The Importance of Taking Breaks

I know this is going to sound like the usual tumblr posts about taking care of yourself, but I'm talking about taking breaks from the perspective of someone who cannot sit still doing one thing.

I have the attention span of an apple.

Which means I have about [goes to check WIP folder] five unfinished fics, two on-hold aus and forty-five personal projects, majority of which are novels.

Actually, make that forty nine. I just remembered the one I'm writing alongside this very post. To be fair to myself, I'm at the last two chapters so maybe I'll actually finish this and forget it for the next ten years.

(Along with the attention span of an apple, I also have the memory of a goldfish. It's nothing short of miraculous I'm able to write some of the longer fanfics I have now and am able to keep good grades at school. I've had friends [who are ADHD/ADD] say that maybe I'm like them, but because mental health is taboo where I live I have not been allowed to go see a doctor. I can't afford it either so - shrug.)

But here's the thing with me, and maybe this is the thing with you too, I can't do one thing for two minutes without wanting to do something else. I will be writing a fic I love the idea of - like let's say Lullaby or something with Night Vale - and two, three minutes later, my attention will wander and I'll have a mini-version of a burn out. So I have to go do a few laps, maybe scroll around tumblr, play with my dogs, and then return. Every three minutes or so. It's kind of hilarious.

Sometimes I get lucky and can hold attention for five to ten minutes. And then I have to go do something else.

But what's nice about this system is that it works for me. I do a thing, my attention wanders, I do something else for a few seconds, I come back and my drive to do the thing is back too. And then I lose it again and I distract myself again. But I get things done. And by the end of the day, I'd have done more with my funny system than I would have done with going at a thing straight.

In fact, right now I'm writing this post and then stopping, scrolling down Twitter (i just went through my tumblr dash) and then writing again. Then I stop again, write for the novel I'm finishing, and then come back here. But I'm getting things done.

This sort of mini-break system works for me. It always has. That's how I write my fics and other things. Along with constantly jiggling my leg and changing my sitting position.

Another system that works for me is writing things and then leaving them alone for a while. A lot of people do this. My funny memory helps too.

(A thing about my memory - I easily forget stuff, but at the same time, I can remember the details. The borderline-creepy details, like how certain people like certain things, and I'm scared if they think it's stalkerish behavior or something. No, I literally just observe, infer and listen to you.)

I write things Monday to Friday, if that's doable (as in, I'm not sick - I'm kinda sick rn - I'm not busy, etc.). Then I forget about it for two days. I write other things again from Monday to Friday. Then I edit the Monday fic from two weeks ago and by then, I'll have forgotten what I wrote. I'll change the font. I'll space it wider. This way I can catch more errors. (Even then, I still don't get them all because I read too fast.)

Also, with that, I get a fresh look at what I'm doing and I can decide whether or not it 'fits' with the story I'm writing and if it fits with the direction I'm taking something.

Here are examples of things this is an excerpt of a thing that didn't make it into Lullaby:

Rose has volunteered for Steve Rogers duty.

Of course, Jade’s not about to leave both of them alone because she’ll have a field day with picking him apart, so it’s mostly Rose tagging along when Jade and Steve do a thing, like afternoon dog-walking, or book-shopping, or just going around town.

Steve has noticed that people don’t approach him on the street as much as they used to when they see him with a Safehouse inhabitant, presumably because they think it’s official business between Avengers and the Safehouse. He’s fully happy with the situation, as he gets to go out without being harassed and he gets to hang out with his friends.

Rose has given him the benefit of the doubt to the title ‘friend’.

Kevin is keeping an eye on PR for her. According to several blogs who have spotted them and even have photos to prove it, the Avengers and the Safehouse might just be thinking about working together. That of course, has prompted questions of whether the Safehouse wasn’t working together with the Avengers before, which led to a lot of speculation and Rose doesn’t think they’re all important enough to remember.

Reddit is blowing up with pictures every day, and once, Kevin had calmly informed her, while he was sitting in his ‘swively-chair’, sipping Starbucks with his feet up on his desk, that they’d just narrowly avoided a bullet ever since Rose started tagging along Jade and Steve.

“Shippers are everywhere, and while the notion of people being so in love with love is cute, the media hounding Jade and Steve is not cute,” Kevin had said.

There were a few brave reporters who tried to get to them, of course, key word being tried, because Rose could sense them a mile away and artfully steered her friends away. She told them about it after the first three times, and so whenever Jade heard them coming, she knew to evade.

Steve Rogers was pretty gracious about everything thus far.

Currently, they’re on another supply run (because apparently, Captain America eats like there’s no tomorrow, and domestic stuff makes him happy because it makes him feel normal, and who’s Rose to knock that?), and Steve’s trying not to laugh over Jade debating which cereal is better, mostly because he’s thinking about how Tony Stark just buys cartons of each brand if he can’t choose.

