Reading Lunar Phases ch 13

Disclaimer: Don't own PJO or Naruto.

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"Well, that was…a chapter." Hazel mumbled. She felt eyes on her and shrank into Frank's side. "How do I make them stop?"

"Just keep reading." He advised.

"Okay." Hazel cleared her throat. "A Little White Lie."

"Interest, consider yourself peaked." Hermes grinned.

"You scoundrel." Apollo smirked.

"Don't hate."

"Me? Never."

"Would the both of you please?" Artemis scowled at them. She glanced back at the nervous daughter of Pluto. "Continue, Hazel Levasque."

Dishonesty.

"Boing-g-g." Hermes flicked out his index fingers.

"Hermes!" Hestia snapped.

"It's my thing! I'm sorry!"

The trait held as the ideal of tricksters, mischiefs and criminals. From the smallest white lie to the grandest fabrication, all of sapient life is capable of it. Mortals, monsters, titans and even gods. Especially gods. The gods thrived off of deceit, the gods survived because of deceit. Even Apollo, the god of truths, was a dishonest being

"…The audacity of whoever wrote this…" Apollo gaped, his left eye twitching.

– granted, most of his deceit was done by acts of omission. Dishonesty, for better or worse, was made a natural part of life as soon as the first story tumbled out of sapient lips.

"…That's a rather philosophical take on lying," Athena said thoughtfully. "I'd actually like to hear an argument on it."

"Athena, if I could get a weekend to myself, I would happily indulge your desires." Hermes grinned slyly at her.

"I needn't be a goddess of wisdom to see what you're trying to do, Hermes." Athena drawled with a resting bitch face.

"Re-Re-Rejected!" Apollo jeered and Ares cackled while Hermes pouted.

November 28th, 2008

The shower was running.

"...This is important?" Reyna asked, arching a brow.

"I wouldn't have said it if it wasn't in the book." Hazel mumbled.

"Ah, fair point. Carry on."

"With ambiance?" Piper asked.

"Gutter much?" Hazel pouted to the smirking Piper.

"Well, you can't fault her for her mother's influence." Artemis glared at the goddess in question.

"You're just jealous because I'm a better mother than you are." Aphrodite smirked.

"Artemis." Zeus warned.

"I'm calm." The Huntress groused through gritted teeth, her arms crossed and daggers glared at her rival.

"Stupid neighbors." Thalia groaned and rolled onto her other side of her bed, covering her head with her pillow.

There were boons and cons to having the ability to enhance her senses, she found. The upside was that, even while she slept, her subconscious' awareness worked as if she were still awake without impacting her sleep. Super effective for when she was living on the road or on a quest. The downside was that a lot of benign sounds would snap her awake, such as her downstairs neighbor's shower going off at full blast.

"Think she hears the bed start rocking?"

"Leo!"

The persistence of the abused shower head had her groan again and roll back to her other side. An eye cracked open and peered into the darkness of her bedroom, seeking out her digital alarm clock.

04:52 flashed at her in dimmed red lighting. The lone eye was joined by its twin, and then they blinked.

"Who in their right mind wakes up before five on a Friday?" Thalia grumbled to herself.

"That's just–...Even The Hunt sleeps in on Fridays!" Thalia quietly exclaimed.

"That's because you're running around at night playing flashlight tag on Thursdays."

"Annabeth, I told you that in confidence!" The Lieutenant hissed as the other demigods started snickering. The daughter of Athena arched an eyebrow.

"You never made me swear anything."

"It's implied!"

She groaned again when she realized she just spoke out loud, which meant her cognitive functions were past the process of booting up, and were buffering. For all of her faults, she despised her inability to return to sleep after waking the most. It's why she always took the first shift of watch when she lived on the road.

Frustrated with the start of her Friday, Thalia threw her covers aside and grabbed a change of clothes before she headed for the bathroom. If her neighbors thought their loud shower was going to be taken lightly, they were going to be in for a rude awakening. She pushed the door open and went for the sink, then paused. Odd, there was already a stack of clothing in her usual spot.

"...Oh, I figured it out." Apollo grinned. Then grimaced. Then grinned once more. Then grimaced again.

"You okay?" Hermes asked.

"Just practicing. Gotta switch it up so I don't have to suffer another sibling love tap."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Artemis asked. Her twin pursed his lips, contemplated, and then answered.

"You'll see."

I don't remember putting anything here last night. Thalia furrowed her brows. After Whiskers' random call from his mom and uncle, they gorged themselves on Leto's various flavors of pie. After being put in a near food coma, she remembered getting help back to her room from the matronly Goddess before succumbing to her body's desire to sleep off the feast she put away. Not once was there a chance for her to set anything out.

Thalia set her clothes down beside the mystery stack, grabbing the white article that was sitting second from the top. The boxers set atop of it flopped to the toilet between the sink and shower. She unfolded the white shirt and stared at the crescent moon set between the pectoral outline. This shirt looked very familiar.

"Why is his shirt in my bathroom?" Thalia frowned. Piper and Annabeth immediately started laughing. She glanced at them. "What?"

"No-Nothing! Hazel, keep-keep reading." Piper urged around a snicker.

"Oh! I just figured it out, too." Leo guffawed. "Classic!"

"Wait, if that's his shirt–Oh." Percy nodded and chuckled. "I got it."

"Wow, Percy cracked it before Thalia. Wonders never cease." Nico shook his head in amusement.

"Screw you, di Angelo!" Thalia snapped, her face flushed in embarrassment and confusion.

"Nah, you're not my type."

The squeak of the shower faucet accompanied by the ceased sound of falling water alerted Thalia as she came out of her sleepy haze. She looked at the mirror, it was slightly fogged. Oh, so it wasn't her neighbor's shower that had been running. Her gaze fell on the shirt in her hand and she looked up when the shower curtain pulled back.

Modesty protected by his grip on a blue towel that was wound around his waist, Whiskers held the curtain open. From inside of her shower.

"...Oh, no…" Thalia paled and sank down in her seat.

"Oh, yes!" Several of her 'friends' grinned. Traitors, the lot of them.

"This–This has got to be pedophilia on some level, right!?" Thalia looked around at the gods.

