0079 - Handsome-izer Flowchart
Added 2024-08-23 17:00:09 +0000 UTC(A full page of outtakes, along with a very different version of this flowchart, post at noon in the In-Universe and Author's tiers!)
Ray was recently challenged to help a sad, homely man become handsome. This led him to a "lotta' thinkin'," and he came to the realization that self-confidence and charisma are the most powerful tools a man has in attracting others. He argued - by extreme example - that devastatingly handsome men who communicate mainly in short, selfish grunting noises, and always have the dried juices of marinated steaks on the skin around their mouth, are unlikely to attract mates. Then he swung in the opposite direction and identified ascendant comedian/podcaster Stavros Halkias, the featured finial in today's flowchart, as a dude whose personality is doing so much heavy lifting that the physical form of the man himself becomes a sort of prop for the revolutionary notion that the body should be in service of the personality. Halkias's personality is so engaging, Ray stated, that his physical self only makes complete sense, and is therefore perfect, and attractive.
This is also a way of saying that you may, or really may not, find Ray's weekly advice column Ray's Place useful, at least as a basis against which to evaluate actual truth.
Comments
Jesus Christ did we have to bring Stav into this 😝
Nicole Lyden
2024-08-25 22:27:36 +0000 UTCIs Greek
M. J.
2024-08-25 05:55:11 +0000 UTCHahaha yes yes, I suppose that’s true. Every strip is hinting and every character’s background arc continuing its way closer to the forefront until it pokes through a bit.
Cody Richmond
2024-08-24 22:11:28 +0000 UTCThanks to you and Ray I have at long last decided to have charisma. I expect this to turn everything around.
Phineas Jones
2024-08-24 17:05:30 +0000 UTCA meatball perched on a donut even.
Josh Egbert
2024-08-24 16:24:36 +0000 UTCThey teach this in culinary school but instead of charisma it's hubris, which is sort of the same thing really.
Josh Egbert
2024-08-24 16:22:43 +0000 UTCI'm starting a band called Unwise Hat. I expect to he highly famous.
Josh Egbert
2024-08-24 16:21:45 +0000 UTCMullen is far, far funnier than Halkias
E Corcoran
2024-08-24 05:41:40 +0000 UTCYear one: shoes match the belt Year two: introduction to the waistcoat Real world: acting impressed when some asshole buys the latest 7-series
Chris Onstad
2024-08-24 02:32:59 +0000 UTCI have read lengthy explanations where both champing and chomping are considered interchangeable, but champing has more charm, and is therefore correct.
Chris Onstad
2024-08-24 02:29:45 +0000 UTCI mean, the guy’s not…going anywhere
Chris Onstad
2024-08-24 02:19:15 +0000 UTCYes, but if you get your money's worth, you will also learn what all those numbers mean. Oh, and operations.
Ryan Boyle
2024-08-24 02:00:52 +0000 UTCIs this hinting at a return to Téodor?
Cody Richmond
2024-08-24 01:42:18 +0000 UTCWhen that day comes I'll print it out and stick it on the fridge.
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
2024-08-24 01:01:34 +0000 UTChttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8fB0wK3M7M
aw
2024-08-24 00:55:32 +0000 UTCI am very poor and sending a kid to college. Please read my excerpt and then tell you if you plan to purchase my wares. https://read.amazon.com/sample/B07QK1KS4W?f=1&l=en_US&r=4d8a1a3c&rid=1EXNRVZ9BNMSBV78VQ4F&sid=133-4047353-5870315&ref_=litb_m
Christopher Malone
2024-08-24 00:30:18 +0000 UTCIs most of business school just How To Win Friends and Influence People, and Fancy Acronyms About Numbers?
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 23:28:29 +0000 UTCThere's only one truth around here, and it ain't gettin any younger
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 23:26:17 +0000 UTCNow tell everybody what you wrote and where we can read an excerpt and then you can sit down again, welcome to the strip 0079 book discussion group everybody
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 23:21:50 +0000 UTCat first I thought you were making a reference to the many greek isles, but yeah, the salad dressing ref was chef kiss emoji
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 23:18:39 +0000 UTCWell, from what I can recall, he has some good comedy presence and ease. My main thing I like about him is how thoroughly he owns his "genetic aesthetic" - no apologies, just a straight-up 70s dad person.
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 23:17:26 +0000 UTCFaire Timothée was honestly the first person that came to mind for "who is handsome." Which is funny because when I first learned about him in "don't look up" I was like "that is just a skinny young guy"
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 23:15:40 +0000 UTCI think we all love flowcharts, until we are featured in one that says our head looks like a meatball
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 23:14:39 +0000 UTCthe greeks invented valor
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 23:14:07 +0000 UTCI don't know what aura points are, but we can discuss it. Is it like karma?
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 23:13:30 +0000 UTCis this "aura points"
Lionstooth
2024-08-23 23:02:06 +0000 UTCI DECIDE TO HAVE RIZZ
Jonathan
2024-08-23 21:36:09 +0000 UTCNo joke, I took a whole class on this in business school, "Theories of leadership." Executive summary: Talk to people, give a shit about them and help them achieve their goals, and they will consider you charismatic.
Ryan Boyle
2024-08-23 19:42:25 +0000 UTCHaha I love your flowcharts.
