A Private Session

A fun little story about the idea of a psych session that goes far too well for someone desperate to wear diapers for the first time…

A Private Session

Sitting in a psychiatrist's office is never a fun experience. You’re basically being judged at every second by an ostensibly objective advisor, one that is supposed to understand you and delve as deep as they can into your most inner thoughts. Barriers go up instinctually, your head closes in and your body tightens. It’s easier to open up in an office with your manager sometimes than the person who’s supposed to be solving your problems.

So when I went to my third session with my psychiatrist, a woman maybe thirty years my elder, I wasn’t at my best. I was looking a little worse for wear, five-o’clock shadow, my shirt untucked and not ironed for weeks.

I’d thus far not said much. Explained my diet was terrible, and didn't want to learn to cook. I was at university and studying liberal arts. I didn’t really feel like I had any focus on anything in the future and I was, frankly, depressed. My parents would probably have stopped paying for the sessions immediately had they known how little I was engaging. But deep down I was finding the sessions somewhat helpful. Clarity was emerging on some elements and helping focus with others.

But the one thing that was always in my mind, always hiding but desperate to be said, was that I had a single desperate desire.

I wanted to wear diapers. I wanted to lie down and be changed into a thick, adorably designed piece of babyish underwear.

It was dumb, weird and something that I could never say to anyone.

Ten minutes into my session, after a catch up from the week where nothing of note had happened and my psychiatrist, clearly frustrated by my lack of progress, had barely written anything down, she asked me something she hadn’t asked since the first session.

“So, why are you here?”

I sat there staring at the woman with no answer coming to my head. Maybe I’d made the wrong choice, one that was likely to get me into more trouble than actively help with anything.But my head decided now was the moment that I had to say something. That if I didn’t say it now I’d never say it.

“I’m sick” I replied “I want help”

Her face dropped as she leant back in her chair, her eyes glued to mine like a hawk to its prey.

“Come on, that’s not enough at this point. What’s wrong exactly? Nausea, headaches…”

“Nothing like that” I interrupted, feeling myself tighten up “I mean in the head”

She shook her head “That’s not…”

“I want to wear diapers. All the time”

She stopped. Whatever reassurance she may have been about to offer seemed to vanish from the room as she took in what I’d said. I could only sit there and wait while she started writing notes on the paper in front of her before looking back up at me.

“Do you know why?”

I shook my head “No idea… I just… do?”

She sighed “Anything at all, are they more comfortable, do they make you aroused, do you want to use them…”

I went to answer but my mouth just kept bobbing up and down without any noise coming from it. How did I answer that?

“I… I don’t know”

Another sigh, more note-taking and her face taking on a look of exasperation. The room felt like someone had frozen the air, possibly even time itself, while she prepared her next question.

“Do you want to wear a diaper right now?”

I shifted in place, putting my head in my hands and rubbing them against my face. I could feel the heat radiating off my cheeks, my embarrassment clearly evident to her.

“Y.. yeah. I want to wear them all the time. Sometimes I struggle to think of anything else.”

She took more notes. After this one though she smiled, taking in everything she’d already written and flicking back through the last few pages of notes.

“Really? That’s everything you’re worried about? Just being in diapers?”

My face shot up to look at her “Well… yeah! It’s weird as fuck right?”

“Not really” she put her notes down and looked me in the eye “I’ve heard far worse stuff come from my husband honestly”

I gawped, my breath audibly leaving my lungs in one go, my body responding by coughing violently.

“W… what?!” I choked “But… But I…”

She was chuckling now, seemingly totally at ease with this most private of revelations. I had just told her my worst feeling, the thing that had kept me up at night, that had made me feel like I couldn’t confide in anyone through fear of losing them immediately…

And she just… laughed it off.

“Look kiddo, you’re barely out of diapers anyway. What are you, just out of high-school? Maybe a second year college student at most?”

I nodded, my blush returning “Ye… yeah. But I’ve not worn diapers in… years.”

“Well, why not start? Don’t avoid them but embrace them?”

My brain was doing somersaults “What? But diapers won’t fit me! I’m not a baby!”

Another hearty chuckle “Oh come on, you know as well as I do that there’s plenty of diapers you can get online these days that would fit you. Probably look pretty cute too no less…”

I could feel myself getting distinctly uncomfortable in my seat, almost as if I was being held in place for the start of torture. The calm before a storm that I could feel coming but had no idea what it actually looked like.

