Ramble video: Comment-related grievances

Some people have difficulty distinguishing sarcasm. Congrats on getting more able (?) to block people.

Tori

I am super impressed by your ability to set boundaries. You're an idol

Chelsea Counsell

making my way through the backlog of videos. your reaction to that comment of like "not that I'm complaining" is completely normal. when I heard it I audibly went "oh ew" and my boyfriend who's in the room with me did the same thing. I think dudes who say things like that genuinely think it's going to work which is somehow more uncomfortable and more frightening. even when I was doing sex work those comments made me profoundly uncomfortable. i don't think your reaction was unreasonable at all. it's good that you have boundaries and that you're enforcing them.

Libby

Very enlightening video... the observation that a spurned "admirer" is more worrying than a hater was kinda chilling, but is sadly borne out by statistics... so I salute you for taking a stand, even though it costs you financially. It’s important to have/respect boundaries. When I first started going to conventions, I had to remind myself that just because I was technically paying to meet a celebrity, that didn't give me the right to stand there asking them my geeky questions all day! And the same is true here, of course... I don't expect you to read the comments I'm posting, I'm just trying to send positive vibes your way...

Dee Crosier

Are there any books a guy could read to help him understand? Or lectures or TED talks or documentaries? I want to be less of a shit person. I'd like people to think of me and think "that guy is not a monster" or even "that person is okay".

Shaun Cheah

As someone who has been blocked and ghosted loads of times, I still agree. My situation was different because people cut me out of their lives, not because I was being sexually inappropriate, but because I was too annoying or too much effort to deal with socially. (I'd talk and talk and talk and never really stop to give them a chance to say anything; in any online situation I'd type endlessly for hours even when it was clear that nobody was listening or wanted to listen to what I had to say.) But my point is agree with Stephanie. Blocking people is definitely a Thing That Should Be Done. I'm actually kinda relieved when I find out I've been blocked because it's finally a moment of truth where a person is making their feelings clear so I can move on somewhere else to be a bother until I get kicked out of there, too. Maybe one day I'll find a home but for now I'm content to wander. My one thing to add, though, is that I personally respond better to being blocked if the blocking is acknowledged or temporary. It bothered me for months when I was banned permanently from a place. I was only upset for an evening when I was banned from a place and told I could return in thirty years if I had learned to become less annoying. The hope for redemption, even one that would probably never happen since both parties would've long forgotten what was even going on, was enough to keep me level. Similarly, when I was blocked by a couple of friends way back in the days of MSN, I was devastated when I found out that I hadn't just not happened to be online when they were online but instead had just been on their block lists for three months. I'm still not completely over that, I think. But recently when a good friend from a few years ago kicked me from her Discord and requested that I not contact her again for a long, long while, I was fine with it the next morning because she had been clear and honest and had outlined what I did wrong and what I should avoid in future so this doesn't happen again with others. I appreciate that and still consider her a friend even if she obviously doesn't think the same way of me. And the most important bit is that I'll follow through on what I said and I won't be contacting her for a very long time or possibly ever again. That's the perspective from the other side, then, the perspective of someone being blocked. Of course, most of the time the actions that merit the blocking are heinous enough that there's no need to explain to the person why they're being blocked or even to make them aware of the fact that they're being blocked in the first place, but still. Sometimes we're just social morons and telling us why we're being punished (even if it's just "for saying pretty much everything that you said") and how long the punishment will last (even if it's just "basically forever, you can try appealing on your deathbed but the answer will almost definitely still be no") might help us grow into more self-aware, well adjusted human beings. This is a reply to a six-month old comment on an almost seven-month old video on a part of a site behind all kinds of barriers to access so probably it'll never be read and that's fine; it's just something I felt like offloading today. TL;DR Stephanie is right, blocking is effective and should be used, I would prefer if there was some communication before people blocked me, I also understand why my preferences don't matter in those situations. P.S. If any future person is reading this, enjoy a cake sometime and check out the latest MCU movie. Those two things are basically the highlights of my life. Not saying I'd kill myself without tasty food and decent entertainment, but I am implying that I'd be a lot less inclined to continue living if life ever got bland and boring.

Shaun Cheah

Maybe you've already done one since this, I'm a bit behind, but I'd love to see another video about the weird things people do and say anonymously or once they recognize you in real life. That's some interesting stuff.

Luke Smiff

My father says stuff like that to women where it's inappropriate, and the women are weirded out by him. Being next to him at those moments, I find the urge to try to get away or visibly express my disdain for those moments. I feel like I heard those sorts of comments in the bar scene during my time. I wonder if it's more common from those types because often the bartender will just put up with creeper comments to get a tip, maybe attractive enough to get sexualized comments often.

