Time-Management and Accountability

It’s interesting and not something I’ve thought about before, that is if ADHD can be caused by childhood trauma, but I think in my experience I can think of some childhood trauma that may have contributed to it as well as my parents having it. TW: drug abuse and mentions of narcissism and abuse and death, for this paragraph and the next two. Growing up my father was addicted to narcotics, specifically Xanax. In my own therapy I’ve had to unpack a lot of my experiences growing up with having to “read the room.” That is, having to be aware of when my dad was sober or not. Somehow I learned that my dad’s drug problem came before my needs as a child, not that my parents wouldn’t care, but I think my mom was so codependent and somewhat enabling, I absorbed that perspective over time, so I’d assess if it was an appropriate moment to have those needs before expressing them. Often I’d stay out of the way and hole myself up it my room. I think perhaps this experience of having to read my parents in my home life made me hyper-aware of my surroundings and possibly holing up in my room as well as lacking emotional stability in my home life gave me little stimulus outside of tv, books, and video games to regulate my focus, though I’d say the latter two helped somewhat with matters of focusing, I just didn’t have an array of tools. As for my parents, well, my father was addicted to drugs since childhood due to an abusive and traumatic experience with a guardian, his father was fairly harsh and volatile, and my mother’s mother was very Narcissistic and her father very calm and down-to-earth. My father’s brain development would quite literally have to be hindered, and I think my mother would have a similar experience to me where she sort of watched some enabling happening and learned to sort of stay out of the way so her parents could have the space to focus on their issues. Unfortunately, due to the grief of losing my last parent recently, unpacking my own stuff here in therapy has taken a rather slow pace because I’m desperate to hang onto good memories, but I’m letting go of the slight resistance more and more. I’m not sure if I agree or disagree yet just because it’s a new idea to me and I’d have to explore it more. But I definitely think it’s interesting and worth exploring more, and I think conversations and sharing experiences is the only thing that can really motivate that. I’m definitely leaning on the side of agree just due to my own experiences, but I hope it spurs a conversation because I’d like to hear others experiences. I’d hate it if people were unaccepting of the convo though as I personally think inquisitive conversations lead by professionals and people who are committed to researching a topic is a great way to progress our understanding of something. Do comment here if you post it on TikTok and I’ll be sure to check it out. I have to distance myself from TikTok sometimes because I’m pretty addicted to it and have to delete the app when I notice I’m using it to escape. As for a commitment, I’ll be committing to intentionally and selfishly spending time in nature everyday, even if it’s as far as my neighborhood or backyard, and I’m definitely not allowed to bring my work with me outside for it to count, which I do sometimes. 😅 I’ve been holing myself up due to projects and not intentionally going outside for myself (just for my dogs and it’s tiring when things you enjoy are done with the mindsets of responsibility and not just for the pure enjoyment.) I need to train my brain to be more intentional about breaking away from things as doing so helps with better productivity and prevents burnout and procrastination of other responsibilities. This will be a measurable way to start for me.

Sam Wade