"Nope." Aphrodite shook her head, unable to stop smiling as she'd figured out the scene's purpose. "It's probably good for someone's ephebophilia-fetish, since this hunk is eighteen. But that makes him a legal adult at this point, there's no harm in looking~!"

"I hate this story." Artemis grumbled as her lieutenant whined.

"You do not." Apollo rolled his eyes. "You're always so dramatic."

"...Do not start with me on who is dramatic, Apollo…" Artemis scowled at him.

Their eyes met, just briefly, before her ADHD decided that she needed to watch a very daring droplet of water trace a path from the side of his head, down his neck, over the marble-like clavicle and further still down the pectorals that tormented her rest since September.

A video displaying the very lines Hazel had just read played on the screen.

Every demigoddess was a bit redder in the cheeks. Nico was at a loss for words. The demigods were also a bit impressed with what they saw, their ire (stemmed from the girls' reactions, or the unfairness of the genetic roulette wheel in Leo's case) and pride prevented them from admitting it.

"...Aight, I'll say it." Apollo pointed at the screen. "That was hot."

"Apollo!" Artemis glared at him even harder than she had before.

"As his uncle, I am allowed to say it! I wouldn't act on it! ...I think."

"Not that it would matter if you did." Aphrodite smirked. "He is a clear-sighted mortal. That's adopted."

"...That is a valid point…"

"Apollo…"

"I'm just sayin', Sis!"

It was as the droplet hit the towel-to-waistline barrier that she realized only one of them in the room had clothes on. And, to her growing mortification, that the one with clothes on had been staring at the body of the one without.

Thankfully, that whole event, though it felt like the droplet took hours to traverse Whisker's body, occurred in under a second.

"…Thalia." He nodded at her when her eyes darted back up to his.

"Whiskers." Thalia blinked. In her mind she repeated a simple, calm mantra: Keep eye contact. Keep eye contact. Keep eye contact. Hey, where's that droplet goin—Keep eye contact!

"Kill me." Thalia grabbed Annabeth's arm. "Annabeth, please. If you ever considered me your friend. Kill me right now."

"Mm, see, the thing is, Thalia–I don't think I can bring myself to."

"You suck."

Follow it! Aphrodite wasn't even being discreet. Not that she ever really was.

"You're making this weird."

What? How? Right. Staring. Stop staring. How? Blink!

Mercifully, she did. And upon doing so, came up with an instant retort.

"I'm not the one using my best friend's shower without permission."

"'Friend.' Ri-i-i-ight." Nico drawled.

"I certainly can see the friendly shower use. In friendship, of course." Percy needled, smirking.

"So, help me, I will key whatever car you get, Kelp Head!" Thalia seethed before leaning forward and glaring over at the son of Hades. "And you! You better learn how to sleep with your eyes open! RA-RA won't be there to save you next time!"

"...What does that mean?" Nico frowned.

"Don't worry about it." Reyna assured him with a wave of her hand.

Thalia crossed her arms and did the best to ignore the heat in her face. "Especially while there's a perfectly good one in the bedroom he was given to sleep in."

"Gran-Gran was using it when I got back from my run."

Of course, she was—wait, what? Thalia furrowed her brows. "Run?"

"Morning run. Sometimes later, sometimes earlier." Whiskers shrugged and released the curtain to scratch the back of his head. Droplets of water fell from the act and landed near her toes—Eye contact! He's still talking!

"Oh, just look already so I can get an estimate!" Aphrodite huffed.

"Have you no limits?" Artemis sneered in disgust.

"Love transcends all limitations!"

"Woke up at one. Felt restless at two. Went for a run to clear my head. Came back, Gran-Gran was in the shower, so I came in here. Didn't mean to wake you, sorry."

He snuck into her room while she was asleep. How the heck did he do that? Was Artemis' training that good? She needed some remedial lessons, maybe she could ask Bianca for some tips.

"That reminds me, you still need to work on your stalking technique." Artemis mused.

"Yes, Lady Artemis." Thalia mumbled, a bit annoyed by the prospect. It wasn't her fault that twigs always managed to appear in her way.

No, forget that lost cause! Think of the possibilities he could surprise you with! Aphrodite tittered. Thalia almost arched her brow.

Like what? Breakfast? Thalia scoffed back.

Although, being served breakfast in bed did sound rather appealing. Having it made before she woke, eating it without leaving the comfort of her sheets. Some well cooked pancakes or waffles with an assortment of fruits, whipped cream and syrup...Maybe chocolate chips to sprinkle atop it. Ugh, great. Now she was hungry. If only she hadn't had to obliterate her traitorous toaster—It knows what it did.

I was thinking more along the lines of tossing a salad, dear.

"Wouldn't making a salad in bed be, I don't know, messy?" Hazel asked, frowning in confusion.

"Pfft!" Leo spat out the soda he'd started drinking. Then he started laughing. Hard. The other demigods, sans Thalia and Percy (both of which were also confused), were shifting uncomfortably.

Frank made distressed Frank noises.

"Was that a moose call?" Hazel asked. She looked around at the snickering gods. "What's everyone laughing at?"

"Nothing, Hazel." Hestia assured her, glaring at the second-generation Olympian gods to keep their mouths shut. "Just keep reading, dear."

Who would want to eat a salad in their bed?

Well, you've done it. You've convinced me that dropping out of public school was the right call.

"That's never the case! Don't encourage such acts!" Athena snapped, glaring at the goddess of love.

"Well, then maybe you should make education more affordable and accessible to everyone." Aphrodite suggested innocently.

"It's not that–I would if Mortals didn't needlessly complicate it!"

"Uh-huh, I'm sure."

Aphrodite huffed. Thalia heard nails clack as fingers drummed on the arm of a chair, likely a throne. Was–Was the goddess of love bothering her during a Council meeting? Seriously?! That school didn't teach you anything worthwhile! I'll have to make a note to pull some of my funding from it.

Are you bothering me about this during a meeting?

"...You really are the villain here." Athena sneered.

"Well, if I must play that role, then I shall." Aphrodite shrugged. She smirked. "After all, villainy is sexy."

"She's delusional enough for it." Artemis scoffed.

