September Exclusive - "Drop-Off" - Part 3

The wheels on the bus are no long going round. No more music, just the sound of voices, footsteps, and Grace’s own heartbeat before she opens her eyes.

Grace wakes up to find herself in an ordinary daycare room. Except for the children.

The children are much too old, aren’t they?

Grace rubs her eyes, sits up and looks over at the group of adults dressed in matching yellow outfits. The one-piece like hers for women, overalls for men. Six in all, including her. Grace counts slowly, ticking them off on her fingers. Enough yellow for a bunch of bananas. The idea makes her smile, and then she frowns.

She’s not a banana, despite her outfit. And she doesn’t belong in the yellow room with the yellow people, because she’s not a baby.

“Snack time, Gracie,” a woman calls over. It’s Wendy, or whatever-her-name-is. The one who cleaned Grace up after her accident. She’s standing by a table, handing out clear plastic cups with lids. The kinds that don’t need straws because they’re for sipping. You can get that kind at Starbucks, Grace thinks, with a fleeting memory of her earlier drive.

You also get that kind at daycare.

Grace gets to her feet and finds that her balance is a little off. She staggers, shedding the blanket, letting her stuffie fall to the floor. She looks down, notes that it’s not a dog like Debbie’s one. It’s a gray elephant, and Grace smiles, bends down to pick up her toy, only to succeed falling back onto her rear.

“Ooopsy-daisy.” Not-Wendy is by her side, helping her get back up. “Did you drop your stuffie?”

Grace doesn’t mind that…Jodie, that’s her name – talks to her with the honeyed, condescending tone normally reserved for the youngest of children. Grace doesn’t really mind much of anything right now, even if there’s been a mistake. Even if she shouldn’t be in the baby room.

“Ede-fant,” Grace says, holding the gray toy by one of it’s large ears. “Ede-fant…wuh-member.” She nods, satisfied with this proclamation.

Jodie puts her arm around Gracie and gives her a squeeze. “That’s right. Elephants do remember, clever girl!” She looks into Grace’s eyes and asks sweetly, “What do you remember, Gracie?”

Grace frowns. This feels like a big question, perhaps the most important question of all. But before she has a chance to rack her memory for scraps of her life before entering the yellow room, Jenny winks. “Do you remember…that it’s snack time?”

Grace looks down at her stomach, as if her body will answer. And then she nods and smiles. “Sack,” she replies confidently. “Wanna sack.”

“Good girl.” Jodie leads Grace to the table with the others and sits her down on a plastic stool. “You drink your smoothie, Gracie, and when it’s all gone, we’re going to play outside.”

Grace looks towards the window. The curtains are open, and she can see a blue sky, and more important, a play area with swings and even a sandpit.

“Doesn’t that look like fun,” says Jodie. “Now, be a good girl and drink up.” And then she goes to see one of the other children.

Grace drinks from her sippy cup, using both hands because she doesn’t want to spill. She looks at the others, who are all being good and drinking. They must have been thirsty; they must like the taste of bananas. There are three women, all wearing their hair in pigtails. Grace touches her own hair with a sudden self-consciousness. Does she look cute? Is she adorable? Or does she look like these women instead. Does she look silly?

The first one to finish, a man with blond hair and blue eyes, puts down the empty cup and then gets to his feet. Grace notices the man’s glassy-eyed expression. He looks confused, he looks as though he’s searching for something that might just be on the tip of his tongue.

And then he belches. Immediately, he’s smiling from ear to ear, and he waddles over to the window. “Owd,” he says, patting on the glass.

“That’s right, Marcus,” says Jodie, “Once we’re all finished with our snacks.” The daycare worker claps her hands together lightly. “Come on, everyone one, let’s get busy!”

The adult-sized children sitting with Grace suck harder on their sippy cups. One by one, they finish the yellow drink. One by one, they look confused, distracted, and then as soon as they belch, relief and a seeming sense of delight washes over them, and then they’re all standing by the window, looking out into the bright yard, and babbling expectantly.