Jade wrinkles her nose. “He’s rich, I know that, but that sounds a little wasteful, especially if he can’t eat everything and it gets infested by rats or expires.” She pauses. “Not that I think Stark tower ever gets rats.”

Steve snorts.

Rose smiles. “You can teleport one. It’ll be a start. One small step for rat. One giant leap for ratkind.”

Steve tries to give Rose a stern look, but ends up putting a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing too much.

Jade actually looks like she’s considering it. “Security though,” Jade says, “The poor thing might get shot on sight.”

Eventually Jade decides to get both boxes, and then they get pancake mixes for Steve, because he loves them and they’re easy to make.

“You know, Luke makes the best pancakes, hands down,” Jade says, “Like you wouldn’t believe.”

Steve makes a gesture with his hand, indicating height level. “You mean…”

“Yeah, you’ve never met him, right.”

“I’ve seen him from whenever I’m dropped by the Safehouse. When the door opens. He’s tall, looks a lot like you?”

“Minus the dog ears,” Rose puts in.

Jade chuckles. “Yeah, that’s the one.”

“Older brother?”

Jade huffs good-naturedly, like she’s used to be asked this question. “No,” Jade says, “Though at this point, he might as well be.”

Rose gives her a discreet look. They haven’t been very generous with their hints, and Rose is careful to mediate anything that she thinks is too much to give to Steve Rogers. 

“He’s the oldest of all of you, then?”

“Nah, that’d be Mrs. H. She’s our landlady.”

Rose smiles. “She may be old, but she’s still a good hand at destroying things.”

Steve turns to her, concern on his face.

“You don’t think people just run to the Safehouse and get in without getting attacked, do you? We have to get them inside, sometimes,” Rose says. “Although nowadays, people are getting more vigilant, and the first sign of an attack, they’re already at the Safehouse’s doorstep.”

“And you’re all alright with jumping into the fighting outside?”

“We wouldn’t be running a Safehouse if we weren’t, Rogers,” Rose says.

Steve doesn’t tell her to just call him Steve. He’s given up after the first few times and she still calls him his last name. It’s infinitely better than ‘Captain America’. 

He opens his mouth to say something else, but then Jade’s ears flick and she looks to her left. Rose and Steve follow. Rose narrows her eyes slightly. 

“We’d better hurry to the cashier,” Steve says, “I think they’re going so low as to hit grocery stores now.”

They manage to get out fine, and Jade teleports all of them and their purchases to the doorstep of the Safehouse. Steve still tips forward slightly, but he’s doing marginally better than he did before regarding teleportation. 

Dave opens the door again this time. There’s not much noise that’s coming from inside, but the smell of cooking is there, and from the faint drift of voices, it’s most likely Mr. G and Loki talking. It’s a fish night, then. Mr. G cooked the best fish.

Rose takes one look at her brother’s face and thinks he’s been crying. He’s wearing his aviators too, and there’s nothing on his face to give him away, and the only way Rose knows is because Rose is first and foremost Dave’s sister, and is second a Seer. 

But he feels…happy, somehow. Like a good cry did him well. It should have. He’d been too wound up about surveillance work the past few days. They hadn’t meant it for him to be on 24/7 vigil, but he’d taken it too seriously. That might have been their fault too. They know his upbringing. They know what vigilance means in the Strider household.

“Heya,” he says. “Joining us for dinner, Mister Rogers?”

“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Steve says, smiling, “Maybe next time.”

Rose smiles to herself. He’s very patient.

Steve says his goodbyes to Rose and Jade before going on his way. Rose makes a show of following Jade inside the house before stopping and turning to look back at Steve Rogers’ retreating form. She focuses so that she can see the colorful threads of Fortune around him before focusing on the red one, banishing everything else from her Sight except for that.

It’s getting thicker and brighter. Bolder would be the better term. She makes a note to observe and study it, as well as consult her Sight, the Palmer’s, and Loki’s. It never hurt to get second, third and fourth opinions.

Mrs. Harrison calls them all for dinner and Safehouse War Council – named accordingly by resident Breath player John Egbert, and everyone figured it couldn’t be worse than the trolls fighting over their memo names, so they conceded – and after Jade and Rose place the groceries in their right cupboards and join the table, they see exactly why. There’s two platinum blonde, aviator-wearing dorks at the table.

“Cool, isn’t it?” John grins at them.

“Um.” Jade alternates looking between the dopplegangers. “Time…travel or…”

Mrs. Harrison tells them to eat first before Loki starts to recount exactly what led to Cecil’s cosplaying of Rose’s brother – from the fact that only Cecil had decided it when he woke up this morning, to Kevin guessing as much and helping, and Mister G coaching, until Dave finding out and freaking out and then Cecil spilling gathered intel and telling them what happened with the agent.