"Says the one who is going to flip out once her current Lieutenant's alternate self takes her baby boy's virginity."

"That...That will not happen." Artemis sneered. There was a glimmer of doubt in her eye.

"You're right, it won't. Without a push." Aphrodite smirked.

I think of plenty things during a meeting, dear. Besides, it's just a report from Artemis, and she's about as distracted as I am for whatever reason. …Actually, now I'm curious about it, Aphrodite hummed. Yep. She glared at Apollo for a microsecond before she sat down. I'm afraid I must deduce what that is about, ta-ta for now, Thalia. Don't do anything I wouldn't do with a boy that fine.

"You okay?"

"Fine." Thalia rubbed her temples. Her head was bowed and—When did he step out of the shower? Was it normal for a guy's legs to look delicious, or was she just that hungry?

"Depends on the leg." Nico hummed. He tilted his head. "Yeah, those are nice."

"Yeah, they are." Piper mumbled before she went red. Jason glanced at her with his eyebrows raised in shock.

"Learned something about you today, Beauty Queen," Leo said with a chuckle. "I love this story."

Wait, is he talking? No? Good—Eye contact, Thalia! Focus! "Just a small headache. So, why did you sneak through my room?"

"To… use your shower?"

"Okay, but why not wait?"

"Gran-Gran told me you would be fine with it. From what she said, I thought we woke you by accident and she talked to you before you went back to sleep."

"…So, she lied to you."

"Mother, why?!" Artemis groaned.

"It's the classic close-quarters sexual-tension scene. They'll be tearing their clothes off any day now." Apollo nodded.

"They should just start now. They're half finished." Hephaestus mumbled. Apollo looked at him.

"...Heph," he said, "What's it like when you sleep with a mortal?"

"A piston. Why?"

"DAD! TMI!" Leo clapped his hands over his ears and groaned.

"Apparently, yes." Whiskers grumbled and crossed his arms, tightening his che–Eye contact! He'd pinched the bridge of his nose and growled before he sighed. "Thalia, I'm sorry I snuck into your shower. Can you chew me out after I get dressed?"

Oh, right, Whiskers was still naked. Unintentionally, Thalia glanced down to verify and-Yep. The six-pack resting above that towel verified it.

"That's…" Annabeth whistled at the image that came on the screen.

"Hey." Percy frowned.

"Seaweed Brain, it's...It's a nice scenic view. The bathroom's aesthetic is a cross of classical Greek and postmodernism. I'm allowed to look at a scenic view."

"Uh-huh, and if a girl in a bikini were to have features I could admire was on the beach at montauk?"

"Look at her and lose your eyeballs." Annabeth joked.

Percy snorted. Typical.

Heat flew to her face and she quickly backed out.

"Y-yeah, sure, just, uh, don't take too long."

"Wasn't planning t–" She'd slammed the door shut behind her before he finished speaking, but she heard the words all the same. With a groan, she slumped against the door and buried her face in her hands.

Stupid sexy Whiskers.

"Title of her sex tape."

"Apollo!" "That's brilliant!" Hermes and Aphrodite applauded. Thalia looked like she wanted to disappear from reality.

"I know, I know." Apollo humbly held his hands up at the praise. "You may thank me–Ear! EAR! THAT DOESN'T BEND THAT WAY!"

"Cease with this foolishness or I will take it!" Artemis hissed as she twisted her twin's ear, until Hestia requested she stop. The Huntress gave her brother a look of warning, and huffed in satisfaction when he shrank away.

You should give her something as part of your apology. Like the heart of one of your enemies.

"Oh, thank us." Ares sighed. "A reasonable conversation!"

"...Zeus, where did we go wrong?" Hera asked tiredly.

"I blame the Mountain Giants."

"That's fair."

Naruto paused in the midst of pulling his pants up. He fastened them in place and glanced at the Sköll on his left arm. The deity-devouring wolf's image was staring at him.

"What are you talking about?"

Must I really explain this, Boy? The Fox asked. Naruto glanced at the tattoo again, arched his notched eyebrow, before he grabbed his shirt and started to pull it on. The Fox scoffed. You are an embarrassment to all males practicing courtship rituals.

"I'll take that as a compliment, thanks." Naruto muttered, lip curled at the thought of indulging in such acts. He pulled his shirt down over his stomach and moved to walk out the door. His lips pursed and his hand hovered over the knob.

Thalia was probably on the other side of that door. It was still really early and he really didn't feel like getting involved in another argument with her so soon. Especially when she was in the right to be upset—

Hence, if you get the heart or the head of one of your enemies and offer it to her as an apology, she may forgive you for intruding her den.

"No. Not even then." Thalia grumbled.

"You don't think it's romantic?" Annabeth teased.

"It's disgusting and messed up, regardless of the intent!"

"Pretty sure she'll refuse either of those." Naruto deadpanned.

More for us, then!

"We've gone over this, Fox." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not consuming the heart or the head or any other part of my enemies."

Compromise! I'll do it for you!

"Would that count as possession or manifestation?" Hades asked. "Asking for a friend."

"Whatever the outcome, it would count as cannibalism." Zeus mumbled.

"Father, stop trying to give yourself a reason to kill my son!" Artemis scowled.

"No."

"That's definitely not happening." Naruto muttered. He crossed his arms and glowered at the door. Though Thalia was in the right to be upset, he hadn't snuck in with malicious intentions. He was lied to, he was as much a victim in this scenario as she was. So, opening the door and getting yelled at or shocked or whatever else she might do didn't seem like it would be fair.

If you're so insistent on avoiding the consequences to your actions, turn your head up and look to the left. The Fox grunted.

He did.

A window, eight or nine feet from the ground, was there. Mostly for natural light purposes, but it had been covered up by the acrophobic waiting on the other side of the bathroom door. Another interesting tidbit as of note, the window hadn't been nailed shut.

"It's too high." Thalia grunted.

Naruto's lips curled into a small smile.

Bingo.

A soft leap, followed by a reach for the ledge, and he'd pulled his left arm up, using it and his curled right leg as a wedge to keep himself up while his right hand opened the window. He crawled out and looked down. Wow, that was high.

