said, his voice catching. “I asked for peace.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

“Oh,” the Sun God repeated, blinking, looking down at the ocean.

Dirk laughed, a hollow noise that sounded more like a sob as the realization crashed onto him, the truth of exactly how completely and utterly fucked he was in a place far away from home, a place that had it out for him just because he was just always supposed to be a terrible person.

“I’m never gonna find that,” he said, still laughing. “I’m never gonna have that.”