Wake90

I've found with reddit it can be useful to wait a few hours before checking the comments. Troll/mean comments tend to come in quickly but don't get as upvoted. My theory is that reddit comments are about as bad as youtube's but more people vote on reddit comments and they are laid out better. Anyway, enjoyed the video. Thanks! PS: Upping my patron thing to help compensate for creepers you gotta block. They're the worst!

Derek Horkel

The Thor movies are really weird! The cheesy norse god bits are so fun and then the extremely lame comedy and flimsy characters of the earth bits are just the worst. Ragnarok could be great because it looks like he doesn't go to earth at all. The Thor video I had in mind was.... well... weird. More irreverent and less a review haha, I'd probably make it before the new movie comes out. But it could be good to review the trilogy as a whole after this 3rd one comes out.

Jenny Nicholson

I kinda am wondering if you have anything to say about the Thor movies in general. Their just these weird messes that marvel studios keeps putting out that no one seems to talk about but they still make money.(I know that loki was big on tumblr but lets be serious beyond that small group no one cared)The new one is coming out sometime this year I think so its sort of like i guess timing wise okay? I just think the tonal dissonance within the films themselves and within the greater marvel cannon would make a fun video. Best of luck with the creeps, I hope they back off.

Samual Holman

Yeah . . . I once wore a (perfectly innocuous) dress and some creeper (who was twice my age) made a "not that I mind" comment. Gross.

Rainbow Gummy Fish

The only movies I'm looking forward to would be Alien Covenant and Blade Runner. How about something on one or the other ?

Rey Bravo

Honestly, I wouldn't mind if you did some older movies that you have thoughts about! Like, previous Pixar movies? Other sci-fi hits like Avatar? As a viewer, I like to hear your thoughts on the intersection of movies I've seen (or at least know something about, like Beauty and the Beast) and those you have qualms with - even if they're not currently in theaters. Anyways, of the upcoming movies you listed, the Pirates movie could be fun! I probably won't see the movie, but I've seen enough of the franchise to want to hear your thoughts on the new one. Keep up the good work!

Great Video but the volume is kinda low. And would you ever do a video on i dunno a non mainstream blockbuster? Something like Get Out for example

Hey, sis. As a (rare, apparently?) fellow woman hanging around here, I wanted to let you know that you did the right thing by following your gut when you felt uncomfortable. Having patrons doesn't mean they're entitled to every part of you, whether physically or emotionally, and unfortunately going with your gut is a lesson we girls learn early on. And no offense, it's one guys really don't understand, nor will they ever. This should be a place where above all else you can feel safe, to use a cliché term.

Listening to the back half of this video I kept thinking, "Oh my god, did I write a creepy comment at some point?" I mean, I didn't think I had, but none of these guys ever think that they're a creep, right? edit: Just went to double check - didn't see any pet names or comments on appearance (my wife told me many years ago not to comment on people's appearance unless they specifically ask for feedback, and I generally do what she tells me), so I think I'm in the clear.

Robert C

Sorry you have to deal with creeps. Everything you said is along what I think when I read some of the comments on youtube...

1000thghost

I see nothing wrong with you blocking people who are making unnecessarily sexual comments that make you uncomfortable, especially if it's a pattern of behavior. You totally have the right to enforce your boundaries! No one decent would ever think less of you for doing that.

Stephanie Hohn

I have (self-diagnosed) social anxiety, but I'm an actor, but I actually do strongly dislike public speaking-type things (where it's me instead of a character). Humans are complex.

matt

I wore a skirt once, was driving and got stuck in traffic. A guy driving a semi honked next to me and held up a sign, "nice legs". I had to sit there being creeped out about the truck driver staring down at my legs and crouch until I could move my car out of his view. It's hard to avoid creeps, and it's exhausting trying to explain to some people how plenty of girls out there would rather not know that you're eyeing them in a sexual or romantic way. Kudos for bringing it up, as a viewer, some of those comments are infuriating. Your patience is admirable.

Brianna Ogas

When you addressed me as General Grievances, I don't understand why you didn't also salute me. It's common practice.

Nick Fisherman

It really is just Prometheus 2, isn't it?

Obviously that comment was completely over the line, just like you say no one would say that face-to-face with someone. Sad that you are getting them on Patreon you would have hoped that in that small community of people supporting you financially they would be decent and supportive verbally as well. That said these comments seem pretty nice for the most part :)

Finn

I think it's less that it's annoying to get compliments when you're complimented all the time already and more that for many women unwanted comments are intrinsically tied to unwanted sexual advances and potential violence! I also think it's not so much a misunderstanding that makes men say things like "not that I'm complaining" and more conditioning from other men throughout our lives that makes us try and prove our masculinity at every possible opportunity. If you listen to women it's pretty obvious what's inappropriate but most men primarily listen to other men and act as if other men are judging them. I totally believe that you (and most guys) are coming from a genuine place of not trying to hurt or creep out anyone but as men we have to accept that we have a lot more power (physically and in society) and thus see the world as an overall safer place. It's not simply a case of some people being paranoid and seeing everyone as a scary asshole, it's that women have a 100% justified reason to be scared of men and have to deal with it on a daily basis.