"Gonna be sick." Thalia blanched. She closed her eyes and looked away. "Why does my other live in that apartment!?"

"Free rent?" Annabeth suggested.

"...Nothing is that free…"

How the heck did Thalia live in a pentho–Right, she covered most of the windows and kept herself seated with her back to the rest.

Do not fall. The Fox growled. It'd take longer than a week to heal that much damage. Even with your Idiot Uncle's help.

Remind me not to introduce you to my mother. Naruto thought sourly as he pulled himself out to the window ledge and closed the window behind him. He might think his Uncle Fred was annoying at times, but he didn't want The Fox and Mom to find common ground based upon that. It likely wouldn't end well for him.

"No. No it wouldn't." Apollo agreed.

"Alright, I'm here. Now what?"

"Do a flip!"

"Ares," Athena sighed. "You wish to fight him, don't you?"

"A street smear is a street smear." Ares shrugged.

"Your logic is baffling."

The mortal muttered to himself. He craned his neck out and looked up. Ten, fifteen feet maybe to the next ledge, which was hopefully the roof. There would be an access door he could use to get back to the apartment. He frowned. "Can't make that jump."

Old Sage, preserve me. The Fox grumbled. You can make it without jumping like an idiot. Use your chakra.

"…My what?" Naruto blinked. He could've sworn he'd heard that term before.

Oh, right. Stupid Snake-faced Scientist…

"The what-faced who-now?"

"The piercing in his ear is inhibiting his memories." Apollo deadpanned.

"Well, now I have two reasons to hunt that white-skinned immortal." Artemis mumbled.

Don't worry about it, we'll use my chakra. The Fox sighed. Naruto was worried about it. He wanted to pursue that line of thought, but a heavy pelting of thick snow flurry reminded him that this probably wasn't the time. Just so you know, this is going to hurt, Boy. And I'm not sorry.

"Just tell me what to do." Naruto grumbled. He'd gotten far too accustomed to getting hurt lately. What was one more time?

"I'm starting to think he might actually be a masochist." Nico mumbled.

"Kinky."

"Shut up, Valdez." The lone Hunter growled.

Put your hand on the side of the building.

He did, the frozen concrete almost made him recoil. He grimaced when a boiling pressure suddenly flowed through it. Suddenly, it felt as if something had melted the ice and adhered his palm to the concrete structure.

"So, chakra in its base form is hot." Annabeth muttered, scribbling on a notepad.

"Where did she even-?"

"I don't know. I don't want to know." Percy answered before Jason could finish.

Now, swing around and do the same with your other hand.

"Fox, I am not dislocating my arm."

Have you already forgotten that your anatomy was altered and made stronger after that overgrown mutt's bite? The Fox asked snidely. Naruto pursed his lips and fought back the heat that rushed to his face. He may have forgotten that, yes. Without another word, he swung around — mildly annoyed that his shoulder didn't dislocate out of spite — and pressed his other hand to the wall.

Use your feet to propel yourself, I will ensure we remain attached. The Fox explained dryly. It snickered suddenly. Just don't look down, Boy.

"Yes. Don't." Thalia nodded, grimacing at the thought.

As he braved the frigid airs high above the Big Apple, Naruto grumbled curses at smug foxes, angry girl friends, weird secret energies, and lying grandparents. Nary five minutes had passed before he reached the top. After hauling himself over the ledge, he planted his rear in the thick, soft white powder that covered the roof and flopped to his back.

"That sucked." He huffed, chest heaving. His eyes closed and he growled. "Why am I so tired?!"

I might have used some of your measly unused chakra to supplement my own. It's like exercising a muscle for the first time. You're tired because you never use it. The Fox admitted with an audible smirk. Golden eyebrows furrowed as the teen pushed himself up into a seated position.

"There's that word again. What the hell is—?"

Chakra, you uneducated Neanderthal, is the combination of Spiritual, Mental and Physical energy that flows throughout every living thing. The Fox explained tiredly. Your deities have it in spades, although it feels more like diluted forms of the natural chakra that's around us.

"…Oh, wonderful." Naruto rubbed his temple with his right hand. "I'm talking to a spirit animal."

"Ah, so the Fox is his spirit animal. Mine is the honey badger." Ares grinned.

"I thought yours was a boar." Hermes mused.

"He is a bore." Athena deadpanned.

"No, that's my sacred animal. My spirit animal is a honey badger. Unlike some bird brains I know, I have class."

"An adorable little psycho related to the wolverine...I see it." Apollo nodded. Then pursed his lips. "Nah, never mind. You're just not cute enough, Ares."

"Screw you, Lightbulb."

Old Sage, preserve me. The Fox growled. I am not a spirit, I am a sentient creature composed of life energy, you ungrateful little—!

"That sounds like you just made that up. Did you just make that up?" A smirk spread across his face when The Fox snarled at him before going quiet. It was the little things he had to take solace in. He got to his feet and started looking for an access door. Once he found the door, and after he broke off the long since frozen handle with a solid kick, he started making his way down the access stairs.

Now all he had to do was deal with the fallout of this whole event.

"Well, that's one way to get out of trouble by sneaking into your future girlfriend's bathroom." Piper mused. "Get in more trouble by risking your neck free-climbing the side of a building in a snowstorm."

"Of course! It's so obvious!" Leo dropped a fist into his open palm. "To get the hotties you have to dare to be stupid!"

Apollo perked up. He didn't even open his mouth before Artemis' glare made him shrink into his seat.

As all deities did in regards to their domains, Leto liked to think herself a more than decent matronly goddess. Sure, she might have technically abducted her daughter's adopted son,

"Technicalities matter, Mother." Artemis grumbled.

"Hey, Mom's just doing her Mom thing. Let it be, Sis. Let it be."

"Do not sing right now."

but she'd cast the boy out of her Hunters twice – granted, only the first time had been done by choice. The second? Not so much. Regardless, the boy needed direction and grounding after spending so much time alone.

That was without mentioning the pent up energy that the boy radiated clearly for all to see, hence why she allowed his early morning run in the cold New York winter. The misleading information about young Thalia's shower was, admittedly, influenced by some of Apollo's romantic-comedies in hopes he'd find an alternate way of burning that energy.

