It Takes Two To Cause Property Damage

It's the last season of Supernatural, we have a rat bastard and Michael and Adam are coming back, so I want the ultimate babey-bastard dream team of Adam, Jack, Michael and Belphegor. I want shenanigans.

“You said bikes were easy.”

“They are.”

“Uh huh.” 

“You just get on them and start pedalling, and that’s it.”

“Okay,” Belphegor says, leaning on the bridge railing. “I mean, if your goal was to drive straight past the rail and tumble onto the river, then you’re doing splendidly.” 

Below, in the river, soaked and bleeding from several scrapes, Adam glares. 

Jack leans over the railing to get a good look at him. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Adam says, still frowning at Belphegor, who just grins at him. 

“Yeah, he knows how to bike, remember?”

“Shut up, Ray Bans.” Adam clambers up onto the shore, dragging the dented bike with him. One of his elbows is bleeding. Jack winces at the sight of it. 

“You were the one who - oh, hey, hey - ” Belphegor huffs as Michael starts to climb over the railing. “Don’t help him.”

Michael doesn’t listen. Instead, he just goes over the other side of the rail, shimmies to the right until he’s above the rocky shore, and jumps off. He lands on his feet easily and holds an arm out to Adam, helping him onto dry land. Belphegor attempts to roll his eyes. It goes as well as it can when he doesn’t have any. 

“Hey,” he says, when Jack looks like he’s about to go run down to help Adam as well. “Don’t be a killjoy.”

“He’s hurt,” Jack says.

“He said he could bike,” Belphegor says. “Like riding a velocipede or something.”

“At least I know what a bike is,” Adam yells from below them.

“I know plenty about bikes, I was practically there when they were invented,” Belphegor says. “Well, the wheel. But that’s practically a bike.”

Jack just laughs and runs to the other side of the bridge, rounding about it to get down the slope where Michael is currently setting a broken bike down the ground. Adam is trying to get riverwater out of his hair. Belphegor can smell the stink of garbage and rainwater on him from where he is.

He scrunches up his nose. 

“Dean’s gonna kick you out for stinking up the bunker,” he says.

“Dean can’t do squat,” Adam says, moving onto wringing as much water out of his shirt as possible. He bites down a hiss as his arm twinges in pain at him moving. “And I’ll tell him it was your idea to bike off a bridge.”

“You’re a grown man, Milligan, you can bike off a bridge if you want. No demon has to force you if you don’t want to.” Belphegor sticks his tongue out. 

“Oh, but what’s a poor little human going to do if a demon who can move things with his mind pushes him off a bridge?” Adam says sweetly. 

Belphegor grits his teeth and sneers at him. He turns his attention to Jack when the boy kneels down beside the bike, trying to assess the damage and see if he can fix it. 

“Jaaack,” Belphegor calls out. “Don’t help him.”

“The bike isn’t ours,” Jack says. “I have to fix it.”

“No you don’t.”

“We’re going to return it, aren’t we?” he asks. 

“Yeah, Bel, we’re gonna return - ow - ” Adam makes a noise of pain as Michael puts a hand on his bleeding elbow. The angel pauses, withdrawing his hand, and then hovers his palm over the injury, slowly moving up the huge gash that curves up Adam’s bicep, healing it. Belphegor snickers. Adam glares up at him.

“We don’t have to,” Belphegor says. “Nobody saw us take it. We can just leave it here.” 

“Fingerprints,” Jack says.

Belphegor motions to Adam. “He’s legally dead, we don’t legally exist. Worst case scenario is that The Case of the River Bike ends up on Unsolved. That’s it.”

“We’re returning it, Jack,” Adam says. “Don’t listen to him.”

“Hey, I’m your double, don’t listen to him,” Belphegor says, stepping onto the lowest bar on the rail so he can lean just a bit more forwards. “We’re supposed to be in this together.”

“You stole his original body,” Michael says, pulling his hand away to inspect Adam’s now healed arm. He checks the human’s knuckles. They’re scraped. 

Belphegor splutters. “Yes, well, but - I’ve been respectful. Look at this.” He pats his cheek. “See? Well-preserved. Well-cared for. He wasn’t gonna use it. I kept it in good shape anyway.”

“That’s still cadaver defiling,” Adam says. 

Belphegor motions to Michael. “He wore you like a meatsuit.”

“Eh, water under the bridge.”

Belphegor finds nothing to say to that and just pouts. He turns to Jack. “I mean,” he says, “At least I didn’t try to steal your body while you were still alive, right?”

Jack thinks it over, blinking and frowning like he usually does. He lifts a shoulder. “I guess?”