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
2024-08-23 19:19:59 +0000 UTCthe correct use of champing here has me all aflutter
Zen Window
2024-08-23 19:19:09 +0000 UTCi guess this is where i admit to chris and my fellow patrons that i am stealing greek valor
Stavro
2024-08-23 19:08:33 +0000 UTCI'm not a huge Stavros fan, but perhaps his greatest crime is having a real name so similar to my default nom de internet
Stavro
2024-08-23 19:07:48 +0000 UTCoh, Stavvy (meatball man) has a character (?) that's an obnoxious Ravens fan, who somehow became an official team mascot last season. sort of like how the Mets are now inextricably associated with Grimace from McDonalds for reasons I don't care to look into
sp
2024-08-23 18:58:19 +0000 UTCThe Chalamet/Ferrell/Gass handsomeness spectrum will be taught in beauty schools
balbert
2024-08-23 18:46:18 +0000 UTCWow, this is my first ever exposure to Stavros Halkias, and I can safely say my life is now worse and I will not seek this dude out ever again. Mission accomplished, Onstad.
Benzy
2024-08-23 18:33:22 +0000 UTCI was really tickled because the subject matter is right in my wheelhouse. It's been some years since the mirror was friendly to me.
J Hardy Carroll
2024-08-23 18:32:03 +0000 UTCMy man’s got a thousand island stare
aw
2024-08-23 18:22:34 +0000 UTCBrother, you ain't wrong. I'm just damaged enough to be embarrassed about writing books. You can't put me on the road. I'll find out about cocaine and learn to refer to it as a gateway drug.
Christopher Malone
2024-08-23 18:17:25 +0000 UTCYeah what I gather from successful stand-ups is that you live on the road, and have to be damaged in just the right way(s)
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 18:15:33 +0000 UTCNah. It's a helluva hustle, so I play music and do local theater instead, though I occasionally write bits I field test on my wife, for funsies. Here's an image from the roots... Stavros is in the middle. I'm the bearded lad to his left. https://images.app.goo.gl/pWLM8AoHGij7wcje6 I assure you, if you dropped my name to him, he would NOT remember me, lol
Christopher Malone
2024-08-23 18:05:59 +0000 UTCI hadn't initially clocked the loop back from any yes answer, cause I zoom in on mobile. It was genuinely an absolute treat of a gag once I got to it
Ben Wissett
2024-08-23 18:04:45 +0000 UTCRight on! Are you still performing? Also, weird that I talked about Baltimore in a below comment, not knowing that Stavvy is actually from there. Hell of Greek, so good
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 18:01:13 +0000 UTCI will. Thank you Raymond Smuckles and Achewood.
Mae
2024-08-23 18:01:06 +0000 UTCYesterday on the livestream I alluded to this strip, and gave the caveat that since all Achewood fans are beautiful, this is something you could share with a friend who wears an unwise hat or does the Amish beard thing despite no religion
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 17:59:59 +0000 UTCJust have it, already! DECIDE!
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 17:58:58 +0000 UTCStill like 3x the density of the OG Beef one, but I keep having fun adding parts
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 17:58:37 +0000 UTCOkay admittedly I don't know what this means, except that that is probably a Baltimore reference, and the only thing I know about Baltimore is that Baltimora was not from there. Plus I hear there are lots of eaten-on chicken bones littering the ground. And maybe Yale or another university is there.
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 17:58:18 +0000 UTCDOUBLE HANDS
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 17:56:05 +0000 UTCEverything Achewood does is technically on form, because Achewood has always been experimental and subversive of the comics format, but I do enjoy the classic structure as well. I just don't like to feel beholden to conform to a way things used to be.
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 17:55:59 +0000 UTCTo be honest I can't listen to too many podcasts of high-energy cackle crosstalk dudes champing at the mic, but I do appreciate what Stavros is and does.
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 17:54:43 +0000 UTCcrafty ladies, hiding from men at jobs
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 17:53:57 +0000 UTCThere's a Molly flowchart back in the achewood.com archives - https://achewood.com/2008/03/07/title.html - but it's more of a narrative thing than a logic structure. Clearly she should get a closer study. Noted.
Chris Onstad
2024-08-23 17:53:42 +0000 UTCNo lie, I used to do stand-up with Stavros in Baltimore back in the day. Had no idea he'd be huge, but he moved to NYC, lost a front tooth and couldn't afford to fix it, then proceeded to drop a Comedy Central set looking just like that, and the rest is history. Love his Ronnie bits on IG.
Christopher Malone
2024-08-23 17:52:14 +0000 UTCNow I'm not saying I'd bribe you for a Molly Sanders flowchart, I'm just saying I'd seriously consider upgrading my patreon tier and also I will bribe you.
Bungus Bronbo
2024-08-23 17:49:11 +0000 UTCSo that's where they be hidin
b.zap
2024-08-23 17:44:16 +0000 UTCAs a man of jawline, I expected something in the box, but I don't really need it. After all, I'm pretty, I don't need much.
Irving Washington
2024-08-23 17:40:17 +0000 UTCWould not have predicted a Cum Town / Achewood crossover if given a million guesses.
Kyle Cassidy
2024-08-23 17:33:39 +0000 UTCback to form! love this shit Chris. The Bloatee returneth
J Hardy Carroll
2024-08-23 17:31:56 +0000 UTCHell of yes brother
Nick Culp
2024-08-23 17:28:50 +0000 UTClet's go ravens
sp
2024-08-23 17:25:27 +0000 UTCClassic flowchart 👍👍
Ben Wissett
2024-08-23 17:21:44 +0000 UTCI'm not sure where the assumption comes from that being a pretty man precludes being into Achewood, but I'm not sure I could honestly argue against it
Matthew Harris
2024-08-23 17:12:14 +0000 UTCOf the many Achewood truisms, like "being in trouble is a fake idea" and "you can do whatever you want in life" I think "decide to have charisma" is going to change me in a fundamental way.
Mae
2024-08-23 17:11:30 +0000 UTC"You were just wondering what would be in this box." Got me real good, I must say.
Traedran
2024-08-23 17:05:49 +0000 UTC