"You!" Thalia pointed accusingly at Apollo. "You did this!"

"What? No. Mom did it. Weren't you listening?" The god of the sun smirked. He looked at his twin. "Your lieutenant has hearing issues."

"Did your medical knowledge tell you that?" Artemis snarked.

"Now that I think about it, yes."

Alas, he'd gone and blabbed about her little white lie to Zeus' demigod. The glare the girl in question had given her after emerging, quite red faced, from her room was nothing short of hostile.

Leto paid it no mind, she'd be forgiven as soon as the two teens began to listen to what their hearts were screaming at their heads.

"Well, to be fair, both of them have a voice in their head." Jason pointed out. He grunted when his sister thumped his arm. "Ow."

"Shut it, Dork!" Thalia hissed.

"Wouldn't that make them more compatible?" Piper asked, grinning knowingly at the Hunter.

Thalia made frustrated Thalia noises as she made strangulation gestures.

That being said, first her grandson needed to have his head checked.

"You came in from the roof?" Leto asked incredulously. Even Thalia had stopped glaring at her to give him a look. Granted that had started after he had walked through the front door, rather than out of her room. Admittedly, it was amusing to watch her look back from her room to him several times in bewilderment.

"Yep." Naruto sighed after he finished his sip of the hot cocoa Leto had made for him. She'd given it to him after she noticed his minute trembling. He glanced at Thalia. "Shower's open, by the way."

"Yeah! I figured that out, thanks." She mumbled, crossing her arms and leaning back. "How did you even reach the roof?"

"I climbed out the window." Naruto blinked. Both Leto and Thalia both looked out the nearest window. A flurry of snowfall blanketed the prestigious city that the Olympians call home. They turned back to the lone blond in the apartment. He arched an eyebrow. "What?"

"Okay, I don't care who you are. That's funny." Leo snickered.

"It is rather amusing how oblivious he is." Reyna agreed with a nod.

"How?" Thalia asked in Leto's stead.

"I climb trees all the time."

"That's not—We're a little higher up than most trees, Whiskers!"

"The trick is to not look down."

"Don't get smart with me!"

"I'm not, though? That's some of Mom's advice."

"Oh, Artemis…" Leto pinched the bridge of her nose. Of course her daughter encouraged such reckless activities.

"I-I do not!" Artemis sputtered out.

"Ehhh…" The current Lieutenant of the Hunt wobbled her hand.

"Thalia Grace, you will stay silent."

"Yes, Lady Artemis." Thalia mumbled, though it did little to hide her smirk. She would not be the only one suffering this chapter if she could help it.

The things she'd heard her daughter's Hunters participating in over the years were too many. She didn't even bother trying to keep track of her son's children's infamous and foolish endeavors. Those were far too numerous, even for an immortal to keep track of.

"I try." Apollo smirked.

"I just—no, screw it. I'm going to shower, but this isn't over." Thalia glared at Naruto before she stomped off to her room. The boy frowned.

"What'd I do this time?" He mumbled before taking a sip of his cocoa. "It wasn't like the bathroom door can be locked on the inside."

Leto sighed and rubbed her temples. For all of his keen skills in survival, her grandson was utterly clueless where it mattered and Thalia was apparently hell-bent on ignoring the signs entirely. She might have to rethink her strategy in this. It would seem Apollo's romantic-comedies likely weren't the best source material for her to base her plans off of.

"Oh, Mom. Even I know that doesn't work." Apollo dragged a hand down his face.

"I'll admit, it took me a few years to figure out why some romances were so beloved by mortals." Aphrodite sighed. "So many failed poisonings…So many plans gone to waste..."

"...That's dark, Mom." Piper mumbled.

Thalia was normally not one to tolerate the complaints of others for long, especially not so early in the morning. When her former classmates bemoaned how 'cruel' and 'unforgiving' their parents or teachers were, she scoffed. That Woman had left a two year old boy in the woods, and her own father's fathering nature was a joke.

"...I like this chapter." Hera smirked.

"I hate this story." Zeus grumbled. Why did the tale of Artemis' child have it out for him? What did he do?

She could count on two fingers off one hand the times Zeus was ever considered kind to his children — outside of immortalizing them, anyway.

The first: Granting Artemis eight wishes she could call upon at any time upon her arrival to Olympus, even letting her hold onto two after granting the first six.

"Why didn't you use a wish to keep Lil Nephew in The Hunt?" Apollo asked.

"Likely because Zeus was not happy with him and my other self wasn't thinking straight. Clearly." Artemis said, mildly offended by her other self.

"To be fair, Artemis, you had just been kidnapped and were holding up The Sky." Demeter pointed out.

"...I fail to see where you're going with this, Demeter." The Goddess of the Hunt frowned.

"You got to touch Daddy's dingle." Aphrodite smirked.

Artemis almost retched and she covered her mouth with her hand. She swallowed back the bile and slumped in her throne. Apollo offered her a glass of nectar.

Unnoticed by the gods, who were focused on the goddess' mental breakdown, Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase shuddered in disgust.

The second, and known mostly to demigods: Approving Athena's desire for the expansion of shared knowledge by commissioning libraries and schools, generally wherever and whenever she asked.

"Shame that doesn't apply to the quality of teachers and upkeep." Ares smirked.

"Be silent, you belligerent oaf."

"Make me, War Muffin."

Given those two instances of blatant favoritism out of, what was it now, hundreds of children at least? Yeah, suffice to say Thalia wasn't impressed by Zeus' parenting skills. Being turned into a magical pine tree to be spared an afterlife in the clutches of her uncle didn't even factor into her reasoning.

"...Oh, really?" Zeus scowled at his demigoddess.

"You have a track record." Thalia shrugged.

That all said, she understood why Luke had succumbed to The Crooked One's whispers. All of the Greek gods had their own problems comprehending the concept of parenting.

"I'm the literal goddess of motherhood." Hera scowled at the lieutenant of Artemis' Hunters.

"You threw one kid off the mountain, another you gave away to be raised by giants, and you married one of your daughters to your least favorite demigod." Thalia deadpanned.

