A New Perspective

Written as a side-sequel to chapter 84 of “Unfair” by Personalias (which you can find here if you sub for $5 a month: https://www.patreon.com/posts/unfair-chapter-63409831) this story follows Mark back to his office after the date he had on Saturday

New Perspective

Never before had a Monday morning coffee tasted this bitter to Mark.

Nothing had changed in how he made it, same milk, same sugar, same ground beans from the store down the street. But he felt his gag reflex try to kick in the moment it brought back memories of the day before.

Dates sometimes went wrong. That was always the advice he’d been told to follow. Don’t feel discouraged if you don’t click, after all you’re both people with your own lives and being friends is no bad thing.

But Saturday hadn’t just “gone wrong”. It had shaken him, a sense of deep self-loathing had crippled him for the rest of the evening and no amount of sobbing into a pillow and curling up into a fetal position for nearly all of Sunday in his underwear and t-shirt had helped. He’d barely managed to get his contacts out that night. So much for trying them to look good for the one time it might matter.

He’d missed two calls from her. There were voicemails on his phone but he didn’t want to listen to them. He didn’t even know if he could bear to call her back after what had happened. He felt like an idiot and a loser at the same time, scared of the woman that had done nothing but let him into her life for a brief moment at the dinner table with nothing but smiles and warmth. Of Janet Grange, third grade teacher at Oakshire Elementary.

And with the Little she took care of.

Almost like a lightning bolt Clarks face shot back into his memory. The smooth skin and soft hair, clear of any adult features but contorted into a visage of anger and unbridled rage that spoke to years of anguish. Fire behind the eyes that he hadn’t seen in any Little before.

“You think I’m lucky?”

A twitch came to Mark's face as the fear he’d felt slotted in to join the images of the night. It had been like watching an alligator shoot out of the water, mouth open and moving quicker than a freight train towards him. He’d had nowhere to run in the moment, stuck as he had been in that chair and what followed was like having everything he’d wanted from the night crushed in an instant by the force of the blow.

“I used to have a job”

He downed the last of the coffee in his mug and straightened up, grabbing his glasses from his bedroom and tucking in his shirt. He couldn’t let this affect him at work. Colleagues understand that life can deal you a bad hand but it does that to everyone at some point. He wasn’t ill, he was just…

“A fucking career”

He pulled on his coat, trying to shake the memories out of his fogged up mind and focus on the day ahead. He checked he had his keys, wallet and phone and locked the door behind him, the lunchbox in his knapsack bouncing reassuringly against his side. Easy to forget things when you’ve had a rough weekend.

Once he was in the car his mind raced forward. Had Clark done this a few months ago? Pulled himself together each morning for his own job at Oakshire before Maturosis had…

“It’s got nothing to do with some bullshit disease that doesn’t exist!”

Mark stopped before the keys went into the ignition and leant backwards in his seat. Those weren’t the words of a child throwing a tantrum, or a kid not getting what they want. If they were he could shake them, reassure himself that Clark had been speaking out of a sense of frustration at things that were out of his control. But there was no sense of distress, just of rage and sheer hatred that had burned through every word he’d spoken.

But Clark hadn’t looked out of control. Maybe that was what was so terrifying. That after he’d laid into him he’d sat back down and looked like he’d won a war and was forcing a surrender. Even sitting there in a full diaper that was leaking onto the restaurant high chair, he’d had all the power in that moment and he knew it.

He’d never seen a Little like that. He’d spoken to hundreds, from all backgrounds and different stages of life. Working Littles, adopted Littles, classmates at college. None, at any point, had ever made him feel scared of them. They could be smart, match him for any good discussion, or be shy and reserved around him, but they’d never spoken to him like he was an enemy. As if one of them could have put a knife to his throat and be satisfied to see him tremble in front of them.

As he finally got the car started and turned out of his drive he moved his focus to the road. The trip to his office at least provided his head with a needed distraction. But the car park arrived too early for the thoughts to leave his head entirely.

He looked around as he got out and headed towards the automatic doors to the regional offices of Farsons Frozen Foods. A family Amazon business that had gone nationwide a few years back and franchised out. He’d been one of the first to set up a shop a few towns over and now he was tracking five, including one in Oakshire itself. Promotions were never something to say no to in retail. The customer might always be right but you didn’t have to look at them while they were. This got him out of any possible firing line.

“Mark!”

He turned round, recognising the voice immediately as the doors opened. His secretary was running up to the entrance, her oversized backpack filled with paperwork she’d taken home on Friday bouncing around as she jogged up to him.

“Hey Annie how…”

“And I’m stuck here. With you!”

His face contorted again as he put his hands to his head, groaning a little as the various emotions took a few moments to pass by.

“Mark? You ok hun?”

“Y..Yeah… just had a rough weekend.”

Annie cocked her head to one side “Date went that bad huh?”

As he looked down at her, Mark could only feel that fear returning. He hadn’t told her as far as he could remember. What did he say to that?

“It… how did… yeah…”

Annie walked through the door “It was pretty obvious.” She smirked “Well, if you don’t wanna talk about it, I won’t force ya. I’ve got to get to the bathroom before I start if that’s ok?”