Most likely, Mister Agent Man – who is apparently named Phil Coulson – is in the Caribbean, because Cecil not only wheedled information out of him but planted suggestions in his head, and let Loki’s look away spell do the smoothing out of any inconsistencies. From what Rose gathers, Coulson will most likely think he’s gotten dirt on the Safehouse inhabitants and choose to investigate the matter himself.

“They’ll send another agent, of course, to monitor,” Loki says, “We’ll put the same spell. Jade, you’ll secure the object we’ll use to bind it to them?”

Jade nods.

“Good. Now, from what we know, Coulson is the most meticulous and the most capable, so any agent sent will be just a tier sloppy. No need to send them to the Caribbean, otherwise, we’ll raise eyebrows, but it’ll be easier diverting them than S.H.I.E.L.D’s finest,” Loki says.

“If they don’t send Black Widow or Hawkeye,” John says.

“They won’t. They’re too well-known in New York,” Rose says, “Even with disguises. S.H.I.E.L.D’s not that stupid.”

Someone coughs. Rose doesn’t look up fast enough to see who it is.

“So, we have an easier opponent to distract,” Dave says. “What next?”

“I’ll have to lead Coulson around,” Loki says with a smile. “Palmer, it was the Caribbean, the Bahamas and the Bermuda Triangle, yes?”

John laughs. “You couldn’t have been more obvious?”

“Mohenjo-daro,” Cecil says with curious look in his eyes. “I suggested.”

“The lost city?” Rose asks. She’s read about it a few years ago. Mysteries always were right up her alley.

“Let him have a breakthrough with the Roanoke colony. He’ll have a field day,” Dave says, straight-faced, but Rose can detect some unholy glee in his voice. She doesn’t blame him. He’s been too stressed out by the entire thing.

“Should he somehow realize he’s chasing a false lead, we’ll need precautions,” Mr. G points out. Rose smiles as she realizes he’s adopting Loki’s speech pattern, down to the facial expression. A bit more and he’d probably do the accent before he catches himself. 

“We’ll need someone from S.H.I.E.L.D – a trusted opinion – who can vouch for us. I imagine the people of New York won’t stay quiet if their bunker is compromised, but we may need someone who can move fast enough from inside.” Loki turns to Jade and the girl looks at her empty plate, expression turning guilty.

“You want Steve.”

“He’s your friend,” Loki says, “And to S.H.I.E.L.D, he’s Captain America. He’s a good opinion as any.”

“Are we…” Jade pauses. “Are we using him?”

Loki doesn’t answer right away. “To some extent. But I’m not saying you’re only associating with him for the failsafe,” he says, “Think of it as symbiosis.” He inclines his head low. “And if it counts for anything, I apologize for putting you through this.”

“It’s alright. He’s my friend, but he’s not…all of your’s,” she says, “You have every right to be wary. And I understand, really.”

“He’s been very patient, thus far. He knows exactly how thin a tightrope he’s walking,” Rose says, “Maybe even more thin than it needs to be.”

“Well, there’s a chance we get locked up, so.” John shrugs. “I think that’s pretty fair?”

“Anybody been to the house, Mrs. Harrison?” Rose asks.

“Few people looking for flats,” she says. She points to Kevin and Mr. G. “These two say they’re all clean.”

“Avengers?”

“Tony Stark’s in another country, I think,” John says. “I haven’t seen the rest since the last attack.”

“So we’re in a lull,” Rose says. “Good.” She motions towards the bottle that Kevin is tipping into his, Cecil’s and Mr. G’s glasses. “Pass that.”

If you've been following Lullaby, I'm sure you'll recognize where that scene is from. I cut it out because I didn't want the reference characters to take up too much spotlight (I'm failing at that so bad in recent chapters) and I didn't want to cheapen Jade and Steve's friendship because she agrees to having Steve as a good opinion on SHIELD's side. Loki considers him as an asset - a protection should the Safehouse be compromised - but Jade doesn't. And with their growing friendship, Rose doesn't either.

Another thing was that Rose was supposed to find Bucky on a mission, but that would have gone badly, so I let her find him while in cryosleep instead.

I wrote the two examples above in the original draft, let it sit for weeks until I forgot and then went back, read them, and thought about my choices. And then I adjusted my choices accordingly.

My point is - breaks aren't just to taken care of yourself. Sometimes they're good if your attention wanders or if you need to look at writing or art at a new perspective. Especially art. Trust me. I'm an art student who can't sit still who has to sit still to paint something for five hours. It's absolute hell. And I don't even have meds.

Do your stuff. Take breaks. Walk around. Not only do you get your focus back, you get exercise too.

(Actually maybe that's why I'm so skinny despite how much I eat.)