"...Artemis, muzzle your pet before I have it put in a kennel."

"Thalia, do not antagonize the Queen." Artemis ordered.

"Oh, yeah, tell it like it is and it's 'antagonizing'." Thalia mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, Lady Artemis."

"I thought not."

However, just because they weren't the best parents didn't mean they didn't care on some level. Again, she thought of being turned into a tree. Not the best way to show you care, but Zeus interfered on her behalf and she was still alive, so…That, and the fact that Artemis even used a phone – or the godly equivalent of one

"No, it was a phone. Just suped up to godly standards." Apollo corrected.

– to call Whiskers was still a mind blowing concept. Even if Apollo took over after, the goddess of the hunt had made the initial call.

"D'aww, Artemis wuvs her baby boy." Ares sneered.

"...I will thoroughly enjoy witnessing my son trouncing you worse than Percy Jackson had." Artemis hissed back. The god of war slammed his fist on the arm of his throne.

"That doesn't count! I had a hangover! And dust in my eye!"

"You also peed yourself." The smith god chuckled.

"We were fighting in the ocean! Water temperatures and stuff!"

"...Yeah, admittedly I did make it colder around that time." Poseidon hummed.

Hence, when she walked out of her room after her shower and found Whiskers sitting on her couch, staring at a piece of paper in his hands as if it had stabbed him in the same spot his tattoo did, she was only mildly concerned. Before she could even inquire, he held it out to her and flopped back in his seat. Arching a brow at his reaction, she glanced at the note she was handed.

"'Forgot something in Athens, be back in a bit. Borrowed the car. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. —Gran-Gran',"

"Leto needs to work on her subtlety." Aphrodite hummed.

"Like you know how to be subtle." Artemis scoffed.

"I do! Love sneaks up on everyone." The goddess smirked.

"Not me. I'm too attentive."

"Right...tell me, why did Apollo trick you into shooting Orion again?"

"Dite, no!" Apollo shrieked while Artemis arched a brow.

"Tricked? I was told he was trying to kill off every animal on the planet to prove he was the best hunter?"

"You didn't even tell her!? Apollo!" The goddess of love gasped in outrage.

"So not the time, Aphrodite!" Apollo growled.

"What is she talking about?" Artemis frowned at her twin.

"Nothing sis, you know how Dite gets."

"Ah, so it's immaterial. Typical." Artemis nodded. She looked at Hazel. "Keep reading, Hazel."

Thalia snorted, her concern washed away. Geez, most members of Cabin Seven would kill to meet Leto once, and here Whiskers is pouting over a note she left him. She wondered if the campers would keep true to that wish if they knew Leto preferred to be addressed as 'Gran-Gran'. The letter was dropped to the coffee table and she looked at him when he let out another groan. "So, what's your issue?"

"My issue is that my grandmother essentially stranded me in New York City." Whiskers grumbled, rubbing his hands over his face.

"Didn't you drive here?"

"She took my keys."

"Not cool, Mom." Apollo frowned.

"And hotwiring is out of the question."

"Yes." He gave her a flat stare when she arched her brow at him. "Look, I'm not exactly keen on ruining my truck after I spent a month fixing it."

"So you're stuck in New York. Oh the horror."

"Bite me.

"Take pictures~!" Aphrodite tittered.

I'm not okay being so close to The Mountain right now without any sort of divine protection."

"Oh, get over yourself, Whiskers." Thalia scoffed and crossed her arms. "It's not like he's watching you with a lightning bolt primed and ready, waiting for you to screw something else up."

Zeus looked away, working his jaw.

"Oh, he is." Hades smirked.

"Like a hawk." Poseidon joined in, a grin on his face.

"...Should I be flattered or creeped out by that?" Thalia asked, looking at Annabeth.

"You're asking me?"

"Yeah. How'd your dad react to Percy?"

"Well, he melted Celestial Bronze down into bullets for his biplane. So...that was his threat."

"I'd never outrun him." Percy shivered. Then he tapped his chin. "Although, I could hide under water."

"It wouldn't surpr—Wait. What do you mean 'screw something else up'?" Whiskers frowned at her. He looked like a petulant kitten that just got its food taken away. It was so cu-Not cute. Adorable? Endearing? Attra—Nope, subject change needed. Trying to get away from that train of thought passing through her mind, Thalia smirked at him.

"Do you want me to start with your hotel room in New Jersey, or go earlier?"

"That – I was making lunch."

"Well," Jason chuckled. "He's not wrong."

"After beating up a mob boss."

"How was I supposed to know who that jerk was? He was threatening to break someone's fingers!"

"Well then you got your police record wiped and were hired to work in Valhalla."

"I can't even begin to stress how much you really shouldn't talk about that out loud."

"Let's not forget the Colorado Incident."

Artemis grumbled and made angry Artemis noises.

"That doesn't count as a screw up."

"Let me reiterate: Colorado Incident."

"Why can't I obliterate him again?" Zeus asked aloud.

"Father, he's my son!" Artemis scowled.

"That exposed mortals to events that occur behind The Mist's veil!"

"Shot in the dark, maybe they haven't figured it out yet," Ares said with a shrug. "It's just another oopsie, like UFOs."

"Ah, yes." Zeus glared at Hermes and Apollo, the two who were part of the reason for such phenomena. He harrumphed after they squirmed for a moment and stroked his beard. "I suppose that is good enough reason to let it slide this one time."

"You really want to fight this one, don't you?" Athena asked, looking at her brother.

"He was trained by everyone and has that ninja jeans going for him," Ares deadpanned. "No shit I wanna fight him. It's going to be epic!"

"...I said I was sorry."

"And that's just this past year." Thalia almost dared him to argue further, but he crossed his arms and glowered at her coffee table. She snorted and crashed down on the seat beside him. "You need to relax, Whiskers. 'Daddy Dearest'

"Ew, ew, ew." Thalia full-body shuddered at the phrase.

won't eradicate you without reason."

"I'm less than five feet away from you, that might be reason enough." Whiskers grumbled.

"...He's not wrong." Zeus hummed. "She's not part of the Hunt...I could work with that…"

"Father, stop scheming to obliterate my hypothetical son!" Artemis scowled.