“Of course that’s…”

“I can’t even go to the fucking bathroom anymore”

This time he felt a sense of nausea kick into his stomach. His thoughts wanted to ask more questions, to try to get his head around what Clark had said. He’d been sat there in a wet diaper from the moment he’d arrived so why would he say that? When he breathed out and opened his eyes Annie was gone, either straight to the bathroom on this floor or up the stairs to the one outside of his office.

He cursed to himself as he finally made his way up the staircase himself and sat down at his desk. Emails and sales figures from the week needing assessing and compiling, procurement requests needed confirming and processing. Outside his office Annie had started sorting through the work she'd been doing over the weekend. She wasn’t paid for that, he’d told her not to worry and she’d still insisted that she do it. He couldn’t stop her but he did worry that she wasn’t taking care of herself.

He thought back to the conversation at the dinner table. He’d mentioned it to Janet, he’d asked what Clark had gone through, what his behavior had been like before his Maturosis had…

“It’s because people like you won’t let me!”

He slammed his fist on the table and leant back in his chair. He knew he wasn’t the most perceptive guy in the world but the sudden realization of something so obvious made him lean down with his head in his hands and groan loudly.

His insistence that he wasn’t allowed to use the potty, his desperate pleas to do so one evening at Little Voices while he and Janet were talking about his own Maturosis. His rage at the idea that the condition existed at all. He hadn’t suddenly used his diaper out of a lack of control, he’d done exactly what he’d done at that meeting a few weeks back and derailed a conversation he didn’t like with the only thing he had at his disposal.

“Mark? Are you sure you’re ok?”

Annie was at the door. Evidently whatever noise he’d made had managed to get through the glass that separated the office from the corridor outside.

“Ye…Yeah. I’m just a bit stressed Annie”

Rather than leave the Little moved into the room and closed the door behind her, walking up to his desk and pulling her Little sized wheeled seat up next to him.

“Seriously, what’s wrong?” Mark could hear the combination of concern and frustration in her voice “I’ve never seen you like this and we’ve worked together for three months now.”

Mark leant back and looked at his secretary. Her rosy cheeks and neat strawberry blond hair were normally a source of reassurance to him, her presence providing knowledge that he had the support of a hard-working colleague. She’d been struggling recently, everything had seemed so much harder for her and he’d only wanted to make sure she was…

“Oh god, come on Mark speak to me. I can’t just watch you start to cry and not know what’s up”

He felt himself sniffle and wiped his eyes. Sure enough, small salty blobs of water soaked into his turtleneck as he tried to regain his composure.

“Sorry I’m just… Saturday went badly. Really badly”

Annie moved in closer and put her hand on his. She grabbed at three of his fingers, her hand just about able to get round them.

“What happened? Did she hurt you? Did she say horrible things or…”

Mark shook his head violently “No! Janet was lovely. She was… she was wonderful. She never said anything that hurt. She… she…”

At that point he felt the tears start to flow a little more freely. The sense that he’d fucked up boiling inside him like a kettle at full steam. He’d probably never be able to look at Janet the same way now. Not after…

“Then what Mark? Please, just tell me.”

Annie’s voice stopped the spiraling thoughts as he cleared his throat and looked back at her “Her Little. She brought her Little along. Clark”

Annie’s face visibly changed from one of concern over Mark to concern over something else. Her grip on his fingers immediately started to loosen, and she started to move back away from him.

“What? What happened with Clark?”

“I used to do things! Things that fucking mattered!”

“I… I said he was lucky to have Janet. As a Mommy. And he… he just…”

Annie moved back and let go of Mark's hand. She leant back in her chair and looked at Mark with a frown. For a brief moment there was nothing but the sound of Amazon sobbing and sniffing filling the room before she raised her voice.

“You’re an idiot”

Mark felt indignation immediately rise up in response as he sniffed and wiped his eyes “What?”

“Is that really how you felt? That Clark was lucky to have Janet as a Mommy?”

“Ye.. yeah! She’s such a nice person and…”

Annie stood up “Typical. Fucking typical Amazon”

Mark suddenly felt the fear of that evening explode inside his head like a flash bang “Wh… What do you…?”

Annie started to walk towards the door “Do you really think that Little’s are lucky to be kidnapped by Amazons?”

Mark grimaced and stood up to follow her, nearly slamming his knee into the desk as he tried to get round it “N… no! It’s not your fault that Maturosis sometimes…”

“Oh fuck Maturosis Mark. It’s all bullshit” Annie gave him a look like thunder as she stopped at the door “It’s what some “progressive” Amazon psych students came up with one day to make themselves feel better about stealing us away from our lives”

Mark stopped halfway down the room “I… I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you, I just…”

“Upset me?” She came back towards him, looking up and into his eyes. Her own were a little glossy, tears maybe a short while away “I’m not upset Mark. Not at you anyway. Not directly. I’m angry because a nice guy I’ve got to know and enjoyed spending time with could’ve been just like every other Amazon. One day away from taking me home and leaving me with nothing but a plush toy and three bottles of milk a day to look forward to”

Guilt started to well up inside Mark's stomach. He felt his mouth moving up and down trying to respond but nothing was coming out.