QuailMan420

I think it is alarming that there are so many guys who are paygating into these videos only to make sexual implications. There are people who would tease and entertain those vices for the money they are spending. If you want movie reviews from someone with any sense of an objective critical eye is why you should be here. I figure I'll bump my contributions up to $25 to replace that dude.

I wasn't talking about your comment! I mean I mentioned briefly that you commented but my "grievance" was about the PM I got. Even more strangely this person sent it after you'd already commented and I'd replied in the comments so he would have been able to see that I was already aware.

Jenny Nicholson

PS just to be clear Im NOT the "don't mind the view" person.

Somewhat deeper than I expected but a good set of points--if everyone treated each other online that they would random people or professional colleagues, the internet would be a much better place. Keep up the good work :)

Sean Zoltek

Damn, my comment did make the grievances video. I'm the guilty party that first pointed out the clothing thing. I really debated making that comment. I'm just some random person online and I know that. What got me over the fence about commenting about the dress is if that happened to my sister. Im a big brother and grew up in a house full of girls (their family so Ill call them girls). I also moderate four to five facebook groups. I've seen small stuff get picked apart and the person tore down over very small stuff. The groups are all art groups btw. So, I find myself reviewing an image closer than should be normal for errors. With the mix of those two things and thought if it got out on youtube and someone had also noticed and wanted to go on the attack I would feel horrible I saw it and didnt speak up. I felt very awkward for pointing it out (I can not stress that enough). I was prob more apologetic than needed. I mean how do you tell a stranger what you would tell your sister? Also, I'd rather live with a potential backlash than regret for not speaking. Anyway, enjoyed the video and always have enjoyed your content. Otherwise I wouldn't be a Patreon. PS nothing wrong with being a night owl. When I get most of my work done also.

I'm a guy (literally) and that comment was super creepy. Cool video. Keep up the great work.

Guy Wilson

I listened to this while checking about 300 cross references, so thank you very much for the distraction. I'm glad you brought up the creepy comments...to be honest, when I first saw that you had made a Patreon and briefly skimmed over what was visible, my first thought was: sheee won't be on here too long, because of the creepy creeps creeping.

Adam Blackhat

that "don't mind the view" shit — it's hard to explain why that ilk of comment quietly rots a person out from the inside. "just enjoy the compliment" ... that's like the half-brother to "just relax and enjoy being sexually assaulted." anyway, i casually block people all the time. not even for anything they say to *me* per se. i blocked Piers Morgan a while ago. that felt great! i do wish blocking were a little more like you describe, like the Men in Black forgetting device. more practically what i think blocking could be like is that if you have a public account and you block someone, then to the blocked person it looks like your account was frozen in time. like, to the logged-in blocked person it seems like you just stopped posting. and then if the blocked person tries to comment on old frozen-in-time posts, the comment *looks* like it posted but then it just evaporates into dev/null. and then for the blocked person, commenting on the profile of the person who blocked them becomes a frustrating mystifying experience. and then he/she would move on to less irritating endeavors. your multi-character videos are my absolute favs ("If Rey is a Skywalker", the Frozen one, and especially especially "Jyn Erso Audition") and your script doctor videos close close second favs. if it sounds fun and interesting i'd love to see a multi-character video of the two androids in Covenant, or a script doctor of Covenant or Guardians. thank you, Jenny!!

Erica Dreisbach

Be careful. Wearing baseball caps at malls is the #1 way to be outed as a Marvel superhero.

Dan Cole

This was my favorite video you have done. You appeared very human/flawed, not just a quirky commentator. Like the one guy above, I'd love an Arrival video, but read the short story first if you haven't already because they totally ruined it when they made it into the movie.

Tanton Gibbs

A few points (should I number them?). 1. See if the "guy who edits" will let you sit in on an edit. You know what your fans like and have like 10 millions views, so maybe he can learn a little something. 2. Some of the comments on youtube seem creepy and make me uncomfortable, so , yeah, I can see how they would make you feel. 3. People who are scrutinizing where and when you are...also a little creepy. 4. I would hate for you to see a bad movie on my account, but the Pirates movie would be full of sarcasm fodder. 5. That's all, good work. Remember to have fun!

Byron L.

I wouldn't say Redlettermedia was making fun of you in their Nerd Crew videos. I think they're making fun of Collider more than they are ScreenJunkies. Anyway, your show on ScreenJunkies isn't even close to their "round the table" discussions that Nerd Crew pokes fun at.