"No."

She huffed out a small laugh.

"Okay, fair." Thalia glanced out the window at the Empire State Building, before looking back at him. She reached out and gently poked him in the arm, smirking when he jumped. "But you're tense. What gives?"

"Don't." Artemis warned the goddess of love, who opened her mouth.

"I was only going to suggest he get a massage. Mind in the gutter, much?"

The goddess of the hunt's eye twitched.

"I'm not big on cities. Haven't really been since I met Khonsu." He glanced at her, then back at the window. "Not because of the smells, or the loud noises, or because of all the people. I can block all of that out." His hands balled into fists. "What I can't stand about cities...are the ghosts."

"...Seriously?" Thalia sniggered. "You're afraid of ghosts?"

"Well, no employee is perfect." Hades sighed.

"Just keep Melinoe away from him, brother." Poseidon smirked. Zeus let out a huff of amusement.

"Oh, be quiet you whaler."

Poseidon made sad whale noises.

"No, really, Poseidon. Don't do that." Demeter frowned. "That's depressing."

"No." Whiskers scowled at her. She smirked.

"You are."

"I'm not afraid of ghosts, Thalia." He grumbled and slumped down in his seat. "I'm bothered by them."

"He'll never enjoy the sensual beauty of Swazye's pottery scene." Apollo shook his head.

"That's a true tragedy!" Aphrodite gasped.

"If I could only be so lucky." Artemis grumbled.

"Aw, don't worry, Whiskers." Thalia reached out and ruffled his hair. He smacked her hand away and turned to look at her, his adorable scowl still in place. "There's no ghosts here."

"You called him adorable. You know who else called him adorable? The Valkyrie Captain."

"Jason. This close." Thalia glared at her brother, her fingers held apart by nary an inch. "I'm this close to actually breaking your glasses with my fist."

"...All he did was point out a similarity between you and Valkyrie captain." Piper frowned.

"We're nothing alike!"

"Ehh…"

"Annie, shut it."

"You can't tell me what to do, Thalia." Annabeth smirked. "I'm older than you."

"...I've made a terrible mistake…"

"There's no ghosts here."

Naruto glanced past Thalia at the spectral figures just behind her, in the corner of the room. A small family of three. A woman with half of her face ripped and shredded with glass still embedded in it, a man with his throat slit, and a girl no older than five cradling her head like it was a doll.

"Now there's a story." Hades hummed.

"A depressing one." Hera grimaced at the sight of a perfectly normal nuclear family. Ruined.

"Wha…How...When did that happen!?" Hestia looked horrified.

"Judging by the clothes, I'm guessing late eighties." Hermes mused. "Maybe early nineties."

He looked back at Thalia, who was blissfully unaware of the history behind her, then back at the table.

"So 'ignorance is bliss' is literal, neat." Percy pursed his lips.

"Count your blessings, Kelp Head." Nico snorted.

"Oh, what? Not you, too!"

"Right."

They're gone. The Fox assured him. He looked back from the corner of his eye, and sure enough they were. He huffed and looked back at the table. A familiar book caught his eye and he almost reached out for it–

"Besides, if there were, I'd deal with them." Thalia crossed her arms and sat back in her seat. She reached behind her to the pepper spray canister on the side table. It flipped in her hand and she grinned, brandishing it to him. "Being able to use Celestial Bronze has its perks."

"Not all ghosts are malicious, Tree Girl." Naruto sighed as he sat back. His fist pressed into his cheek as he leaned on the arm of the couch. "Some just want to keep living their lives, unaware of what happened to them. Others want someone to help them pass on."

"...is...Is he doing that pro bono?!" Hermes gasped in joy.

"Well you haven't done that in...what? Two, three hundred years?" Hades asked.

"So they ask you?" Thalia asked, sliding her pepper spray canister into her pocket. "Wouldn't they go to Nico, or Bianca?"

"Not sure about Nico, but I'm not sure they could bother Bianca if they wanted to. A demigod is not as connected to their parent's domain after they join The Hunt," he shrugged. "If you'd joined, for example, you'd probably lose your greater atmokinesis within a month. General static, possibly lightning, might remain, but I dunno. It's hard to say."

"No more lightning powers? Bummer," she frowned. "I like shocking things."

"I do miss shocking things bigger than a demigod." Thalia sighed.

"Yeah, I'm aware," he deadpanned. She crossed her arms.

"I'm not apologizing. Stop doing stupid and suicidal stuff." Her foot raised up and pushed into his shoulder in a gentle kick. "Like climbing up the side of a building in a snowstorm."

"I was fine. Please get your foot off of my arm." She did, but the annoyance remained in her eyes. "Look, I wasn't in the mood to fight about sneaking into your room. I'm sorry I did, okay?"

"Wha...Lame. Lame!" Aphrodite groaned. "Where's the drama!? The passion?!"

"The pointless shouting match?" Artemis asked dryly.

"Yes! Where is it!?"

"...Yeah, I guess. You were lied to." She relented, but her arms still remained crossed. She shifted in her seat. "All you did was use my shower, right?"

"Um, yes?" He arched his brow when Thalia looked away from him. Weird, why was her face getting red? It wasn't like he'd seen a diary or a stuffed animal or something. She had been buried under no less than five blankets. "Thalia, what other reason would I have for going in your room while you're asleep?"

Old Sage, preserve me – to mate with her, you absolute moron! The Fox deadpanned.

"He would never!" Apollo scoffed. "The Fox is just stirring up trouble!"

"Yes…Yes, it is." Aphrodite pursed her lips. She tapped her chin. "I wonder...Could it possibly…?"

"What are you mumbling about now, you airhead?" Artemis asked, scowling.

"Just...a running theory."

"She thinks I would–? Thalia, you didn't think I would actually do anything to you in your sleep do you?" Naruto frowned. Surely, she didn't – his chest felt like it was crushed when she refused to meet his eyes. She did. She actually thought he would–! His blood boiled and he shot up, outraged. "Th-That's just– I can't even–! I mean, seriously!?"

"Ah, good. All is well." Aphrodite sighed in relief.

