April Exclusive - "Candles" - Part 1

Como Park, St Paul MN

Today Kyle turns 30. He doesn't feel old. He doesn’t look old. But there’s something about the number that makes him thoughtful; or at least, more thoughtful than usual.

He works from home, flicking his eyes across three monitors in the spare room that serves as his office during the day and his mother’s craft room on the weekend. At 4 PM, he pushes away from his desk and joins his mother in the kitchen.

“Ready for your birthday?” Susan asks, a gleam in her eyes. She’s been busy cooking all day, her apron dusted with flour.

Kyle shrugs. “Guess so.”

Susan puts her arms around him. “It’s your birthday! You should be happy! You’ve always had good birthdays.”

Kyle provides another shrug. “Sure.” He glances at the counter; there’s a cake with numbered candles on top. 3-0.

He shrugs. Could be worse. Could have the Power Rangers on it.

He asks,  “Vanilla?”

“Of course,” Susan replies. “Mom knows what the birthday boy likes.”

Kyle laughs. “Yeah, you do. Hey, I’ll Chris and Abbie over, so I don’t eat the whole thing myself.”

Susan purses her lips. “You sure?” She folds her arms. “I want you to have a happy birthday, and those two-”

“My oldest friends,” Kyle interjects.

“I know they are,” says Susan. “But they can be so...”

“What?” Kyle bristles, ready for the argument.

Susan shakes her head. “Never mind. But I hope you’re just trying to avoid having your birthday with your old mother.” She delivers a look of theatrical horror. “How embarrassing!”

Kyle sits down at the table where he’s eaten breakfast, lunch, dinner over three decades. “I’m not embarrassed. I’m just...” He exhales forcefully, as though he’s practicing to blow out the numbered candles on his cake.  “Mum, have I done enough?”

Susan blinks at him. “Enough what?”

He spreads his fingers on the table. “You know. Abbie’s married with kids in that big house, Chris has that fancy job. What have I got?”

His mother pats his hand. “This is what I mean about your so-called friends. You’re doing fine. Just keeping your job in this economy counts as a success. And you don’t want to be thinking about real estate right now, it’s a hot market.”

Kyle hangs his head. “I feel like it’s all passing me by, you know? Maybe I could find somewhere to rent. You must be tired of me.”

He looks up to see his mother’s wide eyes.

“Never,” she says adamantly. “Never going to happen.” She pats his hand. “You’re such a good boy.”

“I’m not a boy, Mom.” He points at the cake, which seems to both support and derail his argument at the same time.

“You know what I mean.”

Kyle sighs. “I just feel like I’m running out of time. They say if you don’t make it by the time you turn thirty, it’s never going to happen.” He drums his fingers on the table. “The job Chris told me about, the opening at his firm.”

Susan clears her throat. “We already discussed that, honey. All that travel?”

“I could see the world.”

Susan frowns. “It’s not worth seeing.” She points at the kitchen window, towards the back yard. “You’ve lived your whole life here in St. Paul, and I might be biased, but I think you’ve turned out just fine. You’re honest, sweet, a hard worker. I hate to see you second-guessing your life, just because your friends have taken different paths.” She shakes her head again. “You were such a happy little boy.”

Kyle manages not to roll his eyes. He looks at his mother. “I’m not second-guessing exactly, I’m just...”

“You seem embarrassed, a birthday at home with your mother.”

He shakes his head. “I already told you, Mom, I’m not embarrassed. You could never embarrass me.” He offers a smile. “I’m just trying to keep an open mind.” He takes out his phone. “How about I invite Chris and Abbie over, we all have some of that delicious cake, and we talk it all over. Jobs, future, all of it.”

Susan face looks pinched for a moment, as if she’s been stung by an insect. And then she smiles. “You invite them if you want, honey.” She pats his hand. “It’s your birthday.” And then she reaches into the pocket of her apron. “Want your first present?”

“What is it?”

Susan answers that with a question of her own. “Guess which hand?” She holds out both hands, fingers curled around a hidden gift.

Kyle laughs, puts down his phone, and then makes his guess.

Susan turns her hand around and uncurls her fingers. “How’d you know?” she asks, with theatrical surprise.

“It’s always left, Mom, every time.” He peers at the object. “What’s that, a silver coin...oh, it’s candy.” He takes the object, wrapped in silver foil.

“I found them online, couldn’t resist,” Susan says, pointing at the ‘30’.

“A chocolate coin,” says Kyle. And then drily, “You’re spoiling me.”

“Don’t want to spoil your appetite,” says Susan, “but I don’t think one little piece of chocolate will hurt.”

Kyle peels back the foil and puts the chocolate disc in his mouth.

“Now,” says Susan, “Are you going to let it melt on your tongue, or are you going to chomp it down.”

Kyle snorts. “What do you think?” And before Susan can answer, he bites the chocolate into pieces and then swallows.

Susan laughs. “Thought so.” She tilts her face at him. “Good?”

Kyle nods at the sweetness on his tongue, an intense stickiness at the back of his throat, making him swallow again. And then his legs feel week, making him glad he’s sitting down. Wek legs, weak arms, week neck, and he feels a rush of overwhelming fatigue.

“Okay?” Susan asks. Her voice sounds as if she’s far away, but her face is large, suddenly looming over him.

“I might...” Kyle lips are heavy as concrete. “Might need a lie...”

And then he’s gone.

To be continued...