Grace is the last to finish the snack, but that’s okay, it’s only her first day, right? Grace puts down the cup and wonders if she’s been here before if there is where she’s always been.

She stands up and walks to the window. She looks at the swing, the sandpit littered with brightly colored plastic buckets and shovels.

No. She hasn’t been here before. It’s new. A first day for her, and a first day for…

The girl behind her in the car. When they drove here.

“Dehhh…” Grace frowns. The little girl who loves her daddy.

Does Grace love her daddy? Who dropped her off? Who’s coming to pick her up? These questions sit in her head, fill up her already full stomach, leaving her with a steady anxiety, making her mouth dry. She follows the others outside, firmly shepherded by Jodie, and they play in the sunshine.

Grace takes her turn in the swings, pushed gently and then earning praise for pushing forward by herself like a big girl.

A big girl like Debbie?

Grace kneels in the sandpit, filling a green bucket with sand. There’s something perfectly satisfying about filling and emptying the container. She’s making a mess of course, sand on her clothes, sand in her hair and between her fingers, but that’s okay. Jodie will take care of it, she will clean her up, just like before, just like always.

And then it will be home time. But who will pick her up?

Jodie is at her side. The women with the freckles strokes Grace’s hair. “Doing okay?” She gives Grace’s head the softest of taps. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

Grace keeps her eyes on the green bucket. “Weh…” She concentrates, grips the bucket handle, and says fiercely, “Weh Deh…Debbie?”

“Your big sister?” Jodie nods. “She’s having story time with the other big kids, Gracie. One day, you’ll be big too, and you can be in the green room.” She laughs. “Just like your green bucket!”

Grace can feel a responsive giggle wanting to escape her mouth. It feels like bubbles, wanting to bounce away the rest of her questions.

But she has another one. She turns to Jodie. “Weh…moh…mee?”

The woman smiles. “She’ll be here in a little while, sweetie, to pick you and Debbie up. She drops you off in the morning, she picks you up in the afternoon. Remember?”

Grace nods. Of course she does. Except, she doesn’t.

Jodie looks into Grace’s eyes; their faces not more thank a couple of inches apart. “Where did that happy girl go?” she asks. “What’s with all these questions?” She frowns lightly. “Did you forget to have your little burpy?”

Grace blinks. The belches. All of the children did it after their snack. Except for her.

“There’s your problem,” says Jodie confidently. “The smoothie doesn’t do its good work until you’ve burped, silly.” And with that baffling news, Jodie starts patting Grace’s back. There’s a pattern, where Jodie makes circular movements and sings slowly, “The…wheels on the bus…go…” And then she delivers three firm pats with her open palm. “Round and round.”

Grace frowns. Mommy’s not coming to pick her up, is she. Because she doesn’t live with Mommy. She doesn’t live with Debbie, either.

“Round and round, round and round…”

She can feel herself opening up, a return of old memories fluttering through her mind, and she tries to grab at then.

“The…wheels on the bus…go…”

She’s not Debbie’s baby sister. She’s not her sister at all. She’s her…And as Grace rubs circles on her back, Grace enjoys a moment of perfect clarity, and can see the expression on her real sister Faith’s face as she handed her Debbie’s backpack and the yellow smoothie.

It’s a new school. Across town, but it’ll be worth it. Thanks for taking her. I figured you two might enjoy some bonding time.

Grace thinks of the toy elephant that she left back in the playroom. Like the elephant, she remembers. She understands.

It was Faith. Faith put her here, and if she doesn’t get away, Grace will be like this for good, she’ll be as dumb as the others, diapered and drooling and not knowing any better.

Grace opens her mouth.

“All round the town.”

Three more pats. Grace produces a magnificent belch, and then she covers her mouth.

“Goodness,” Jodie exclaims. “What a big burpy, Gracie!”

Grace isn’t afrraid. She’s not even embarrassed. She chortles through her fingers because she made such a funny noise!

Gracie grins, happy to be held in Jodie’s firm embrace, as the rest of her intelligence fades away.