"N-No, I–! It's just–!" She glanced at him and then away again, her face darkening. He scowled. What, now, she didn't want to look at him? Was she that upset?! He didn't even do anything!

"Thalia, I'd get it if it was another guy, but-but me?!"

Hm, that's odd. His stomach had twisted just as the thought of some other guy being in Thalia's room crossed his mind's eye. Luke's face replaced the shadowed figure for some reason

"Dick." Hermes scowled.

"Oh, what, you don't think your son was capable of rape?" Artemis asked dryly.

"Yes! ..Er, no! Um, rephrase the question?"

"You already answered." Artemis sat back with a smirk.

"Wh-Rephrase the question!"

"Hermes, be silent and allow Hazel Levasque to finish reading." Zeus ordered. Hermes threw his hands up, affronted at the verbal loss he suffered.

– okay, his blood pressure was spiking and things were starting to smell weird. He needed to blow off some steam. With a frustrated growl, he stormed over to the door.

"W-Whiskers, where are you–?"

"Out." He snarled, throwing the door open. He paused long enough to glance at her over his shoulder. "Don't wait up."

"Leo, pass the popcorn." Piper whispered.

"Here." Leo offered it as he ate a red vine candy. Both were watching Hazel intensely as they were drawn into the scene.

"...Guys, you're staring."

"Just keep reading." Frank advised. "...But don't make any sudden movements."

"Whiskers, wait!" Thalia grimaced as the door slammed behind him. She flopped onto the couch and rubbed her temples. Then growled and threw her arms up. "Great! Awesome! Thank you, Aphrodite! Thank you for your absolutely $&*% timing!"

As soon as he apologized for sneaking into her room again, images and scenarios had flooded into her head, all of them rather suggestive. Worse yet, all of them revolved around the shower incident from this morning. All of them had to be done by the one who'd been tormenting her.

Not exactly the sort of language I wanted to hear when I tuned back in. Aphrodite's voice drawled in the back of her head. The smell of sweet perfume filled the air before leather crinkled. "Why exactly am I being cursed?"

"Let me get my list."

"Artemis, remain in your seat." Hera frowned at the goddess.

"But, Lady Hera–!"

"I know you get antsy, Artemis, but we will take a break to attend to our domains in another hour." Hera gave her a pointed stare. They'd made that rule for the very reason she gave. Last time this sort of story came about, The Olympians strained their control over their domains by sitting for so long.

"Fine!" Artemis huffed with a pout.

"Don't give me that!" Thalia hissed, turning to glare at the goddess that manifested in the seat where Whiskers had previously sat. She pointed at the goddess accusingly. "You know exactly what you did!"

"I've done many things, Thalia Grace. This morning alone, I've broken up three celebrity couples while I oversaw the amazing start to your day and suffered through the dull arrowhead's report.

"Dull?!"

"Exceptionally so. You really should sharpen up."

"You–! ...You–!"

"Ladies." Hestia smiled. The two goddesses looked away from each other, one looking more sufficiently chided than the other.

In the past twelve hours, I reunited fourteen hundred estranged loves. Thirty-five minutes ago, I slept with fifty mortals simultaneously." Aphrodite smirked at her as her face burned from the images that comment conjured and began to file her nails. "You'll have to be a little more specific."

"You...showed me those...those…" Thalia couldn't exactly articulate it. It was too hot. Literally, figuratively, every way in between. She groaned into her hands again. The way that Whiskers would touch her, how she would hold him, and how he stared at her... Gods, even now those thoughts wouldn't leave her head!

"Not leaving mine either. Thanks, Thalia." Jason deadpanned. He didn't get a response and looked at his sister. "Thalia?"

Thalia's face was bright red, but her eyes were vacant. He waved a hand in front of her. No response.

"Um, is this–?"

"She's probably shut down to protect her mental functions." Annabeth suggested.

"Anything we can do?"

"Nope."

"Bummer." Jason hummed. "Anyone got a marker?"

"Yo!" Leo pulled one from his pouch.

"Absolutely not." Hestia frowned at the boys and took the marker away. "You can have this back later."

"Oh, my, Thalia! That's rather...That's rather salacious. Especially for you. I almost wish I'd put these thoughts in your head, but they're far too tame for me. They are more along Eros'..." Aphrodite's elation dimmed into a frown. Her nostrils flared and her eyes flashed through several hundred colors. "No. No, he wouldn't dare! That ungrateful little bastard!"

The next thing Thalia knew, she was on Olympus. In front of the Council. All assembled. Even Dionysus was present.

"That poor bastard." Dionysus sighed, unaware of the smirk Hera gained from his words.

Well, this definitely isn't how I thought my day would go. Thalia grimaced, crossing her arms. She ignored the expected glare from her divine stepmother, and was mildly surprised by the brief one given to her by Hermes. Why was–Right. Luke. Well, she'll just have to deal with that.

"Aphrodite, for what purpose did you bring my demigod before us?" Zeus asked, voice rumbling across the room. He sounded more annoyed at her presence than at her initial abduction. Thalia felt so loved.

"Because, Zeus, an impossibility has come to pass," Aphrodite said with a frown. "My trusted son, Eros, has betrayed Olympus."

"It's Plan Gamma! I knew it!" Aphrodite gasped.

"I'm sorry what?" Artemis frowned.

"Rogue Love god. Damn, damn, damn! I thought we had more time!" Hermes said with an old soldier helmet. "To the bunkers in Sweden!"

"No, Hermes, that's Plan Theta!" Apollo shook his head.

"Oh, wait...which one was gamma?"

"I believe you and Apollo dubbed it 'The Hulk scenario' in the mid to late 70s." Zeus drawled.

"Right! Yeah, the false Rogue Love god scenario." Hermes nodded.

"...What is he talking about?" Ares asked, looking at his smart sister.

"You aren't cleared for that information." Athena drawled.

"What?! Bull–!"

"Hey." Poseidon scowled.

"Ahem, everyone!" Hestia coughed into her fist. "Perhaps before a fight breaks out we should just keep reading?"

"Um...so who's next?" Hazel asked, unnerved by all the gods' eyes falling on her once more.

"Hand it over. I want to see this poopstorm." Nico said, making a grabbing motion.