Diaper Update 4/21

(I made this open to everyone who supports me because the message this month goes well beyond how much you pay me a month)

One of the most intimate times in life is our childhood. There’s such a depth of emotion that we feel. Coupled with the fact it’s the first time we’re even experiencing emotion, and it makes sense our childhood is the most influential moments of our lives. When we were kids, we could look at something as common as a cardboard tube. To us ‘adults’ we see that as trash, but in our youth, we saw that as a sword. In an instant we could unsheathe that sword, run outside, and play in our imaginary worlds for literal days. I’ve never felt that level of freedom again in my life.

Being an Adult Baby for me has always been a journey. It’s a part of my life that I’ve known about forever, but I still feel like I don’t 100% have a grasp on it yet. Every time I go into little space, I learn a little more about this part of me. Sometimes I learn about what types of food my little self enjoys eating. I discover what music or TV shows my little self wants to watch. I also find clues as to why this part of me has lived on for so long, or why I might feel guilty about certain aspects of it.

I don’t think I’m alone when I express the guilt that has come with this fetish. I’ve spent years chewing over why we feel this way. I’ve boiled it down to a couple reasons. I think primarily, we are taught at a young age that being childish isn’t ‘the right way to act.’ Wearing/using diapers, holding onto toys, letting our emotions act out, and all the fun silly stuff like eating wrong or speaking in babble. We were scolded for acting like that. We were so young emotionally that any negative experience was going to imprint heavy into our brain. It’s not fair, because acting that way isn’t wrong at all in our adult lives.

There’s a level of self-degradation to it as well. We all want to be successful model humans in this world. Acting like an Adult Baby is seen as a weakness or the incorrect steps to a happy successful life. So, for me, I’ve been super critical in the past toward my adult baby actions. I used to tell myself, “This is wrong. You are wrong for feeling this way. You need to fix this.” I wish I could go back and shake myself out of that head space. I was unnecessarily hard on myself. I always have been. I hold myself to an unrealistic standard. No one should think they have to let go of their little side.

Hopefully the negativity that plagues those in our community subsides with age (😉). I wish for the day when living your life as the child you want to be isn’t seen as taboo. I’ve let aspects of my life grow childish again, and I’ve never felt a stronger sense of who I am. I love being 24/7, but I also love using the childish toothpaste and little toothbrush. I would so much rather Netflix and chill with Hilda on than an adult show. Coloring is frankly one of my favorite hobbies. I’ve gone through five books already this year alone. It’s not that sexual too. Sure, I feel sexy when I do these things. But I act like a child in my house because my brain and body want to. I physically yearn to be in a diaper, color, and suck on a pacifier. That’s how I want to live my everyday life.

It’s been liberating releasing this part of me. I’ve pushed it down my entire life. I’m not saying it’s the same thing, but I’ve likened it to “coming out.” This is a seriously intimate and publicly misunderstood part of us that will never go away. Supporting it, instead of trying to block it out, has been the single greatest choice I’ve ever made for myself. I feel excited when I see little kid stuff. It brings me palpable joy when I regress into my little space. Letting my fetish be a source of happiness, instead of crucifying it as my mental boogie man, I hope everyone can try that.

I’m not saying you have to go all out like I have. There is without a doubt a spectrum. Not everyone wants to start wearing 24/7, or turn their entire house into a playpen (although, I have been thinking about doing that myself…), but there are plenty of people who just like to do small childlish things. Perhaps suck their thumb for a moment in the shower. Maybe drawing fun doodles to yourself for a mental break. However you are able to express this part of you, I highly encourage you to try.

Because at the end of this, we were all children at some point. Some of us grew up in the 80s, 90s, or early 00s. What an AMAZING time to be a kid! We’re allowed to feel nostalgic toward those times. They were some of the best moments of our lives. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to put yourself in the mental headspace of those times. In your life, you can envision yourself as a kid again. You’re not hurting anyone. This is something for YOU. It’s okay to regress and feel however childish you want to.

I see it like this. Everyone has two souls in their body. The one we’re born with as a kid, and the one we develop as we become adults. Some people shake hands with their childish self and never see it again. For us, that childish soul has lived on. It’s part of what makes you, you. Express that part of yourself. We’re not wrong, we’re simply more in touch with our younger selves than most.

Be proud of that.

I know this update isn’t exactly very diapery, but this is just something I’ve wanted to get off my chest. I love that I have this platform to share ideas with. If I can help at least one person feel better about themselves, than this post was a success.

To be brutally honest, there isn’t a whole lot of new developments in my training. I’m slowly losing more of my bowl control. I think my control is borderline medically classified as impaired at this point. If I was asked about it on a medical form, I’d probably put down that I had weak bowel control. However, if I’m out in public and I didn’t have a diaper on for whatever reason, if through some divine miracle I didn’t soak my pants beforehand, I’d still feel nervous about making it on time to for #2. I’d likely have an accident at some point. Next time I’m out I’ll try holding it for as long as I can. I’ll report back the scientific results for all of you next month XD.

I love being 24/7 more today than I did yesterday. That’s the story of this update. When you go back and adopt traits from your former self, I think it’s natural to question it. You’re second guessing a previous decision. I’m happy to say I’ve reconsidered a lot of childish aspects of myself, and I happily incorporate them into my life.

Stay padded!
MC