“It’s still terrible of him, Jack,” Adam says. 

Belphegor takes off his shoe and throws it at him. It lands in the river with a splash instead, and bobs up after a second, slowly getting carried off by the current. All four of them watch it go.

“Well,” Michael says. “To be honest, I don’t think anyone’s going to question who, out of the four of us, is stupid enough to suggest sneaking out and stealing a bike.”

Jack laughs. He fixes the bike. Belphegor just looks at him, sticking his lower lip out even more. He glances at his shoe, getting farther and farther away from him in the river. 

He sighs. 

-

Jack fixes the bike and Michael makes sure both it and Adam are dry. No one puts any effort into fetching Belphegor’s shoe. 

“Why?” he asks.

Jack smiles at him. “You threw it into the river.”

“Spawn of Satan that you really are,” Belphegor grumbles. Jack laughs. 

Adam’s testing out the bike’s crank. It seems to be working fine - Jack’s done a rather good job of restoring the bike, for someone who doesn’t quite understand it yet. 

“Wanna ride it into the river again?” Belphegor asks. Adam raises an eyebrow, so Belphegor turns to Michael. “You, Captain Feathers?”

“No,” Michael says.

“Ugh, boring.” Belphegor throws his hands up. “We got out the bunker because it was mind-numbing in there. And then you guys don’t know how to have fun either.”

“You take it, then,” Adam says. “And no cheating. You have to drive it manually.” 

Belphegor just sniffs. “I’m not using that when it’s been drenched in riverwater. Do you know how much shit is in riverwater? A lot. People’ve managed to turn rivers lethal in the years I haven’t been topside.”

“Whatever, Belphegor,” Adam says, standing up. “Should we head back.”

“No, Sam’s gonna make us play scrabble again,” he says, marching past them. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

“You’re just butthurt Michael keeps winning,” Adam says. 

“He cheats.”

“The words you’re using don’t apply to restrictions of our game’s rules,” Michael says smoothly. 

“It’s not my fault some people don’t remember how to speak dead languages,” Belphegor grumbles. He spins on his heel, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Anyway - what are we thinking, boys? Bowling alley? Arcade? Karaoke?”

“Kara-what?” Jack asks, intrigued. 

“It’s singing,” Adam says. “Into a machine. I think.” He looks down, trying to remember. It’s been so long since he’s been on earth that he has a tendency to misremember and jumble up his memories. 

“Why?” Jack says. 

“You sing into a machine and then it tells you whether you suck or not,” Belphegor says. 

“How do you know that?” Jack asks.

“I’m just quick on the uptake,” Belphegor says, smug. “So, karaoke?”

“Do you know any of the songs?” Michael asks. 

Belphegor opens his mouth and then shuts it. It’s Michael’s turn to look smug. 

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“We should go back,” Jack says. “Sam and Dean and Cas are gonna be looking for us.”

“They’re gonna let us stay in the bunker for the rest of our lives even if we didn’t sneak out, anyway,” Belphegor says. “This could be the last time we could ever get out.”

“No, they’re going to let us out if they need us,” Adam says. 

There’s a pause. 

Then, “Jeez, okay,” Belphegor says. “But point taken. Still, it’s not gonna be fun. It’ll be when something’s happening or someone’s dying. No time to have fun, then.”

“They’re doing it for our own good,” Jack says. 

“Jack,” Belphegor says, turning to him. 

Jack holds his gaze, but then sighs. 

“Okay, maybe they’re paranoid,” he says. “But, you know, for a reason.”

“Yeah, for a reason,” Adam mumbles, kicking a nearby pebble. He takes the bike’s handles and starts walking. Michael falls in step beside him. 

Belphegor shifts in the awkwardness but does the same thing. Jack sighs. 

He might as well go with them. 

-

They don’t actually have any money on them. No one had thought to give them any because they weren’t supposed to be out, but Belphegor had gotten bored and Adam couldn’t care less about his brothers’ rules, so when the demon had suggested they break out the bunker, Adam had shrugged and figured, why not. Michael’s still coming to terms with how he’s essentially free, for the first time in his long, long life and had been easily swayed. Jack had tagged along because he was starting to get a bad case of cabin fever. 

So now they’re out here, penniless, with a bike they’d stolen from a post and still haven’t returned yet. No one’s going to look at them and notice if they don’t want them to, anyway. They can waltz into any place and demand anything they want.

They argue for about five minutes on what they should do in the few hours before they’re going to have to inevitably return to the bunker, and then walk into a bowling alley after they decide to just do everything they can think of and have fun for the afternoon. 