“I.. I don’t think that’s a good idea”

A frown came over her face “Why not? You’re not living with anyone, no one would have to know except for me and you. You could just wander round the house in them and no soul would even see you”

I didn’t have a response to that. None of it was untrue, I probably could just be at home and throw one on without interfering with anyone else's space.

“Look, you’re clearly embarrassed, so how about I help out a bit”

“What?” a renewed shock came over my face “What do you mean help out?”

“I’ve got some diapers here. They’ll fit you no problem”

She got up as my mouth opened and shut over and over. She walked over to a cupboard at the back of her office, opening it up to reveal something my eyes could scarcely believe.

Packs of diapers were stacked from top to bottom. Not baby diapers, not the type you’d typically find in your local supermarket. These were clearly sized for adults, even if their designs were cute and wholesome.

“This is probably a bit of a shock to you isn’t it? I bet you weren’t expecting to come into this session and have all this laid out for you?”

I could only nod. How else could I respond?

“See, you came in a month ago and I could tell straight away what you needed. It’s obvious once you’ve been in this job long enough. Safety, security… no anxieties and just a space to be yourself” she mused while looking over some of the packs of diapers, turning them over in her hands “And you’re not my only client who feels this way. Plenty of others come in here and tell me about their feelings, their desires to wear some crinkly, thick underwear again. You’re not the first, nor will you be the last. So relax a little.”

I could barely feel my feet or hands anyway. Relaxing wouldn’t have done me much good except to fall further back on the couch.

“So you have other clients that like… that like diapers?”

“Of course sweetie, you’re far from the only one” she picked out a pack after looking back and me and sat back down, letting it sit on her lap while she looked over to me. The front of the package was adorned with cartoon animals, oversized numbers to indicate size and the number in the pack staring at me with their own smiles that further disarmed me.

“I… I don’t know what to say”

She chuckled “Seems like you don’t know a lot. You came to me wanting help with something, and now you finally tell me three sessions in? I have a feeling this is what you’ve been worried about this whole time huh?”

I nodded “Yeah… but I mean… who wouldn’t, right? Wanting diapers is weird…”

“Not to me, well not now anyway” she started opening up the pack, pulling the plastic top aside and leaving the neatly arranged padding to slightly expand as its tight hold loosened on the contents “These are probably the cutest branded ones I can find online. I have plenty of good recommendations now from those who’ve come to see me. And sending others away with a sample to try to help them has always been a good bet”

“Wait… some people wear them even if they don’t come here wanting to?”

“I’ve had several others come here feeling anxious, depressed and desperate for a safe space. Diapers offer a sense of comfort to those who need something to remind them they don’t need to worry. That you can lose a few responsibilities, a few adult feelings, just enough to get a good night's sleep”

I nodded, entranced by the package she was now pulling a diaper from “I guess… I guess I can see why that would work…”

She smiled, “And you’re not going away from here without one.” She pulled the diaper free and put the package down, leaving the rest to one side as she held it out in front of her.

My mouth opened again, stunned at the suggestion “What? But… but I can’t just… I can’t just wear a diaper again!”

“Why not?” there was a sternness in her voice I hadn’t heard before, a small degree of frustration that was creeping in “You want to wear them, there’s no harm in wearing them and I have one here for you to wear.”

“I… I’ve not changed myself into one!” I stammered out. I was making an excuse to get out of it. In hindsight I have no idea why I did.

“Well in that case, how about I change you here?” she stood up and walked over to me holding out a hand “Don’t worry, I won’t bite”

My mind was thrown into a sense of complete chaos. I wanted it, I wanted it so badly. Was I weird for that? Was my desperate desire for her to put me in such cute and thick underwear, to lie down in front of her and let her change me wrong?

“You’re not weird for wanting it kiddo. You’re like anyone else, you have things that help you get comfortable. Diapers are a harmless way of doing it. So, lie down for me and I’ll have you in it in no time”

I obeyed. I knew at this point that I was being borderline compelled to do it against my will, that parts of me still fought against it. But the plastic white square was enticing, the feeling of it was something I wanted so badly.