"The weird Thor video"? You mean, THE GREATEST SUPER HERO MOVIE TRAILER OF ALL TIME?! Sorry, I was just very excited about all the Kirby dots ... and Hela's helmet ... and armored Hulk ... and the Zep. Also, Taika Waititi is awesome. I am not a geek.

Thomas Nolte

I just want to hear you talk about Baby Groot for 10 minutes

Aaron Yi

I have a few thoughts about this if you are interested, because this video indicates you don't mean to give that impression. 1: try to wear clothing that doesn't move. 2: consider doing a cute stop motion movement in the background - like subtle like just rotating one bb-8. 3: you could consider adding a screencap of what you are talking about. Like most YouTubers that talk at the camera add a lot to look at; screenshots, short muted video clips, etc. I know it's not your style right now, and would be a lot of work, but without it all viewers have to do to look at is moving eyes and dress straps.

Josh Kallen

Hey, I have some thoughts about a few points of feedback here. I think the reason so many people comment on your eyes and clothing is because of your format, it's a 20 minute video. There are only a few things moving for us to watch when you sit there talking. Eyes are naturally drawn to movement, and also drawn to where other people are looking. I think a huge reason you get creepy comments is a result of lack of visual stimulation it emphasizes small movements, like the straps of your shirt falling. In your beauty and the beast clip, it was almost comedic how each jump cut a strap moved down or up or both down or alternating. I'm still not sure if that was intentional or not. I think that video with the shoulder straps moving could have been construed as intentional Intrigue.

Josh Kallen

I do think the not that I'm complaining comment is a bit weird. But I do want to bring up this important point. Guys and girls have a different barometer for appropriateness when it comes to stuff like that. And this is, in my opinion, entirely informed by the fact that girls and guys get differing levels of attention and compliments. Say, a girl came up to me and said, "hey your top button is unbuttoned and showing a bit of chest, not that I'm complaining." I would think nothing of that. I would thank that person for letting me know and I might even be a bit flattered. Because I pretty much never get compliments on my appearance. Most of the time someone remarks on my appearance it's to point out I actually put an effort into dressing 'nice' and my only thought then is, "so you think I dress like a slob all of the time, thanks I guess." So, I think my point is that these guys who are very unused to getting compliments think, "I'd have no problem with this so why would she, it'll be funny." But I think girls, who are used to getting compliments on their appearance much more frequently hear this kind of "compliment" and it's not a compliment at all. It's an inappropriate level of expression of sexual interest. It's like a dehydrated person giving water to a king. That person who is dehydrated thinks water is the best fucking drink in the world so they're giving the king a wonderful gift. And the king who regularly drinks fine wines sees the gift as disrespect. All I'm getting at is, I know why you feel it's creepy and people should respect that and more importantly try to think about what they say from the viewpoint of someone else. But I also know why this guy would think it's not that inappropriate. And hell, maybe I'm being too much of an optimist and he actually did mean it in a creepy way but if there's two ways to look at something do you really want to go through life assuming the worst of people every time? I don't. Life is hard enough as it is without assuming everyone's a scary, ass hole. (not literally, although if literally that WOULD be pretty scary.)

Please watch Alien Covenant. I would love to hear your take on what to me was basically "Stupid people in space, part 2". The writing is pretty terrible.

KevtheRipper

This is probably a long shot, but I'd like to hear your thoughts on the movie Arrival. It's such a good slow burn sci-fi, I loved it so much I assume everyone else hated it.

Space Cadet

Hey Jenny. I've got a combo of depressive and social-anxiety disorders (which're diagnosed, and for which I'm medicated, thankfully). I can definitely relate, especially regarding how weirdly compartmentalized the effects of that kinda thing can be. You can be totally cool presenting to room full of people (in my case usually in an academic conference setting), but other way smaller stuff can psyche you right out. I can see why comments like "You're faking the nervousness" would bug you. For what it's worth, I find it pretty refreshing that you manage to work that aspect of yourself into your humour - it's obviously not an act, but if I may say, it seems like it's definitely something which, over time, you've learned to use to wring the funny out of things in a super-unexpected and idiosyncratic way. Not a whole lot of people - or, I guess, maybe I should say "content creators"(?) - know how to do that, or at least not as well as you do. Your stuff makes me smile as I procrastinate from thesis-writing. So, uh... keep it up! ... or something...

David Potter

Speaking as a guy on the internet, guys on the internet can be super mondo creepizoids. I think denying people who've made you feel unsafe or uncomfortable the option to give you their money is a very canny move to help maintain online sanity and safety.

There is a (small) chance that the $25 patron guy who got blocked meant for his comment to come across with irony/sarcasm. As you've discovered, it's hard enough to translate sarcasm comments through video. I'm assuming the dude had other weird comments that contributed to your final decision. Nevertheless, it is important to set the precedent and make it clear what you consider inappropriate behavior.

+1 for DL stuff.

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