Michael blinks and everyone just lets them in the place and play a game without having to pay for anything. Adam teaches them how bowling works, as best as he can, because they’re all idiots who have no actual idea what bowling is. They get the hang of it after a while.

Michael wins, because of course he does. Adam’s not surprised. Jack’s just glad to be having fun. Belphegor buys too much soda and popcorn after he finds out they sell them here. He’s still only wearing one shoe.

There’s an arcade in the same area, so they sink a few hours into it. Adam points out a few games that he says he remembers from his childhood, but he can’t remember how they’re played, or what they’re about, just that he distinctly remembers them. They take turns guessing what they think the games are about and how they’re played. Most of them get them wrong.

Jack points out that it’s getting late, after a while.

“Yeah, but they’re already gonna be out looking for us, anyway,” Belphegor says. “So - karaoke?”

Sam and Dean and Cas have probably called every hunter they can to assist in looking for them. They should go home. 

“I mean, if we go back early, they’re gonna lock us in. If they just find us later, they’re still gonna lock us in,” Adam says. “I’m down for karaoke. Michael?”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“You’ll learn.” Adam pauses. “It’s like celestial harmonies, but you’re the only one singing, with mic and into a machine. It rates how you sing. It’s rigged, though.”

“And that’s entertainment?”

“No, it’s the bullying from your friends that’s entertainment.”

“Ah.”

They should go back to the bunker. It’s the right thing to do. It’ll worry Sam and Dean and Cas less. They should go home. 

But - the others have a point. Whether they’ll go back home early or not, they’re still gonna get locked in. Dean’s still going to be wary. No one’s still going to listen to Cas when he tries to vouch for Jack. Nobody’s still going to trust any of them, save for maybe Belphegor, but they’ve been taking to locking him in most days since they’ve gotten back in the bunker. 

“Jack?” Belphegor asks. “You in or not? If you’re not, the least you could do is not snitch on us.”

They could always leave the bunker entirely. Belphegor’s a smart bastard. Adam and Michael aren’t going anywhere without each other and the bunker can hardly hold down an Archangel. Jack can just blink himself onto another place. 

But they haven’t. The world’s going down the drain again and they all quite like it here, so they’d rather see it keep existing. If the Winchesters have a plan, they’re going to help with it. They’ll just sneak out every time they get bored in the bunker.

“Karaoke,” Jack says. Sam and Dean and Cas can find them later. “I wanna try.”

-

Sam and Dean and Cas find them when Michael is trying to maneuver the bike, Adam is riding right behind him trying to tell him what to do, and Belphegor is pushing the damn thing down the road, running. Jack is keeping pace with them, laughing as he watches the bike tip this way and that before Michael rights it up, obviously panicking. 

“Okay, you have to pedal to actually move - pedal - Belphegor slow down - ”

Jack spots the Impala turning ahead of them first. 

“Guys, they’re here.”

Belphegor immediately lets go of the bike. “Scram! Every bastard for himself!”

With the sudden loss of someone pushing the bike and Michael not actually pedaling, the whole thing topples to the side. Adam and Michael hit their knees on the asphalt as they go down. 

Michael pushes himself up first, crawling away from the bike. “Ow - Belphegor.”

Belphegor’s already running down the road, but he’s laughing, obviously not intent on getting too far away as he turns and slows down. 

“Dude, you ruined the bike again,” Adam says, lifting the bike off of him and inspecting the scrapes on it. 

“I mean, we’re definitely not returning it,” Belphegor says.

The Impala slows to a stop a few feet away from them, headlights on and bright, catching all four of them guilty. Dean gets out of the car first. He looks livid. 

“Where did you all think you were going?” he asks, staring down at Adam. 

Adam lets himself up first. “We wanted to go biking,” he says. 

“Biking - ” Dean looks at the stolen bike and runs a hand over his face before putting his hands on his hips and looking away. “Do you know - ” he starts, “ - how long we’ve been looking for you?”

“Nah, dude, what do you think I am? All-knowing?” 

Sam gets out of the car before Dean can pop a vein. Cas follows him closely. 

Jack moves closer to where Adam and Michael are, Belphegor already walking all the way back towards them as well. If they’re going to get yelled at, they might as well get yelled at together. Spending too much time locked in a bunker playing board games gets people to bond. They’ve got an unspoken rule about getting collectively yelled at.

“Michael probably knows, though,” Adam says. “Michael?”

“Around six hours,” Michael says. “Shortly after we decided to go to the bowling alley.”

“Stay out of my head,” Dean says.