“Good, stay still for a little while and you’ll feel right as rain”

The next few minutes are burned into my brain. My shoes and socks were slowly removed as I stared at the ceiling, my skin and hairs becoming sensitive to every touch. My belt was unclasped, my pants pulled down my legs and removed showing my boxers to the world.

“Definitely not in the right underwear are you?”

I felt a blush run to my cheeks as I hid my head in my hands. God, she just had to hit a button at that moment.

My underwear was pulled off, leaving me semi-naked in front of her. I should've felt exposed, I should’ve felt like this was wrong. But as she pulled my legs into the air I can only say that it felt perfect. It felt so right that I breathed out and felt my entire body go virtually limp.

“There we go. See, nothing to be afraid of. Just an ordinary diaper change. Hopefully it won’t be the only one!”

I could only nod in response, my face still hidden behind my palms as a small moan of enjoyment came out of my mouth as she started to rub wipes along the inside of my thighs. I was getting aroused, I could already tell, but that was clearly not her concern.

A puff of powder hit my rear as she continued the process, every second feeling like hours as her hands moved around my nethers. My hairs stood on end, as if electricity was around the whole room, my hands and face feeling like they were going to heat up to near impossible levels.

“You’re being a very good kiddo for me. Some of my other clients resist a little more and make it harder for me to get you securely padded. This is nice and easy though…”

I felt a little smile come to my face. I was being praised for being good during a change. I couldn’t prevent myself from indulging my feelings in the fantasy, in giving in and letting it take over. It was like a high I never wanted to come down from.

My legs were then lifted into the air, my butt fully on display as I felt the soft and thick padding being laid underneath my rear. The absorbent core was like a pillow underneath me, my skin meeting it and immediately shivering as I forced myself to avoid putting my thumb in my mouth. It was an instinctual feeling, like hunger or thirst, a want for the comfort of the feelings that the diaper was sending from the deeper memories of my brain back to the fore.

“Some things never change, and some things constantly do.” the woman continued as she lifted my shirt up a little to start moving the front of the diaper over the top of my groin and onto my stomach. “Your brain never really got out of wanting to wear diapers, wanting to have the associated comfort, the associated enjoyment of all the things that come with it. Bottles, pacifiers… everything.”

My thumb made its way into my mouth anyway.

“This is why your parents recommended you to me. They already knew”

I lifted my head in shock.

“Oh don’t be so surprised kiddo” she started to tape up the front of the diaper, the first of four tapes securing it round my thighs “You weren’t as subtle about searching for that stuff as you think you were. I wasn’t lying when I said many of my other clients like wearing diapers… they’re just a lot more open about it from the get go”

I felt myself wanting to react with anger. But I just kept sucking on my thumb as the diaper was fixed to my front. I didn’t want any of this to stop.

“After you came in and started trying to hide it, even despite how obvious it was, I knew it would take a few sessions. But clearly you were just waiting for the barriers to drop and then, easy as pie to have you like putty in my hands. A little one who just wants to wear adorable little diapers and be a big baby”

The diaper was on me now. I could feel the thing encasing my waist and buttocks, everything about it sending shivers up my spine. My brain only wanted to respond by shifting around and feeling it more and more. The thumb sucking continued, my eyes closing as I let myself just listen to the woman's voice.

“I’m a Nanny. A very special kind of Nanny that takes adults who pretend to be big and give them what they really need. Some space and time to just allow their little side to come out, to explore the world through a new set of feelings” she started to slowly rub my tummy, the soft hands reassuring me as she adjusted the waistband “For you, that just meant getting you into a thick, crinkly diaper. You love them, you’ve wanted them more than anything else. Because deep down you just want this kind of intimate care. Isn’t that right?”

I nodded enthusiastically. I didn’t even try to pretend this wasn’t the greatest feeling of my life. The best experience I’d had in years and years. The diaper was crinkling so audibly that it was impossible for me to think about much else. In all honesty I didn’t want to.

“So from now on, you’ll come back each week for a session with me but it’ll be a little different from our last few. I’ll get out another pack of diapers, get you into one and then we’ll chat again. We’ll see what a little guy like you needs to have a happy little space with Nanny.” she blew a raspberry on my tummy, eliciting giggles round my thumb.

“It’ll take a bit of time. You’ll head home after today and probably write about all this on one of those forums you frequent. Maybe even write a short story.”

“Just make sure I’m just called “Nanny” when you do”