“I… I…”

Annie sighed “So, this Clark guy gave you hell huh?”

Mark sniffled again and nodded “Y..Yeah”

“Good, you deserved it by the sounds of it” Annie gave him a wry smile “What’d he tell you? That he’d never wanted any of it? That he’d had a life? A family even?”

“I used to be married”

“Yeah. All of that.”

“And do you still think he’s lucky?”

Mark didn’t know what to say to that. He’d had all of Sunday to think on what Clark had said, but that question was at the core of it all.

“I don’t know. He could’ve been sent to somewhere where they hypnotize Littles, where they break them rather than…”

“Oh? So he’s lucky not to have been brainwashed to think its ok to be shitting a diaper and breastfeeding?”

“I don’t know! I just… I want Littles to be happy and…”

“Oh for fucks sake you’re so…” Annies fists were balling up “So typical. Mark, what makes you think we’re not happy?”

Mark stuttered what he could, “Littles struggle sometimes! You can’t always make it to the bathroom, you get more emotional and….”

“And you?” Annie responded with a glare and moved closer to him “Who’s in control of their emotions right now? Should I see this as you needing me to grab a size 10 Monkees from the vending machine downstairs and convert this office into a playpen?”

“I’m not the one going to the bathroom every hour!” Mark immediately felt his face flush red “I mean…”

“You were thinking of kidnapping me?!” The face Annie made sent Mark into the same fight or flight response that he’d had that night “You… you bastard!”

“Annie please! I just…”

She moved in as Mark walked back towards his desk “How long? How long have you been looking out for any sign that you could sweep me up and take me away?”

Mark reached his chair again and sat down, his eyes now meeting Annie’s directly “I… I just noticed you were…”

She stood there in front of him, her eyes boring into his soul “I know where you’ve been going Thursday nights you know. I thought maybe, just maybe, you’d see that Littles didn’t need that treatment. Little Voices sucks but at least it leaves us with our brains intact.” she paused and looked back at the door, checking they still had privacy “Thankfully one of those Littles still had the wherewithal to tell you what he really thought. Good on him, fuck that place and the bullshit it peddles”

“But… but I just wanted to help!”

Annie looked as though she was about to explode again. But something seemed to click in her head before she could unleash another round of expletives. Her face started to relax, the anger subsiding into a calmer state of frustration.

“You know what’s funny. I believe you.” She chuckled and shook her head “You’re such an idiot”

Mark felt some of his own fear start to fade “I… really did Annie. I never wanted to make anyone unhappy. I just… I just…”

Annie rubbed her eyes, clearing them of any potential tears. She chucked again “You know, I never thought I’d say this stuff to an Amazon out loud. I’ve known it since I was old enough to understand how this stupid system works.” A firmer smile took over her face “It felt… really damn good”

Mark couldn’t help but smile back “I… I think Clark felt the same way”

“I bet he did. This stuff… Littles know it and Amazons don’t give us the time of day to listen. Sounds like you actually did though on Saturday. It hurt you. That… that isn’t typical”

“That I listened to Clark?”

“That you’re not just passing it off as a tantrum or something” she shook her head and gave a sniffle to clear the last of the emotional overload of the last few minutes “Most Amazons would just see it as a Little having “big thoughts” or some nonsense”

Mark shook his head “He… he was angry. I’ve never seen a Little like that before”

Annie laughed out loud “And now you’ve seen it twice in three days huh?” Mark nodded back “Well, oddly enough, we don’t like being told we’re lucky to be ripped from our lives and treated like toddlers. Would you?”

“No. No I wouldn’t.” Mark felt some semblance of confidence coming back “I’m sorry Annie. Really. I never knew any of this. I never realized…”

“You’re a good person Mark.” Annie stated as a matter of fact “You’re an idiot, but you’re not malicious.”

“Thank you… I think…”

She began walking towards the door again “But this… what you’ve said. I need time.” She pulled the handle and looked back at him, still seated at his desk “I’m taking a vacation, effective immediately. Probably for a week. I’ll send it through the request system and I expect you to confirm it”

Mark knew he should say no. That company policy was strict, that the request should be refused on principle.

Fuck that.

“Sure.”

“And when I get back I want you to be honest with me on one question” even across the room her eyes were like skewers into his “If you still want to kid… to “adopt” a Little, or not. If not, we’ll talk more about me working here. If you do, I’ll hand in my notice and use up the rest of my vacation. This won’t leave this office either way.”

“I… Ok… I’ll… I’ll see you soon Annie”

As the door closed behind her Mark looked back at his screen, the screensaver running as if pretending not to have noticed the drama that had taken place. Before he logged back in he took a look inside his desk drawers. Two Little Voices leaflets and three adoption agency brochures were staring back at him.

With barely another thought he grabbed them and ripped them into four pieces and threw them into a nearby trash can.

“You’re not helping Littles, you’re just lying to yourself”

He sighed to himself as he saw his reflection on the computer screen “You idiot. You’ve been quite the douche huh?”

Somewhere he imagined Clark was saying the same thing.