“Wait - bowling alley?” Sam asks as he finally stands next to his brother. “Where were you guys? And where’s - where’s your shoe?” He motions to Belphegor’s shoeless foot. 

“We wanted to go biking,” Adam repeats, patting the bike he’s holding. 

“Then we went to a bowling alley,” Belphegor says. “Then played some arcade games. Then karaoke. I threw my shoe in the river, but before we got to the bowling alley, of course.”

“It was fun,” Jack says. Cas gives him a slightly disappointed look, but Jack can see the relief in it. If anything else, at least Cas has never stopped believing in him. 

“You guys snuck out for biking and games?” Sam asks.

“Yeah,” Belphegor says. He puts his arms around Michael - who immediately looks like he’s going to chew the arm off - and Jack. “Gotta get some quality bonding time, you know; we spend most of our days stuck in a bunker together, after all.”

There’s an awkward pause. Dean turns back to glare at him. 

“What else did you do?” Dean asks.

“Stole a bike.”

Dean closes his eyes. “And?”

“Pretty much it, really,” Belphegor says. “What did you think we were going to do, burn a town to the ground?” He snorts. 

“You’re a demon,” Dean says. “And you broke out of a bunker. We would have expected it, yes.”

“That’s reassuring,” Adam mumbles. 

Dean points to him. “And don’t you start - ”

Cas puts a hand on his arm. “Dean.”

Dean huffs, but stops. Jack feels bad, just a bit. Yes, he’d been bored, and yes, he’s hurt that Dean still doesn’t trust him like he used to, but he had accidentally killed Mary, and nothing has  been easy for anyone since Chuck opened the doors in Hell and bailed. 

“Sorry,” Jack says. 

Dean falters. He doesn’t say anything else. 

“So you guys really just went for a night out?” Sam asks. 

“Yeah,” Adam says, shrugging. “What else were we gonna do?”

Between an Antichrist, an Archangel, a demon and a corrupted human, there’s plenty they could do, really. Jack understands the wariness. 

“Uh,” Sam says, “Something else, but. It’s uh, it’s - nevermind. Let’s just get back to the bunker.”

He steps aside, motioning for all of them to head to the car first, so they do. Both him and Dean flank the four of them, while Cas places himself right next to Jack. 

“I was worried,” he says. “I thought you’d run off.”

He’s not lying, Jack senses. It makes him feel a little bit better. Castiel has always seen the best in him, always tried to help and be patient even when he’s fumbling about things because no one’s ever taught him how parenting goes. 

“We really were just bored,” Jack says. “I’m not running off.”

Cas smiles. “We’ll see if we can do anything about you being allowed outside, then.”

Dean doesn’t say anything. He looks like he wants to, but he keeps his mouth shut. Maybe they’ll be allowed out, maybe they won’t be. It’ll be a while before everyone fixes their trust issues with each other, but at least, they’re sort of getting there. Jack’s pretty sure this hasn’t helped, but Cas doesn’t seem too mad. 

Maybe they can just talk it out. All four of them have had multiple chances to either escape or kill everyone in the vicinity, but none of them have done anything. They’ve mostly just been standing around, waiting to be told what to do. They have to see that they’re on the same side here. 

“That sounds nice,” Jack says. 

“Just tell us,” Dean says. “If any of you feel like you want to stretch your legs, just - tell us.”

Jack blinks. He glances at Adam, who looks just as surprised as he does. 

“Oh,” Jack says, “Okay.”

Dean nods. He opens the backseat door when they reach the car and motions for the four of them to pile in, even when they obviously won’t fit. Ah, well, they’d all decided to sneak out; they’re just going to have sit really closely, maybe sit on the floor. It’s just a short drive.

“Can’t we just fly there?” Adam asks. 

Dean starts to say something, and then pauses, turning to Sam. The man thinks it over for a moment, and then nods. 

“Alright,” he says. “Just fly there. And don’t break anything before we get home.”

“No promises,” Adam says, immediately putting a hand on Michael’s shoulder. The angel unfurls his wings, and in the next blink, both of them are gone. 

Belphegor catches the left-behind bike as it tips and turns to Jack expectedly. 

Jack shrugs. “I like the Impala.”

“Oh, you’re never any fun,” Belphegor says. He shoves the bike towards Jack. “You figure out where we’re putting that, then.”

“Didn’t you steal that?” Sam asks.

“Yep,” Belphegor says, already getting in the backseat. “But hey, we wanna keep a souvenir of our night out, yeah?”

“You’re a menace,” Dean says. “Put it in the trunk.”

Jack laughs. He thinks they’ll sort everything out just fine.