The Wheels On The Bus Chapter 24

There’s silence on the other side for the first few minutes. Adam shifts nervously - maybe Dean knows that he’s right outside or something; he’s constantly alert for everything after all, Adam wouldn’t put it past him to count if Adam’s taken any steps or not - but finally, he hears something. 

“You okay?” Dean asks.

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” Amara says, but even Adam can hear the slightly forced tone in her voice. It sounds a little too light, too happy, and he realizes he recognizes the tone from hearing Belphegor talk all the time. 

Adam pinches the bridge of his nose.

“You didn’t look okay.”

Amara laughs. “I’m fine, Dean,” she says, “How have you been?”

Quick to change the subject, Adam notes. 

“Been well,” Dean says. “As well as anyone can be with the way I live, anyway.”

“Mm. I imagine your cholesterol levels are as high as ever.”

“Are you spying on my cholesterol levels?”

“Maybe, maybe not,” she says. “Who’s to know?”

Dean snorts. Nobody says anything else.

The silence is thick, heavy and tense. Adam’s thankful he’s not in the room to bask in the awkwardness. 

“Why are you here, Dean? Weren’t you busy?” Amara finally says. 

“Just wanted to know if you were alright.”

“I am, you can go now,” she says. “I’ll be fine. I should probably give myself a tour of the town, anyway.”

“Amara.”

“Yes?”

“Are you really okay after we just told you to kill your younger brother?”

Another pause. 

“You didn’t, though,” Amara says. 

“We might have changed the plan, but we did suggest it, didn’t we?” Dean says. “Locking him away for eternity doesn’t seem any better, anyway.”

Amara doesn’t say anything. Adam doesn’t know her well enough to imagine what her response would be. 

“Why are you talking to me about this?” she asks, eventually. 

Dean takes a while to answer. “I’ve been there,” he says. “Thankfully, I’ve never had to do it, you know? But I’ve been there, I know what it’s like.” He pauses again. “How much do you know about your brother’s original plan for the apocalypse?”

“The general gist of it,” she says. “Lucifer vs. Michael, with you and your brother as the vessels. Your bloodline was cultivated and preserved to make sure you would be able to successfully host the archangels.”

“Mm, yeah, well, it was messier than it sounded,” Dean says. “Before we even knew about the whole vessel thing and whatnot - there was - “ He hesitates. “Sam had these abilities.”

Adam raises his eyebrows. Huh. 

“He could see the future, sometimes,” Dean says. “And there was this demon that kept convincing him to chug demon blood by the gallon, and he could move shit with his mind whenever he did that. He could also exorcise demons without touching them or saying the rites, which was useful - I can understand why at that time, he saw it as useful, but…”

“I imagine the chugging demon blood thing wasn’t all that healthy?”

“No, it wasn’t,” Dean says. “And that scared the shit out of me.”

Adam hears Amara hum in response while Dean collects his thoughts.

“When I was younger, my dad used to tell me that we had to make hard choices for the greater good,” he says. “Shoot first, ask questions later. Don’t take any chances with anyone. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t stick around for too long. Make sure you’re not making any liabilities for yourself. All that.” 

Adam imagines his brother waving a hand around. 

“And - he used to tell me, if Sammy ever…” he trails off.

Adam leans his head back on the door in understanding. Amara’s silent, but he thinks she’s caught on too. 

Fuck John Winchester. Adam’s never hated the man - if only because he was never around that the only emotion Adam ever really felt towards him was awkward whenever he visited, and he just forgot about him every other day of the year - but fuck him. Adam’s not close with either of his half brothers, but he’s still gonna be absolutely fucking livid at the thought of the man telling Dean to kill his younger sibling.

“I thought about it a lot, when Sam was being strung around, drinking demon blood,” Dean says. “The whole world was at stake, I understood that. I knew that. People were gonna die, it was for the sake of everyone else - but - “

“He’s still your younger brother.”

“Yeah.”

Adam feels anxiety buzz around in his gut. If any of his friends turned on him, would he be able to take them down, even for the good of the world? Maybe, eventually, he could. Maybe, through a lot of tears, he could, but he feels like he’d just fall apart right after.

Fuck, he thinks. 

“Thank you for telling me that,” Amara says. 

At least she’s not questioning why Dean’s opening up in the first place - he’s not exactly the most emotionally eloquent  - but she’s smart enough to know that it’s already taking a lot out of him, and it’s best to just not point it out and accept it. He’s trying, at least, to comfort someone. And it’s someone who might have to lock someone they love away, for the good of the world. There’s no dallying or pushing the topic aside. 

“I still don’t know if I can do it, if I’m being honest,” Dean says. “I trust Sam to be able to fight through things - at this point, we’ve fought through a lot that I would be surprised if there’s anything he can’t handle, but...if something ever happens and it comes down to that, I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and say I can do what’s right; I’m not gonna promise that.”

“Would you hold it against me?” Amara says. “If I can’t bring myself to lock my brother up?”

Pause. 

“...no.”

Adam closes his eyes. 

“No, I wouldn’t,” Dean says. “I don’t know how you see your brother, but I wouldn’t.”

“Thank you,” Amara says. Her voice breaks at the end. She tries again, a little steadier. “Thank you. We don’t always get along, but - there was a time - there still are times when we can both be reasonable with each other,” she says. “We only have each other in this universe, after all. He can make his worlds, and he can make his stories, but all I have is just...him.”

Dean makes a noise in acknowledgement. 

“You know how that went,” she says, “When I got upset about all of this. He locked me up, yeah, and I was...angry - “

“It was fair.”

“ - but - I couldn’t destroy this world, not when everything in it is so beautiful. Not when he’s my brother and we could still talk it out, after all,” she says. “Sure, it’s been a rocky few years, because he’s gotten into his moods again, but I can’t seem to give up on him.” She pauses. “Do you ever feel that way with Sam?”

“Yeah,” Dean says. “We used to argue a lot, before. We’ve mellowed out now, but, we used to blow up at each other for every little thing.”

“I see,” Amara says. “So it still happens even with you humans, huh?”

“All the time,” Dean says. “We’re all petty bastards.”

“That we are,” Amara says. When she speaks again, her tone is somber. “But I still have to stop him.”

Adam looks down at his lap. He knows it’s for the greater good, but his chest hurts in pity anyway. 

“I love this world,” Amara says. “People around here have so much hope, so much belief that things will get better and the universe will guide them to good lives. They believe in possibilities and potential and they hope that all of it is for good, and when I see it, I remember that once upon a time, my brother used to love these things too, and that’s why he created it.” She laughs lightly. “And it’s something new, it’s something I’ve never had before. I can just be someone who’s learning how to sew here, someone learning how to draw, someone trying to learn everything that fascinates me, and that’s a whole lot better than the nothing we used to both sit in.”

Adam remembers Belphegor, remembers what he said. He remembers what Jack asked him. If they could just be anything, just bask in the endless possibilities presented to them once they’ve burned up the script, what would he do?

“I love my brother, but these people don’t have to die,” Amara says. “So - I have to.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean says.

“Don’t be,” Amara says, laughing again. “It’s not your fault he decided to throw a tantrum again. I’ll deal with it.” 

“Thank you,” Dean says. “But for what it’s worth, I really am sorry.”

“Me too,” Amara says. “Thank you.”

Adam listens to the quiet, and moves to stand when he thinks they’re not going to say anything else. As he gets up, he hears Dean talk again.

“Amara.”

“Yes?”

“You’re a good person,” he says. “Just - just saying.”

Adam smiles. Dean could use a few more friends, he thinks. The guy’s already as isolated as he is, what with the Hunter lifestyle. 

“Thank you,” Amara says. “You don’t mind if I take a look around town, do you?’

“Nah, knock yourself out. Just be back for the meeting.”

Adam walks down the hallway, heading for the infirmary. Hopefully Belphegor’s still resting, the poor guy needs it, but hopefully Jack’s also not getting too drained helping him. 

And hopefully this apocalypse won’t end in tears, but he’s not sure if he can even ask that.